A hand I recognized more than my own reached out and touched my leg. “It’s me. Sam let me in. I didn’t mean to wake you.” That voice. I knew that voice. I loved it.
My eyes came into focus and there he sat in his clothes like he’d just come home from work. I made out his suitcases nearby. The smell of grass and earth filled my senses. His eyes were no longer cold, they were warm instead, but unsure.
I pulled my blanket up around me, suddenly feeling vulnerable, though I had thought I was past that particular feeling. “What are you doing here?”
“Hating myself for not being here with you.” He scooted toward the edge of the coffee table, drawing closer to me. “How are you feeling?”
Oh, of course, I understood now. There was a traitor in my midst who told him I was pregnant. No wonder it looked like he rushed here straight from work.
He reached out to touch my cheek.
I turned from his touch. “Go home.” I didn’t want his disingenuous concern.
“Delanie, I’m so sorry,” he choked out.
“All I want to know is who told you?”
“Told me? No one had to tell me. It’s all over the news.”
I threw my blanket off in a panic, looking for my phone. Why didn’t anyone tell me? “They know about the baby already?”
Peter took my hands, trying to calm me. “No, baby, that’s not what I meant. No one knows about the daughter you gave up for adoption. At least I haven’t heard anything. And I haven’t said anything to anyone about her.” He paused and peered into my eyes. The wheels were spinning behind his. “Wait . . . you said baby. Your daughter isn’t a baby.”
I pulled my hands away from him and leaned back against the couch. There was no keeping it from him. I never imagined telling him this way. I was never going to be cute about it even when we were together, but for a long time I’d dreamt of how excited I would be when I finally got to tell him he was going to be a father. Now all I felt was sorrow.
“I’m pregnant, Peter.”
His eyes widened, and he took a moment to let it sink in. Tears welled up in his eyes. “You’re pregnant?”
“I just found out, so I wasn’t keeping it a secret from you. And the baby is yours, in case you’re wondering.” I grabbed a pillow to hold onto for comfort.
“Delanie, I would never think—”
“Didn’t you, though?”
His entire body sagged. “I shouldn’t have. I’m ashamed that I did.”
I shrugged. “I suppose it doesn’t matter now.”
“That’s not true. It matters to me. You matter to me more than anyone. I had no right to treat you the way I did. These last few days without you have been the worst of my life.”
I closed my eyes. “You had every right to be upset with me. I should have told you about my daughter.”
He took my hands again and gripped more firmly. “Don’t excuse my behavior. I don’t deserve it.”
I opened my eyes to see his staring right back at me, pleading.
He pulled my hands to his lips and kissed them. His tears fell on them. “I love you.”
“I used to think so, but I don’t think you want someone like me. You’re only here because you saw me faint on TV.”
He shook his head, refusing to let go of my hands. “I know that’s what it looks like, but that’s not true. Delanie.” He caressed my hands between his. “I needed to get my head on straight for both our sakes. I’m sorry it took me so long.”
I took my hands back, though I longed for his touch. “You don’t want this life.”
“I want the one where you and I and . . . our baby,” he said it like he could hardly believe it was true, “are in it together. Beyond that, I don’t care what it looks like.”
I leaned my head back against the couch cushion and let out a heavy breath. “I’m tired,” is all I could say.
He stood up and leaned down to kiss my head. He lingered, breathing me in. “I’m sorry I woke you. I can carry you to the bed.”
I shook my head. “You can take the bed. I’ve been sleeping here.”
He looked down at me and tilted his head. “Why?”
“Because you weren’t there.”
The downcast look he gave me said I had never said anything more hurtful. That was not my intent. I was only being honest.
“I’m here now,” his voice cracked.
“For how long? Until the next story about me appears?”
I take back my previous assessment. This was the most hurt he had ever looked, like I had knocked the wind right out of him. And maybe this time I meant for it to.
His eyes drilled into mine. “I’m not going anywhere.”
I wasn’t so sure about that.
Peter took one of the chairs and propped his legs up on the table, determined not to leave my side. I curled back up on the couch, now wide awake. I didn’t think I could take much more of this bumpy road Joan warned me about. She had forgotten to mention the man-sized potholes and that the car had no brakes. I felt like I was careening down a hill, waiting to crash and burn at the end. I had been trying to wrap my head around a life without Peter and being a single mother, and now here he was. Did I love him? With all I was I did, but I couldn’t stay on the yo-yo, worried about the next salacious story to come out. I felt like he was in denial about where we were headed, and he was only feeling guilty. Probably even more so now that he knew I was pregnant with our child.
I held my abdomen and tried to go back to sleep, knowing both the baby and me needed the rest, but I found it difficult. I felt Peter watching over me. It brought both comfort and confusion.
I managed a few winks of sleep here and there, but by 6:00 a.m. my bladder was calling the shots. This baby was making itself known and it had been, but I’d been too stressed to notice. I grabbed my phone and turned it back on as I tiptoed past Peter to the bathroom that was connected to the bedroom. A notification popped up on my screen that I had an email from Anna and Henry. I wasted no time pulling it up.
Name the time and place. We can’t wait.
With shaky hands and a full bladder, I responded, How about today? I can meet you in Savannah, preferably somewhere private. I wasn’t trying to hide her, but no kid deserved the kind of crazy that would come down on her if the press found out about her now. And today would be the perfect cover as everyone thought I was resting. But how could I rest knowing she was so near? If I left soon, I could be back for the meet and greet I was supposed to attend tonight. First though, I needed to pee.
Though it was early, I called Joan, Sam, and Fiona and asked them to meet me in my suite. They must have been really worried about me, because they were all there within minutes, dressed in various articles of nighttime apparel. Sam matched me in flannel, Fiona was wearing Wonder Woman pajamas, and Joan was wearing someone-who-shall-go-unnamed’s button up. The only reason we didn’t name him was because we all valued our lives and Joan hadn’t had any caffeine yet.
Their arrival made Peter jump up.
Everyone looked between him and me, waiting and hoping for some insight, but I had none to offer.
“I’m going to meet my daughter today and I need your help.”
Everyone stood stunned, including Peter.
I headed to the bedroom to pick out some clothes. Delanie clothes, not Autumn’s. My daughter was going to know me.
They all followed me.
“Do you even know where they live?” Joan asked.
“In Savannah. I’m waiting to hear where we should meet.”
Four sets of eyebrows raised.
Joan shut my suitcase lid. “Del, you can’t run off by yourself half-cocked and meet old acquaintances in strange places.”
“I’m not. I’ve given this plenty of thought and they are more than acquaintances.” They were raising my flesh and blood.
“Still,” Joan wasn’t giving in, “you shouldn’t go by yourself.”
Peter stepped by my side. “She’s not. I’m going with h
er.”
I looked up at his disheveled figure. “No, you’re not. You’re going back to Chicago.”
He moved closer to me. “Only when you do.”
I glared at him. “I’m not going back.”
The room and everyone in it seemed to hold their breath after my announcement.
“Um . . . I think we better leave them alone.” Sam grabbed the other two women and backed out of the room, closing the double doors on their way out.
Peter shook his head out of the daze I’d put him in. “What do you mean you’re not coming home?”
I threw open my suitcase and started rifling through it. “Peter, I can’t get into this right now with you. I need to get ready.”
He gently took my arm. “I’m going with you.”
I met his eyes. “I don’t need you to protect me.”
His eyes narrowed. “You think that’s why I’m going?”
“What other reason do you have?”
He pulled me closer to him and leaned in as if he were going to kiss me, but he stopped an inch from my lips. “The second biggest mistake I ever made was letting you leave without me. I’m not doing that again.”
I had to catch my breath from his touch and intensity. “What was your first?”
“Letting my pride get in the way of what I’ve always known about you . . . us.” He brushed my lips before letting me go. “I love you and I want to meet your daughter,” he said it with absolute finality.
He had my senses buzzing and emotions swirling. I stood frozen, not sure what to say or do.
He took off his shirt and headed toward the bathroom. “You should get ready.”
“Okay,” I whispered.
Chapter Thirty-Six
After a major production of sneaking out of the hotel, which included hotel staff making sure no one got on the elevator while Peter and I were using it and allowing us access to the parking garage instead of bringing the rental car around by valet, we were headed southeast toward the Atlantic and my daughter. Anna and Henry had gotten back to me and we were meeting them at their home.
I still felt like I was careening down that hill with no brakes, accelerating as I went. Not only was Peter refusing to leave my side, which was causing all sorts of emotional turmoil, but I was getting car sick. Thankfully, Sam was ever so wise and sent me with a plastic bag and crackers. It was no more than dry heaves, but unpleasant all the same.
Peter kept reaching over and stroking my hair. “Were you this sick last time?”
I shook my head. “No.” My unnamed daughter was much easier on me. Anna and Henry still hadn’t mentioned her name. It almost seemed as if they hadn’t on purpose, so I didn’t ask. All they said was they would take her out of school for half the day and rearrange their work schedules. I felt bad for the short notice, but they seemed delighted to do it when I spoke to Anna by phone to get their address and finalize plans. It was surreal to talk to her again. She had the same soothing voice and refined manners.
“Delanie?”
“Yeah.” I rested my head against the window.
“We’re having a baby.” His tone was filled with excitement, but mostly trepidation. “Do you want to talk about that?”
I let out a long, slow breath. “I do, but not now.” I could only handle so many emotions at once.
He squeezed my leg. “How about what I did to make you feel like you couldn’t tell me about your daughter . . . or that you were taking RCIA classes?” He seemed reluctant to admit he knew about the classes through the pain that was apparent in his voice.
I wondered what else Sam had told him while I slept and how to answer that many layered and complicated question. One I feared might end it all when I finally made him acknowledge I wasn’t the woman for him. I couldn’t face it now. First her, then us. “Peter, I can’t right now.”
He removed his hand from my leg. “Of course. Just know I want to be the man you can confide in.”
That’s what I’d always wanted, but how could I trust that now? And did he even fully comprehend how uncomfortable that might make him at times? Is that what he truly wanted?
From there, our trip was mainly a silent affair, except the ridiculous escapades we had to go through so I could use a bathroom and not be seen. I’d never had to pee so much on a road trip in my life.
Peter played his part admirably and stopped at a small-town Walmart to buy us each a hat and sunglasses. I had to laugh at his I’m the Life of the Party hat. That was false advertising, but he said he grabbed the first thing he saw that didn’t have a deer or beer on it. He was even sweet enough to make sure that each gas station we stopped at had clean bathrooms before I bothered going in. He reminded me of the Peter before this all blew up in our faces. But I worried now more than ever it was him putting on a brave face since he knew I was pregnant.
One worry at a time, I reminded myself. First, I had to meet my daughter. I wondered what she looked like. Was she happy? More than anything, I wanted her to be happy and loved. I wanted her to know that I loved her. That had never changed. I patted the gift I brought her in my pocket, so happy I thought of it before we’d left the hotel. It was the one good thing to come out of packing all my belongings—if not, I wouldn’t have had it.
I focused on the beautiful Georgia scenery to help stave off the nausea. So many trees in an array of fall colors. Though the weather felt more like summer here in the South. The closer we got to the coast, the happier it made me. I loved sea air and I loved to know that my daughter was growing up in such a picturesque setting filled with such history.
It was no surprise that they lived in the historic district. It was perfectly charming with homes dating back to the Revolutionary War. Moss-covered trees and cobblestoned streets added to the ambience, making me feel as though I had stepped back in time. Peter and I both smiled at the horse-drawn carriages we passed by.
Perhaps I should come here to write. Though I wasn’t sure even the magic of this place could inspire me. Hunter had quit speaking to me and Laine was devastated. I wanted to ease her pain. She called for me to make it better, though she wasn’t sure what would help at this point. Neither was I. Not for me. Not for them. We both ached for the loves of our lives, but we both knew the reality was they might be better off without us. They could have their mothers and the quiet, obscure lives they both longed for.
Peter pulled up in front of a small but quaint two-story brick home with not one, but two verandas. The yard was neatly manicured with a swing in one of the trees and lots of bright colored flowers. Perfect for a little girl. I choked back my tears.
Peter took my hand. “Are you ready for this?”
I took a deep breath and held it for a moment. “What if she hates me?”
“Look at me.”
My head obeyed. It loved nothing better than looking at him. It was painful now, not knowing what our future held.
He cupped my face in his hands. “She’s going to love you.”
Could he be right? I smoothed out my gypsy skirt, making my bracelets jangle. It felt so good to be me today. Peter must have liked it too. He ran his finger down the length of my tattoo. “I’ve missed this, but not as much as your other one.”
He knew exactly how to get my pulse to race.
“We better go.” My body would betray me in a second for a taste of him.
His smile said he knew. “I’ll get your door.”
Together we walked up the brick paved path lined with lilies to their home. I wasn’t sure if I was feeling more nauseous from being pregnant or the nerves. I gripped Peter’s arm to pull me along and steady me. He took the opportunity to hold me tight. He was putting up a good fight. But we had been down this road before, where he seemed to rally, only to go further down the rabbit hole the next time. Again, I would have to deal with it later. Right now, I had to meet a piece of myself.
Peter knocked on the mahogany door. Within seconds we heard footsteps. Henry opened the large door. He hadn’t changed much
, except his gray hair was thinner and he maybe had a few more wrinkles, but they were deeply etched laugh lines. The kind that said he had lived a good life. He still wore wire-framed glasses. Behind them hid intelligent green eyes.
“Delanie, it is so good to see you.” He held out his hand, not to shake, but to hold as if he was welcoming his daughter home.
I rested my hand in his soft hand marked with age spots.
He gently tugged me into the beautiful home that had a more modern flair than the outside suggested. “This must be your husband, Peter.”
I looked to Peter, who beamed as always whenever anyone used that title. “I am, sir.” Peter stepped in.
“No need for formality here. Please call me Henry.”
“Henry, is that them?” Anna called.
“Yes, my love.”
“We’re ready,” she called back.
Henry patted my hand with his free hand. “We told her how much you loved tea, so she wanted to have a tea party with you,” he whispered.
I could think of nothing I wanted more at the moment than to have a tea party with my daughter. “That sounds perfect. What is her name?” I asked quietly.
Henry’s eyes lit up. “Come meet her and find out.”
Henry kept ahold of my hand while Peter touched the small of my back as if I might need the support. Their home had hints of both Anna’s and Henry’s personalities. I noted the understated, plain furniture, which would match Henry, but there was no doubt it was fine furniture, which spoke of Anna. Before we could reach their enclosed patio, I paused in the hall, which was graced by several pictures of the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. My free hand went to my mouth as I took her in from the time she was a bouncing baby with rosy cheeks to the ones where her happy smile showed that she had lost a few teeth, to one that had to be recent. She had beautiful, long dark red hair, the same color as mine. And she had my eyes. Her smile though, it was all her own.
The Secretive Wife (More Than a Wife Series Book 2) Page 27