by Kekla Magoon
“The woman in the shop said these were good,” he says. “A variety. I didn’t know what to say when she asked what medium, so…”
I nod. They are good. Everything an artist could want.
Almost everything.
“I don’t want you to give up your art,” he says. “I don’t want you to be afraid out in the world.”
You were right, he’s saying. Black men are in prison no matter what we do.
BRICK
I sit at the diner counter, noshing on some pie.
Jennica says, “So, if you know anyone looking for a roommate, tell her to come by, okay?”
“Yeah, I got you,” I say. “And if you ever need help with the rent, you let me know. I’ll spot you.”
She smiles. “The bank of Brick?”
I grin. “Interest free, for good friends like you.”
Jennica glances around the diner. It’s not crowded. She’s not shirking, to be chatting me up. She leans across the counter. “Are you sure?” she says.
“Am I sure?”
She’s close now. Her hands cover mine, then slide up my forearms to the elbow. “Are you sure that ‘friends’ is what you want to be? Just friends?”
Her mouth is inches from mine. My lips part of their own accord. I’ve dreamed of this moment. Literal actual dreams in the night. Where I woke up and thought we were together, and had to remind myself in the mirror, She’s not yours. Not yet.
“Brick?” Jennica says. “You want me, don’t you? You want more?”
We’re both surprised when I lean back. “Um.”
“Oh.” She’s startled. Her eyes go wide.
“I—” I can’t believe I’m about to say this. “Jennica, I think I’m with someone.”
“Oh.” Jennica pulls her hands back. “Never mind. I was just messing around. I didn’t mean anything by it.”
It’s an obvious lie, but let’s go with it. “Sure,” I say. “I know.”
“It’s Melody, right?”
“Yeah, how’d you know that?”
She shrugs. “I know you. And I know her.”
Now I really wish what just happened hadn’t happened, because I really want to talk to her about it. “It’s weird,” I tell her. “I’m not that kinda guy.”
Jennica cocks her head. “What kind is that?”
I laugh. “Loyal. ‘I’m with someone’? Did you ever think you’d hear me say that?”
Jennica pulls a towel from under the counter. “You’ve been loyal to me,” she says. “I’m the one who screwed up.”
“Nah.”
She shakes her head. “I’m never gonna—” Her eyes well up with tears. “Everything is falling apart.”
Oh, no. Shit. I don’t know how to make it better. “Listen, we’re gonna be friends, right? You and me forever.”
“Besties,” Jennica says, with a smile. She blinks hard, wipes her cheeks, and reaches for my empty plate.
“I gotta go,” I tell her. “Got an errand.” I toss some cash on the counter for her. Even more than usual. I’ll be back, of course I will. But it might be a minute. And even when I am, it won’t be the same. I know it won’t. We both know.
* * *
I step to the sidewalk, and hurry on my way. It’s pickup time. I’ve agreed to walk the girls to and from school while Melody is recovering. It’s a good thing to do. I need to spend more time with Sheila anyway. I’ve been focused elsewhere, but losing Shae makes everything different. Guys in my line of work don’t tend to live to old age. If I’m lucky, I got five, maybe ten years left, before there’s a bullet with my name on it.
Can’t spend it waiting. Waiting to get arrested. Waiting to do what’s right. Waiting for a woman. Waiting to die.
Melody gave me this book by Huey P. Newton. It’s called Revolutionary Suicide. I been reading it. Turns out, it’s got nothing to do with killing yourself. It’s about how we’re all dying. Every minute. It’s all about deciding how you want to go down. Or, what you’re gonna go down fighting for.
Huey says guys like me can be more than the labels the world puts on us. I get to decide who I am. I’m the leader of the 8-5 Kings. That makes this my neighborhood. I can do my part to make sure people can walk the streets safe. Not shoot-’em-up style, going toe to toe with the cops, like I thought. Nothing doing. I’m gonna start me an organization.
I’m not the type to take my fortune and retire to an island. Nah, I’m going out in a blaze of glory, and I’m gonna enjoy the ride.
The sun is shining. I got a good coat. I got money. I got a good woman. I got a little girl waiting who loves me.
TINA
Sometimes
when I first wake up
I forget for a minute
that Shae is gone.
I plan out what I will say to her
when we meet
on the corner of the street.
The thing I say will be funny
and Shae will laugh and laugh.
Sometimes
when the light is right
and the world is quiet
I can squint my eyes
turn off my mind
pretend I hear Tariq’s voice.
Tina, he says,
Whatchu squinting for?
When I open them
he’s gone.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I remain deeply grateful to my family and the many friends who support, uplift, comfort and inspire me as I work. Special thanks to Will Alexander and his entire family for keeping me company and making sure I ate meals when the deadlines were looming. Also thanks to Kobi Libii, Nicole Valentine, Emily Kokie, Cynthia Leitich Smith, Nova Ren Suma, Tirzah Price, Alice Dodge, and Kerry Land for their support, as well as all of my colleagues at Vermont College of Fine Arts. Thanks to my agent, Ginger Knowlton, and her team at Curtis Brown, Ltd., for their work in bringing my writing to the world. Thanks to Noa Wheeler for sparking the idea for How It Went Down and helping bring that book to life with sufficient success to support this companion book! Finally, to Kate Farrell, my editor on this book, for leaping into the existing world of these characters and patiently guiding me through the creative process.
For all the teachers, librarians, parents, and others who share this book with teens, I’m grateful for the efforts you make to bring awareness to acts of bias and violence occurring in our midst. I hope the book sparks conversation, reflection, and a desire to work for equality and justice for all.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Kekla Magoon is the author of several books for young adults, including 37 Things I Love, the Coretta Scott King Honor/John Steptoe Award-winning The Rock and the River, and the Coretta Scott King Honor book How It Went Down. She has also contributed to the anthology Dear Heartbreak: YA Authors on the Dark Side of Love. She lives in Vermont. Visit her online at keklamagoon.com, or sign up for email updates here.
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CONTENTS
Title Page
Copyright Notice
Dedication
The Incident
Day One: The Incident
Night One: The Fallout
Day Two: The Aftermath
Day Four: The Funeral
Day Five: And the Days That Follow
Day Sixteen: Torches and Terror
The Morning After
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Copyright
Copyright © 2019 by Kekla Magoon
Henry Holt and Company, LLC
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First hardcover edition 2019
eBook edition 2019
eISBN 9781250128904