by Sandy Lowe
Alexandra followed her into the room and watched as she walked into the corner and pointed. “It’s over here. I’m going to change and I’ll meet you in the cabin.”
Beatrix tried to slide past Alexandra, who had stepped back to give her some room, and lost her balance, steadying herself against Alexandra. Alexandra looked everywhere but at Beatrix, who cleared her throat and disentangled herself.
“Sorry,” she mumbled, pulling the door closed behind her.
Alexandra leaned against the bed and put her hand over her racing heart, imagining Beatrix’s closeness all over again. A noise in the kitchen made her jump, and she remembered she was supposed to change.
She’d packed one long-sleeved dress in her carry-on. Unfortunately, she’d asked her mom to bring most of her summer wardrobe from home, so it was this or pajamas. She put on the dress and a pair of comfortable flats and looked at herself in her phone’s camera. Not bad. She finger-combed her dark, wavy hair, put it up, then took it back down. She had a feeling Beatrix would like it better that way.
She found her in the kitchen, preparing two cups of coffee. “Here, you’re going to need this. We’ve got a long night ahead of us.”
Alexandra took the warm mug and sipped. Very strong, but not unpleasant. She looked up and saw Beatrix gauging her reaction. “It’s good,” she said. “I like it.”
They walked a short distance to a restaurant that was far too fancy for Alexandra. She hesitated at the door, noticing the crisp white linens and tiny portions of food. Beatrix noticed her discomfort and squeezed her hand. “My treat,” she whispered in Alexandra’s ear, sending shivers through her body. She’d figured out it was no use protesting Beatrix’s ideas.
After a light supper filled with salads and small portions of meat, they stepped onto the brick street. The sun was almost gone, and Beatrix took her hand, entwining their fingers and sending Alexandra’s head spinning.
“Now for the really cool part of the evening. This way,” she said, leading Alexandra down a narrow road lined with beautiful old row houses. She felt strangely safe in this dark, unknown place, holding on to Beatrix.
They walked for what seemed like miles until they arrived at a large concrete warehouse. Beatrix held the door while Alexandra stepped inside. There were chairs laid out in a semicircle around a small stage in the middle of the room. About a quarter of the seats were occupied, and Beatrix took her around the side.
“We can sit here. It’s usually packed.”
“What are we seeing?” Alexandra asked, sliding onto a chair at the end of a row.
“You’ll see,” Beatrix said, winking. Alexandra’s throat went dry. She watched as Beatrix reached into her bag, pulling out a pair of black shoes. As she set them down, they made a distinct metallic sound.
In no time, the room was buzzing with people in dance clothes, and the walls echoed with the clicking and clacking of tap shoes.
A middle-aged man made his way to the center of the stage and clapped his hands. He said something in Dutch, and Alexandra turned to Beatrix for help.
“He said, ‘welcome to this month’s tap jam,’” she said in a low voice, her lips grazing the lobe of Alexandra’s ear. She didn’t even pretend to listen to the rest of Beatrix’s translations, and instead shut her eyes and let the sound of her voice move through her. Her lips parted as Beatrix kissed her cheek. It took her a moment to realize that she’d stopped talking and her face was no longer near hers. She opened her eyes and watched Beatrix put on the tap shoes.
A group of dancers was already on the stage warming up. There wasn’t any discernible rhythm, but it sounded neat in the open space. Beatrix gestured that she was going to join them, and Alexandra nodded. Before she left, Beatrix took Alexandra’s hand and kissed her palm, leaving her breathless and alone.
Alexandra watched Beatrix and the others as they moved in and out of the half circle they’d formed, doing things with their feet that sent her heart soaring. She’d never considered dancing could be anything but boring and classical. This was jagged and spontaneous, and she loved every second.
After a little while, she watched Beatrix head back over to her with another young woman. The way they laughed together made Alexandra jealous, though she had no reason to be.
“Hey,” Beatrix said, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek, “this is my friend Emma. She’s going to let you borrow her shoes for a little while.”
Alexandra flushed with embarrassment. “I have no idea how to do that,” she stammered.
“Don’t worry, I will show you,” Beatrix said confidently.
They made their way to the stage, the shoes clicking with every step. She had to walk carefully to avoid slipping on the concrete. To her chagrin, Beatrix pulled her into the center of the stage as soon as they got there.
“I don’t want you to chicken out,” she said, which was valid, since Alexandra would have done anything not to be the center of attention in a pair of tap shoes. Beatrix said something in Dutch to the group, and they clapped. “I was telling them you’re new at this, so they should give you a big welcome.”
“Great,” Alexandra murmured. Beatrix did a simple step and gestured for Alexandra to mimic her. Surprisingly, it wasn’t as difficult as it looked. She tried it on the other foot, and the group gave a loud cheer.
“Keep going,” Beatrix said to her. She tapped the simple rhythm over and over as Beatrix began to improvise around her. Alexandra was exhilarated. For the first time in her life, she felt like part of something beautiful, something bigger than all the moments of her life put together. She forgot about the cruise and her family, who were surely worried about her. She forgot that she was in Amsterdam in a huge warehouse with a bunch of people she didn’t know. She looked into Beatrix’s eyes as they danced together, and she saw pure, raw energy that excited her to the core.
When the song finally ended, Beatrix pulled her off the stage to whooping and whistling. She’d done it, and she knew there was nothing she couldn’t do in this moment.
Someone else took the stage in the background, and Beatrix took Alexandra’s hands. “That was amazing,” she said, her eyes searching Alexandra’s.
She nodded almost imperceptibly and Beatrix leaned in to kiss her. The taste of sweat, mixed with the sweetness of Beatrix’s lips, lingered on her tongue. They broke apart too soon, and Alexandra frowned.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that,” Beatrix said, playing with a strand of her own hair.
“Why not?” Alexandra was confused. Was she misreading the situation?
“Well, since you’re staying with me, I don’t want you to feel like you owe me anything. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
Alexandra wasn’t thinking straight, and for once, she wasn’t censoring her thoughts. “You know what makes me uncomfortable?” She asked. Beatrix shook her head. “You being all the way over there when we’d have way more fun if you just kissed me again.”
Beatrix’s mouth fell open and her eyes darkened. “Thank God, because if I had to try to sleep tonight with you in the other room, I might have gone crazy.”
Alexandra grabbed Beatrix’s shirt and pulled her in, their lips dancing together in a frantic jumble of desire.
“Can we please go back to your boat?” Alexandra asked. “And yes, this is the only time I’d beg to get on a boat.”
“Oh, I’d love to see you beg.” Beatrix’s hands were on her hips, pulling her closer.
“Maybe later,” Alexandra said, then traced Beatrix’s collarbone with her tongue.
“Oh fuck,” she whispered.
“Yeah, that’s what I want to do.” Alexandra took her eyes from Beatrix and hastily gathered their things. She took her shoes off and instructed Beatrix to return them. When she got back, they made a fast exit.
The walk back to the boat seemed even longer with Alexandra’s need for Beatrix’s hands on her and in her. Finally, she couldn’t stand it anymore. She pulled Beatrix down an alleyway and pushe
d her against the brick wall. She leaned into Beatrix’s mouth and felt her hands sliding up her thighs and over her underwear. They both moaned as she undid Beatrix’s belt and slid her hand down her pants.
“I wanted you the second you sat down on that plane,” Beatrix said in a frantic whisper.
She said something in Dutch as Alexandra slid her fingers past Beatrix’s wet underwear and into her folds. She had no idea what she was doing, but she’d done it on herself enough times to make some good guesses. From Beatrix’s moaning, it seemed like she was on the right track.
Beatrix’s hand slipped inside her underwear, and Alexandra felt like she might faint. She anchored her arm around Beatrix’s neck and kissed her harder. After what seemed like far too short a time, Alexandra felt her insides clenching, and she threw her head back.
“Oh my God. Oh my God. Holy shit.” She moaned, almost hoping someone was passing by on the street to witness the moment she finally let go. “Oh my God.” She kissed Beatrix again, moving her hand against her until she cried out. They stood there for a moment after, holding each other. Beatrix started laughing first.
“I can’t believe we just did that in public,” she said in a fit of giggles. Alexandra joined in, too, and soon she was laughing so hard she was crying.
“We should probably finish the walk. I’m sure I look like a huge mess right now.”
“You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” Beatrix said, turning serious. “Come on. I want to show you how much you turn me on.”
They didn’t rush back to the boat, stopping instead to look in some shop windows and kiss in a park. Now that her immediate needs had been met, she felt like they had all the time in the world. When they got back to the boat, Alexandra didn’t hesitate to jump onto the deck, not with Beatrix’s hand reaching out for her. She knew what that hand could do, and she imagined it against her again, moving slowly this time.
Beatrix led her to the bedroom, which was lined with tapestries and lit with soft lamplight. Alexandra lay against the soft sheets that smelled like Beatrix and inhaled deeply. The light cast colorful shadows around the room that danced across Alexandra’s reclining body. She pretended she was in some kind of exotic harem as she watched Beatrix slowly take her shirt off, revealing a black bra. Alexandra wanted to sit up and touch her bare skin, but she was paralyzed, melting as the beauty unfolded before her eyes. Beatrix was on top of her in an instant, kissing and nibbling her lip.
“How is this my life right now?” Alexandra asked.
“I’m asking myself the same question,” Beatrix answered breathlessly as she helped Alexandra out of her dress.
By the time the light was breaking, Alexandra was sure she’d never again have that many orgasms in one night. She was sticky and sweaty, and her hair was probably in irreversible tangles, but she didn’t care. Beatrix sighed against her chest, and she wrapped her arms around her more tightly. She was terrified to acknowledge the new day. It meant that she’d have to make solid plans to get to Denmark, and she didn’t want to leave this little houseboat, with a terrifying fierceness that constricted her throat.
She tried her best to pull herself together, but silent tears began to roll down her cheeks. Beatrix noticed a few moments later and changed positions so that she held Alexandra against her.
“Are you upset about traveling?” she asked.
Alexandra shook her head as her naked body convulsed with sobs. She couldn’t answer even if she’d been able to figure out exactly what she was upset about.
“Okay, let it out,” said Beatrix, stroking her hair.
Finally, she calmed down enough to take a deep breath. After another, her throat was no longer on fire. “I don’t want to go,” she said as fresh tears fell. “I hate who I am without you.”
“Oh, Alexandra,” Beatrix soothed. “You were always this person.”
“I don’t want to lose you.”
“Let’s just make the most of today, and then figure it out from there, okay?” Beatrix kissed her forehead, then her nose, and finally lingered on her lips. Her stomach fluttered again, and she felt better. She never wanted Beatrix to stop kissing her.
“I have an idea,” Beatrix said over breakfast. She wore a bathrobe and a towel around her hair, and chewed on a piece of toast for a long time as she mulled it over. “Let’s go on a road trip.”
“You don’t have a car, do you?”
She shook her head. “I guess I mean a train trip. Let’s take the train to Denmark. We’ll stop in Hamburg, and any other city you want to see on the way. We’ll get you to the cruise port before they leave.”
The hope in Beatrix’s eyes eclipsed Alexandra’s sadness at having to leave the little houseboat. “I’d love that,” she said shyly. “I’m sorry about before. I can come across as too intense sometimes.”
Beatrix slid her chair next to Alexandra’s and took her hand. “I like how intense you are. Now let’s get our things together and get to the train station.”
“Are you always this spontaneous?” Alexandra asked later, as they sat aboard a train meandering through the German countryside.
“Not always,” she said. “I’m just doing this because I want to be with you until the last possible minute.”
“How am I supposed to be okay with never seeing you again if you say things like that?” She drew Beatrix in and gave her a searing kiss. In a few hours, she’d have nobody to kiss. She’d have to interact with her family, who wouldn’t be pleased to know what she just did, and she’d have to pretend that her entire world hadn’t been blown apart. She’d be trapped on a boat in the middle of the sea and Beatrix would be trapped on a spit of land hundreds of miles away. She felt her mood plummet, and Beatrix pulled her into a hug. It was comforting that Beatrix could read her so well.
They got off at Hamburg for a few hours to have some proper food and look at a few shops. Beatrix left Alexandra at a bar while she ran some kind of top secret errand.
“What did you have to do?” she asked when she returned.
“You’ll see,” Beatrix said with a wink.
They took an overnight train to Copenhagen and emerged from the terminal at daybreak. The sun rose over the grand buildings, casting the streets in a haze of possibility. Alexandra had slept a little on the train, but it hadn’t made a dent in her exhaustion. Beatrix somehow seemed to pull her energy from thin air.
“What time does the boat get in?” Beatrix asked as they walked along the deserted streets. “It’s only six in the morning. We could get a room for a few hours. You look tired.”
Alexandra pulled the jacket she’d bought in Hamburg around her. “You think I want to sleep if I’m in a room alone with you?”
Beatrix grinned and kissed her cheek. “I was trying to be chivalrous. We can do whatever we want in there.”
“There’s a hotel across the street,” Alexandra said. “It looks fancy. I don’t know if we can afford it.”
Beatrix took her hand and pulled her toward the large white building. Each window had a small iron flower bed with purple petunias that drooped over the edge. Inside, a glass chandelier illuminated the worn marble floor. They walked up to the front desk.
“Do you have any rooms for the day?” Beatrix asked an older man with thick spectacles.
“I’m sorry, we don’t rent rooms by the day. We rent them by the night,” he said.
“Look, if you have anything open, we’ll pay you half price for it and you can still rent it out tonight. That way, you make one and a half times the amount. Plus, my sister has a terminal illness and she really needs to rest.” Beatrix looked at Alexandra for confirmation, and Alexandra nodded.
The man sighed. “We don’t usually do this, but I suppose we can make an exception. You can have room 302. Stairs are that way,” he said, pointing.
Alexandra slumped her shoulders and dragged her feet for effect as they made their way to the stairs. When they reached the door to 302, they collapsed into a fit of laughter that turn
ed into a desperate make-out session. Alexandra grasped Beatrix as close to her as she could, wanting to remember how the weight of her body felt. When they’d exhausted themselves, Alexandra fell asleep against Beatrix’s back.
At 1:30, her phone alarm went off and she rolled over. Beatrix was sitting on the side of the bed in a towel, droplets of water trailing down her back. Alexandra could hear her scribbling something on a piece of paper.
“Hey, what are you doing?”
Beatrix jumped a little, then turned around and kissed her. “I’m just writing you a little note for your trip.”
“That’s really sweet. Why do you have to live in Amsterdam? This sucks.”
Beatrix made an amused noise. She folded the note and put it into a small box, then placed it at the bottom of Alexandra’s backpack. “Don’t open that until you’re on the boat. Promise?”
“Okay. I promise.”
“Don’t look so sad,” she said, crawling back into bed with Alexandra. “I’m glad I met you.”
“Me too, and that’s why I’m sad,” said Alexandra with a sigh. “The boat should be here by now.”
“Can I go with you?”
Alexandra thought of her mother and grandfather and what they would say if they saw her holding hands with Beatrix. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”
“I won’t hold your hand. Nobody will know,” said Beatrix hopefully.
“Okay,” she said, shrugging.
Beatrix paid for their hotel room and had the front desk call a cab. The drive to the pier seemed to take forever. Beatrix was practicing not holding Alexandra’s hand already, and it depressed her, having nobody to hold on to.
When they got to the cruise terminal, Alexandra pointed to the first of several boats docked. “That’s the one.”
“Alexandra?” someone called. “Alexandra! Over here!”
She turned and saw her whole family standing on the sidewalk in front of a clothing store. Her mother was carrying two large bags, and her brother looked bored. She hesitated, wanting to turn and run back to the center of town, back to the train, and back to Amsterdam.