by Ava Miles
“I love you, sweetheart,” he whispered, nuzzling her neck, knowing it always made her giggle.
“I love you too, Daddy,” she whispered, tucking her little fingers into his hair like she had when he used to rock her to sleep.
“Jess!” Haley cried. “Let’s go wait for Sadie.”
His daughter started squirming, so he set her down. The little girls grabbed each other’s hands and ran out of the kitchen.
Paige had tears in her eyes. “Oh, Riley.”
He coughed. “Let’s not get overly emotional here. It’s not like the day we sent them off to kindergarten.”
“That was a day,” Mark said, opening the refrigerator. “Come on and have some iced tea. We can all wait for Sadie together.”
They didn’t have to wait long. She was ten minutes early, as if she was equally eager for their outing. The girls ran out immediately, and Riley strode onto the porch, loving the way Sadie was fussing with her hair as she left the car. Almost like she hadn’t had time to give herself one last inspection.
“We’re over at the Bradshaws, Sadie,” Jess informed her when the girls met her in the middle of the sidewalk leading to the house. “We were waiting for you.”
Sadie bent over and gave his little girl a hug and then did the same with Haley.
“Didn’t I say she was going to be careful?” Mark said, slapping him on the back again.
He shot his friend a look and then headed off the porch to greet Sadie.
“I’m really excited to go to the park with you today,” Jess was telling her. “We’re going to have a great time.”
Riley took a deep breath. This was going to be fine. Jess’ voice had regained its confidence, which meant she was going to relax. They were all going to relax.
“Hey,” he called out to Sadie, making her straighten.
She pulled her gaze away from the girls, and her brown eyes locked with his. He felt the usual pull toward her, accompanied by a deep sense of rightness. Leaning in, he kissed her cheek.
She nestled close for a moment before stepping back again. “Hey there. Sounds like everyone is ready to have some fun. Haley, if it’s okay with your mom, I’ll pop over and see y’all before I head home.”
“Yes, please,” Haley said, hugging her waist. “Please tell Annabelle and Rory how much fun I had yesterday. We have to make a play date soon.”
“We will,” Sadie said, chucking her under the chin. “Hey, Paige and Mark. Everyone wanted me to say how great it was yesterday. We can’t wait to do it again.”
Paige and Mark finally came off the porch to hug her, and Riley knew they were trying to give them space. He was grateful his friends understood.
“Do you want to come inside for a while or head straight to the park?” he asked Sadie.
He had to fight the urge to wrap his arm around her waist and bring her close. The pressure of everyone watching was checking his natural tendencies.
“Let’s head on over to the park,” she said. “I’ve been inside most of the morning.”
“Right,” Haley said. “You were at church. We didn’t go today. How was it?”
“My mama gave a really nice sermon,” she told the little girl.
“When am I going to meet her?” Haley asked. “Is she like my grandma since she’s your mom and my mom is your sister?”
Paige immediately put her hands on her daughter’s shoulders and turned her around. “No, honey, she’s not your grandma. Remember? Sadie and I have different mamas.”
Sadie seemed to have stopped breathing, and he moved closer and rubbed her back.
“Haley, why don’t you say goodbye to everyone for a bit and come inside with me? I have the urge to make you two young ladies a new princess tent.”
“You do?” Haley asked.
“Cool!” Jess said, hugging Mark’s leg. “Maybe we can play in it later after we get home from the park.”
Riley knew Mark was creating something special for Jess and Haley on the off chance that things didn’t go smoothly today. His buddy had his back, and it made him feel less pressure about the outing.
“Okay, let’s go,” he said. “We’ll see y’all later.”
“Count on it,” Haley said in a voice much like Mark’s, making Paige muffle her laughter as the Bradshaws walked back to their house.
He, Jess, and Sadie headed to his car, and he opened the passenger door.
“Oops, I need to get my purse,” Jess said, running off to their house.
He and Sadie stood silently by the car, looking at each other. His eyes skimmed down her scoop-neck navy tee and tan Capri pants. Her flat-heeled sandals were gold, a color he would forever link with both her and the character she’d inspired for him. She looked good enough to eat, and he’d bet the farm this wasn’t what she’d worn to church.
“She insisted on having a purse,” he found himself telling Sadie.
“I had one when I was her age,” Sadie said, smiling at him. “It’s going to be fine, Riley.”
His fingers grazed her cheek. “I know it. She just…it took her a few times to decide what to wear.”
Her hand rested on his chest. “I know the feeling.”
“I just threw this on,” he said, his heart starting to beat faster. “It’s only a day in the park.”
“Exactly,” she said, rubbing the tension over his heart away.
“But it’s not,” he said softly after a long moment.
“No, it’s not,” she replied in an equally quiet tone.
Chapter 17
“I so want to kiss you right now,” Riley told her, putting a hand on her hip.
His deep voice sent waves of heat straight to Sadie’s tummy, burning up all her nerves. “Me too.”
Jess came flying out of the house. “I’ve got it. I’ve got my purse.”
“Well, that’s a relief,” Riley said, opening her car door for her so she could hop in. “Maybe I need one. Can you name a superhero who has a man purse?”
“Tony Stark probably does,” Jess said, buckling into her car seat. “Right, Dad?”
Thinking it might be better to play along, Sadie slowly nodded.
“You don’t know who Tony Stark is,” he said slowly.
“No way!” Jess cried out from the backseat. “He’s like the coolest.”
“Iron Man,” he explained, though that didn’t really help. She’d heard the name, but that was it.
Her face flushed, and she couldn’t help but shrug defensively. “You don’t like country music and I don’t know superheroes besides the main ones.”
“Sadie, you should watch it with us sometime. Dad knows all the lines. He loves Iron Man.”
Watching a movie all snuggled up against Riley sounded good…no, better than good. But she wasn’t really a superhero movie kind of girl.
“Let me guess,” he said. “You like movies like Steel Magnolias.”
“My sister, Shelby, was named after the character Julia Roberts played.” She played with her seatbelt. “I saw Wonder Woman.”
“Of course you did,” he teased her.
“It was the best movie ever.” Jess bounced in her booster seat.
Sadie glanced his way before she spoke. Maybe it marked her as a softie, but… “I don’t like it that the man she loved died.”
“Yeah, that was kinda sad,” Jess said from the back. “But he died a hero and that’s all that mattered. Right, Dad?”
“Ah…that’s how we see it with our superhero perspective,” Riley explained to her. “Dying is a natural part of life, and when you do it for the greater good—”
“You’re a hero,” Jess interrupted. “And we love heroes at our house. Dad actually told me you’re a hero for finding Mrs. Bradshaw like you did, Sadie. That’s why he’s using you as the model for his new superhero, although she’s not quite right yet.”
Oh goodness. “That might be the nicest compliment I’ve ever received.”
“Maybe you need a cape, Sadie,” Jess said. “Dad could design it for y
ou. He designs outfits for Haley and me all the time. Right, Dad?”
“Yep. That’s me. Superhero outfit designer.”
It surprised her how much she loved hearing him called Dad. This man she was getting to know, the one who made her blood boil, was also gentle and kind with children. He was a wonderful father to his daughter.
“You’re smiling,” he said in a soft tone, his hand stroking the steering wheel.
It looked like he wanted to reach out and touch her like he did on one of their date nights. Usually he would hold her hand or run his hand down her arm while he was driving.
“I am,” she said, leaning back in her chair and taking in the blue sky and sunshine. “It’s a good day for the park.”
“I ordered it up,” Riley said.
“With his special weather powers,” Jess said. “Right, Dad?”
He was smiling too. “Yeah, Jess. We speak two main languages in our house, by the way. Disney and superhero.”
“I’ll get the hang of it,” Sadie murmured, turning in her seat to look at Jess. “So, what’s your favorite Disney movie of all time?”
“Old school or recent?” Jess fired back, her green eyes flashing with excitement.
There were different tiers? She could do this. Annabelle loved Disney too. “Both.”
“Old school is Cinderella,” Jess told her, “and recent is Tangled. Now you.”
The little girl was pointing at her with all the effusive energy of a seven-year-old. “Well, I like Sleeping Beauty…I’m not sure about a recent movie. Does Beauty and the Beast count?”
The little girl nodded. “Who’s your favorite Disney hero of all time?”
Oh, goodness, she’d hadn’t counted on a quiz. “The beast. Because he overcomes his selfishness by choosing love.”
“You’re a romantic,” Jess said. “Right, Dad?”
Riley was chuckling under his breath. “I already knew that. Okay, Jess, favorite Disney villain of all time?”
“That’s easy!” Jess said. “Rapunzel’s pretend mother in Tangled.”
“What?” Riley said, shifting in his seat. “I thought it was the witch in Snow White. When did you change your mind?”
She shrugged. “Haley and I have been discussing this, Dad. It’s Rapunzel’s pretend mother because nobody should ever lie about being someone’s real mother.”
Sadie caught the frown on Riley’s face. He was upset by this answer, and she wanted to reach for his hand to comfort him. She thought about asking Jess a question to change the subject, but this topic was deeply personal and not one she felt she had the right to delve into.
“But the witch in Snow White was her stepmother—”
“It’s totally different, Dad,” Jess told him. “She wasn’t pretending, and she didn’t steal any babies. Snow White’s dad married her. He was so stupid.”
Riley’s frown was thunderous. Sadie sneaked another peek back at Jess. The little girl wasn’t smiling anymore either. There was an undercurrent of battle in the car, and she wondered again about the story with Jess’ mom.
“You know I don’t like you to use the word stupid, Jess,” he said in a gentle voice, a voice that was still filled with love.
She’d heard Tammy and J.P. correct Rory and Annabelle in such a voice.
“But you’re right,” he said, gripping the steering wheel now. “Snow White’s dad made a bad choice when he married the queen.”
“He was taken in by her beauty,” Jess said. “Sometimes men are so stupid.”
“Jess! Who told you that?”
“One of the girls at school,” Jess fired back. “But she’s right. Only someone stupid gets taken in by a bad woman. Beauty isn’t a good enough reason.”
“Maybe she was nice to him,” Riley said. “Maybe…”
Sadie’s heart hurt when he stopped and took a deep breath.
“Dad you always said maybes don’t get the job done,” Jess replied.
He took another breath. “I know I do, but it’s not always black and white when people make bad choices, Jess.”
“Dad, you always tell me that good people don’t make excuses. They take responsibility.”
Sadie felt the urge to sink deeper in her seat, hoping to look less visible. This conversation wasn’t one she felt comfortable joining.
“You’re right, but sometimes good people make bad choices because they don’t have all the information. Like Star Lord in Guardians of the Galaxy 2. He didn’t know why his dad left him or that his dad wanted to use him for bad purposes.”
“Star Lord didn’t make the bad choice,” Jess replied in a voice ringing with certainty. “His dad was the bad guy.”
“I’m not saying this right,” Riley said. “Jess—”
“Dad, you just drove past the park.”
Sadie looked out the window, and sure enough, they were coming to the next cross street.
“Ah…I’m… Oh, forget it. I’m turning around.” He checked both sides before making a U-turn and driving them back to the park.
After he pulled into a parking space, he gripped the wheel for a moment before getting out of the car and walking around to help Jess out first. She had her door open before he could reach for it.
“Can I go swing?” Jess asked. “You’ll be able to see me. Then maybe you can push me.”
He ran his hand down her hair, and she pushed at it.
“Dad! Don’t touch my hair. I made it perfect.”
“Fine,” he said with the hint of testiness in his voice. “Go on and swing. Sadie and I will watch you, and in a little while, I’ll push you.”
“You’d better,” she said, sprinting off.
He sagged against the frame of the car. “I feel like I should apologize. That must have been awkward for you. Hell, it felt like sinking in quicksand for me.”
With Jess at a distance, she could reach out and rub his chest. “Hey, you’re okay. She’s a kid, and kids like to ask questions. I’ve heard my niece and nephew ask some humdingers, and my brother and his wife did the best they could like you did.”
“I want to beat my head against this car,” he said, “but that won’t change the past. Dammit!” He turned around. “Can you see her? I need a minute.”
“I can see her,” she said softly. “Take your time.”
“It’s like she’s putting the pieces of the past together subconsciously,” Riley said softly, “and she’s just a kid. I keep hoping it’s going to take her longer to figure things out.” He paused for a long minute, and finally said, “Sadie, I should probably tell you about her mother.”
“You don’t have to do it now,” she said, putting her hand on his back, her eyes on Jess kicking her feet and starting to swing.
“This isn’t how I thought today would go, but maybe a brief snapshot would be helpful after what you heard in the car,” he told her, turning back to face her. “Mandy, Jess’ mom, got pregnant while we were dating. She was on birth control, and I still don’t know what happened except Jess was supposed to be born somehow. She was like this special creature who came into existence out of sheer will or something. Like the Thing in Fantastic 4 or Magneto in X-Men. Please tell me you know X-Men. Never mind.”
He would use a superhero allusion, she thought.
“I didn’t realize it at the time, but somewhere down the line the partying Mandy and I were doing as stupid young twenty-somethings had taken a turn. Oh, shit this is hard. I don’t want you to think less of me.”
When he gripped the top of the car, she rubbed his back. “I won’t. I promise.”
He took a breath like he was gathering courage and then said, “We were deep into drinking and some recreational drugs. We told ourselves it helped our art. But Mandy got tripped up in it, and I didn’t…”
She didn’t know how to help him suddenly. “It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not,” he whispered, his head turned away. “I didn’t see it, so when she got pregnant with Jess, she ODed. I found her, and somehow th
ey managed to save both of them.”
“Oh, honey, I can’t imagine,” she whispered, her heart shattering in the face of so much hurt. “You must have been so scared.”
“Only problem was Mandy didn’t want to be saved,” he said, coughing briefly. “She told me since the ODing hadn’t worked, she wanted to have an abortion. Told me it was her choice since she would have to carry the baby to term. They don’t hire a lot of up and coming singers who are pregnant, turns out. She didn’t want to be saddled with a kid.”
Sadie wanted to run to Jess and wrap her arms around her. Someone hadn’t wanted this little girl?
“Her not wanting the baby,” he whispered, “and overdosing on purpose…I couldn’t believe it. I mean, she was our baby. I’d never thought much about kids, but once I heard about Jess, I couldn’t… She’s my…”
“Child,” Sadie said, watching as the little girl kicked her feet to swing higher. “I would have felt the same way even though I know people need to make their own choices.”
“Yeah, except the dad’s choices aren’t always factored in,” he said, “and Mandy wouldn’t listen to me. I finally came up with a plan. I told her I would pay her to have Jess, almost like a surrogate, the same amount she felt she would have made for the nine months of her pregnancy. I told her I would raise Jess alone. Ask nothing from her ever. My only conditions were that she couldn’t use during the pregnancy and she’d sign over custody once Jess was born.”
Relief washed over her. “You did right,” she said, hugging him.
“Mandy high-balled the amount she thought she could make, but I got a loan. Paid her. Got her signature on the agreement. As part of the deal, I insisted she have regular drug tests. I…I worried about what the effects on our baby would be. It was hard on her, but Mandy did it.”
He paused, looking down at the ground. “I’ll be honest…I thought she might change her mind when she saw Jess. That she’d at least want to hold her for a few hours. That maybe the old Mandy would come back. But no… She handed her over without any fucking human emotion and then asked the nurse for some painkillers.”
He swiped at his eyes, and she had to blink back her own tears.
“I still can’t understand how she could do that. I don’t think I ever will. I mean, I know chemical abuse messes people up, but she was so…bright and wonderful when I first met her. My love for her…kept me blind to what was going on, and that’s on me.”