She was about as clueless about this stuff as he was, but she didn’t care. On a prayer that she not embarrass herself—yes, she realized the irony that she was praying to a God she was taking from and betraying—she prayed Colin wouldn’t be disgusted by her brazenness. She took his hand from her hip and slid it to the front of her panties.
He stilled and Sam feared she had ruined everything.
She shut her eyes unable to see his rejection and worried she was seconds away from tears. Why did she do that? He only wanted to kiss her. He stood and she slowly sat up, guilt weighing her down, still too chicken to face him in her embarrassment.
The door clicked and she crumbled inside. He left her.
The sudden caress of his fingers upon her cheek shocked her.
Her eyes flew open and she looked at him.
“I just wanted to lock the door, Samantha. Do not be ashamed of what you did. You’re beautiful.”
Like a cat, she pressed her cheek to his palm and sighed in relief. He reached for her hand and helped her stand. Reaching down he pulled back his covers and waved her to get into the bed.
Sam had no idea what was happening or about to, but she did exactly as he asked.
He slowly moved toward the other side of the bed and paused by the bathroom door.
“Is your bedroom door locked, Sammy?”
“Yes.”
He nodded and continued to his side of the bed. Pulling the covers back he slid in beside her and pulled her close. They each lay on their sides, knees to knees, nose to nose. Simply gazing at one another for the longest time, occasionally kissing, but nothing more.
The quiet consent was mutual. They explored each other with soft touches and gentle glances. There was no excuse for her allowing him to touch her other than the tidal wave of desire she seemed to be drowning in every time she felt his caress or stared into his blue-green eyes.
His hand eventually worked its way to her breasts. He held her there, yet still seemed to be following some code of restraint. His knuckle coasted over the stiff tips of her nipples, but nothing further. His control made her want him all the more. She was balancing on a sharp blade of sensitivity, where every tiny movement of his had her sucking in a breath or aching for some sort of release. It was divine torture.
If not for her panties, her thighs would have been damp. Colin was completely erect, yet seemed not at all concerned about that.
“You’re so incredibly beautiful, Samantha,” he whispered.
“No, I’m not.”
“Yes, you are. It’s such a natural beauty. It’s as if it comes from hidden deep inside, safe, so that no one can mimic it. I’ve thought about you since the moment I first saw you.”
She smiled, the heat from her blush making her skin even warmer. His thumb dragged across her lower lip as his fingers slowly ran through her hair.
“I’ve never been this close to a woman before. I never wanted to be, but with you…with you I only seem to want. I want to make you laugh. I want to talk with you, touch you, smell you, and taste you.”
“What happens tomorrow, Colin? This can’t change anything. You are who you are and I’m not meant to be a part of that.”
His eyes shut as if he could hide from the reality he was fighting so hard to keep at bay. “I wish I could tell you this changes things, but it doesn’t. I already belong to God. It’s what I’ve always wanted, planned on. My vocation defines me and without it I’m lost.”
For some reason, rather than rationalize the whole thing or beg for what she craved, what she needed most in that moment was to comfort him and take away the confusion in his eyes. “It’s okay, Colin. I know who you are and I respect you for it.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Please don’t apologize. I want to be here with you even if it’s just for tonight. I’ve thought about you too. You seem to be all I can think about anymore.”
He kissed her then, soft and slow. It wasn’t long before they were each breathing heavily and holding onto each other as if they could somehow make this moment last. He never removed her clothing and barely touched below her shoulders.
As he rolled her to her back and fit himself on top of her, their legs tangled and glided over each other in all the right places. They fell into a rhythm and his erection nudged her sex through the cotton of her panties. They each tipped their heads back and moaned.
“You feel so good, Samantha. I could kiss you like this for days.”
He nudged himself into the cradle of her sex again and something coiled deep inside of her. She wrapped her legs around his hips and pressed her body into his. It wasn’t long before they were each highly sensitized and grinding against one another as if they could somehow break through all the physical and mental barriers that separated them.
The bed slowly rocked and quiet squeaks filled the room. She prayed no one overheard. She sighed and pressed her mouth into his shoulder to muffle her cries of pleasure.
Deep guttural moans built in his chest and vibrated against her breasts. Their skin was damp causing them to slip over one and other. Closer, closer her body pulled toward something unknown. She wanted to run there and at the same time hold whatever it was back so that the moment never ended.
“Samantha,” he breathed as he kissed her bare shoulder.
“Oh, Colin, please.”
“Yes, Sammy, yes.”
She could sense he only needed to hit that spot a couple more times and….Her mind stepped out as her body came alive and locked. It was as if she were momentarily dying, or flying, there was nothing but peace.
Her limbs twitched and her flesh covered with goose bumps. Her neck arched back and her body bowed off of the bed into him. He continued to grind into her and he appeared to suffer the same release. His arms trembled as they held his weight over her. Neck arched, his head fell back as he moaned long and hard.
Sam could feel warm moisture between them and knew it was their climax. She’d had her first real orgasm and he never even penetrated her or removed her clothing.
When he kissed her he did so with such affection. The distance she knew would come with the next day made Samantha ache. She wondered if allowing herself to get this close to such an incredible man was really worth it after all.
She’d never been so attracted to another person, never experienced such acute desire in her entire life. It was as if he fulfilled her so much all the empty places of her soul no longer pained her.
She realized since entering his room hours ago, she hadn’t thought of Meghan once. He made her pain go away and he was the first person to ever give her that peace.
Damn her for loving one more person who would be irrevocably ripped away from her. Resentment toward God suddenly choked her. It was as if she were the same helpless little girl who just lost her sister all over again. Only this time when she cried, she had Colin there, holding her tightly. She wasn’t sure if his presence made it better or worse in the end, but the fact that he patiently allowed her to cry without asking for explanations was a blessing.
9
Over the next few days Colin did his absolute best to avoid Samantha. The morning after she’d come to his bed, he awoke to the soft click of the bathroom door shutting sometime around dawn. She didn’t return.
That day, and the days following it, he spent at the youth center working with local teens on a project to redevelop the local park. He hadn’t returned home until late in the evening and only saw Samantha in passing. She was occupied with others and unable to speak to him about what happened.
He hated that he was possibly hurting her with his avoidance, but he didn’t know what else to do. He wanted her with a fierceness he’d never felt before and yet he could never completely have her. They hadn’t slept together, but in some way, what they had shared seemed all the more intimate.
Not only was he becoming a Diocesan Priest, he was a practicing Catholic to the bone. He believed in abstinence until marriage. Unsure if Samantha still held her virt
ue, considering otherwise was altogether intolerable, but he was as inexperienced as they came. Never before had he kissed another being so intimately, touched another’s flesh so personally, struggled with temptation so intensely. He needed to keep his distance or once again risk losing control.
Colin didn’t know if Samantha talked to his brother. Braydon would no doubt feel the sting of rejection, but his younger brother had to know Sammy was not invested emotionally in whatever they shared.
The day he saw Braydon kissing her…he never in his life suffered such aching jealousy. It was a hybrid reaction created from envy, anger, and many other sins. He was breaking a commandment and coveting a woman who belonged to not just another man, but his brother.
He tried to stay away, realizing he was only hiding from his fears. Attempting to brush off the attraction, he followed the others to the beach. He intended to leave her be, but for some reason he found every word she said fascinating. And then she suffered a panic attack.
Colin wasn’t sure what triggered her reaction. They had been speaking of childhood goals and suddenly she was paler than a ghost and struggling to breathe. His fear for her in that moment was completely irrational and inappropriate, but so very, very real.
It aggravated him that Braydon had been neglecting her, yet it irritated him to see his brother with Sammy. What’ve happened if Sammy had another episode like the one on the beach and no one was there to help her come back to herself? Damn Braydon for being too selfish to not give her the time he owed her and the company she deserved.
By Friday Colin was running out of errands and places to hide. He awoke thinking he’d visit the church and see if they had anything that needed tending. Perhaps there was a senior who needed a ride to a doctor’s appointment that would take up the majority of his day. Pathetic. Was this how he was going to ride out the next week?
Samantha was supposed to be staying with them until the seventeenth. There was one week left. As much as he wanted her to go he wanted her to stay. How would he survive the next week without being able to touch her, laugh with her, hold her in his arms? Never before had the idea of celibacy terrified him so. Even the temptation to bring himself to release while thinking about her in the shower or in the privacy of his room was novel. He’d never been one to masturbate, but since meeting Samantha he struggled to withstand the temptation.
It was lust, he told himself repetitively. Samantha was a lovely woman, easy to care for, a pleasure to spend time with. Any man with eyes and a brain would undoubtedly feel the same way. He was merely one victim in the long line of men that would someday lose their hearts to Samantha Dougherty. But if that was true, and what he was feeling was simply lust, why would this impatient yearning for her not fade?
The scent of home cooked breakfast filtered from below and he wanted to be out of the house before everyone rose for the day. Grabbing his phone and keys, he quickly left his room. He paused when he caught Braydon knocking on Sam’s bedroom door.
“Hey, Col, you taking off again today?”
Colin stuck his items in his pocket and tried not to appear as guilty as he felt while looking at Braydon. “Yeah. I need to head down to the church to help out with some things.”
“Oh yeah? What’s goin’ on down there?”
Before he could answer with a lie Samantha opened the door. Her hair was damp and her clothing was somewhat clinging to her skin. She’d obviously just gotten out of the shower when Braydon knocked.
“Braydon.” She looked to her left and saw him. “Good morning, Colin.”
“Good morning, Samantha. Did you sleep well?”
Her cheeks flushed and she looked to the floor. “Yes.”
“My mom and the aunts are going antiquing,” Braydon cut in. “I wanted to see if you wanted to hang with them or come with me today.”
She looked up at him. “Where are you going?”
“I was gonna go pick up some bait for tomorrow and then get stuff ready at the lake for tonight.”
“Tonight?”
“Yeah, it’s our annual bonfire at the lake.”
Colin watched as his brother gave Samantha a coy smile and fingered a strand of her damp hair.
“You and I snuggled up under a blanket by the fire…”
Colin fought the urge to smack his brother’s hand away from her. He should go, but he couldn’t stop watching her, nervous to see what she’d do.
“After everyone leaves we could sneak out to the dock and do some night swimming, just the two of us.”
Colin’s gaze tore from Samantha’s beautiful face as he stared at his idiot brother. Did he not realize that in the whole week she’d been here, not once had she gone near the water? It didn’t take a genius to figure out that she had some deep-seated fear of water.
He turned back to Sam and all remnants of her earlier blush washed away. Her cheeks looked bloodless and the narrow column of her throat worked as she repetitively swallowed.
Sam stepped out of Braydon’s reach and his brother’s fingers released her hair. “A fire sounds nice. Will everyone be there?”
“They should. You’re going, right, Colin?”
Colin remembered the last time he’d been at the lake with Samantha. He wondered if somehow her panic attack had to do with the fact that they were at the lake. Why had he not considered that? Although he planned on avoiding anything to do with Samantha, he worried that she may need him in case she had another episode. Lord knew Braydon wasn’t the best at detecting her discomfort.
“Yes, I’ll be there.”
She looked at him sharply, clearly not expecting his attendance.
“So you wanna go with me or the women today, babe?”
Colin gritted his teeth at his brother’s term of endearment. She’d obviously not spoken to him about their relationship yet. He was angry that in three days and nights she hadn’t taken an opportunity to clear the air with Braydon, but then again, her breaking up with his brother would change nothing about Colin’s situation.
“I’ll go with you. I just need to pull up my hair and grab my Chap Stick.”
Before she turned back into the room Colin caught a look at her mouth. Her lips were red as if she had been biting them. God he wanted to kiss and soothe those soft lips.
“I got to go,” he practically barked and turned toward the stairs.
“Hey, you all right, bro?”
“Fine,” he lied without looking back.
* * *
Colin arrived at the lake shortly after suppertime. He dined at the rectory and spent most of the day painting the parish’s school hall. He figured he needed something to eat up his free time, so he volunteered for the project that morning and was elbow deep in eggshell paint by noon.
As he parked his Jeep he gripped the wheel and took a calming breath. He could do this. When he felt centered and in control he left the Jeep and headed toward the lake and into the limpid twilight. As he crested the bend of evergreens he could hear his family’s rowdy laughter. Just another bonfire like they had been having for the past twenty-nine years of his life. But his feeling of control was short lived.
Before his relatives even came into view he heard her. She was laughing at something with undisguised amusement. Her voice lilting from octave to octave like a bird song so pure it could be called a lullaby.
When he spotted her he regretted his presence immediately. This evening was guaranteed to torture him and test him in ways he’d never been tested.
She was with Kelly. Did all of his brothers have to touch her? Kelly had his arm around her shoulders and was speaking close to her ear as she looked forward as if imagining whatever he was describing and she smiled. She continued to laugh as his vagabond brother went on with an anecdote about God knew what.
She literally took his breath away. Her faded jeans showed off her long tapered legs. He loved the way she could look stunning in casual clothes. The temperature was dropping as darkness approached and she wore a dark blue Villanova hooded swe
atshirt. Her feet were bare and the only thought Colin could process was I wonder what color her toenails are painted? He would bet either clear or a shell pink that was as close as one could get to clear.
He was so consumed with imagining her dainty feet he barely heard Luke and Tristan approach.
“I told you I would, babe. I’ll head to town tomorrow and pick it up and get it done this week.”
“Thanks. I’d do it myself, but I gotta get—”
The sound of footsteps halting had him shaking his head and peeling his eyes away from her.
“Oh hey, Colin. I didn’t see you standing there. What are you doing?”
Colin supposed he did look a bit odd standing in the approaching dark watching the others, but for some reason Luke’s question struck him as overly anxious. “I was just heading down there. Hey, Tristan. How ya’ doing?”
“Good, man. You?”
Tristan was a fairly new arrival to their circle. He moved up here after being their cousin’s roommate in college. Tristan and his brother Luke had hit it off immediately and Colin was glad his brother had such a friend to bring him out of whatever dark place he had been heading toward.
“Good.”
Luke looked as though he wanted to ask something.
“What’s up, Luke? You look like you’re about to be sick.”
His brother gave an uncharacteristically fake laugh. Nervous was something Luke rarely was. Something had spooked him though.
“Uh, nothing. I’m gonna head down to say hi to the others. I’ll catch you later, Tristan. Colin.”
Colin looked at Tristan who appeared fed up. What just happened? “Is he all right?”
Tristan shook his head, but continued to watch Luke go. “Yeah, he’s just…Luke.”
Colin shrugged and headed toward the others.
It proved fairly easy to avoid Samantha with a group the size of the McCulloughs, but his traitorous mind continuously sought her out against all odds. By eleven, he sat brooding in a chair, nursing a beer that was piss warm, and watching her on the other end of the fire wrapped under a blanket with his brother Braydon. He ignored the sound of someone plopping down in the chair beside him.
Take Me to Bed: A Collection of Naughty Bedtime Stories Page 25