by David Petrie
Max threw up his hands. “I’m sorry. I was trying to lighten the mood. I didn’t know what else to say.”
“That’s easy, you tell her not to go,” Farn growled.
“I couldn’t do that, not with everything on the line.”
He was right. Farn knew that much, but that didn’t make her feel any better. She couldn’t stand the idea of Kira and Berwyn together. Rational thinking wasn’t on the menu.
“Calm down.” Ginger stepped in.
“Thank you,” Max said.
“Max’s choice of words earlier was idiotic,” Ginger started.
“Hey, wait a sec?”
Ginger held up one hand to stop him from speaking. “But he’s not wrong. I don’t like the situation, but Berwyn is dangerous.”
Farn closed her eyes and tried to keep her mouth shut. Saying more wasn’t going to help, and it would only make her outrage more suspicious. Ginger was right; she had to let it go.
That was easier said than done.
She let out a frustrated growl and gave in to her jealousy. “But this is Kira we’re talking about. She’s never even kissed anyone before.”
Max titled his head. “Umm, I used to share a wall with her back in our apartment, and trust me, she’s been kissed plenty.”
“That was different. That was Seth, not Kira,” Farn argued, fully understanding that she wasn’t making any sense. “It just isn’t right. Kira shouldn’t have to do this. She shouldn’t be with him. She should–”
“Be with someone else?” Ginger finished the sentence.
Farn froze, realizing she had said too much as Max swirled his head between her and Ginger like a confused dog. Suddenly, Ginger blew out a long sigh and fell back into a chair.
“I am an idiot. A great, big, dumb idiot.”
“What, why?” asked Max.
Farn took a step back toward the door. She knew why.
Oh no!
She could practically hear the pieces falling into place as Ginger figured her out.
“I’m so sorry, Farn.” The Coin shook her head and stared at the floor. “I was trying so hard to push you and Max together the other night. I never stopped to think. I was being nosey and a busybody, and I’m sorry.”
Farn cringed as if bracing for a car accident that she saw coming but couldn’t do anything to stop. She even held her breath. The Coin raised her head and locked eyes with her.
“So tell me, how long have you been in love with Kira?”
There it was.
The one thing Farn had been trying to hide, out in the open. Half of her felt relieved. The other half freaked the hell out. Either way, there was no point denying it now. Farn collapsed to the sofa with a groan. Her armor clanked as she fell to the side, planting her cheek into the seat cushion. She continued to groan until she ran out of air. Finally, she spoke.
“I don’t know. Since last year, maybe.”
With that, Ginger let loose, hopping over to sit by her feet. “How did I not see it sooner? I mean, is my worldview really that narrow?”
“Most people’s are,” Farn commented.
“When did you realize it?”
“Oh my god.” Max’s mouth fell open. "I knew it. I am the third wheel.”
Farn ignored him. “It was back when Kira was in quarantine after the mission last year. I didn’t see her for two weeks, and it destroyed me how much I missed her. When she got back online, that was it. It was too late.”
“So, is this a new attraction just for Kira,” Ginger raised an eyebrow. “or is it–”
“It’s not a phase.” Farn shot back. “I knew what I liked before I even knew what that meant.”
“Why didn’t you say something?” Max asked.
“Oh, I don’t know, mister, ‘no one is going to think your gay'.”
“Oh shit. I’m an asshole.” Max slapped himself with both hands.
“Kinda.”
“I need to start keeping my dumb mouth shut.” He threw his head back and stared at the ceiling.
“Eh, you didn’t know.” Farn waved his comment away.
“That’s no excuse. You’re my friend, and I’m sorry.”
“We’re both sorry,” Ginger added.
“I know.” Farn tucked her head down until her chin touched her chest plate.
Ginger leaned closer. “We may be idiots, but we would have accepted you. You could have just come out.”
Farn pulled away from the Coin. “I like who I am, and I don’t need to be accepted. Plus, everything happened so fast back when we met, what with Carver and his mission. There wasn’t really a good moment to bring it up.”
“That’s fair.” Max nodded.
“Not to mention, I got outed back in high school. It didn’t go well, so sorry if I didn’t want to go through that again.”
Ginger eased back, giving Farn some space. “I’m sorry. That must have been hard. You grew up in the south, right?”
Max crossed his arm’s “The south isn’t that bad…” He trailed off, ending with a simple, “Oh.”
“Yeah, my family obviously had trouble fitting in.” She didn’t need to say more. Instead, she just gestured to her face. The color of her skin said the rest. “Church was the only thing that tied my parents to the community. It was important to them, and they followed it to the letter. So you can image how thirteen-year-old me felt when she realized why she liked the Little Mermaid poster on her wall.”
Ginger laughed, clearly caught off guard.
“I get that actually.” Max placed a hand on his chin and nodded. “The seashells kind of worked for me too.”
“I know, right?” Farn let a smile show, finding some common ground. “Anyway, my parents weren’t quiet about their opinions, so I grew up thinking there was something wrong with me. I tried to pretend it wasn’t true. And that worked for a while.”
“But?” Ginger asked in a sympathetic tone.
“Then I met a girl.”
“That’s always trouble,” Ginger joked.
Farn didn’t laugh. She couldn’t. Her chest still ached from old wounds. “We didn’t have much in common, but we went to the same school, and there was an attraction there. It didn’t take long before we started sneaking around.”
“But?”
“But then another student caught us making out. The rest of the school found out in record time. Our parents found out a day later.”
“What’d you do?” Max asked.
“We decided to face things together. Tell our parents that this was who we were and if they didn’t like it, then that was too bad.”
“Didn’t work, did it?” he asked as if knowing the answer.
“Nope, she backed down. Who could blame her? She was able to return to school without much of a problem, while I was left to face my parents and become an outcast. I haven’t dated anyone for real since.”
Ginger winced. “I probably would have stopped dating too. Did you fare any better with your family?”
“They went through all my movies, video games, and manga, throwing out anything that they considered questionable. Then they monitored everything I bought to make sure I didn’t get anything they didn’t approve of.”
“What’d you do?” Max asked again.
“I tried to change.”
“Seriously?” Ginger looked at her incredulously.
Farn laughed. “What else could I do? I had been taught that was how it worked my whole life, and I didn’t know any better. I thought I could change. Eventually, things settled down, and people forgot about it. I got a boy to take me to prom and fell in line along with everyone else. My parents were thrilled.”
“That’s horrible.” Ginger looked like she might cry.
“I know. I was faking it, and it was killing me. Eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore, so on my eighteenth birthday, I blew out the candles on my cake and came clean. I said that this was who I am and I wasn’t changing. I told my parents I loved them and that I would always be their da
ughter.”
Ginger looked a little proud. “And?”
“We didn’t even cut the cake.” Farn felt all the strength leave her as if experiencing the moment all over again. “I left home that night without even a change of clothes. I walked six miles to a motel.”
Both Max and Ginger’s mouths fell open.
Farn shrugged. “In their defense, I don’t think they expected me to really go, and even after I did, I don’t think the realized I’d stay gone. But I had enough money saved up from working part-time to get me started, and from there, I scraped by.”
Ginger's response was instant, “Now you’re the idiot.”
“What?” Farn pushed up on her elbow.
“You go through all that, and now that you have a chance at happiness, you hide and wait a year without even saying anything.” The Coin slapped her in the boot. “And why the hell did you snuggle up so close to Max back at karaoke when you had plenty of room next to the girl you like?”
“Because Kira’s my best friend, and I feel guilty.” Farn dropped back down. “I don’t want her to figure things out, and it’s hard to keep up a front when I’m close to her. I just know I’m going to do something to give her the wrong idea.”
“Like what?” Max asked.
Farn rolled over to face the back of the couch. Somehow, not looking at them made things easier to talk about. “Like a friendly hug that goes on too long or a stare that borders on leering. Hell, she might catch me smelling her hair when she leans close.”
Ginger snorted a laugh. “Oh man, Farn, you’re kind of a creep, aren’t ya.”
“Ginger, I haven’t had sex for almost a decade. So yeah, I’ve gotten a little weird.”
“Ouch.” The Coin patted her leg.
“Plus, she smells nice. I’m not made of stone.” Farn rolled on to her back and placed her wrist across her forehead. “It’s even harder to be alone with her.”
Ginger gave a mischievous grin. “Because you just want to rip off her clothes and have your way with her?”
Max snorted an uncomfortable laugh that trailed off awkwardly, prompting firm eye roll from Farn.
“It’s not like that. I just,” she hesitated, letting her fantasies rise to the surface of her mind, “I just want to take her home, curl up somewhere warm, and binge watch the entire series of Farscape together. I want to watch her stuff her face with food and laugh with her mouth full. I want to tell her everything I feel.” She cringed at her own words. The longing in her voice was almost palpable.
“And then you want to rip off her clothes and have your way with her?” Ginger added again, this time getting a sly smile in response.
“Oh, god yes. I would do everything to her.” Farn pulled her cape over her face to hide. “Which is why I don’t trust myself. I can’t stop rehearsing conversations in my head. So much that I’m almost sure it will be the next thing out of my mouth the next time I’m alone with her.”
“So why don’t you just say it then?” suggested Max, as if it really was that easy.
“Oh yeah, and how would that work?” Farn asked, not expecting an answer. “I know it’s easy to forget, but Kira is a character played by your bro Seth. I love her, but I’m terrified that she’s not even real.”
“I get that,” Max tapped his foot on the table, “but you’re wrong. I’ve thought about this a lot, and I don’t think it really matters what world you’re in. They are the same person. Kira and Seth aren’t different people, just two sides of the same coin. The longer she lives this way, the more those sides blur together. She doesn’t really seem to be one or the other.”
“That’s what I mean. What kind of relationship would that even be?”
“Well, there would have to be compromises on both sides,” Ginger folded her arms, “but if the feelings are there, then that shouldn’t be a problem.”
“Maybe in a perfect world, but it doesn’t take a genius to see that Kira is going through some stuff of her own. How could I just drop all of this on her while she’s trying to sort out her own identity? How would that be fair?”
“True, even I’ve noticed that Kira is dealing with her own personal discoveries,” Ginger leaned to one side, “but if there is one thing that I’ve learned from watching her, it’s that–”
“She’s lazy,” Max finished her sentence, sounding more serious than usual.
“What?” Farn glared in his direction.
“He’s right.” Ginger nodded. “Kira is lazy.”
“Why do you think she never takes anything seriously?” Max leaned against the arm of his chair. “You don’t have to deal with your problems if you just make jokes and pretend they don’t exist.”
Ginger continued where he left off, “And I’m willing to bet she’ll never work through her issues if she doesn’t have to. She’ll just keep running away from herself,” then a smile cracked across the Coin’s face, “but I’d also bet that if the right carrot was dangled in front of her, then she might actually put some effort into moving forward.”
Farn scoffed. “And you think I’m the right carrot?”
Ginger’s smile shifted into a smug grin, answering her question without a word.
“Hold on. What do you know?” Farn shot up straight, her heart racing.
The Coin crossed her legs and bounced one foot while tapping a finger on her chin. “Remember your fight with Ripper on the beach?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, while you fighting, I was watching our little fairy.”
Max leaned forward. “What did she do?”
“Nothing really,” Ginger shrugged before holding up a finger, “but I have been in enough adult situations, and if there is one thing I can recognize, it’s arousal.”
“What?” Farn nearly went cross-eyed with shock.
Ginger held her hands out empty as if she had nothing more to offer. “I’m just saying. All that running around like a badass, growling at Ripper on the beach, seemed to work for Kira. You were cool and strong. You know, it gets her–”
“Okay, that’s probably enough.” Max held up his hands, wincing a little.
“Holy shit.” Farn let herself fall back against the back of the sofa. She didn’t really know what to do with the information.
“I think you know what you have to do now.” Ginger gave her a warm smile.
Farn leaped up from her seat and made a fist with her gauntlet. “I have to kill Berwyn!”
“What? No.” Ginger grabbed her by the cape and pulled her back to the sofa. “You have to tell Kira how you feel.”
“But that’s so hard.” Farn buried her face in her hands.
The Coin placed a hand on her back. “I know, but sometimes you have to take a risk to get what you want.”
Damn it. She was right.
“I can’t believe I let her go. I said nothing, and now, she’s gone.” Farn cursed herself for letting everything get away from her. “I feel sick.”
“I get that.” Max lowered his head. “I don’t like the situation either.”
“But it doesn’t matter,” Ginger added. “Kira will always be Kira. Whatever happens tonight won’t change that.”
Farn raised her head. “I know, but I can’t just sit here and wait.” She checked the time—still several hours left before morning. “I’m going to log out. Maybe I’ll feel better if I just sleep the night away.”
“That’s sounds good.” Max nodded. “We don’t have anything left to do tonight, and Ginger and I can keep an eye on things.”
“Just worry about yourself,” Ginger added. “I’m sure everything will look better tomorrow.”
Farn stood up and navigated to the logout option on her stat-sleeve, starting its count down. Her stomach turned as a mix of jealous snakes and hopeful butterflies fought for dominance. She tried to ignore them.
“Thanks for the talk.”
Max and Ginger smiled back as her sign-off counter hit zero, and the suite fell away.
Butterflies fluttered t
hrough her dreams.
Chapter Fifty-Two
Max sunk into his chair just as Farn vanished from the room. “Told you she wasn’t interested in me.”
“I guess so.” Ginger got up and walked over to the bar. “You weren’t even in the running.”
“Ouch, right in my pride.” Max placed a hand over his heart.
“You didn’t even have a shot.”
“Well, you don’t have to keep saying it.”
“Sorry.” Ginger poured two glasses.
“Don’t be.” Max threw his feet up on the coffee table, feeling like things had worked out for the best. “I’ve been single for years. A while longer won’t kill me. I’ll just be glad if the two of them are happy.”
Ginger set one glass in front of him. “That’s actually sweet. You might be an ass sometimes. But at least you’re a lovable ass.”
“Aww thanks,” he accepted, not really thinking about it.
“I mean it.” She sat down beside him, a little too close. “Not many people would support their friends like that. You stepped aside, and while it may not have mattered in the end, you’re still a good friend.”
She fell silent for a while before mumbling to herself. “Sometimes you just have to take a risk.”
“What?”
“Nothing, just thinking.” She set her glass down. “You want to hear something funny?”
“Sure.”
“Last year, when you turned up in my room at the brothel to recruit me for Carver’s quest,” she fidgeted with the buttons of her coat for a moment, “I would have.”
“Would have what?”
“You know…”
Max tilted his head to the side, not understanding what she was getting at.
Ginger started to roll her eyes but stopped halfway, opting to look at the floor. “I would have taken you as a client.”
“Oh! I ah,” Max stammered, not sure how to respond to a statement like that. Eventually, he settled on a joke in order to cover for his lack of charisma. “I would hope so. I did pay and everything.”
Ginger frowned, finishing the eye roll she started a moment before.
Maybe a joke wasn’t the right response? he wondered.