When he set the last box down on the floor, he smiled. “That’s it. You should lock your car.”
Grace got her keys and leaned around him to point the clicker at her car. As she did so, she caught his scent for the first time…clean flannel, cold air, and…car grease? It was nice, somehow.
“Thank you for all your help, Sam.”
He shifted his posture and nodded. “Anytime. And maybe we could get together sometime and catch up.”
“Sure. Sometime. Maybe.” Grace stepped back into her apartment before she made a bigger fool of herself. “Goodnight.”
“Goodnight, friend.”
Chapter 2
Grace couldn’t get the sound of Sam calling her Gracie out of her mind. She’d never let anyone call her that but Sam. Just hearing it again tied her up in knots. Growling in frustration, Grace jerked the corner of her thin sheet around the corner of the queen-size bed.
The cheap, plastic cover she’d put over the mattress would lock away whatever nastiness might be on the mattress—as well as protecting it in case Bella wet the bed. They’d shared a bed since the divorce. Grace had wanted to comfort her little girl, but more than just that, she’d needed to have her close. With the sheets on, she put every blanket she owned on the bed and went to find Bella.
She found her jumping up and down on the couch right in the middle of the clothes pile. Her clothes were once again scattered everywhere, but she couldn’t be too mad. Not when Bella had such a huge grin on her face.
“Look at me, Mommy.”
“I see you, you stinker. Come on. Help me pick it all up.”
Bella wasn’t much help of course, but she picked up a few t-shirts before climbing up on top of the couch and swan diving down into the pile again. Grace chuckled when Bella almost disappeared in the pile. She pulled her back out and carried her to the bedroom.
“Let’s get you into your pajamas.”
As she unzipped Bella’s coat and took off her hat, Grace worried she’d be cold. But since Bella laughed and immediately broke free to bounce on the bed, she clearly didn’t need to worry too much.
While Grace dug fleece footie pajamas out of the bag for Bella, she relaxed a bit. This whole move was stressful for her, and the apartment was small and cheap and dingy—but things were going to be okay. Whatever her reservations about the place, it was a quiet, safe complex, and Bella clearly saw it all as a new adventure. Even now, she was jumping on the bed, watching herself in the mirrored closet door.
“Come here,” Grace said, going back over to the bed with the pajamas.
Bella of course thought it was a game and bounced away from her. Grace was ready for her, however, and caught her by the cuff of her jeans. Bella fell forward onto the bed and squealed with laughter as Grace pulled her to the edge. Who knew that dressing wiggling toddlers was a skill you could develop? But she certainly had. In no time, she had Bella’s clothes off. Then, rushing because the apartment was still so cool, she made her go potty and brush her teeth in the yellowed bathroom where rust stains ringed the faucets. Then, with only a short wrestling match, she got her in her pajamas and tucked into bed.
“Okay, baby, it’s time to sleep.”
“But cuddles!”
Grace smiled. “Just a minute. I’ll be right back.”
Reassured, Bella turned over on her pillow and clutched her stuffed elephant.
Grace went out into the living room to make sure all the safety locks were on and looked around at the mess of all her stuff piled in corners. She hoped it would feel more like home soon. Digging through her clothes, she found some warm pajama pants and a thermal t-shirt and changed right there in the living room. After brushing her own teeth, she turned out the light to the bathroom and main living area.
“I have my own place,” she said out loud. The thrill of the words filled her with satisfaction as she turned out the light in the bedroom.
Bella sat up. “This my place. That your place.” She pointed at Grace’s side of the bed.
Grace chuckled. “You’re such a tyrant.”
There was just enough light filtering through the blinds for Grace to see her. Her fine brown hair stuck up in all directions with static electricity. Her brown hair and eyes and olive complexion came from Derek, but her ski-jump nose and heart-shaped face came from Grace. But Bella’s beauty was only part of the reason she adored her little girl. Such a deep, unconditional love had taken her by surprise when Bella was born.
Pulling back the covers, Grace jumped on the bed, and Bella laughed. As she settled on her side and pulled the blankets up to her shoulders, Bella snuggled up to her, putting her arm around Grace’s waist and tucking her head in the crook of her arm.
“Mommy, sing.”
Bella’s sweet voice was insistent and plaintive. Grace knew she didn’t like the dark. Combing back the silky brunette hair from Bella’s face, she sang What Child is This? in a soft, gentle tone. It was her favorite Christmas song and seemed so perfect for a December lullaby. Even after she felt Bella relax and heard her breathing deepen and slow, Grace kept singing softly to herself. It filled up the strange, empty space around her.
But at last, she let the notes die away. She stared at the cheap blinds, tracing the edges where the slats were chipped and uneven. The glow from the security lights outside her window was too bright, but she had no way to deal with it tonight. She was too exhausted to get out of bed, and the air was too chilly.
Even if the room had been pitch-black, she wouldn’t have been able to sleep though.
Sam. He had moved to her street when they were in first grade, and they’d soon become inseparable. She even remembered calling him her boyfriend. Since there weren’t many other kids in their neighborhood, they’d continued to hang out, even during the awkward years when boys and girls usually shunned each other. Nothing changed that until their senior year when Derek had moved into town.
Bella turned restlessly, putting her back to the window and closing her eyes. But that was worse. Now she had nothing to focus on but the memories. Like the one where she’d ignored Sam in the hallway because she wanted Derek to think she was cool. All the countless times she’d seen the hurt and betrayal in Sam’s eyes until at last he started avoiding her. She’d been too caught up in her sudden popularity and stormy relationship with Derek to realize what she’d lost until it was too late. For the past several years, she hadn’t been able to think of Sam without a sick feeling in her gut and the sharp pain of remorse. And it was impossible not to think of him when nearly every childhood memory she had included him.
How was she going to survive living across from him, sharing the same parking lot and staircase? Clearly fate wanted to punish her for being such a horrible person.
Well, she could avoid him, surely. She had a lot to do the next few weeks with getting settled in the apartment and figuring out how to give Bella a good Christmas with almost no expendable income. And even though he’d been so nice tonight, Sam would in all likelihood try to avoid her too. She didn’t blame him at all.
Chapter 3
Grace played Christmas music the next morning to motivate her as she slogged through chores. She scrubbed the toilet to the tune of White Christmas, the whole time wishing she could just get the bowl white. She wiped out dresser drawers and cabinets until everything was at least disinfected, even if it still looked dingy and smelled like old particle board. In all her twenty-three years, she’d never done this much cleaning in one day. But Sunday was her only day off from her job at the bank, so she had to make this happen.
She felt a little guilty letting Bella watch movies all day, but it was just one of those things.
When Bella fell asleep on the couch after a cheap but filling lunch of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, Grace took the chance to slip outside and take a bag of trash out to the dumpster. Nervous about going outside and possibly running into Sam, she looked out the security peep hole for several long seconds. There was nothing else she could do but mak
e a dash for it though.
Closing the door softly behind her, she ran down the steps. Half-way down, she felt some resistance on the trash bag and looked back to see that it was caught on a branch from the over-grown hedges that grew on either side of the steps. That must have been what Sam tore the bag on last night.
When she saw the rip in the bag, thoughts of her garbage spilling all over the steps sent her into warp speed. She turned the bag on its side and ran for the dumpster before the thin plastic decided to shred completely. With a heave, she tossed it in the huge commercial dumpster while holding her breath against the stench, and walked back to the apartment with a satisfied smile that she’d avoided disaster.
But then she heard a door open followed by a whistle and scrabbling of little claws on the cement. Sam had come out of his apartment with a small dog on a leash. Thinking fast, Grace crouched down behind a big truck and prayed that Sam would go the opposite direction down the sidewalk. Miracle of miracles, he did. Maybe fate had finally decided to be kind to her. She hurried up the steps while watching Sam’s tall, broad-shouldered form turn the corner around the next building over. If he’d had those shoulders in high school, maybe she would have had the sense to crush on him instead of falling for a loser like Derek.
And who else did he have in that apartment besides his dog? A girlfriend? A wife maybe?
An hour later, Bella woke up in a bad mood. “I don’t want to play with my toys,” she said, kicking at her favorite doll.
Grace took one look at her scrunched eyebrows and pouty lips and knew it was time to focus on her daughter for the rest of the day. “Okay. I have an idea. Let’s go to the dollar store and pick out some Christmas decorations, and then go to Walmart and buy a few groceries.”
To Bella, the word go was all it took for her to run around looking for her shoes and coat. Grace helped her get them on and then pulled on her own jacket as she went to the door.
As Grace stood checking for any signs of Sam, Bella tugged on her hand. “Mommy? Why aren’t we going?”
“Uh, we are.” Grace pulled open the door and hurried Bella outside. She locked the door behind them and went down the stairs faster than she normally would have with Bella since her footing wasn’t always super steady on stairs yet. But clearly, moving quickly from her front door to the car was going to be vital in her plans to avoid Sam.
When they got to the dollar store, Bella had fun picking out some Christmas window clings and a wall hanging of Santa Claus hugging a puppy. Grace found some frosted snowflake ornaments that came in a twelve pack. She bought several of those and some red foil gift wrap string with stars on it that she thought would make a cool garland for the Christmas tree, if she could find one somehow. On their way to the register, Bella begged for some candy canes, so, figuring they’d be cheap decorations as well as a treat, Grace put two boxes in their cart. As they checked out, she groaned internally at the total. How did dollar items add up so quickly? And she still had to buy groceries.
Luckily her application to get WIC had come through, so at least she’d be able to get those things. She had a few other necessities on her list though, and her bank account was dwindling rapidly.
WIC was tricky. She had to get precisely what was on the voucher, so when she got to Walmart, it took her a long time to figure out exactly what she was supposed to get. Since she’d been living with her parents for the last year, she hadn’t had to apply for government assistance. She wished so badly that she could just roll up to the register and pay for all this milk and cereal and fruit without handing over the vouchers, but she just wasn’t there yet.
In the pharmacy section, she tossed a bottle of Suave shampoo in her cart and went to look for tampons. She was going to need them any day now, and as much as she hated the expense, it wasn’t like she could just go without them.
Of course, the toy section had to be right next to the pharmacy.
“I want to look at the toys!” Bella let go of the side of the shopping cart and skipped away to the first toy aisle.
“Oh no,” Grace groaned, making another lady nearby laugh. She was probably a mom too.
Bella ran up and down the aisles, picking up everything that caught her eye. She asked, “Can I have this? Please?” at least a dozen times. And every time, Grace felt something inside her break.
“Baby, I can’t buy you any toys tonight.”
Bella glared at her and put down the Barbie doll she’d just asked for. “But Daddy does.”
Grace clenched her teeth. Derek did buy her toys a lot when he had visitation. He’d never been interested in working, which was just one of the many reasons Grace had decided to divorce him. He was perfectly happy now, living with his parents and taking any money they shelled out to him. They even paid his court-ordered child support—which Grace used to pay for daycare. They were so wealthy it didn’t matter to them, but it meant that they spoiled Bella rotten when she visited them. “Well, then you can ask your daddy. Or ask Santa Claus.”
Bella brightened. “Oh yeah. Santa. When is Christmas, Mommy?”
Doing the math quickly in her head, Grace sighed. “Twelve days, baby.”
Not much time to figure out how to afford gifts for Bella. Not to mention a tree.
At the register, Grace sectioned her groceries into two stacks separated by divider sticks, the WIC items first and then everything else. She pulled out her vouchers and tried to check to make sure she’d gotten everything right when someone got in line behind her.
Sam.
“Well, hello there.”
How did she even answer him? And had he noticed her WIC vouchers? Did he even know what they were? If only he would go away.
“I’m probably going to be here a while,” she said. “You might want to find another register.”
He crossed his arms against his chest and grinned. “I’m fine. How else am I supposed to talk to you when you’re avoiding me?”
“I’m not avoiding you.”
“Then why were you hiding behind my truck when I took my dog for a walk?”
Grace felt her cheeks heat as she struggled to think of a plausible lie, but the checker spoke before she did.
“Ma’am, you have to get the sixteen-ounce box of Cheerios, not the twenty-four ounce box.”
“Um, well, I just won’t get it then.”
The cashier shook her head, looking frustrated. “The state requires you to get everything on the list, the exact item.”
“What?” Grace asked trying to focus on what she was saying.
“You’ll have to go switch the cereal for the sixteen-ounce box.”
Grace’s mortification was complete. There was no way Sam wouldn’t know what was going on now. “Oh, okay,” she said. “Well, can I just not get the cereal?”
“You have to get everything on the voucher.”
“Right.” Grace took the box of cereal and looked down at Bella, who was playing with all the little toys in the impulse buy section by the register.
“I’ll watch her for you,” Sam offered.
There he was, trying to help her again when she was super embarrassed. But she was also, once again, willing to take him up on it.
“Bella, you remember Sam, right?” Bella nodded. “Great. He’s going to watch you while I go get something. I’ll be right back.”
Grace walked backwards, half expecting Bella to come running after her, but apparently, she was more interested in the little plastic princesses on the bottom shelf than in where her mom was going.
Making a mad dash through the store, Grace made it back to the register in no time flat. But when she got back, she saw that the checker had rung up Sam’s things ahead of hers. He stood with Bella at the other end waiting for her with a few bags in his hand. She also noticed that Bella had a purple princess doll clutched in her little hand.
“Look, your mom is back,” Sam said. “Don’t forget to come knock on my door when you get home so you can meet my dog.”
“I won�
��t,” Bella said, bouncing excitedly on her toes.
Sam started to walk away, so Grace called after him. “Thank you.” How often was she going to have to say that to him?
Sam just smiled and waved as he walked away. It was only when he was gone that Grace realized that only her WIC stuff was still on the conveyor belt. Everything else was in her cart again, in bags.
She pointed to them and looked back to the checker who was checking things off her voucher. “Wait, don’t I need to pay for all of that before we do this?”
The checker didn’t even look up. “Oh, your friend already paid for it.”
Grace’s mouth fell open as she stared at the bags in the cart. She felt a surge of relief and gratitude at first, then sighed when she realized she couldn’t accept it. But then she realized that Sam had just bought her tampons, and decided that dying was the only possible course to take.
Chapter 4
Back at the apartment, Grace carried up the groceries and put them away while Bella begged to go meet Sam’s dog. Which was fine with her. She had business with him anyway.
Walking across the landing with Bella skipping by her side, she gripped the cash she’d gotten out of the bank on their way home. She hoped the total hadn’t been more than forty dollars, because that was all she had. It made her angry to have to do it this way, because she would have been able to put something back at the store if she’d gone over, and this way, it might be costing her more if she hadn’t spent that much.
When Sam opened the door after Bella’s soft knock, Grace watched as her daughter walked confidently inside and knelt down in front of the dog, a wiggling, excited ball of white fur that licked Bella’s face over and over.
“Okay, calm down, Fluffy,” Sam said. But his voice was too full of amusement to command any firmness.
Love, Snow and Mistletoe: Four Sweet Christmas Romance Novellas Page 13