by Marta Perry
“And did you?”
He gave a rueful smile. “It wasn’t the easiest thing I’ve ever written, but I did it. Then I wanted to snatch it back from the mailbox a half a dozen times, but I didn’t. I actually felt relieved when I saw the mail truck carry it down the road.”
She nodded, but her face, usually so expressive, didn’t give away her feelings. “Are you hoping he offers you your job back again?”
“No, not exactly. I don’t know that I’d want to go back. But after what you said... Well, I couldn’t just leave it.”
“I see.” Sally managed a slight smile, but there was something more in her eyes, something he didn’t quite understand. “I’m glad you were able to put your pride in your pocket when it came to making things right with Mr. Winfield.”
She turned and was gone, carrying her tray like a shield, before he could respond.
Once again he was left thinking, wondering and trying to puzzle out the meaning behind her words.
Chapter Thirteen
Sally should have gotten used to not seeing Aaron waiting for her at the paddock when she got home from school. He had finished his job and moved on. That was all anyone needed to know. Sally drove Star up to the hitching rail outside the barn, wishing she could convince herself.
No, she didn’t want that. She wouldn’t give up those moments of closeness. That was all she’d have.
When she’d walked away from Aaron the previous day after church, she’d told herself that was an end to it. She didn’t have to be hit with a two-by-four to know when something was over.
She slid down from the buggy and began to remove the harness from Star. Aaron had told her more than he realized when he’d said that he’d written to his former employer to defend himself. He’d been willing to humble himself for a man she’d never seen, but not for her. That said everything.
And she’d best take her time about unharnessing, or she’d be walking into the house with a face that would give her away to anyone as sharp as Elizabeth. She had to stop thinking about Aaron, or she’d have half the church feeling sorry for her while the other half considered that it served her right.
Well, maybe not the second part of it. There might be a few people who still blamed her for jilting Fred, but not many. Not when he was so obviously happily married. And the father of twins, no less.
But she still had no desire to let folks know how she felt. What happened would stay between her and Aaron, and it was obvious that Aaron had successfully put it behind him.
Sally hung the harness on its rack and proceeded to brush Star down. She hadn’t driven that far and the day was cool, so it wasn’t really necessary, but she found the smooth, even movements as soothing as Star did. Bending, she checked Star’s hooves. Daadi had taught her to drive, not entirely trusting Ben to do it, and he was always particular about how the horses were shod when they were used on the hard road surface.
Everything seemed to conspire to remind her of things she’d rather not think about. If Mammi and Daadi did decide to relocate out to Ohio, she’d have to find a tactful way of making a change in her living arrangements. It would be unheard of for a woman her age to live alone, but whether Ben and Elizabeth moved back to their own house or more liking stayed here, they’d expect her to live with them. Maybe they’d agree that she could have the grossdaadi haus, next to the farmhouse. At least that would give her a little more privacy. And Ben and Elizabeth might well feel they wanted privacy, as well.
When she walked back to the house, she gave a considering look at the grossdaadi haus, empty for several years now. She and Mamm always kept it clean and tidy for company, and it wouldn’t require any changes for her to move in. The living room and kitchen downstairs and two bedrooms and bath upstairs would be more than enough space for her.
With that to occupy her mind, Sally could push the memory of Aaron’s kiss far enough back to ignore it, at least. One day she’d get over him.
She went inside and found Elizabeth peeling potatoes for supper.
“Just let me wash up, and I’ll do those.” She lathered her hands and wrists thoroughly, not wanting to carry the scent of horse into their supper.
“Denke, Sally.” Elizabeth surrendered the peeler to her. “That would be a help.”
Sally darted a glance at her sister-in-law. Elizabeth sounded as if she were trying hard to be cheerful, but other than that, she could see no signs that Elizabeth was feeling depressed. If Mammi were here, she thought for the hundredth time, she’d know what to do about Elizabeth.
She hesitated, trying to think of a neutral topic of conversation, but Elizabeth saved her the trouble.
“The school auction was wonderful gut, ain’t so? I heard that was the most money we’ve raised at one auction in years.”
It seemed to Sally that Elizabeth was watching her, trying to measure her feelings. Maybe Elizabeth was checking her for signs of depression, just as she did with Elizabeth. The thought amused her for a moment, but she wondered what it might mean.
“Yah, that was a blessing for sure, especially with the cost of the new roof.”
“You’ll be able to get some new books. And I told Ben we should see about replacing those bookshelves that got wet when the roof leaked.”
Sally blinked. Elizabeth had expressed more interest in the school in the past few minutes than she had all year. It was almost as if she thought Sally needed cheering up, or...
Then she got it. Elizabeth always kept an eye on her when Aaron was around. She had probably been watching when Sally had stalked away from Aaron yesterday after church. So she hadn’t hidden her emotions as well as she’d thought.
“Star has been going fine for you since Aaron finished with her. He does a gut job with the horses, I guess.” Elizabeth must be concerned if she were willing to go to the extent of complimenting Aaron. Sally didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
“Yah, he has.” She took a breath, trying to sort out the confusion in her own mind. And then the words spilled out before she could censor them. “I’m glad Aaron had time to train Star before he goes away again.”
“Is he going away?”
“I think so.” She choked up suddenly, turning her face so that Elizabeth couldn’t see her expression.
Her sister-in-law came close, gently taking the peeler from her hand. “It will be all right.” She stroked Sally’s back, patting her the way Mammi would. “It will.”
A jumble of thoughts crowded her mind, and out of it one thing became clear. She accused Aaron of being prideful, but wasn’t she doing the same thing, loath to show Elizabeth her suffering? She was trying to hold on to her own pride instead of practicing the humility that was a cornerstone of Amish faith.
She turned into Elizabeth’s arms, feeling them soft around her, hearing the words of comfort that fell on her like a gentle murmur of peace. She could surrender her own self-will, but it was one thing no person could do for another. As long as Aaron clung to his pride, there could be no future for them.
Eventually she was cried out. She drew back, mopping her eyes, trying to smile. “I got you all wet.”
“Ach, that’s nothing.” She pressed a fresh tea towel into Sally’s hand. “Use that.”
With a shaky laugh, she complied. “I’m sorry. You tried to warn me, but I didn’t listen.”
“Ach, I should have saved my breath. No one in love wants to hear it.” She paused and then added, “Is there no chance he’ll stay?”
“Very little.” Sally sucked in a breath. Her eyes burned and her face felt hot, but the hard knot in her chest had dissolved. “I’ll be all right. I have plenty to keep me busy.”
She didn’t really believe that, but it might help Elizabeth to hear it.
“About that...” Elizabeth stopped, as if struggling with the words. “I have been thinking about that special doctor. I...I would be afraid to go
myself. But if you will go with me, I can do it.”
Sally nearly burst into tears again. Was Elizabeth trying to distract her? Or had she somehow, through her suffering, become what her sister-in-law needed just now? She didn’t really need to know why—just to accept that some good had come from suffering.
She wrapped her arms around Elizabeth, holding her tight. “I would love to. We’ll call the doctor and set it up.”
A few tears slipped out then, but it didn’t matter. Elizabeth was crying, too, but for both of them, they were tears of hope.
* * *
Aaron knelt beside the front porch steps, giving the railing a tentative wiggle. Sure enough, it was loose, and they couldn’t risk someone getting hurt.
As he opened the toolbox, he found he was glancing toward the mailbox. Here it was Thursday, and all week he’d been first to check the mail just in case he heard back from Albert Winfield. It was too soon, he knew that. And even if he heard the best possible response, he didn’t know that he’d be comfortable returning to his job. Still, he wanted to know.
Small wonder he wasn’t very good at being Amish. He seemed to be totally missing in the traditional Amish virtues like patience and humility.
He caught a glimpse of movement at the Stoltzfus farm from the corner of his eye and resolutely looked away. Seeing Sally would only remind him of how much he missed being around her. And made it doubly certain that staying away was the right choice.
If he couldn’t offer her marriage, it was much better not to see her at all. Unfortunately, he couldn’t block out the image that was in his mind. That clung, persistent, no matter what he did. It changed, though. Sometimes it was Sally laughing, but more often it was Sally with her eyes filled with love.
Enough. He focused on the porch railing. He’d need to reset one of the posts that had worked its way loose and then check each separate paling.
He’d been working for probably fifteen minutes when he realized he had an audience. Becky and Timothy had joined him, looking on silently. Seeing he’d noticed them, they smiled, Becky with that sweet tilt of her head and Timothy with the wide grin that seemed likely to split his face.
“We didn’t make any noise. Mammi said we shouldn’t bother you when you were working,” Becky explained.
“We didn’t bother you, did we, Onkel Aaron?” Timothy gave him a hopeful look.
“No bother at all,” he said. “I’m just fixing the porch railing. It wiggles, and we wouldn’t want Mammi to fall when she comes out.”
“Can we help?” Becky clasped her hands in front of her, and Timothy looked eagerly at the hammer.
“Suppose you hold this for me.” He tried to be tactful, but he didn’t think he was ready to turn Timothy loose with a hammer.
He positioned one of them at each end of the railing, safely out of range of the tools while he went on with his work. “Did you have a gut week at school, Becky?”
“The week isn’t over yet, Onkel Aaron.” Her face was serious, as if he might not know that. “We still have tomorrow, and that’s spelling test day.”
He grinned at her solemn correction. “Okay, other than the spelling test, was it gut?”
She nodded. “I got a star on my arithmetic paper. And I studied my spelling words, so I think I know them all.”
Timothy watched her, a little apprehensive. “You have a test every week?”
“Every week,” she intoned. Then she smiled. “It’s not hard. You just print the words after Teacher Sally says them.”
“You’ll do fine when you get to school,” Aaron assured Timothy.
“Yah. And Teacher Sally is the best teacher ever. Everybody says so,” Becky put in. Then she paused, staring at him. “Are you mad at Teacher Sally, Onkel Aaron?”
The smile he’d had vanished abruptly. “No, I’m not.” He should leave it there, but he couldn’t. “What would make you think that I’m mad at her?”
“She never comes around,” Timothy said.
So they’d noticed, and they had been talking about it.
“And you don’t go over there anymore.” Becky jerked her head toward the Stoltzfus farm.
Aaron did his best not to let his face betray him. He pounded in a nail and reached for another. “I went to the Stoltzfus place every day when I was training Star, you know that, yah? Now that he’s doing so well, he’s graduated. I don’t need to work with him anymore, and I’m working with a new horse.”
A quick glance told him they both understood, but still, they looked disappointed. What was going on in their little heads?
“Look.” He gave the railing a shake, showing them that it stood firm. “We fixed it, and you were gut helpers. Denke.”
Timothy grinned. “I’m going to tell Daadi that I helped.” He raced off at his usual run.
Becky squatted down and helped him put the tools away. She fingered a nail before dropping it in its compartment. “You know how to fix lots of things, don’t you?”
It was nice to have someone looking at him as if he had all the answers. “Not as much as Onkel Daniel, I guess. But this wasn’t a hard job.”
“It was important. You said so nobody would fall. That’s important.”
He puzzled over that, wondering again what was in her mind. “Yah, I guess it’s always important to keep people safe.”
“Then you can fix the railing at school. It’s wiggly just like this one was and somebody might get hurt. You can come tomorrow after school, and I’ll stay and help you.” She finished with a satisfied expression.
“I...I don’t know.” What he did know for sure was that he shouldn’t go and see Sally, especially not at the place where he’d kissed her. “Maybe we should ask Onkel Daniel to do it. Or your daadi. He’s on the school board.”
“No, you please, Onkel Aaron. You’ll let me help. They might say I’m too little. Please, please, please?”
She had the wheedling down pat. He knew perfectly well that Jessie would correct her if she heard it. He also knew that he wasn’t immune to that pleading look.
He hesitated, weakening for reasons he didn’t want to analyze. Finally he nodded. “All right. Tomorrow after class is over. I’ll be there, and we can walk home together afterward.”
Chapter Fourteen
The quiet time at the end of the school day on Friday seemed to drag even more than it usually did. For the sake of her scholars, Sally couldn’t show any sign of impatience, but she felt it. Silence gave her too much time to think.
This had felt like the longest week of her life. If she’d thought the pain in her heart would become easier to bear by now, she’d been wrong. She would heal, of course, given time. She’d be able to take joy in the routine moments of her life. But the hole in her heart where Aaron had been would never change.
The only bright spot of the week had been Elizabeth’s agreement to see the specialist. She still wasn’t quite sure what had done it. Did the suffering Sally had experienced convince her sister-in-law that she could understand? Did it form a shared bond? She didn’t know, but she was thankful. Now all she could do was pray that their appointment next week would bring good results for Elizabeth and Ben.
A glance at the schoolroom clock told her it was time at last, and a look at her scholars made her laugh. They’d been watching the clock even more closely than she had.
“Yah, it’s dismissal time. Put everything away please, and then you may get your jackets and line up by the door.”
She followed the rush to the coatroom, knowing her watchful eye would ensure that the older students helped the young ones instead of rushing past them. Once they were all lined up she opened the door, standing by it to receive the goodbyes from each one.
“Goodbye, Teacher Sally.” It was repeated by each scholar, and she was careful to give each one a warm smile. She’d never want a child to leave at the end of the sch
ool day without knowing that she treasured him or her, regardless of what had happened that day.
When the last one had passed her, she stepped out to the porch, as well...and nearly ran into Aaron.
For an instant her breath was gone, and she could only stare at him, unable to speak. After too long, she got control of herself.
“Aaron. Are you here to walk home with Becky?”
He nodded, his face carefully expressionless. “I am, but first I’m ordered to fix a loose porch railing.”
“Ordered? By whom? I was going to ask Ben to do it this weekend.”
Aaron shot a look at Becky. “It was Becky’s idea. She saw me doing the job at the farmhouse and thought I should make myself useful.”
Sally eyed Becky with a certain amount of suspicion and found her looking from her teacher to her uncle and back again. She’d have to put the best possible face on it, but she certainly hoped Aaron didn’t think she was behind it.
“Denke. It’s kind of you.”
Aaron squatted, checking the railing with deliberation. “Doesn’t look bad. Becky and I will have it ready to go in a couple of minutes, ain’t so, Becky?”
The child nodded. “Teacher Sally can help, too, can’t she?”
Aaron’s lips tightened slightly. “I don’t think...”
“I’ll just get my schoolwork ready to go,” she said, and vanished before he could complete the thought.
It only took a moment to prepare the work she’d intended to take home with her, but she lingered in the schoolroom, not wanting Aaron to think she was eager to watch him work. Only when the hammering ceased did she venture back out again.
“Finished already?” She kept her voice even and pleasant—the way she’d speak to any parent who’d stopped by to help.
“Just about.” He gave the railing a shake. “It shouldn’t give you any more problems. I’ll just clean up, and we’ll be on our way.”
“I’m on my way to harness Star. I’ll give you a ride back.” She could hardly fail to offer, no matter how dangerous it was to her heart to be with him.