by TJ Klune
Rico ignored him. “I still gave my expert advice because that’s what I do. I’m a problem-solver. Babe. Tell them.”
“He tries,” Bambi said. “Unfortunately.”
“Exactly,” Rico said. “I do try. And it’s unfortunate when people don’t listen to me. It’s a good thing Gavin did. Well. For the most part. He tried to bite me once, but that was my fault for trying to put a belt on him, and I got a little too close to—”
“Are you almost done?” Chris asked. “It’s cold, and I want hot chocolate.”
“There’s plenty for you on the stove,” Mom said.
“Oh, man, I’m going to drink the shit out of—”
Rico whirled around. “Don’t. Move. I’m building anticipation, and you’re ruining it.”
“Hurry up, then!”
“Fine,” Rico muttered. He turned back to face us. He must have seen the look on my face, because he said, “I present to you, Gavin Walsh.” He smiled. “He picked the name himself.”
Walsh.
Like his mother.
Chris and Tanner stepped aside, throwing up jazz hands for reasons I didn’t want to guess at.
But it didn’t matter.
Because all I saw was him.
His hair was shorter. The sides had been shaved close to the scalp, and the top had been styled up, flopping over to the right. I didn’t know why I was stuck on the fact that I could see his ears, of all things, but that’s how it was.
He scowled, of course. It was his default expression. But I was learning that it didn’t only come from a place of anger or irritation. He did it when he was nervous too, like he was now.
He wore a thick cable-knit sweater, the sleeves too long, as they fell over his hands, the tips of his fingers poking out. I wasn’t surprised it was pink. He’d been so enamored with the DIVA shirt Dominique had given him. It made sense. For him, at least.
His jeans were new too, and slim-fitting. He was still too skinny, but in the short time we’d been back in Green Creek, my mother hadn’t stopped feeding him, and he’d lost the haunted, gaunt look he’d had when I found him.
He looked good.
Real good.
“Gross,” Kelly muttered.
I was up and moving even before I realized it. Gavin looked at me and then away, as if he thought I would rebuke him or judge him harshly.
I said, “You look… nice. I like your sweater.”
His scowl deepened. He lifted his arms, flexing his fingers. “It’s good. Too long. It’s floppy. I never had floppy before. Rico said floppy okay.”
“More than okay,” Rico said. “The best, even. Which is why we got six of them, all in different colors.”
I loved him for it. All of them. Rico and Tanner and Chris. They were roughnecks. Hicks. But they were soft in ways most people didn’t expect.
“Pants,” Gavin said, sounding annoyed. “Lots of pants. I said I only need one. Rico said everyone should have more. I asked him why. He told me to shut up and listen to him. I did.” He shrugged. “Stupid Rico.”
“I’m pretending that was a term of endearment. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to kiss my baby momma and my baby. Bambi, get ready for some sugar.”
Chris and Tanner followed him to the house. I could hear the others talking behind us, but it faded away when I looked at him. Behind him, in the bed of the truck, were a shit-ton of bags. It looked like they’d bought out an entire department store.
“I did okay,” Gavin said. His forehead was lined as his brow furrowed. “Didn’t flash my eyes or anything. Even if I wanted to.”
“That’s probably a good thing.”
“Yeah,” he said. Then he cocked his head. “What’s wrong?”
“What do you mean?”
He tapped my chest. “Thump, thump, thump. It’s louder. Faster.”
“I just…. I’m happy to see you.”
“You are?”
“Yeah.” I cleared my throat. “Very.”
“Oh,” he said. Then he spoke slowly, as if choosing his words with great deliberation. “I am happy to see you too, Carter. I was… I saw things. Stuff. That I wanted to show you. But you were here. I just forgot.”
“Like what? What did you want to show me?”
“Everything,” he said seriously, and when I laughed, he was startled into a smile. It was blinding. “That’s funny?”
I nodded. “It is. You are.” I took his hand in mine. He looked down between us before lifting his head again. “Floppy sweaters are good sweaters.”
He said, “Yeah. I’ll show you. Green. And purple. And blue. And red.” His eyes widened as I started toward the truck. He pulled me back, squeezing my hand. “No. No, Carter. Don’t. Stay back.”
I was confused. “What? Why?”
“I said so,” he snapped at me. “Always asking questions. Just do what I say.”
“Christmas presents,” Rico called from the porch. “We worked hard, didn’t we, Gavin?”
Gavin nodded furiously. “Can’t look.”
I was absurdly touched. “You didn’t have to get me a present.”
He snorted. “Who said I got anything for you? Greedy ass.”
I gaped at him.
Mom spoke up. “If you’re done fawning over him, I’d like to have a look.”
I should have been outraged at her even suggesting such a thing.
I wasn’t, because she spoke only truth.
Gavin went to her, and when she twirled her finger, he stretched out his arms and spun around slowly. When he was facing her again, she said, “You’re very handsome. Just like your brother.”
Gavin glanced up at Gordo, who nodded at him. “Damn right we are.”
Mark snorted and bumped his shoulder.
I stood there watching them. These people, my family. They told Gavin he looked good in his new clothes. They asked him to tell them what happened to the lady who cut his hair. They laughed when he snapped his teeth in the middle of his retelling. Every now and then he’d glance back at me, as if just to make sure I was still there. Every time he did, he would smile just a little bit before turning back around and continuing his stories.
He fit.
I could see that now.
He fit. Like he’d always been here.
And later, when the sky was beginning to darken, we stood alone on the porch. The stars were coming out, and the territory thrummed within me, stronger and louder than it’d been these past days.
Healing.
We were healing.
Slowly but surely.
Gavin said, “I had a good day.”
I looked over at him. He was staring off at the blue house, the lights on inside though no one was home. “Did you?”
He nodded. “Rico is good. Chris and Tanner too. They helped me.”
“Why did you ask them? I’m glad you did,” I added quickly. “Just… why?”
“Questions,” he mumbled.
“Pretty sure I’m never not going to ask questions.”
“I know. Annoying.” But he touched the back of my hand, as if to show me he didn’t mean it. “They’re….” He paused, mouth thinning.
I waited, knowing he was trying to put his thoughts in order.
Finally he said, “They’re like me. Kind of. Still new to being wolves. Still learning. And I’m new to being like this. Human. Still learning. Easier, though. It’s getting easier. They teach me. And I teach them.”
“Like pack,” I said quietly.
He started to nod but stopped himself. “Yeah. Sure. But I didn’t mean like that. Like friends. I never… had that. Friends. People who didn’t want anything. From me. Always used. Before I was a wolf. And after.” He swallowed thickly. “They wanted to help me. And they didn’t need me. To do something for them. It’s… different. New. I like it.” He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye. “Better, I think. Than it was before.”
“When you were a wolf?”
“Yeah.” He tapped the side of
his head. “I can hear them. Quiet. Livingstone still loud, but not like it was. And now I can tell them. What I’m thinking. Couldn’t do that when I was a wolf. I like being a wolf. Less complicated. But I think I like being human more.”
“I like it when you’re human too.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
He gnawed on his bottom lip. “I… like it too. When you’re human. Or when you’re wolf. Or when you’re anything. Thump, thump, thump.”
“Thump, thump, thump.”
“Stupid Carter.”
“Stupid Gavin.”
He laughed.
I was in awe of him.
for you/fill my lungs
“There’s more of them,” Aileen said. She sounded exhausted through the phone. “More wolves.”
Ox closed his eyes. “Tell me.”
“Santos is still there. But more wolves have joined him. Livingstone came to the border of the wards again. He was human. He didn’t speak. He just stood there. Watching us. But the wolves threw themselves at the barrier again and again and again. Their skin split. Their bones broke, and still they went on. For hours. When they stopped, they all stopped as one. They went back to him. They surrounded him. Bared their throats. He never looked at them. He only had eyes for us.”
“Omegas?” Joe asked, voice hard. He was sitting in his father’s chair in the office.
She hesitated. “Not all. Half, maybe. Ten in total. But….”
“But?” Ox asked.
“One of them. I saw him a few days ago. He was an Omega then. He isn’t anymore. He’s a Beta now. His eyes are orange.”
“Shit,” Gordo muttered. “You’ve got a problem.”
She laughed, but it was without humor. “We’ve got a problem, but yes, I see your point. It’s one of us. It has to be. A witch. Someone is opening the barriers. Letting them in.”
Ox opened his eyes. They swirled red and violet. “Who?”
“I don’t know,” she said. I could hear the frustration in her voice. “I’ve gone over the wards again and again. Whoever it is knows how to cover their tracks. I’ve got a few people in mind, but I don’t want to make unfounded accusations. We’re stretched thin enough as it is. I’d ask that you send wolves to relieve us, but we don’t know if he’d be able to exert any hold over them. Especially those that aren’t….” She trailed off.
“Those that aren’t happy with me as the Alpha,” Joe finished for her.
She sighed. “I mean no disrespect, Alpha Bennett, but I’m told there is unrest in some of the wolves in Caswell. You’ve been gone for weeks. I know you put wolves in charge in your stead that you trust, but it’s not the same as having their Alpha.”
Joe sat back in his chair. “One of the witches is opening the barrier to let wolves in.”
“Yes.”
“Why don’t they just let Livingstone and the others out?”
She was quiet. Then, “Twofold, I think. Livingstone is strong, but we have nearly forty witches here. And every now and then, more join our ranks. Carter, I’m told you know one of them. Joe, Kelly, Gordo, you too. She’s from Kentucky.”
I was surprised. The witch in the post office in Bedford had been blunt in the fact that she wanted nothing to do with wolves, not after all she’d been through. “Really?”
“She said she was tired of hiding. That if this spilled over, if we fell, there was nowhere anyone could run that they wouldn’t be affected. I knew her mother. She’s good people. And I think Livingstone knows that. He sees how united we are. We might not be able to take him down, but the wolves that have joined him? They’re vulnerable. Which brings me to my second point.” Her voice was flat. “He’s building an army. The more wolves that join him, the stronger he gets. An Alpha is nothing without a pack. We know he was… feeding off Gavin. There was a blood bond between them. When Gavin left, it weakened him. And he’s pulling these other wolves to him to make up for it. Packs with blood between them are strong. He doesn’t have that, not anymore.”
“But he’s making up for it in numbers,” Ox said grimly.
“Yes. And I hate to be the one to say this, but Gavin is… if Gavin came back, we wouldn’t even be having this discussion. Livingstone would have what he wants.”
I looked out the window. I could see Gavin laughing with Chris and Tanner and Rico as they worked on one of the trucks. Chris shoved Gavin in the shoulder, and he snapped his teeth playfully in response. I could hear Bambi and Jessie on the porch and Joshua’s little sounds as he nursed.
I said, “That’s not gonna happen.”
“But—”
I glared at the phone. “You would… what? Have him sacrifice himself? Give himself to his father? What the fuck is wrong with you?”
Mom put her hand over mine. “I don’t think that’s what she’s saying.”
I pulled away from her. “That’s exactly what she’s saying. And I’m telling you right now there’s no way in hell I’m going to agree to that.”
“It’s not up to you, though, is it?” Aileen said. “It would be his choice.”
“Oh, fuck you, Aileen—”
Ox flashed his eyes. “Carter.”
I shook my head furiously as I began to pace. “No. There has to be another way. I’m not going to send him back. And anyone that suggests otherwise better be willing to deal with the consequences, because I’ll rain fire down with everything I have.”
“It wouldn’t have to be permanent,” Aileen argued. “Just until we figure out what to do about Livingstone.”
I stopped, arms across my chest. “No. The moment we’re willing to sacrifice one person is the moment we’ve lost.”
“And it has nothing to do with the fact that he’s your mate?”
I went to the desk, leaning over the phone, my hands flat against the wood. “He’s pack. I’ll be damned if I’m going to let you use him like that.”
“And if Livingstone gets out?” Aileen asked. “If he hurts innocent people? What then? Would it be worth it to you? People who have nothing to do with this life. Would you tell yourself it was worth it as long as he’s alive? Because that’s what it could come down to. Are you prepared for that, Carter? Are any of you? Is he? I noticed he hasn’t said anything. Is he there? What does he think about all this?”
I faltered. “It’s… that’s not….”
Ox squeezed my shoulder, pulling me away from the phone. “I hear you. I promise.”
“Ox,” I said hoarsely. “You…. We can’t do this to him. It’s not fair.”
“I know.” He looked down at the phone. “I’ll come down there. Next week. I’ll bring Gordo.”
Gordo sighed. “I thought you were going to say that.” Mark didn’t look happy.
“What about me?” Robbie asked. “I could—”
Ox said, “No. We know how he feels about you. I’m not going to put you through that again. We don’t know if he’ll have any hold over you, even if his magic is gone. It might be worse now that he’s a wolf. We’re not going to take that chance.”
Kelly looked relieved, though he tried to hide it.
“I can help,” Robbie insisted. “I’m not some little cub—”
“You can come with me,” Joe said. “I’ll go back to Caswell. You can check in on Tony and Brodie. I’m sure they’d be happy to see you.”
Robbie looked like he was going to argue, but he sagged instead. “Yeah. Okay. That works.”
Ox nodded. “In the meantime, Aileen, do what you can to shore up the wards. And double up the patrols. I don’t want any witch alone. It’ll be harder that way for whoever has betrayed us.”
“Already on it,” Aileen said. “Patrice is coordinating it as we speak.”
“Good. We’ll be in touch. Let me know if anything else comes up.”
“Of course, Alpha Matheson. And happy holidays.”
Jesus Christ. The absurdity of it all.
“You too,” Ox said quietly. The phone beeped as the call disconn
ected.
I looked to my Alphas. “I’m not sending him back, so get that idea out of your heads right now.”
Mom said, “I think we got it, Carter.”
“Do you? Because I don’t know if all of you do.”
“I know that you’ve been through a lot,” Ox said. “And I can appreciate that. But if you’re going to make an accusation, you’d best have evidence to back it up.”
My reflex was to cower before him. I didn’t. I squared my shoulders. “How would you feel if it was Joe?” I glanced at Kelly. “Or Robbie? Or Gordo? Would you be so willing to let them throw away their lives?”
“No one is suggesting that,” Joe said. His mouth was in a thin line.
“Better not,” I said coldly. “Because if I hear it again, we’re going to have a problem. I get that there’s a greater good here. I do. But he’s a person, a flesh and blood person, and you don’t get to make that decision for him.”
“What about what he wants?” Gordo asked.
“Of course he would do it,” I snarled at him. My heart was pounding, a thin sheen of sweat on my forehead. I curled my hands into fists, the tips of my claws pricking my palms. “He would do anything for us”—for me, though the implication was clear—“even if that meant sacrificing himself. That’s not the point. Hasn’t he already been through enough?”
Gordo threw up his hands. “Haven’t we all?”
“He’s your brother.”
Gordo stood from his chair, knocking Mark away when he tried to stop him. He stood before me, his chest bumping mine. His tattoos shone. “I know that,” he growled at me. “And it kills me to even suggest such a thing. But we have to think, Carter. We have to use our heads.”
I shoved him away. “Fuck you. Fuck all of you if you think—”
“Enough.”
Ox’s Alpha voice rolled through us. My skin itched. My fangs poked through my gums. I could feel it coming from him. His anger, though it wasn’t directed at us. And the blue. He was so damn blue I could taste it.
“This isn’t getting us anywhere,” Ox said. “And I’ll be damned if I’m going to let us fall apart again. We need to be united. All of us. Gavin’s not going anywhere.”
“Damn right he’s not—”
“For now,” Ox said. He held up his hand as I started to sputter. “Carter, you’ve protected him for a long time, even when you didn’t know what he was to you. But you need to have faith. In us. In him. He’s not a child. He can speak for himself.”