by Blair Grey
Her hair smelled like jasmine as I nuzzled her neck. It took no time at all to fall back to sleep with her in my arms – a place I’d wanted her for such a long time that it defied imagination.
Slamming my lunch tray on the table next to Avia, I ignored the shudder her body made as I took the seat beside her. “I hate meatloaf. Why do they keep serving it? Most of it ends up in the trashcan anyway.” Using my fork to scoop up a heaping helping of mashed potatoes, I shoved them into my mouth, not giving a shit that the other two girls who’d been sitting with Avia got up to leave.
I like it better when she and I are alone anyway.
Even though she wore a frown, she was still the prettiest girl I’d ever seen. “Lyle, what do you think that you’re doing?”
“Eating lunch.” I used my fork to gesture to her uneaten potatoes. “You gonna eat those?”
Shaking her head, she slid her tray until it bumped against mine. “Have them. Maybe if I give them to you, then you will leave.”
“Ha, fat chance.” I ate them up in two bites then washed it down with the pint of chocolate milk that came with the meal. “So, you playing in the volleyball game after school gets out?”
“I am on the team -so, yeah.” With a huff, she pulled her tray back in front of her. “Don’t come.”
“I wouldn’t come if you begged me to. Girls volleyball is about as exciting as watching snails mate.” I took a big bite of the brownie that tasted like cardboard.
“You’ve watched snails mating?” she asked with a smirk. “Yeah, I can see you doing that, sicko.”
Nudging her with my shoulder, I thought she’d come up with a pretty good zinger there. “Like you don’t watch animals mating.”
“I don’t.” She rolled her eyes. “All you think about is sex.”
“That’s not true. I think a hell of a lot about rock and roll too.” I laughed at my little joke.
But she only stared straight ahead with a stoic expression on her pretty face. “Did you notice that my friends got up and left when you sat down?”
“Yeah. Your friends are assholes.” Reaching over, I put my hand on top of hers as she’d rested it on the table – pretty much asking me to hold her hand.
Jerking her hand out from underneath mine, she pushed her chair back, the got up. “No! They’re not assholes. You are.” Stomping away, she’d left her tray.
“I’m not putting that up for you.” I got up, taking my tray with me. My chest felt heavy, my head ached, and I didn’t know what else I could possibly do to let Avia know that I liked her.
As I scraped the meatloaf and remainder of the brownie into the trash, my eyes scanned the lunchroom. At the far end were the restrooms. One for the boys and one for the girls.
Tossing the tray into the pile of them at the end of the counter, I reached into my back pocket, making sure my black pen was still there and found that it was.
Into the empty bathroom, I went - pen at the ready. I’d done a little digging and had found out Avia’s home phone number. And there I wrote it, in large numbers along with the words, ‘For a Good Time Call Avia Forester, the biggest slut in Baltimore.’
The next day when I came to school, I saw Avia standing at her locker. Weirdo Willy Hamilton breathed down the back of her neck. “Come on, Avia. You know you want to.”
“Look, Willy, I don’t know how you got my phone number, but I don’t want to go out with you.” She closed her locker then walked away from him.
As he stood there, his head hung down, another guy walked up behind Avia. “Hey, Avia. Looking good. How about lunch today?” Charles Monroe didn’t like to bathe. His stench often showed up before he did.
“How about no, Charles.” She stopped and looked at him. “Did you by chance call me last night and hang up when I answered the phone?”
His face went red. “Uh, no. Why? Would you like me to call you?”
“I would rather you not.” Shaking her head, she kept walking as he stood there watching her go.
Smiling, I leaned against the wall, watching one weird guy after another approach her. Willy came up next to me, sniffling as usual – the guy always seemed to have a cold. “I don’t understand. I saw something that said she was the biggest slut in town. I guess I’m not good enough for even a whore.”
Shrugging, I just laughed. “Guess not.”
The entire day was filled, watching the grossest guys in school come on to Avia. At her lunch table that day, she and her two friends looked as if they’d stepped into the twilight zone as boys came out of every corner, giving Avia their personal attempts at gaining access to her sweet spot.
Once, she even looked my way as if asking for help. Which I would not give her. She’d had her chance to be mine and she’d blown me off. And this is what she got for her actions.
It wasn’t easy, watching all those freaks hit on her all day long. But it was necessary. She needed to see that there were far worse guys than me.
After a week of this, she’ll be begging me to make her mine.
Waking to soft kisses running along my neck, I felt her body next to mine. “You were chuckling in your sleep, Lyle.”
As the dream rushed forward in my mind, guilt welled up inside of me. “I shouldn’t have been laughing, Avia. I was having a dream.”
“People can laugh in dreams.” Her lips trailed a line along my cheek then landed on my lips.
Pulling her on top of me, I tried to put the dream out of my mind. But the guilt just kept building up – even the kiss wasn’t slowing the crest as it built.
Rolling over, I pinned her to the bed beneath me then pulled my mouth away from hers. “I want to say something before we get too much further.”
Her hands ran up my arms, then she placed them on either side of my face. “Then say it.”
Searching her emerald eyes for something – I didn’t know what – I had to tell her what I’d done. “Do you remember back in high school when you suddenly got really popular? Especially with the geeks, nerds, and weirdos?”
It took her a moment before she said, “I do remember that time. It was odd. Mom had to change our phone number. Only after that, did all that craziness stop.”
I hadn’t known that. It made me feel even worse about what I’d done. And if my father would’ve ever found out, he would’ve made me mow their lawn for a year to pay off my debt to her mother. That would’ve been humiliating for me.
But he couldn’t discipline me anymore and I needed to apologize for what I did to her. “I suppose it was immaturity that made me do it. That or the devil. I’ll let you decide.”
Narrowing her eyes, she asked, “What did you have to do with that, Lyle?”
“Everything,” I admitted. Heat filled me as shame coursed through my veins. “I looked up your phone number then wrote it on the bathroom wall in the cafeteria.”
“Well, that’s not cool. But I don’t think that made those guys start bothering me so much.” She smiled then ran her hands around the back of my neck, pulling me closer to her. “I forgive you.”
“I’m not finished.” I eased back a bit. “I also wrote something about calling you for a good time.”
Her eyes went wide, and her chest didn’t move as she held her breath. The soft grip she had on the back of my neck tightened as her body tensed. “You did what?”
“I’m sorry. Like I said, immaturity or the devil. But something made me do that.” The way she looked at me made my stomach hurt. “I am very sorry. If I could go back in time, I would change so much that I did wrong to you. The closet incident too.” There was more to tell her, but the words stuck in my throat until I coughed them up. “And I think I wrote something about you being the biggest slut in Baltimore too.”
Her jaw clenched. “Can you get off of me?”
“Avia, I really am sorry.”
“Please – get off of me, Lyle.” One tear fell down her cheek.
Rolling off her, I sat up in bed and put my face in my hands. It felt hot with s
hame and my eyes burnt as well. “Avia.”
“Hush,” she hissed. “Just be quiet for a moment.”
I had no idea she’d been so profoundly affected by my prank. But I could tell that she had. So, I stayed quiet while she got up and went to the bathroom.
When she came back, she got on her knees in front of me, taking my hands into hers. “I know you never meant something horrible to happen to me by doing that, Lyle. But something very bad did happen and now I understand why it did. See, something happened to me that I never told a soul about.”
“What happened?” I had never heard of anything bad happening to her. “And why did you keep it a secret?”
“I felt like it was my poor judgment is why I never told anyone. See, one of the jocks found a sudden interest in me, I will not tell you his name, so don’t ask.” She gulped then looked into my eyes. “After the line of geeks came at me, one of the jocks called me. He told me he’d seen what I was going through and wanted to talk to me about it. I needed to let him come into my bedroom though.”
“You let him in, didn’t you?” I felt even sicker than I did before.
Nodding, she went on, “I let him in and to be honest, I’d always thought he was cute. But he was out of my league. So, when he snuck in my window and kissed me, told me I was beautiful and began stripping away my nightgown, I let him. As if it was some sort of beautiful dream, I let him take my virginity. And then he never said another word to me again.”
I am a fucking asshole.
Chapter Twelve
Avia
Lyle Franklin had done so damn many bad things to me that I’d lost count. Not knowing that he was behind the worst incident of my younger years had hit me like a punch in the gut. It took me a few minutes to gather myself before I could face him again.
When I told him about what his actions had caused, I felt horrible. Not that I should feel horrible about a thing Lyle Franklin had ever done back in the day. But his expression, demeanor, and posture told me he was kicking himself a lot harder than I could’ve.
Running my thumbs over his knuckles, I tried my best to think of something positive to say. But as hard as I tried, I just couldn’t find anything.
“How come you don’t want to tell me his name, Avia?” he asked with a shaky voice.
“I’ve never told anyone his name. I don’t blame him entirely. He didn’t rape me. He didn’t even tell me we’d be together. The whole thing was so surreal that I just went along with his actions. He didn’t say much at all. So, why would I go screaming that he did something wrong to me when I was just as much a part of it as he was?” I’d never wanted revenge. I’d just wanted a bit of fairness from the guy. A little bit of information on why he’d done it would’ve been nice. But in the end, I figured he did it because he could. He did it because I let him do it.
“He took something valuable away from you.” He pulled his head up to look me in the eyes. “He broke something inside of you is what he did. You wouldn’t have gotten involved with a man who beat you if that guy hadn’t started the process of you thinking badly about yourself.” He gripped my hands a little tighter. “He made you think that you weren’t worth anything. So, tell me what his name is so I can go break something of his.”
“I don’t want you to do that.” The guy did end up making something of himself. I didn’t want some stupid thing he did back in high school to ruin his life now. “I’ve let it go.”
“The hell you have.” He shook his head as he pulled me up then sat me on his lap, cradling me as he ran his hand through my hair. “If you had let it go, you wouldn’t have gotten so upset when I told you the fucking dumbass thing I did. You looked like you wanted to puke, Avia. So, don’t tell me that you’re over it because you are not. And no one would be. That’s the thing. No one would just get over something like that. But making the asshole who did that to you face at least a little justice for his actions will help you overcome it.”
“Well, I’m not telling you his name.” I wasn’t going to go down that rabbit hole with Lyle. “And I’d rather not argue with you right now.” Arching my back, I jiggled my breasts to entice him into thinking about other things. “Hungry?”
“Avia, stop.” He picked me up then laid me back on the bed. “Don’t use sex to divert my attention.”
“You can’t blame me for trying. I honestly don’t want to seek any revenge on the guy. He’s doing good with his life. So, I don’t think he kept on screwing unsuspecting women then ignoring them. And that’s all that really matters.” I also thought things could’ve been so much worse. “You know, I thanked God that I didn’t get pregnant. I wasn’t on any birth control and he didn’t use anything either.”
“This makes me feel sick.” He held his stomach then got up and went to the bathroom. “Give me a minute.”
His reaction bothered me. It was more intense than I thought it should be. Then again, I’d never pulled a prank that ended up hurting someone.
As much as I wanted to make Lyle feel better, I knew that he had to be allowed to feel bad about what he’d done. And I would just have to deal with the fact that if I was going to have a relationship with the guy who had bullied me, then there would be some uncomfortable times for us.
When he came back out, he didn’t look the same. “Avia, I can’t change the past. I’m not that asshole anymore. And I am sorry for all the shit I did to hurt you. I hope you give me the chance to make it up to you. I hope you let me try my best to give you a happy life from here on out.”
“I accept your apology.” I patted the bed beside me. “Come back over here and let’s just hold each other. There’s been a lot of pain in both our lives. Maybe, together, we can help each other heal.”
In a million years, I never dreamed I would even want to help Lyle Franklin heal from life’s events. And I sure as hell never thought he would help me heal from mine.
He slid into the bed, pulling me around so that my back was to his front. Spooning, he put his lips to my ear. “What a pair we make. The only thing I know for sure is that we’ve got a lot of heat between us. This time around, we’ll use that heat to make something good come from it, instead of the bullshit we made out of it before.”
Drifting off to sleep, I found myself in a dream.
Holding my math book, I walked down the hallway, alone. No one else was in sight. But I could hear the sounds of other students and teachers inside the classrooms.
Slowly, I took each step, making a soft clicking sound as the sole of my sandal hit the floor. My stomach tightened as sweat beaded up on the back of my neck. An eerie feeling came over me as I kept going. Only I wasn’t really getting anywhere. The end of the hallway just kept moving further away as I headed toward it.
Going a little faster, I tried not to panic. But my heart sped up and my feet did too until I was running down the hall, but the end just kept moving.
“Hey!” I heard a male voice but didn’t stop running.
I knew who it was just by the sound of his voice. Lyle Franklin.
I wasn’t going to stop for him. “Leave me alone!” I sped up even more. But I wasn’t getting anywhere.
“Avia, stop!” he shouted.
But I didn’t stop. I kept going and going and going until I found myself outside the school. The wind blew in crazy waves as the sky grew dark with storm clouds.
With my arms at my sides, I looked at my empty hands. “My book! Where’s my math book? I can’t go to class without it.”
“Avia,” I heard my name on the wind. “Avia, where are you?”
Freezing in place, I knew who was calling me. Lyle Franklin!
Turning in a circle, I didn’t see anyone anywhere. And I didn’t know which way to go. The sky seemed threatening, but I had the feeling that I needed to walk away from the building, instead of into it.
Deciding to leave, I walked through the empty parking lot and wondered where all the cars were. The wind whipped my hair back so hard that it hurt. “Ow!”
/> “Avia,” I heard my name again.
Hurrying up, I looked ahead to find the road wasn’t a road at all, but a raging river. “How am I going to get home?”
Turning back to look at the school building, I felt something wet and looked down to see water covered my feet. Splashing my way back to the school, the sound of thunder had me looking up and I saw a flash of lightning zig-zagging through the dark sky.
Rain began pouring down, soaking me to the bone.
“Avia?” I heard Lyle say again. “Come inside, quick.”
A light shined, making me look at it. The door was open, and Lyle stood inside, dry, smiling, and gesturing for me to come inside where it was nice and dry and warm.
Just as I reached the top step, I held out my hand for him to take. But a sudden gust of wind slammed the door in my face.
Banging on the door, I screamed, “Help! Let me in. Please, let me in!”
Nothing happened. I banged and banged as the rain and wind got harder and harder, but the door stayed shut. And I began to cry.
Weeping, I fell to my knees, leaning my body on the door. Left out in the cold, I had no one to blame but myself for leaving the safety of the building to go outside.
And for what?
What was I looking for out there? And where did my math book go?
Shivering with the cold, I couldn’t stop crying. I couldn’t stop blaming myself for being so stupid as to go outside in bad weather.
Turning around, I sat on the step, the rain pelting my back as I leaned my elbows on my knees then buried my face in my hands. I don’t deserve to be let in. I walked out on my own. I deserve to be left out in the storm. I deserve everything I’m getting.
A female voice came out of nowhere, asking me, “What are you doing out here?”
Pulling my face out of my hands, I saw my mother standing there, holding an umbrella that was pulled inside out by the wind. “Mom? What are you doing here?” It struck me that my mother wasn’t alive anymore. “Mom? How’d you get here?”