by TJ Klune
“Mom.”
She grinned. “Yes?”
“You know what.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about. I was just asking Gavin about his cabin.”
Gavin glanced between us. Whatever else he was, he obviously wasn’t versed in innuendo yet. I dreaded the day he would be. But then he said, “Carter’s pretty big,” and I wondered if it was too late to send him back.
Mom coughed roughly as I looked toward the ceiling.
Gavin huffed out a breath, and it took me longer than I cared to admit to realize he was laughing at me. Again.
“I’m going back to bed,” I grumbled, but Mom pushed us both toward the dining room.
“Later,” she said. “You’re home, and we’re going to fawn over you and berate you, among other things. And you will take it because you don’t have any other choice.”
The others stopped talking as we appeared in the entryway. The table in the center of the room was new, bigger than the one we’d had before. I remembered the days when it’d been just us, just Dad and Mom, Kelly and Joe, me and Mark, and how it’d felt like enough. It wasn’t. I could see that now.
Ox stood at the head of the table, watching over his pack, a serene look on his face. Joe was next to him, and he looked more at ease, more relaxed than I ever remembered him being.
Kelly and Robbie sat on the far side of the table. Rico and Bambi were next to them, Joshua sleeping in his mother’s arms. Tanner and Chris turned around to look at us, and their eyes were orange, a pulse of packpackpack that felt wild and sharp. Jessie and Dominique sat seated next to them, and I heard Jessie whisper, “I used to have a little crush on Carter. Even when I was dating Ox. I had very weird taste.”
“Jesus Christ,” I muttered as both Gavin and Joe growled at her.
“I like to think you traded up,” Dominique told her. She pushed a lock of hair off Jessie’s shoulder. “Men are gross.”
Gordo and Mark appeared behind us, and I wished I never had to smell the stench I could smell on them again.
“Your shirt is buttoned up wrong,” Mom told Gordo, sounding amused.
Mark puffed out his chest as Gordo mumbled death threats at all of us.
“So gross,” Jessie agreed.
Mom pushed us toward two empty chairs before taking her own seat at the other end of the table from Ox. There was food piled high in dishes on the table, and I saw that she’d made all my favorites: meatloaf and mashed potatoes and thick, crusty bread wrapped in a dish towel. My mouth watered, and I had to stop myself from tearing into it. Ox had yet to sit, his hands on the back of his chair.
We all looked to him as the room fell silent, Gavin’s hand still holding tightly on to my own.
Ox nodded, taking in a deep breath and letting it out slow. He said, “We’re here. Together again. Finally.” He looked at each of us in turn, saving Gavin and me for last. “I never….” He shook his head. Joe touched the back of his hand. “Through it all, we’re still here. It’s all I ever wanted. Thank you. Carter. Gavin. Welcome home.” His gaze hardened slightly, and his voice deepened. “This is where you belong. Never forget that.” And then he smiled, and it was like he was sixteen years old again, a boy bigger than he had any right to be, quiet and kind. “Let’s eat. Anything else can wait until after. We have much to discuss.”
He sat down as Joe lifted his hand and kissed his fingers.
It was practiced, this meal. The food being passed around, the people smiling and laughing at each other. I felt out of sync with them, out of place. There was a history here I was a part of, but a year had passed since I’d last been with them all. They had grown as a pack without me, and I didn’t know quite how I fit in.
Dominique was pack. Bambi was pack. Even Joshua was pack. Rico was a wolf, and Mark hadn’t been an Omega for a long time. I was jittery, my leg bouncing up and down underneath the table. They were careful around me—around us—as they smiled and laughed. I took what I was offered, putting food on my plate and Gavin’s.
As Tanner reached across the table to hand me the basket of bread, his shirt pulled away from his neck, and I saw the bumpy ridge of a scar on his shoulder.
I gaped at him.
He frowned as everyone quieted.
“What?” he asked. “Is something wrong with the bread?”
“You have a mate?” I demanded.
“Oh.” He set the basket on the table. “Uh. Yes? Sort of.”
“Who is she? Why isn’t she here?” I didn’t know how I felt about that. It was honestly none of my goddamn business, but it was strange to know a person that I didn’t know who was so tied into the pack existed in the world.
“Oh boy,” Jessie said. “This is going to be hysterical.” She sat back in her chair, eyes alight. “Tanner, would you like to tell Carter who your sort-of mate is?”
He scratched the back of his neck. For reasons I couldn’t understand, Chris’s face was in his hands. “Yeah. Uh. So. It’s no big deal, so when I tell you, you can’t try and make it one.”
That didn’t sound good. “Why would I—”
Chris dropped his hands and sighed. “It’s me.” And then he pulled the collar of his own shirt from his neck. There, on his shoulder, was a matching bite.
“What?”
Jessie cackled as Dominique sighed.
Tanner shrugged. “It’s… platonic? Like, we’re not fucking or anything. But we trust each other. We love each other. And I wanted to have that connection with someone. It’s… being a wolf is great, you know? I probably would have ended up taking the bite at some point if Robbie hadn’t gone crazy and tried to kill me.”
“Too soon,” Robbie muttered.
Tanner snorted. “But ever since I was turned, there was always this little part of me that wanted something more. And being aromantic made that harder.” He glanced at Chris, his expression softening. “There’s no one I trust more. I know he’ll have my back no matter what. And I’ve got his. We’re in tune with each other. It made sense for us.”
“What the hell,” I said faintly. “You’re not… you’re straight!”
Chris rolled his eyes. “Yeah, speaking of. How’s that going for you these days?” He looked pointedly at Gavin.
I sputtered at him nonsensically.
Tanner squinted at me. “Did we break you?”
“He just needs to get acclimated again to how things are now,” Mom said.
“But what happens if you meet someone?” I asked. “Like, a woman or something.”
“Or something,” Chris said wryly. “If we do, we do. But just as long as they know we’re a package deal, then it doesn’t matter. It’s not that I’d put him first every time, but he’ll always be adjacent, no matter what I do.” And then, without artifice, he said, “I love him. And he loves me. That’s the only thing that matters. Who cares about all the rest?”
“But… sex. You have to have sex to get a mate mark.”
Tanner and Chris exchanged a look before turning back to me. “Nah,” Tanner said. “You really don’t. Just as long as the intent is there. Not everything needs to be about sex, Carter. Jeez. Get your head out of the gutter. We’re at the dinner table.”
Gavin laughed beside me.
I glared at him.
“Yeah,” Gordo told me. “I’m right there with you. I don’t know what the hell is going on any more than you do. When they told me what they wanted to do, the first thing I asked was if they were out of their minds.”
“You had sex with Mark and a magic raven tattoo appeared on his throat,” Chris said. “I don’t know that you have any room to talk.”
“Can you please keep your deviancy to yourself?” Rico snapped. “My child is present.”
“Oh please,” Bambi said. “He’s four months old. He doesn’t understand anything. Babies are dumb that way.”
Rico looked offended as he leaned down and kissed his son’s forehead. “Don’t you listen to the big, bad wolves. Or your mean mother. You’
re the smartest child who has ever lived. I promise.”
And it was then that Gavin decided he’d had enough conversation. He reached down and picked up a handful of mashed potatoes, then shoved them in his mouth. He chewed noisily, grunting as bits of potato stuck to his chin and nose. He swallowed, then picked up a slice of meatloaf and tore into it.
He must have felt us all staring at him, because he stopped chewing. “What?” he said through a mouthful of meat.
“Dude,” I told him. “You have a fork. And a spoon.”
He looked down at the cutlery next to his plate before turning back to me. “I don’t like them. Easier. Goes to the same place. My mouth. Don’t call me dude.”
“Use your fork.”
“No.”
“Gavin, I swear to god, if you—don’t do it. Don’t pick the mashed potatoes up again with your hand.”
He stared at me as he did it anyway. Making sure I was watching, he shoved the food into his mouth again.
I grimaced at the sight. I picked up his fork and put it into his other hand. He scowled at it, gripping it as if it were a weapon. He brought it to his face, sniffing the tines. His nose wrinkled and he tossed it down on the table.
“Gavin.”
“No.”
“Gavin.”
“Carter,” he said in the same exasperated tone.
“Use your fork.”
“Hands work,” he argued. “I had no forks. No spoons. I had a knife once. But it broke.” He frowned. “Or I lost it. I don’t know.”
“Would you just listen to me?”
“I always have to,” he retorted. “Never stop talking.”
I was outraged. “Oh, here we go. This again. Maybe if you—”
Gordo chuckled, rusty and soft. I looked over to see him with a hand full of mashed potatoes. Mark was staring at him in horror as he ate from his hand. “It’s not so bad,” he said. “Feels weird, though.”
“You’re not helping,” I said.
He shrugged. “Let him do what he wants. It’s not hurting anyone.”
“It’s hurting me.”
“Really?” Gavin asked, looking down at his plate.
“No,” Mom said. “Not really. Gavin, you do what you want. Carter’s always been a bit of a drama queen.”
I sighed as Gavin beamed at her.
And if half of the people at the table used their hands for the rest of the meal, well. They were wolves, I told myself. They didn’t know any better.
Apparently I didn’t either.
JOE SAID, “CASWELL IS SECURE. It’s safe, or at least as safe as it can be. I have people I trust there, people who work for the greater good. They understand the importance of pack. And while not everyone is happy about it, they’ve put their differences aside. Regardless of what else Michelle Hughes was or what she’d done, they trusted her, for the most part. She’d been their Alpha for years. They had no reason to believe she was in with Robert Livingstone.” He tapped his fingers on our father’s desk. “Some of them left. They didn’t want me as their Alpha. I didn’t stop them. They had a right to choose the life they wanted.”
We were in the office. Ox stood by the window, looking out into the trees, hands clasped behind him. Gordo sat near him, Mark on the armrest of the same chair, his hand on the back of Gordo’s head. Kelly stood near Joe, his eyes on me and Gavin, who had decided he wanted to hide behind me again. Mom was next to him, not speaking, just watching. The others were still in the house, listening, Tanner filling in Bambi and Jessie about what was being said. They’d wanted to give Gavin space.
I shook my head. “And you just let them go.”
“Yes,” Joe said. “I did. Because I never want to force anyone to be somewhere they don’t want to be. I made sure they found places with other packs, so at least they’ll have temporary bonds until they figure out what they want to do.” He rubbed a hand over his face. “I know how it sounds, Carter. But I’m not the kind of Alpha who asserts his will over everyone, their own feelings be damned. Dad taught me better than that.”
“It’s the name,” Mom said suddenly. It was the first time she’d spoken since we’d come into the office. “Bennett. Some see that as a good thing. Some don’t.”
“That’s putting it mildly,” Gordo said. “They’d rather take the chance of turning Omega than have Joe as their Alpha.”
By the way Joe sighed, it sounded like they’d had this conversation a few times before. “It’s big, being the Alpha of all. Bigger than I ever thought it would be. There’s only so much Dad could have prepared me for. It took me a long time, but I learned. At least I like to think I did. But then after everything that happened in Caswell, it was like I was starting all over again. I felt so small and big all at the same time. I wrestled with it. I could have stopped them from leaving. I could have forced them to stay. I didn’t.”
“And some already had their minds made up,” Mark said. “Regardless of what else happened, they saw Michelle as their Alpha, the man known as Ezra her witch.”
Kelly didn’t like that. “They should have known better. They saw what he did to Dale, even if they say they didn’t. He had some control over them, and they claim it’s all hazy, like they couldn’t wake up.”
I said, “You don’t believe them.”
He hesitated before shaking his head. “I think they allowed him to do what he wanted and used the excuse of what he did to Robbie as their own. At least the ones who left were honest about it.”
Gavin grabbed the back of my shirt. He didn’t speak. I leaned back slightly, pressing into his hand to let him know I felt him. “Gordo told me about the raven.”
Joe closed his eyes as he leaned back into his chair. “Yeah. That was… I don’t even know what that was.”
“We should have expected it,” Gordo said. “Thomas knew, but not the extent of it or what it meant. He was working off an assumption.” He tilted his head toward Gavin. “Seemed he had a few of those.”
“Did you know about Gavin?” I asked my mother. “Where he went? What Grandad did? That Dad knew where he was?”
“No,” Mom said quietly. “I didn’t. At least not that Thomas went to him. If I’d known, I would have…. I knew your father better than anyone here. Everything he did, he did for a reason, even if the meanings behind his actions are lost to us. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust us. I think it was more that he wanted to keep us safe.”
I felt anger rising from the pit of my stomach, a low thrum that I couldn’t stop. “Because that’s all that mattered to him. Pack. Always pack. He didn’t care who he hurt in the process. Gordo. Mark. Gavin.”
Joe’s eyes flashed open. His eyes were red. “He did the best he could.”
“Did he?” I asked. “Yeah, he was right about Gordo’s tattoos, but did that really mean he needed to leave him behind? And then he went to Gavin, knowing who he was and where he was, and told him about wolves. Witches. Magic. And for what? To tease him with a life he’d never have and just… leave him where he was?”
Gavin whined lowly behind me. It made me want to kill something. I hated that sound coming from him.
“He did what he thought was right,” Mom said quietly. “He made mistakes, some more egregious than others. But you have to remember that he wasn’t much older than Joe when he was made Alpha after Abel was murdered.”
“A circle,” Mark said, shaking his head. “We’re stuck. It’s all happened before, and it’ll all happen again.”
“Unless we break it,” Ox said, and we all looked to him. He still stared out the window, hands behind him.
“How?” I demanded. “Don’t get me wrong here. You came for me, and I couldn’t be more grateful. But we took away the one thing keeping Livingstone in place.”
“What would you have had us do?” Ox asked calmly, and I wanted to shake him, to get him to look at me and fucking deal with this. He was all about the Zen Alpha bullshit, but I needed his fire. I needed him to be as angry as I was. “Leave you where you
were? According to you, Livingstone was feeding off Gavin somehow. What if that had killed him?”
“I’m not—”
“You didn’t trust me enough to help you.”
I stopped cold. “That’s not…. Ox.”
He shook his head. “You decided to take matters into your own hands. You left us all because you thought it was the right thing to do. That if you could find Gavin on your own, the rest of us would be safe. Is that right?”
My mouth felt dry. He was still serene but there was more to it now, an undercurrent that pulled at me. I didn’t want it as much as I had only a moment before. He could be scary when he wanted to be. “That’s… yeah. I guess it is.”
“So, like your father, you made a choice. I thought at first it was a selfish one, that you were only thinking about yourself. But that didn’t last because that’s not who you are. I know you, Carter. I know you very well. You would lay down your life for anyone in this pack without question. Once I remembered that, I had to look elsewhere. Do you know what I found?”
I couldn’t speak. I felt ashamed that I could think so little of him, even if only for a moment.
“I found that you were as you always are. You carry the burden of your name as the oldest son to a king and queen.” He turned his head to look at me. His dark eyes held no hint of red or violet. “I had time to think about all of this. How we came to be here. All that we’ve lost.” He glanced at Gavin, still hiding behind me, before settling his gaze on me again. “I found that we fight because if we don’t, no one else will. Some of the people in Caswell may not like Joe. But they still look to us to save them. Is it fair? No. But how can we turn them away?” And then he said, “Gavin. I recognize you. It took me a long time after Caswell to figure out why, but then it hit me. You came to Green Creek once. You were part of the group of Omegas that took Jessie all those years ago.”
All the air was sucked from the room. Mark frowned as he sat forward in his chair. “You what?”
Ox turned around fully, arms across his chest. I stepped back into Gavin without thinking, like I was shielding him from Ox. “He didn’t—”
Ox held up his hand. “I’m not accusing him of anything. It’s a statement of fact. He was here.” Ox tilted his head at me. “And you know that too, don’t you?”