“Maybe I should go," Emily told Jeremy. She felt like she was in the way and she wasn’t helping anyone.
“What?” Jeremy said. “Why? What's wrong?”
“I’m not noticing anything," she said. “I don’t know if I should be here.”
“You get discouraged pretty easily, don’t you?” he asked.
“I don’t know," Emily said. She supposed she did.
Jeremy sighed. “Look,” he said. “This isn’t a race. This is a marathon. A marathon that will last your whole life.”
“What do you mean by that?” Emily asked.
“I mean this isn’t stuff you pick up right away. It takes a lot of practice, and there is a lot to learn," he said.
She looked at him confused. “But you said I had abilities. So why am I not noticing any changes?”
“I am fairly certain that you do. But not all skills are the same. Just because you can do one thing doesn’t mean you can do everything else without any effort," he said. “If this is something you want to do, it will be a lifetime of learning.”
“Okay," she said. The prospect wasn’t daunting to her, but almost exciting. She had never had anything that drew her in and made her want to master it. No particular hobbies that dominated her life. No calling to any specific career. Only a kind of yearning for something more in every aspect of her life. Maybe this would be what she was meant to do with her life. Something she could grab onto and sink her teeth into. A purpose. A place to focus her energy and find out who she really was. “So just because I’m not noticing anything right now, that doesn’t mean it's hopeless?”
Jeremy chuckled. “No. Not at all. You’re starting off with so much more than most other people do. Even people who are born into this- people who have it in their blood. They often have less than you are starting with right now. Those dreams of yours. And how you somehow sent them at me when I touched you. That is so much more than almost anybody else starts out with. And you haven’t even learned anything yet. I can’t imagine what you’ll be able to do with a little more experience in this world.” He put his hand on her shoulder. “Don’t worry. If you feel like you’re supposed to be here. I mean really feel it, in your gut. Then you are. Don’t trust your doubts because it doesn't make sense. You’re going to have to get used to things not making sense. The first thing you need to do, is to try let go of your doubts.”
“That’s easier said than done, but I'll try," she said. “There is so much that doesn’t seem to make sense."
“You will learn in time that all of the things that are happening to you right now make perfect sense," he said. “You just can’t really see how they all fit together yet.”
“Whatever you say," she said.
Jeremy looked at the clock and saw that they were getting short on time. “Okay everybody," he said. “It looks like we are almost all finished here?”
Tanner walked over. “I’m finished," he said. He handed Jeremy the chalk.
“It looks perfect. You did a really good job," he told Tanner.
“He always does a good job," Allison said. She walked over and put the salt on the counter.
“You did great work too, Allison," Jeremy said.
Claire came back into the front room and Emily watched her inspect the shop. She didn’t say anything but she walked around and nodded her head in approval. She looked at Jeremy and they nodded at each other.
“Isn’t Ryan supposed to be here by now?” Claire asked.
“Yeah," Jeremy said. “He has been running late a lot. I just hope he comes in today. He took June’s death really hard and I don’t think he is going to take this any better. But I can’t really send him home today if we are open. I don’t want anyone working solo right now.”
“That is probably a good idea," Tanner said.
“Olivia will be coming in before too long too. Maybe he can go home then if he needs to," Claire suggested. She turned to the rest of the group. “We will wait until more staff arrives and then once Jeremy isn’t alone we can split up and take care of the rest of the spots.” She pointed at Allison. “You and Tanner go take care of your place and his. Emily will take me to her house and we will do hers.”
Emily felt her stomach leap into her throat. She was going to be alone with Claire. In her apartment. She started visualizing how she left it, trying to remember how messy it was. And how many dishes might be left in the sink. Had she changed the litter box that morning, or the night before? She left a giant pile of clothes on her bed while she frantically tried to pick out what to wear. She should have remembered that they were planning on having people come by her apartment to do this protection work they were doing. Why on earth didn’t she tidy up a bit the night before? She was kicking herself again.
“Is that okay?” Claire asked Emily.
“Yes.” Emily stuttered. “Yes that’s fine," she said.
Claire wanted some time alone with Emily to feel out her intentions and talk to her about the boundaries if necessary. She also hadn’t gotten to speak to Emily as much as Jeremy had, and she wanted some time to talk and get to know her a little more. Jeremy had basically decided that she was in without really running it by her. She wanted to make sure she didn’t need to veto the situation before Emily got too far in.
Emily approached the passenger side of Claire’s car. It was a green old beat up Volvo, and it was dirty on both the inside and the outside. Emily had to wipe the seat a few times to get rid of napkins and crumbs in the seat before she sat down. The back seat had clothing, some bags of random books, a couple small blank canvases, and multiple bags of trash from fast food restaurants on the floor. It smelled surprisingly good for how messy it was. A dreamcatcher hung from the rearview mirror.
“Sorry, it’s messy I know," Claire said as she got in the car. She started the car and rubbed her hands together fast in front of her face, trying to warm them. “It should get warm in here pretty fast.”
Claire started driving. “So you’re over by Loring Park?” Claire asked.
“Yeah, about a half a block away. On fifteenth.” Emily said. “Hopefully we'll find parking pretty close, but sometimes I have to walk a ways.”
“Yeah I know about that.” Claire said. “I dated somebody once who lived over there. We might have dated longer if the parking situation wouldn’t have been so horrendous.” She smiled at Emily.
“Ah.” Emily said. She didn’t know what to say. She just thought of the possibility of that being a reason Claire wouldn’t date her and then felt immediately ridiculous.
“I’m just kidding.” Claire said. “Sorry, I guess it was a bad joke.”
Emily rubbed her hands on her legs nervously. “Uh, yeah,” she said. “I wouldn't blame you though. It is really bad.” Emily felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. She peeked at the screen and saw that her mother was calling her back.
“Shoot.” She said.
Claire looked over at her. “What’s wrong?”
“I was supposed to call my mom back.” Emily said. “I forgot. And I can’t really talk to her now.”
“You can if you need to, I don’t mind.” Claire said.
“No, really.” Emily said. “She has been trying to talk to me about something and I just can’t deal with whatever she’s doing right now. We don’t have the best relationship.” Emily watched the scenery out of the car window.
Claire glanced over at her and looked back at the road. “I’m sorry to hear that,” she said.
“Do you have a good relationship with your mom?” she asked.
“Uh, yeah.” Claire said. “I think it’s alright. It could be better and it could be worse, you know?”
Emily kept looking out the window. She wanted to look at Claire but she was nervous about staring at her or giving away too much. Claire noticed her getting more nervous as the drive went on.
“Are you okay?” Claire asked.
Emily turned to Claire. “Yes, I’m fine. Why do you ask?” she said.
“Yo
u just seem to be feeling nervous,” Claire said. “Am I making you uncomfortable?”
Emily had no idea how to answer that. “No, of course not,” she said. “I’ve just never been involved in anything like this before. It's a lot. And Jeremy told me to just try to stop having doubts and get used to things being out of the ordinary. But I think that’s easier said than done.”
“Yeah, you're probably right,” Claire said. “I understand.” She was silent for a moment while she considered what to say next. “Well just to get it out in the open, if I ever do make you uncomfortable, please let me know. I like open communication. I like honesty.” Claire imagined Jeremy laughing at her saying that and she trailed off.
“Okay, sure.” Emily said. Knowing that she was lying. She was so nervous right now and there was no way she could tell Claire why. Even if she believed her, how would that make her feel? How could you have a normal relationship of any kind with someone who has had dreams about you like that, and thinks that they love you when they don’t even know you?
“So this is me right here.” Emily said. She pointed to her large brownstone building. “So wherever you can find a spot.”
“Got it.” Claire said. “Aha! You’re mine.” She sounded victorious as she pulled the car into a spot close to the entrance of the building.
Emily unlocked the door to her apartment and Eli was sitting in the hallway as if he had been expecting her. He meowed and approached them as they walking into the apartment.
“Hi kitty,” Claire said. She kneeled down and pet him, and Emily heard him purring as he rubbed his body against Claire’s legs. “Aren’t you sweet?”
“That's Eli,” Emily said.
“Nice to meet you, Eli,” Claire said. “Emily and Eli. I like it.”
Emily smiled and hung her coat. “Can I take your coat?”
“Sure, thanks,” Claire said.
“So this is it.” Emily said. She held her arms out in her living room. “Bedroom is right there, and the bathroom is through the bedroom. You saw the kitchen when you walked in.”
“Nice,” Claire said. “it's cozy.” She looked around the small apartment. “How far off the ground are these windows? She looked out the windows and peered down to the sidewalk.
“About one story,” Emily said. “Maybe less.”
Claire notices an awning. “Is that your apartment too? That window with the awning?”
“Oh, yeah. It’s the bedroom window,” Emily said.
“Can I look?” Claire asked.
“Yeah, of course,” Emily said. She led Claire into her room.
Claire looked out at the awning. “That is kind of an easy access point,” she said. “Do you have any extra lock on this window or anything?”
“No,” Emily said. “I hadn’t ever thought of it.” The window had an awning right below it that almost served as a landing for the window itself. She felt scared when she realized how easily someone could climb up onto it and into her window.
“Well that would be a good idea,” Claire said. “You should probably try to take care of that today.” Claire walked over and into Emily’s bathroom. She looked around and walked back out into the bedroom. Emily felt like she was back in her dream. Claire’s hair hung the exact way as it did in her dream, but this time Emily could see her face. All she wanted in that moment was to put her arms around Claire’s waist, pull her in close, and kiss her. The dream seemed foggier now that Claire was standing right in front of her.
“What?” Claire asked. She suddenly felt self-conscious. And Claire was not the type of person who usually felt self-conscious.
“Hm?” Emily realized she was lost in thought and didn’t hear what Claire said. She snapped out of it and asked, “What did you say?”
“You were just kind of looking at me, like you were going to say something,” Claire said. “Or do something.” Claire knew what it felt like to have eyes on her. She could use it to her advantage when she wanted to, and it was a good tool to have. But she couldn’t remember a time anyone had ever looked at her like that.
“I’m sorry. I zoned out I guess,” Emily said. That was the truth. She didn’t need to tell her what she zoned out thinking about.
Claire thought about bringing up her concerns about Emily having feelings for someone in the coven. One of the reasons she wanted them to be alone was so that Claire could discuss it with her and not embarrass her. But the idea of bringing that up now seemed very likely to embarrass Emily. And surprisingly to Claire, she thought it would embarrass herself as well. What was going on? She needed to get her mind to focus on something else for now.
“So, that door we came in, is that the only entrance?” Claire asked.
“No. There is a back door on the other side of the building,” Emily said.
“Is it similar to the front door? Secured and well lit?” Claire asked.
“It’s locked, but it’s pretty dark on that side. It’s basically in an alley,” Emily said.
“Okay.” Claire said. “Well I’ll get to work on the inside. I was just curious what we’re up against on the outside.” She walked over to the front door, touched the chain lock on the door, and inspected the deadbolt. She then pulled a few items out of her bag that she packed for the trip over. Emily watched as she followed all of the same steps that the group performed in the shop. While Claire worked, Emily thought she noticed the apartment getting warmer. The light slowly shifted, and the air felt thicker somehow. She tried to focus on what Claire was doing, and wondered if she’d notice anything more than she did at the cottage. She hoped that since this was her apartment, she’d be more in tune with any changes that would occur. What she had felt so far she thought must just be coincidence. Until she remembered what Jeremy said. For a brief moment, she thought she saw a white glow around each window that Claire had protected with a sigil. She blinked, and it was gone.
Come on, Emily . She told herself. You can do this. She cleared her mind and watched. Slowly a glow appeared around the windows and came to be at the window Claire was finishing. As Claire poured the salt, a green wall followed. It looked like a force field. A shield glowing around the apartment as Claire poured and whispered. Emily couldn’t believe what she was seeing. It started to fade and she focused on the shield.
“Claire,” Emily whispered.
Claire ignored Emily as she finished the space. She stopped speaking and looked at Emily. “Sorry, I had to finish up,” she said. “What were you going to say?”
“I can see it,” Emily said. “I can see the shield.”
That couldn’t be. Claire knew that Emily knew nothing about magic, and there was no way she could be picking up the shield she just created. “What do you mean you can see it?” Claire asked. “What do you see exactly?”
Emily looked around the apartment. Her eyes were wide with wonder. “It’s like a green shield is glowing around the edges of the apartment,” she said. “And the windows and door have a light white glow around their edges. The sigils you drew are glowing too.”
Claire was speechless. She had never met anyone that could sense magic like this without even being an initiated witch. “Emily, can I ask you something?”
Emily stopped gazing at the sigils and turned back to look at Claire. “Yeah.”
“You’ve never practiced magic?” Claire asked.
“No, never,” Emily said. “I thought it was all fake when Jeremy was telling me about it.”
Claire thought for a moment. “Okay,” she said. “So you wouldn't know of anyone in your family practicing magic?”
“Um, no,” Emily said. “Not that I know of at least.
“With the dreams you have told us about and the fact that you can see what I just did, I think you might be related to a witch. It has to be in your blood already for what’s going on. Maybe one of your parents.”
Emily laughed. “There is no way,” she said.
“You’d be surprised,” Claire said. “You might even know other people that pra
ctice magic of some kind and you would have no idea.”
“Well my dad is, there is just no way,” Emily said. “And my mom, she is way too disorganized.”
Claire smiled. “Like I said, you’d be surprised.” Claire wondered if Emily thought she was organized, or had her life together in any way shape or form. She laughed again.
“What’s so funny?” Emily said.
“Nothing really,” Claire said. “I’m just laughing at myself I guess. I’m pretty disorganized.”
“Really?” Emily asked.
“Uh, yes,” Claire said. “I used to have my shit together, more or less. But I’ve kind of lost my way over the last year or so and I’m trying to get back on track right now. These killings have been a wakeup call.”
“You seem like you have your shit together,” Emily said. “You have a beautiful house, good friends. You literally make magic.”
“That's sweet of you to say, Emily. And not to be rude, but you don’t really know what you’re talking about,” Claire said.
Emily sat down on the couch. “Why don’t you tell me then?”
Claire stood there and looked at her. Emily was looking at her expectantly, but with patience. She was looking at her with love. And standing there in her apartment, this woman who was practically a stranger, she realized she felt perfectly comfortable. Her instinct was usually to hide her feelings and close off any form of real connection. She’d leave and erase any intimacy that might have developed. But looking at Emily all she wanted to do was sit down and tell her everything . She knew that she had to find herself again. And part of that would be to open up again. Be open to love from people outside of Jeremy and the coven. She hadn’t felt this comfortable with anyone since meeting her ex-husband. While that thought should have put her on guard, it just made her feel safe. She sighed, and sat next to Emily on the couch.
“I don’t know you very well. And I usually don’t tell people personal things about myself,” she said. “But if you’re going to be in the coven, we’re going to be close. And we’re going to get to know each other very well. So I suppose I could give you a little summary, so you have some idea of how little I’m put together.”
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