by Blair Grey
It had taken three years to come to that conclusion, but I had finally come to it.
I need to leave.
Easing out from under Garrett’s arm, I crawled on my hands and knees to get my bra, shirt, and shoes. Then I quietly put them on before grabbing my cell then heading out the door. Making sure to lock it behind me, I didn’t want his crazy neighbor walking in on him.
As I headed out, I typed in the address to my place and found it to be within walking distance. The night air was cold, and I ran to stop my body from shivering.
The entire way, I had to stop myself from thinking about how mad Garrett was going to be at me for leaving him out of things. But he had no part in what had transpired between me and Dean. I didn’t want him getting in the middle of something and getting hurt.
He’s going to be furious with me.
Garrett had been so adamant about helping me come up with a plan to alter Dean’s plans for me. What he didn’t know about me was that I trusted no one. And with what Dean had pulled, that only served to make my trust issues even worse.
Getting to my apartment, I fished the house keys out of the pocket of my jeans, then headed inside and began searching for hidden cameras. Those were Dean’s go-to with all the cases he’d worked. I was sure he wanted to keep me under surveillance.
The first place I looked was in the bathroom and I was not disappointed. One just above the showerhead was tiny and black, blending in with the black shower tiles.
My stomach twisted as I thought about Dean watching me take my morning showers. My eyes burned as fury rose inside of me. There was absolutely nothing he stood to gain by getting that footage.
It was all for his sick pleasure. Somewhere in his depraved mind, he found that sexually satisfying. And above everything else, he found it a way to control me.
I refused to give him what he wanted, so he’d found a way to take some of what he wanted anyway. It didn’t matter to him that I wanted nothing to do with him. He was going to push himself on me anyway - even if our one-sided relationship was virtual.
Not wanting him to be able to figure out that I’d caught him, I brushed my teeth then left the bathroom. As I headed into the bedroom portion of the efficiency apartment, I scanned the room and found another tiny camera on the top of the door frame on the closet. Once again, it was hidden in the dark color the trim was painted.
It looked over the little bed that I’d slept in. There would be no possible way that I would be able to sleep in that bed that night. But I wasn’t sure where I’d be able to sleep.
Going to the sofa, I yawned and stretched, turning in a circle to give the area the once-over. I found one more camera above the front door.
Taking a seat on the sofa, I put my elbows on my knees and held my face in my hands. The one thing I had going for me was that the cameras weren’t the type that recorded sound.
Did Garrett come into the apartment far enough to be caught on video?
Unsure if that would matter or not, I did worry that Dean would try to hurt Garrett. If I knew anything about villains, it was that they hated heroes. And Garrett was a hero.
As I sat there, face in my hands, heart pounding in my chest, I knew I had to stop Dean Strong from ever hurting anyone again.
I should’ve taken care of him right after he’d raped me. I’d had ways to kill him and the right to do it at that time. My weakness made it so that Dean Strong had kept on going.
The slap on the wrist he’d gotten had only prompted him to take things a step further. He was gaining more and more power over me. That worried me some.
What worried me more was the strength he’d gain from doing all he’d done to me and getting away with it.
If he gets away with all the things he’s done to me, what will he do to the next woman who turns him down?
My cell went off and I pulled it out of the pocket of my jeans. Hero flashed on the screen. If I didn’t answer Garrett’s call, he’d show up. So, I swiped the screen, turning away from the camera. For all I knew, Dean knew how to read lips. “Hey. Sorry.”
“Why?” he asked, pain laced through his deep voice.
“I don’t want you to get hurt. I don’t want your help, Garrett. I appreciate you for what you want to do, but I can’t let you get hurt. Think of it the same way you did with Max. Lay low and wait for Dean not to be an issue anymore.”
“If you think I’m leaving you alone to do this, you are insane. He can’t be trusted, and you have no idea how many people he has on his side. You can’t do this alone.” He sighed. “You don’t have to do this alone is what I mean. I know you can do lots of things alone. But you don’t have to this time. Let me help you.”
Things blurred as tears clouded my vision. “You’re sweet.”
“No.” He cleared his throat. “Nicki, I’m not doing this to be sweet. I’m doing this because I care about you.”
“Well, I’m sure I’ll make it so that you stop caring. I have this innate ability to push people away. And those I don’t push away seem to end up dead.” That’s what I really worried about for him. “You’re a lot tougher than my parents were. But I still have to worry that Dean might end up killing you.”
“Wow,” he whispered. “You have that little faith in me?
“I don’t mean it like that.” I knew Garrett was strong and probably tough too. But he didn’t know Dean the way I did. “He fights dirty. I’ve seen him in action. He doesn’t play by the rules.”
“And you think I do?” Going quiet for a moment, he said, “Let me come over.”
“No!” I had to tell him about the cameras, but I knew he would blow a gasket over them. “I’m going to tell you something and you have to promise not to overreact about this.”
“What?” his voice tense already, I knew he was going to freak.
“Promise.” I had to make him understand things. “In our line of work, we use this type of thing all the time. It’s his go-to.”
“What has he done now?” He huffed. “And why are you trying to protect him?”
“I’m not trying to protect him. I’m trying to stop you from going off half-cocked.” And this is why I prefer doing things on my own.
“Just tell me what you have to say, and I promise you that I will fully think about anything that I do.”
It was better than nothing. “He’s installed video surveillance in this apartment.” I didn’t think I should tell him where Dean had put the cameras.
“How many cameras and where are they?”
Well, shit.
“That doesn’t matter,” I tried to deviate the line of conversation. “It’s…”
“How many and where. Answer me or I’ll come over there and find out for myself,” his tone was stern enough for me to take him seriously.
“You sure do take this hero thing to heart, don’t you, Garrett?” I laughed lightly to try to bring some humor to this touchy subject.
“Okay, I’ll be there shortly. You’re only about five minutes away anyway,” he said with an air of authority that sort of ticked me off.
“I said, no.” I already had one dominant male trying to make me do as he said. I wasn’t about to get another one lording over me. “There are three cameras. One is in the bathroom, another looks over my bed, and the other is over the entry door. He’s got the place covered fairly well.”
“You shouldn’t be there.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right about that.” But I didn’t want to be under Garrett’s wing either. “I need to handle this myself.”
“If you think that you can handle that motherfucker all on your own, then why haven’t you done that yet?” His question was valid.
And I didn’t have that valid of an answer for him. “It wasn’t the right time before. Now, it is though. Things have culminated in a way that has finally made me see him for what he truly is. He’s a monster who won’t stop at hurting just me. So, I have to stop him before he hurts some other woman.”
“I think I have
to stop him before he hurts you any more than he already has. And I think I will do that whether you want my help or not.”
“I’ve asked you not to butt in.” Gritting my teeth, I wasn’t happy with his refusal to give me the space to do what I knew I could do. “I’ve got a simple plan to deal with him. If I have you around, it won’t work.”
“Tell me the plan,” he demanded. “If it’s so great, then tell it to me.”
Unaware of when we had gotten to the point that I had to run every last thing by him, I felt he had to be told a few things, “You know that? I think we’re done here. And I mean done all the way, Garrett. This hero - slash angel roll I’ve put you in isn’t working for me anymore. This is over. When you call and find out that you’re blocked, don’t come over.”
“Don’t be like that. That’s the insecurity in you talking and not the rational side of yourself. You want to push everyone away. I understand that. I do it to a certain extent too. You don’t want to trust anyone. I get that. Same with me. My own father hurt me, so how can I trust anyone? My mother didn’t do much after I told her about what he’d done to me, except take us out of the situation. I felt like she’d betrayed me a little too. Another reason not to trust people. That’s why I found the Iron Cobras. They’ve taught me that I can trust others to help out when it’s time to ask for help. And it is time for you to take the help I’m offering you. You need it. Whether you want to believe it or not, you need my help.”
My heart pounded, my head ached, and my stomach felt as if it was on fire. “You do not know me. I’ve told you some things about myself, but you don’t really know me. Here it is in a nutshell for you, Garrett. Let’s see if you still think I’m worth risking your life for. I’m a closet drunk. When I’m not working, I am drinking. I drink to forget. I drink to deal with the life that was handed to me. I’m a fucking drunk.”
“You think you’re not worthy of love, Nicki. Not even your own.” His long sigh made tears spring up in my eyes. “Only you can stop this. If you need help with alcohol, then I can help.”
“You don’t understand. I. Don’t. Want. Your. Help.” I’d wanted to get a bottle of vodka and crawl into it earlier and he’d stopped me. He’d had no idea how much I’d wanted that over his backrub and making out. “I’m broken beyond repair. If I die while ending Dean Strong, then that’s the way it was supposed to happen. But I will end him, and I won’t be going to prison over killing the self-proclaimed Master of the BDSM world either.”
Even I hadn’t realized that by taking Dean out that I was signing my own death warrant. But my subconscious had known it all along.
“Nicki, just stop! What do you mean, he’s the master of the BDSM world?”
“He’s not really the master. It’s a name he makes his submissive partners call him by. That’s what he was trying to do to me. Make me submit to him. Only, I wouldn’t do it. I wouldn’t call him master no matter what he did to me.” I hadn’t meant to tell him that much. My rambling was over. “I’m blocking your number now. Leave me alone. It shouldn’t be hard to forget about me. We’ve only known each other less than twenty-four hours anyway.” Swiping the screen, I ended the call then blocked his number just as I’d said I would.
No one is going to dominate me ever again!
Chapter Fifteen
Garrett
Standing in the kitchen, I looked at the phone in my hand, then dropped it on the counter. “What the actual fuck?”
She cannot seriously be blocking my number right now.
Going to the fridge, I got a bottle of cold water to help clear my head. Taking a long drink, I watched my cell phone to see if it would light back up with a call from the irrational female.
Fifteen minutes ticked slowly by without her calling back to tell me she’d gone a little cuckoo and she was sorry. So, I walked back to the counter, picked up my phone and called her back. That’s when I found out she’d blocked my number.
Twice in less than twelve hours.
That was not a good sign. Being blocked twice in such a short amount of time had red flags waving at me from all directions. But I ignored them all.
The thing was that I’d been right where she was at that moment. I’d been just like her. No trust in anyone. Pushing everyone away from me. Ready to go down in any fight that came my way.
Joe Shanklin had been the man to bring me out of that self-destructive pattern. When the Navy cut me loose due to having PTSD from my childhood trauma, I’d come back to Baltimore and had hung out at the bar he owned.
The row of Harleys is what first drew me to the run of the mill bar. I’d been driving my grandfather’s ancient Ford pickup truck. Joe had been outside the first time I got up the nerve to pull into the parking lot. “Nice 150 you got there,” he’d said.
“Thanks.” I hadn’t thought the truck was nice at all. “I’m sort of a Chevy man, myself. This belongs to my grandpa. I’ll convey the compliment to him. He’ll be stoked about it.”
“Well, I won’t hold you being a Chevy man against you,” he’d said as he held out his hand. “Name’s Joe Shanklin. And what may I call you, fine sir?”
I’d liked his wit from the get-go. “You may call me, Garrett Robertson. It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance.” I’d shook his hand then nodded in a gesture to the bikes that lined the front of the building. “Is it too rough in there for an ex-Navy man like myself, Joe?”
Jerking his thumb to the patch on the left side of his shirt, he’d let me know who he was, “I’m a member of the Iron Cobras and the owner of this bar. These bikes belong to myself, and some others in our MC. As long as you know how to act, you’re more than welcome to join us for a few drinks. I’ll lay down the rules for you real quick so you don’t offend anyone.”
“That would be awesome.” I’d had no idea what the rules for MCs were.
“No flirting with any of the girls inside this establishment. They are here for members only. Got it?”
“I do.” It was a bit of a bummer, but I could get chicks from other places, so it wasn’t a deal-breaker.
“If you find yourself rubbing anyone, wearing this patch, the wrong way, just leave before you have to be asked to leave.” He’d nudged my shoulder with his. “Because you won’t be asked to leave. You will be jettisoned out of the bar and that might even be the end of you. Got it?”
“I do.”
“The last thing you need to know is that what happens in this place isn’t spoken about. Not ever. You were never here. You never saw a thing. You don’t know anyone from our MC. It’ll keep your ass safe. Got it?”
I’d nodded. “I do. I won’t be a problem.” But what he didn’t know was that I hadn’t really meant that at that time.
I’d figured that if I really wanted a way out of this life, one of those hard-ass bikers would be glad to take me out if I gave him a reason to. Which had sounded like it would be fairly easy to do if I really wanted to end it all.
That first night in Joe’s bar, I’d helped him out when his Point of Sale computer system shut down unexpectedly and I offered my expertise. In only five minutes I’d not only got it up and running again, but I’d also updated the software.
Seeing how handy I was with computers, another member of the Iron Cobras asked me if I could go with him to his house to work on his personal computer that his teenage kid had messed up. So, I’d done that – free of charge of course.
One guy after another had needed my computer skills in one way or another pretty much each time I’d entered that bar. And Joe had begun letting me drink for free for all the help I’d given them all.
Five months into things, I was leaving his bar one night when some jackass from The Irish Reapers pulled up in the parking lot right behind my grandpa’s truck. He’d wanted the truck and wasn’t taking no for an answer.
I wasn’t about to go inside and ask for any of the Iron Cobras’ help. I also wasn’t sure I could take the knife-wielding Reaper with a gun in his holster on all by myself
either. But I wasn’t going to ask for any help.
“Hey,” Joe had called out. “No Irish Reaper is welcome here. Get going.”
The guy had looked at Joe with a smirk. “This kid ain’t nothing to do with you Iron Cobras. Mind your business.”
One by one, every single member of the Iron Cobras who had been inside the bar, came outside, standing in one, solid line. Then Joe had said, “The kid’s with us. You fuck with him - you fuck with us. And that means anywhere – not just on Iron Cobra territory. Got it?”
I hadn’t been afraid of the Irish Reaper at all. I had been ready to do whatever it took to keep my grandpa’s truck. And that included getting my ass handed to me. But when I’d seen all those men who stood there, taking my back and saying that I was with them, it had broken something wide open inside of me.
Sure, I might not have needed them. I might not have lost in a fight with the rival MC member. I might’ve even gotten out of the fight all on my own. Who knew? And who cared?
I was part of something then. I’d earned their respect all on my own. And they’d earned mine.
Later that same night I was offered the job of computer tech for the MC. My official title was - computer nerd. And I was happy to answer to it.
It didn’t take long to earn even more of their respect and anyone after that who’d called me by computer nerd, instead of my name of computer genius was dealt with quickly by any Cobra within earshot.
Nicki needed that type of team behind her, instead of the team she had now. She actually had no team behind her at all within the DEA. She had haters and enemies, but no one was in her corner.
It was time for her to see that there were others in this world who would have her back. Because I knew she thought there wasn’t really anyone out there who actually gave a flying fuck about her.
She’d been right about one thing. We hadn’t known each other even an entire day yet. But I knew her. I knew her better than she knew herself.
And the whole alcoholic bullshit was just to try to find something to make her seem less than desirable to me. A way to throw me off so she wouldn’t have to deal with me caring for her.