by Marta Perry
He flung himself away from her. “It’s no good because you can’t leave. And I can’t stay.”
The words sliced into her heart like a knife. She shook her head in denial. “Why not? Why can’t you stay? Since you’ve come back, you’ve fit in here as if you’d never gone away.”
“I can’t. You know as well as I do that I can’t stay unless I’m prepared to be Amish again.”
“Why not? You are Amish. You’ve never been anything else in your heart.” Didn’t he see that?
“No.” The word was sharp. “I’d have to let everyone know what happened to me out there. I’d have to kneel in front of the whole of the Leit and confess what I’ve done.” His quick anger flared in his face. “I can’t. I won’t have everyone looking at me and pitying me or condemning me. I should never have come back.”
Sally pressed her hand against her chest as if she could keep her heart from breaking into pieces. He’d admitted that he loved her, but he wouldn’t humble himself to claim her. He was still the boy she’d known...the one with the quick temper and the stubborn pride that wouldn’t let him admit it when he’d done wrong.
He’d sacrifice their happiness for that pride, and she could do nothing, because only God could change his stubborn heart.
Chapter Eleven
Somehow Sally got through the next few days. At least she hadn’t seen Aaron again, and she supposed that made it easier. No, nothing could actually make it easier. Staying busy just dulled the pain a little.
She glanced around her classroom, checking to see that all of her scholars were occupied in the reading she’d set for them at the end of the school day. Most of the heads were down, although she caught the gazes of one clock-watcher and two daydreamers. A look set them back to their assignment.
She’d formed the habit of this quiet time at the end of the day so that she could look back over the day’s activities to see if any concerns had surfaced. In the midst of the busyness of all those children of different ages, something she ought to pay attention to slipped by. Now she could think it through and decide if action should be taken.
It was also a time when any student who was having a problem could come to her for extra help. No one had today, probably because they were excited about the auction coming up tomorrow. It was hard to focus on anything when they could hear the noises made by the parents who were setting up just outside the windows.
She rather wished someone had claimed her attention. Sitting here quietly it was only too easy to let her thoughts wander back a few days, to those moments when she’d stood in almost this spot and heard Aaron say that their love was impossible.
Restless, Sally rose and walked to the window, staring out and barely seeing the men who were putting up a canopy in case of rain for the auction. Aaron had said he loved her, and in the same breath, he’d claimed he couldn’t sacrifice his pride for that love. Her heart twisted at the thought. That wasn’t love.
Somehow she’d managed to cope, hiding her feelings and getting through the days as best she could. She’d even achieved a measure of peace by telling herself that God’s will for Aaron was surely that he stay here.
If so, God would work it out. She could pray for him, and she did, but Aaron had to be the one to open his heart to hear God’s will. No one else could do it for him.
A shuffle of feet behind her announced that someone thought it was dismissal time. She turned with a smile. “You may put your work in your desk now.” She held up her hand for quiet. “If your family is here and wants you to stay and help, of course that’s fine. If not, let’s get lined up for dismissal.”
They scurried to do as she asked. Those whose parents were outside assumed a self-satisfied look, but it didn’t really matter whether parents were here today or not—everyone would show up tomorrow to help with the auction. After all, it was their school that would benefit. People cared about that...the whole church community as well as the parents who had children in the school.
By the time she got outside, quite a few people had gathered, most of them already busy.
“Teacher Sally!” Leah, looking ready to pounce, seemed to have been waiting on the porch, her arms filled with linens. “Can we start setting up inside for displaying the quilts and such?”
“For sure.” Sally held the door. “Komm. We’ll have to move some desks and chairs around to display them.”
Leah hurried inside, waving several helpers to join her, and Sally followed them in. She’d best take a hand before someone decided to put her school supplies someplace where she’d never find them.
Staying busy setting up tables and pushing desks together was a good antidote to thinking about Aaron and wondering if he was among the outside helpers. They began spreading out handmade quilts and place mats.
“This baby quilt is wonderful.” She picked up one in shades of palest pinks, greens and yellows that formed a block pattern. “Jessie should have this.”
Leah smiled. “She does. That is, Rebecca and I gave her one just like it. Rebecca made them for the quilt shop, and Jessie raved over the pattern so much that we knew she’d love it for her little one.”
“Perfect. You know my sister will soon have an addition to her family. I might have to bid on this one.” Thinking of her sister, so far away, made her think of Mamm and Daad. And of how much she longed for their steady presence and reassuring love right now.
“Your parents are staying to help out, ain’t so?”
Of course Leah was well-informed on what the neighbors were doing. Secrets were hard to keep in the Amish community, and Sally clutched her own close to her heart. No one should know what she felt for Aaron, not now.
“Yah, they’re eager to fuss over the new little one.” She frowned slightly, remembering Daad’s last call. “They like helping to get the new Amish church district started out there, I think. It’s a big change from being here. You know they only have ten families?”
“I’ve heard that.” Leah spread out a quilt with careful hands. “Still, ten families is a fine start, especially when most of them are young marrieds who will start having kinder. They’ll need a school before they know it.”
“Teacher Sally?” The call came from outside. “Where do you want the food stands?”
Leah grinned. “They’ll put them where they always do, but you’d best go and direct them, so they can say they asked you.”
Sally obediently went outside, giving a cautious look around for Aaron. She’d be bound to see him again soon, but she’d really like enough warning to be sure her armor was in place.
Daniel and his onkel Zeb were present, with Becky and her little brother helping to string a line from tree to tree to mark off space for car parking. There would undoubtedly be some Englisch neighbors come to bid on things, and no one wanted the cars mixed in with the horses and buggies.
But the rest of the King family was absent, and she wasn’t sure whether she was relieved or saddened.
“Komm see what we’re doing, Teacher Sally!” Becky called and waved.
“In just a minute.” First she must meet with those setting up the various food stands.
Sure enough, each of them knew exactly where their stands went...in the same place they’d been the last time. But she solemnly agreed to each placement and expressed her gratitude for their cooperation.
Becky was still waving, so Sally made her way across the schoolyard.
“Very gut work,” she said, looking from Becky to Zeb, who was helping her tie off a streamer. “Looks like you’re planning on lots of folks with cars tomorrow.”
“Sure enough,” Zeb said. “It’s going to be a sunny day, and I’ve even heard the men at the feed mill talking about the sale. It’ll be a gut sale, that’s certain sure.”
“I hope you’re right. The roof repair took a bite out of the budget.”
Zeb’s leathery face split
in a grin. “So Caleb keeps reminding us. He’s bringing a wagonload of things later, and Jessie says she’s making an extra batch of whoopie pies.”
“That’s wonderful kind of her, but she shouldn’t be doing too much.” Not so soon after having a new baby, she thought.
“Ach, there’s no stopping her, but I made her promise to leave the icing. Becky and I will finish them when we get home.”
Becky nodded. “I love making whoopie pies.”
“And eating them,” Timothy said, making them all laugh.
No mention of Aaron, so apparently he wasn’t showing up to help, at least not today. She would not let herself feel disappointed.
Zeb nodded back toward the schoolhouse. “Looks as if your brother is looking for you.”
Sure enough, Ben came hurrying toward her. She went to meet him, praying nothing was wrong to put him in such a rush. But he was smiling when he came up to her.
“You missed a call from Daad. He forgot about it being the day before the sale, or he’d have known you’d be here late. He says he’s sorry not to talk to you, but he’ll call back tonight after supper.”
“That’s gut. There’s nothing wrong, is there?”
His grin reassured her. “He says Mamm thinks the boppli will be coming soon. He didn’t know why she thinks that, because he says the first one is usually late.”
“I’d guess Mamm knows more about it than he does. I think I’ll go with her opinion.” Happiness bubbled up at the thought of her little sister becoming a mammi. Impossible, that’s what it seemed. She focused on Ben. “Did you tell Elizabeth?”
He stared at her. “Yah, for sure. Why wouldn’t I? She’s happy about it.”
Was he trying to deny what was so obvious to her? Or did he really not see it? Sally bit her tongue to keep the words in. She’d promised Elizabeth she wouldn’t say anything, so she couldn’t. But the urge to give her brother a shaking had never been so strong.
Poor Elizabeth. Another baby in the family, and still none for her after six years. If Mammi were here...
Sally realized abruptly that it wasn’t only Elizabeth who needed to talk to Mammi right now, as close as she was to her mother-in-law. Sally needed it even more.
There was no one, no one at all, that she could talk to about her feelings for Aaron. The girls who had been so close during their teen years had moved on to marriage and children of their own. Much as she loved them, she couldn’t talk to them. And she certain sure couldn’t talk to Elizabeth about Aaron.
Mammi was the only person she might have confided in, and Mammi was far away and preoccupied with the coming baby. So she not only had to hold her secret to herself, she had to put on her usual upbeat face and never let anyone know.
* * *
Aaron arrived early at the schoolhouse the day of the auction with Daniel, since his brother had volunteered him to help get everything ready. Daniel nudged him as they pulled in.
“What’s wrong with you? Still sleepy? Wishing you’d waited to come later with the others?”
“I’m fine.” Aaron ground out the words, finding his brother’s teasing more annoying than usual today. “You go see who needs help. I’ll take care of the mare and the buggy.”
Nodding, Daniel hopped down. “Don’t put her next to that bad-tempered mare of Gus Albright’s. Those two hate each other.”
“Will do.” In his opinion, Daniel’s Queenie was the one with the bad temper, but it wouldn’t do to say that to his brother, since Daniel had raised her since she was a filly.
Relieved to have an excuse for not joining the people who were hustling around the schoolyard, he took his time about the task. He knew perfectly well what had caused his shortness with his brother. He’d avoided Sally all week, but he couldn’t possibly keep from seeing her today.
It hadn’t been easy, doing without her. He’d missed her teasing smile and the flash of her dimple, to say nothing of the bright curiosity in her blue eyes and the glow of warmth and concern in her face. But it was for the best that he stay away from her.
He’d said too much, revealing his inner thoughts and torments in a way he’d have said was impossible. And after that kiss that had rocked him right down to the ground, what was there to do? He had no choice—he had to either ask Sally to marry him or to pretend it hadn’t happened. And he couldn’t ask her to marry him.
So there wasn’t really a choice at all.
He couldn’t deny that she’d known him only too well, though. She’d compared Mr. Winfield’s quick temper to his own. She’d said he should give the man a second chance. She hadn’t pointed out that he himself had been given a second chance by the community. She’d trusted he’d see that for himself.
It made too much sense to ignore, and he’d begun to feel as if it was the Lord rapping at his thoughts, urging him to take action. So he’d written to Albert Winfield.
No pleading. Just a simple telling of everything that had happened. He hadn’t wanted to confess about his foolishness in trusting the wrong woman, but he’d told it all.
He hadn’t asked for his job back...didn’t even know if he wanted it. But he’d felt better when the letter was written and in the mail. Then it was too late to change his mind. Maybe Winfield would tear up the letter unread, but he’d done what he could.
When he rejoined his brother, he was immediately swept into helping set up the speaker system the auctioneer would be using. Isaiah Byler had been running auctions in Lost Creek, Pennsylvania, ever since Aaron could remember. His reddish beard had plenty of gray in it now, and his voice might be a little weaker, but he was still master of the rapid-fire patter folks expected from an auctioneer. Aaron suspected some people came just to be entertained by him.
It took some time to have everything set up in the way Isaiah wanted it, but Isaiah finally nodded in satisfaction.
“I’m picky, ain’t so? But we have to get it right, you know.” He gave Aaron a friendly clap on the shoulder. “I don’t have the volume I used to, so I need the help.”
“Daniel says you still have the stamina you used to, though. According to him, you won’t stop until every single thing finds a new home.”
“Got to raise the money for the school, ain’t so? Can’t have the kinder running out of books and such.” Isaiah glanced over Aaron’s shoulder. “There’s Teacher Sally coming now. That’s never that spooky gelding Simon Stoltzfus bought at the livestock auction, is it?”
“That’s Star, all right.” He schooled himself to bear the sight of Sally, weaving her buggy competently through the busy grounds.
“Aaron had the training of him,” Daniel put in. “Or retraining, I guess you’d say.”
Isaiah grinned. “For sure any horse Simon trained or even picked out would need that. Never saw an Amishman so lacking in horse sense. But I’d have said that animal never could be trained. Too skittish by nature.” He looked at Aaron with a tinge of respect in his face. “It’s gut to see you developed your promise as a horseman.”
“I worked with a harness racing outfit out west,” he said, as briefly as possible.
“You know, I’ve got a two-year-old filly that needs training. Pretty flighty, and I haven’t got the time or patience to work with her. Think you might be interested in taking her on?”
Aaron hesitated. He’d been on the verge of leaving for the past few days, but somehow he hadn’t been ready to do it. Besides, he’d given his word to Bishop Thomas that he’d live by the Ordnung for a month. He couldn’t back out now just because staying had become difficult. The reason for that had nothing to do with the Ordnung.
The lure of working with Isaiah’s horse called to him—the greater the challenge, the better. And a lot could happen in three weeks.
“I’ll give it a try, if you want. At least I can give you my opinion on her.”
“Gut. Stop over any morning this week, and we
’ll see what you think.” He looked around at the gathering crowd. “Looks like we’re about ready to start. See you soon, yah?”
Aaron nodded. Like he’d told himself, a lot could happen in three weeks.
He and Daniel wandered through the crowd, taking a look at the items on display. Daniel was on the lookout for any tools he might be interested in, and Caleb, once he showed up, would have an eye out for farming implements. He’d been muttering something about a harrow when they’d left this morning.
As for him...well, there was nothing he needed in his footloose life, was there? Still, he ought to support the sale. He’d take a look through the toys and books. Maybe there’d be something Becky or Timothy might like. Or something for the new baby.
If...when he left, he’d like it if they had something to remember him by.
He turned to point something out to Daniel and nearly bumped into Sally. She looked as startled as he felt.
But it only lasted an instant, and then she was back to her usual smiling self. “So, what are the two of you doing? Bidding on anything?”
“Still looking,” he said, trusting he sounded normal. “Hope it’s a great moneymaker for the school.”
“Bound to be,” Daniel said. “Look at the crowd. Nobody would dare leave without buying something. And it’s brought Aaron benefit already. He’s picked up work training another horse, thanks to you and Star.”
“Thanks to us?”
“Yah. Isaiah spotted you driving Star this morning and decided Aaron was just the man he needed.”
“That’s wonderful gut. I’m glad we brought you some business already.” It was said with a quick smile for Aaron. He was probably the only one who could tell that her smile wasn’t quite as usual.
“We’ll be sehr glad to get him out of the house again,” Daniel teased. “He’s been moping around bored as can be without seeing you and Star every day.”
The color came up in Sally’s cheeks, and Aaron felt like clouting his brother. He couldn’t have said anything worse if he’d planned it ahead of time.