by Leann Ryans
By the time Natashia made it in and noticed her already in the office, Sandra was deep in her new project, working furiously.
“Can I get you anything?” came the soft voice from her doorway.
Shaking her head without looking away from what she was doing, Sandra continued to work.
Natashia poked her head back in at some point later and asked if she wanted lunch, but once again Sandra just waved her away. She answered a few phone calls regarding other projects, but never ceased her manic work. She barely stopped to rush to the bathroom a couple of times throughout the day, always going right back to the screen.
It was six in the evening when Natashia burst into her office and Sandra finally pulled tired, blurry eyes from her computer, fingers stilling over the keys. She had been going almost non-stop for twelve hours and had a good portion of the project sketched in.
“You have been working on whatever you are doing all day without a single break or bite of food. You’re going to go home and eat this, and then get some rest,” Natashia said plopping a greasy bag down on the desk and glaring at her, hands on her hips.
Sandra’s lips quirked at the corners and she raised her eyebrow at her assistant.
“You’re kicking me out of my own office?” she asked with a chuckle.
“Yes! And you better not already be here when I get here in the morning either. I expect you to come in at your usual time, and act like a normal human, who has normal bodily functions for damn sake!”
Grin stretching her lips wide, Sandra couldn’t help but laugh at Natashia’s irate expression.
“Okay.”
“I’m serious!” Natashia glared at her and Sandra held up her hands, standing from her desk.
“I understand.”
Natashia’s narrowed green eyes watched her for another moment before she turned crisply and marched from the room, leaving the door open. Gathering her things from her desk, she pointedly turned and stared back at Sandra, waiting for her to do the same.
Still chuckling under her breath, Sandra grabbed her phone and the bag of food and left her office. Following Natashia to the elevators, she put a hand on her assistant’s arm. She hadn’t explained what was going on with her, but Natashia knew something wasn’t right and had been going out of her way to try and help as best she could.
“Thank you,” she told her, giving Natashia a gentle smile that she returned.
“You’re welcome. Now go eat! You’re going to waste away.”
Still grinning as she stepped into her elevator to go up to her suite, she had to admit she did feel better today. Maybe she just needed to give everything a little more time. She had been debating since she spoke with her doctor over contacting The Haven to see Austin again, but she wasn’t sure if it was a good idea or not. She felt that if they really did have a partial bond, Austin had a right to know what was going on, but she didn’t want to approach him until she knew what she planned to do about it.
She also worried that being near him again might reinforce the bond and make her symptoms worse, which she didn’t want. Sandra did wonder if Austin was feeling anything, or if the bond was only one-sided because she had gotten his blood in her mouth from sucking on his cut finger.
Sighing as the good mood she was in began to slip, she took off her jacket and shoes and made her way to the kitchen. Standing over the counter, she devoured the burger and fries that Natashia had brought her. She didn’t usually eat heavy, greasy food like this, but she had to admit that it hit the spot and it was the first meal she had finished since she had returned home.
Rubbing her bloated stomach, she sat on her couch, intending to find something brainless to hopefully zone out to, only to fall asleep as soon as her body settled on the cushions.
Waking to sunlight peaking in the windows, she blinked away the fuzz as she attempted to stretch the kinks out of her body from sleeping on the couch. Realizing that while she still felt the ache in her chest, the rest of her symptoms seemed better, she jumped to the conclusion that maybe the problem she had been having was her blanket. She hadn’t been able to part with it to have the scent of her and Austin washed off when she had gotten back from The Haven, and maybe it was his scent that was throwing her off so much.
Rushing into her room, she snatched it from the bed along with the rest of the bedding, and before she could second guess herself, bundled it with the other things she needed washed. Leaving it outside of her front door as she made her way down to her office, Sandra hoped this would help fix the problem and she could continue her life as if nothing had ever happened.
23. Austin
Isolation was maddening.
If someone wasn’t already crazy when they were placed in one of these little rooms, Austin was sure it wouldn’t take long for them to become that way. He did everything in his power to keep himself distracted and not linger over thoughts of the past. Nothing could be changed now, and he had to find a way to move on. To forget Sandra.
If that meant keeping his mind so occupied that he had no time left to think, then that’s what he was going to do.
While the food he had been given was healthy, it was tasteless, and there was never enough to really make him feel full. Since he had spent a majority of his time exercising, his stomach constantly gnawed at his backbone. Coupled with another cot that was too small for his body, Austin was uncomfortable all the time.
Continuing his counting, he even dreamed of numbers when he managed to fall asleep for short periods. There were a few times when he tried to stop, attempting to quiet his mind and think of nothing, but it always began to drift back after a few minutes. Either he would think of what the other Alpha had said and the ensuing fight, which would make him start to feel agitated, or he would think of Sandra. He would imagine he caught the scent of her in the room, or that the blanket under his hand felt like her hair had when it was fisted in his grip. He thought he had heard her voice out in the hall calling to him at one point.
While thoughts of her were always arousing, they also brought a measure of agitation with them. They had been separated for almost three weeks now. He had not seen or heard from her, though he knew logically that there was no reason for him to. Especially now that he was no longer at The Haven, she would have no way to reach out to him even if she wanted to. But the fact of their separation, the not knowing where she was, what she was doing, or if she was safe, constantly ate at him. Made him itch with the need to know.
The only way he was able to keep himself calm was with the counting, and so he never stopped. He counted his steps as he paced, his reps as he exercised, his breaths, the tiles on the floor and ceiling, how many chews each meal took.
Austin knew he was becoming a little neurotic, but there was nothing else that could keep the thoughts out. He couldn’t remain calm and detached without the numbers. He couldn’t pretend to function like normal without the logical march of one to the next.
Sitting on the cot tapping his finger on his thigh, he counted, starting back at one each time he reached one hundred.
One, two, three, four, five…
***
Jumping to his feet when the sound of the lock unbolting echoed through the room, Austin waited. His chest heaved with his rapid breaths as the door swung open. One, two, three, four, five.
The figure on the other side of the doorway was another androgynous body in a black uniform, though they didn’t have the face shield on this time. It was still a little difficult for Austin to determine the person’s gender until they spoke.
“You’re time’s up. Follow me and we’ll get you situated.”
Following behind the woman, he quietly scented the air around her. Picking up nothing but the smell of leather and a hint of sweat, he figured she must be a beta. He wasn’t handcuffed or restrained in any way this time, which he figured was because he had already been punished, so he was able to reach out and trail his fingers along the painted wall that was so much smoother than the ones he had been tr
apped inside for the past week. While still white, it was glossy and clean whereas the cell had been smudged and scuffed by the rounds of Alphas passing through it.
It took four-hundred and twenty-seven steps to reach the desk she directed him to sit at in a large room that absolutely reeked of Alphas. There were multiple other desks with black-uniformed figures and Alphas cluttering the room. Feeling his shoulders tense, Austin sat in the chair with his back to the wall and waited as she took her own seat, typing away on her computer.
Deep breath in through the mouth so he didn’t smell the other Alphas as much, one. Release. Slow, deep breath in. Two. Release.
The woman’s voice cut him off before he made it to ten, breaking through the din of murmured conversations at the desks all around them.
“You are being given the choice of two different camps since you have so much training. One is here in the city, Emmerson Alpha-camp. You would be working with the construction crew in an entry-level position with the chance to advance once they assess your skill level and behavior. The other option is Mount Mornell Alpha-camp. It’s about two-hours south of the city, but they are willing to start you out as a crew chief and see how you do from there.”
The woman’s plain brown eyes met his, waiting for his decision. Austin was trapped. He could stay in the city he had grown up in, but start off at the bottom and hope there was enough turnover that he got the chance to move up, or he could go to Mount Mornell and start out in a position where he could prove himself and move up faster. Maybe get to come back to the city in a few years once he held a better position or the job was completed.
He couldn’t admit to himself that the reason he hesitated was because at Mount Mornell there was no chance of seeing Sandra again. Staying in the city meant there was still a small hope of crossing paths somehow.
Taking another deep breath as he fought with himself, he decided that maybe that was what he needed to break the obsession. To know that there was no chance.
“Mount Mornell.”
Nodding, the woman went back to pecking away at the keyboard. Counting each click of the keys, Austin waited.
“We have a bus going out that way later today, but it’s going to be a bit of a wait. I’ll show you to the cafeteria where you can eat and hang out until the departure is called,” she finally said, standing.
Nodding, Austin stood to follow her, hoping he had made the right decision.
24. Sandra
Her day did not go as well as planned.
Sandra had gone into work, giving Natashia a smile as she passed by into her office. She had felt fine for most of the morning before a wave of restlessness hit her again. Anxiety spiking, she jumped at every little sound from the outer rooms and almost fell off of the chair when her phone rang and startled her.
Swallowing, she tried to make her heart slow down enough to be able to hear over the thunder of it in her ears. Dealing with clients through the afternoon, her agitation continued to grow to the point where she wasn’t able to sit at her desk any longer. Pacing around her office with the phone pressed to her ear, she kept catching Natashia shooting her worried glances through the window.
By the time the day ended, Sandra was ready to rush home just to get out of the room she had felt trapped in all day. She loved her office. She had designed it knowing that she would spend a majority of her time there, and she had never felt so closed-in and uncomfortable as she had that afternoon. Even having the blinds on the windows pulled up to let in more light and extend her visible space had not stopped the crushing weight she had felt being forced to stay in that space for so long.
Chest heaving as she passed Natashia, Sandra barely even noticed her still sitting there in her hurry to get away.
“Are you okay?”
Jumping, Sandra spun around with a hand on her chest, rubbing the spot that felt like a live bird was trapped behind and going to burst through at any moment.
“You seemed better this morning, but now…” Natashia studied her with worried eyes as Sandra tried to come up with an explanation.
“I, I’m sorry. I just don’t feel right.”
Turning away and rushing to the elevator, Sandra was glad that it opened right away. Keeping her eyes focused on the floor so she wouldn’t have to meet Natashia’s questioning gaze, she heaved a sigh of relief once the doors slid shut.
Opening her front door, Sandra almost tripped over the bag of folded laundry just inside her entryway. Eyes widening and welling with tears, she didn’t even notice the pain of her knees hitting the tile as her legs gave out. Slowly opening the bag, she reached inside and pulled out her blanket, sobbing as the fresh, clean scent hit her nose.
She had no idea how long she sat there with the blanket clutched to her chest, tears streaked down her face. The crushing weight that had hovered over her all day descended and made her body too heavy for her to rise.
Eventually the sobs quieted, and the flow of tears stopped, leaving Sandra kneeling wearily before the door she hadn’t even thought to close behind her. She began to stir as the world slowly seeped back into focus. Leaning over, she pushed the door shut before pulling herself to her feet. Still clutching her blanket, she made her way to her stripped bed and crawled into the center of it.
Pulling the blanket over her head, she closed her burning eyes and let the sucking hole in her chest expand and take her into darkness.
Feeling as if she had just shut her eyes, she tried to focus on the sound that had awoken her.
“Sandra?”
Either the voice was louder, or her mind was less fuzzy this time as the call came from her living room again. Poking her head out from under the blanket, she tried to call out to Natashia but barely managed a croak. Clearing her scratchy throat, she tried again and managed a low call she wasn’t sure would be heard.
Natashia’s head peaked through her open bedroom door before her assistant made her way quickly over to the bed.
“I’m so sorry to disturb you. Are you feeling worse? I was worried when you didn’t call or show up at the office, I hope you don’t mind that I came up to check on you.”
Her stream of words made Sandra’s head pound and she brought her hands up to clutch at her skull.
“Stay there. Just a moment.”
Natashia disappeared from Sandra’s view before the light in her room noticeably dimmed. A moment later she was back holding a bottle of water and two pills. Eagerly reaching for them, Sandra downed the whole bottle with the pills, hoping they would kick in quickly.
“I’ll reschedule your appointments today so you can stay home and rest. Is there anything else I can do for you? Anything you need?”
Feeling herself tearing up at how much Natashia was trying to help, she shook her head.
“I’m fine. Really,” she tried to say, but she could see the disbelief written on Natashia’s face. “Fell asleep as soon as I got home. I forgot to eat or set my alarm. I’m sure once I get something in my stomach, I’ll be fine.”
Pulling herself into a sitting position, she didn’t miss how Natashia looked at the rumpled state of the clothing she had worn to work and forgotten to take off when she got home.
“I’ll make you something.”
Disappearing through the door before Sandra could protest, she could hear her banging around in the kitchen. Dragging herself from the bed, Sandra pulled fresh clothing from her closet and dressed, not having the energy to drag herself into the shower. Entering the kitchen just as Natashia finished making her a plate of food, she sat at the bar.
Eyeing the plate with disinterest, she hoped Natashia would leave so she wouldn’t have to actually eat it, but she had no such luck. Natashia stood and glared at Sandra until she managed to finish half of what was on the plate, pushing it away as she fought the urge to lose everything she had just forced down.
Seeming to suddenly notice her suit, Natashia leveled another disapproving look at her.
“I think you would be better off staying home t
oday. Take a little time to rest and take care of yourself.”
“And I think I would be better off working. I’m not ill, I’m just a bit… distracted,” Sandra said, meeting and holding the other woman’s gaze.
Huffing, Natashia finished cleaning up though Sandra tried to stop her, and they finally made their way down to the office floor. Rushing to her desk, Natashia began making calls to clear the afternoon schedule as Sandra entered her office.
Hesitating at the door as a hint of the feelings from yesterday skittered up her spine, she firmed her shoulders and stalked to her desk. She was not going to let these unwelcome feelings hold her back. This job was her life and she wasn’t going to let it go without a fight.
25. Austin
The ride out to Mount Mornell Alpha-camp was marginally less uncomfortable than the wait in the cafeteria had been. Though all of the men on the bus with Austin were Alphas, he had been able to get a seat in the back where he could open the window and get a steady stream of air to wash the stink of the other Alphas away.
Resting his head on the back of the seat, he stared out of the window, able to keep himself distracted by the view instead of having to count. The city hadn’t really ended as much as seeming to fade away. There was no point where he could definitively say, ‘the city ends here.’ Nature had seemed to simply encroach more and more between the buildings until it finally took over completely, erasing all signs of humanity besides the road and the powerlines that followed it. The occasional plane overhead was the only thing to remind him that he hadn’t traveled back in time to some point where people were less populous and more at home in nature.
The scenery was soothing. Rolling hills covered in grass and wildflowers broken by the occasional clump of trees. Fluffy white clouds seeming to hang in the air, in no rush to move along. Austin was able to let his mind go blank and just float along until a wave of sadness descended over him. He wasn’t sure if it was due to leaving the city he called home his entire life, or something less tangible, but it felt as if his own private dark cloud had moved in to block the last rays of the sun as it sank below the hills.