by Elle Keating
Back to the Start
Copyright 2018 © Elle Keating
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons living or dead, is coincidental.
All rights reserved. In accordance with the US Copyright Act of 1976, the scanning, uploading, and electronic sharing of any part of this book without the permission of the publisher constitute unlawful piracy and theft of the author’s intellectual property. If you would like to use material from the book (other than for review purposes), prior written permission must be obtained.
Editing: Mary Yakovets and Kerri Hampton
Formatting: Integrity Formatting
Cover design © Arijana Karčić, Cover It! Designs
Dedication
For that boy next door.
Table of Contents
Dedication
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty-One
Chapter Thirty-Two
Chapter Thirty-Three
Chapter Thirty-Four
Chapter Thirty-Five
Also by Elle Keating
About the Author
Chapter One
Jake
Stand up straight. Stare dead ahead. Smile at your sister.
Jake McGinnis watched his sister, Carina, sway to the music. Her fiancé of only five minutes brushed a lock of hair behind her ear and wiped away the tears from her still-flushed cheeks. But they were happy tears. Which meant Josh Graham was a lucky man. As long as Carina’s fiancé kept a smile on her face, he was allowed to live.
“Look how happy your sister is, Jake. I’ve never seen her so in love,” his mom said.
Though Jake towered over Lucrezia McGinnis by at least eight inches, he would always be her little boy. It wasn’t like he was a momma’s boy or starved for her approval. She had always encouraged him to make his own choices and follow his dreams. Even when he was five and he declared that he was going to be an NFL quarterback, she didn’t shoo him away or tell him to have a plan B when that dream didn’t materialize. Instead, she had told him that he would have to work hard to make it to the pros, and then when he thought he couldn’t take anymore, he would need to work even harder. He leaned into his mom and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Lord knows Carina deserves it.”
“And so does that young man. He too deserves to be happy and in a family who loves him,” his mom said, nodding at the couple on the dance floor. “Josh is a good boy.”
His mom had moved to the States over forty years ago, but her Italian accent was still incredibly thick. Jake loved the sound of her voice, how comforting it was. So much so that it almost made him let his guard down. Almost. Jake returned his attention to his sister and the scene behind her. The Avalon Yacht Club’s floor to ceiling windows allowed him to see the sun setting over the bay, giving the large reception room a golden hue.
Josh took Carina’s hand and kissed her ring finger. The diamond sparkled. His sister’s smile took over her entire face. Jake had to admit that the man had class. Just last week, Josh had driven to his future in-laws’ house and asked for their daughter’s hand. After he received their blessing, Josh called each of Carina’s siblings and her best friend and her mom and invited them to come witness what turned out to be one hell of a proposal.
At first Jake had thought it was strange that Josh wanted to pop the question at his best friend’s wedding reception. Jake wasn’t an expert at weddings and etiquette, but he had wondered if proposing at someone else’s reception was some sort of party foul. But then he had seen the bride’s face, how happy she was when Josh dropped to his knee and told Carina and over a hundred and fifty guests that he wanted her to be his wife. There hadn’t been a dry eye in the place. Even Jake had gotten a little choked up.
But the moment had passed. And now it was taking everything he had to keep his shit together. Because just twenty feet away stood the reason that he felt like he was going to crawl out of his skin and put his fist through the wall behind him.
Deep breath. Straighten your tie. Unclench your hands. Don’t look at her.
He fucking looked.
And regretted it the second he laid eyes on her.
He had prayed to feel indifference. That the sight of Morgan Kelley wouldn’t invoke anything in him. But pain hit him harder than any linebacker ever could and the anger… it made his blood boil.
It was the anger he clung to. It was the safest choice and an emotion that he was well acquainted with. Anger had driven him these past eight years. Every time he had pictured her face, he would sprint a little harder. Each moment he had allowed himself to think of how she tasted, how she had melted into him the first and only time they were together, Jake would hit the weight room and lift until his arms were about to give out or his coach told him to fucking stop, whichever came first.
It was anger, not lust, not love, that had prompted him to fulfil his desires with many women over the years. At first, he had chosen women who resembled her. It wasn’t intentional; it was his subconscious that ached to be with her again, to look into her dark blue eyes and get lost in them, to touch every freckle that sprinkled her nose, and to fist her long, blonde hair. When it had finally hit him that he was seeking these women out for one reason and one reason only, he changed his requirements. From that moment on, the women he fucked had to be different from Morgan Kelley in every way. He didn’t want to see her face when he made a woman’s back arch with pleasure. He didn’t want Morgan’s eyes looking back at him, destroying what was left of his heart.
“May I have this dance?” Patrick McGinnis asked. His dad’s voice made Jake snap to attention. He forced a smile and tried to pretend that he wasn’t falling apart. Jake took his mom’s hand and placed it in her husband’s.
“Of course,” she said. His mom gave Jake a kiss on the cheek and whispered, “Now, are you going to ask her to dance or are you content with just staring at her from across the room?” His mom winked at him and made her way onto the dance floor with her husband.
Jake had no intention of asking Morgan to dance. It was tough enough to be in the same room as her. On the drive here, Jake had sworn to himself that he wouldn’t speak to her. Or look at her. Or imagine what her life had been like these past eight years… without him. His stomach twisted into knots, which pissed him the hell off.
Feel nothing… please.
Morgan glanced in his direction and then turned her back on him. He watched her signal the bartender. Memories of that day she had broken up with him came flooding back.
Her crying.
Her wincing, as if in pain.
Her saying the words he would never forget.
&nb
sp; “We need to… break up, Jake. I can’t do this anymore.”
No. She wasn’t going to dismiss him again. In an instant he was at the bar, standing directly behind her and wondering what the fuck he was doing.
***
Morgan
“Dance with me.”
He was so close she could feel his breath against the back of her neck. Morgan would know his voice anywhere, despite all the years apart. Her heart pounded so loudly she was certain he could hear it. She was eighteen years old all over again and on the verge of losing it.
She swallowed and turned to face him.
The boy she had fallen instantly in love with when she was just five years old had morphed into a stranger. Someone she no longer recognized. There was an edge to his voice and his eyes… gone was the warmth she had foolishly extinguished long ago. Morgan looked over at her mom, who was at that moment being twirled around by Luke, the oldest of the McGinnis siblings, on the dance floor. She caught Morgan’s eye and smiled.
“Will you dance with me?” Jake asked again. She looked back at him. He took her hand in his.
Say something, anything.
She pleaded with herself to remain calm, to not crumble, to be that strong, confident woman who the rest of the world knew. But as he led her to the dance floor, she felt her hand tremble in his grasp and her heart continued to hammer in her chest. His other hand rested on her waist and he drew her close. She immediately inhaled his scent and was transported back in time. He still smelled the same. Like fresh laundry and soap.
“You look beautiful,” he said.
It wasn’t like her to be at a loss for words. In fact, she was often told by her friends that they never had to guess when they were around her. She would tell it like it was because she didn’t have time for games and all the bullshit. But as they danced to the music, his scent suffocating her and breaking down her defenses, all she could choke out was a ‘thank you.’
Morgan didn’t look him in the eye, though she knew he was staring at her, daring her to take a peek. She looked directly in front of her and fixated on his muscular chest. How many nights had she dreamt of him, imagined her body beneath his as he took her again and again? Too many. She closed her eyes and tried to swallow past the lump that was lodged in her throat. Morgan felt his fingers lift her chin and her eyes shot open.
“Like not a day has gone by,” he said. His eyes grew dark and his lips curled into a smug grin. His icy gaze crushed her. Where was the boy she had fallen in love with?
He was dead. And she had only herself to blame.
Jake’s hand fell away from her chin. For the first time in her life, Morgan was thankful for the sudden disconnect. She couldn’t bear to look at him for another second. Anger resonated in his eyes, sending a chill down her spine.
It was a welcome distraction when Carina suddenly appeared, interrupting their dance and embracing Morgan. Her best friend was beaming as she showed Morgan her engagement ring and spoke a mile a minute. “How the hell did you keep your mouth shut about this? I know you’re like a vault when you want to be, but shit!” Carina again squeezed her until she couldn’t breathe. “I’m getting married!”
Morgan giggled into Carina’s long, chestnut brown hair and pulled away. She cleared her throat and forced herself to put on a straight face. “Care for one more surprise?”
Carina’s smile faded in an instant. “What is it?”
“I’ve left Boston… for good,” Morgan said.
“And?” Carina asked, taking Morgan’s hands in hers.
“Well, let’s just say my commute to the Reading Terminal will now be within walking distance,” Morgan said.
“You’re moving to Philadelphia!”
Morgan shook her head, prompting a look of devastation on Carina’s face. Morgan couldn’t take it anymore and said, “Not moving. Moved. I already purchased a new townhome in the city and joined Reagan’s veterinary practice on Fourth Street.”
“This can’t be happening! You better not be joking, Mor, because I’ll seriously kill you if you are,” Carina said with fresh tears in her eyes. Morgan smiled as she hugged her friend. Carina was more than just her best friend. She was like a sister to her.
Morgan thanked God every day that her mom had made such a leap of faith so many years ago. If her mom hadn’t been so strong, so goddamned determined, Morgan would never have moved in around the corner from the McGinnis family. With their backyards up against each other with no fence in between, Morgan and the McGinnis siblings had flowed between the two households and they quickly had become more like family than neighbors.
“I’m not joking, honey. I didn’t want to say anything until everything was final and I was settled in. I had to be sure before…”
Carina didn’t let her finish and she hugged her. “It doesn’t matter. You’ve come home and this time, I’m never letting you go,” Carina said, sniffling. Morgan was fighting back tears when she felt Jake’s gaze.
“Well, it looks like my timing, for once, is right on the mark. Because we have a wedding to plan.” Morgan intentionally steered the conversation back to the real reason they had all come together tonight in the first place. This was Carina’s moment and there was no way in hell she was going to try to steal an ounce of the spotlight.
Carina’s brother, Brennan, came over and whisked Carina away. She laughed as he spun her around and into the arms of Gabe, Brennan’s twin brother. Morgan watched with envy as Carina’s brothers congratulated her on her engagement. She was so entranced with the touching scene that she had forgotten that Jake was just a few feet away and had heard her and Carina’s conversation.
“So we are to be neighbors once again,” Jake said. His green eyes bore into hers and she gathered all her strength so she could have the last word. Why did she have to have the last word? Because she was stubborn. Because she was a fool.
She took a deep breath and stood up straight. “It appears so.” She gave him a quick smile and then made her way to the outdoor deck, away from the guests, away from him. Morgan didn’t exhale until she was standing at the railing and peering out at the water. She begged herself to calm down, to regain some semblance of control. She needed to get through this evening. But Morgan quickly realized that this evening was just a blip on the screen, the first of many. What the hell was she thinking? What on God’s green earth made her think she could move from Boston and go live in Philadelphia, to a city where she could run into Jake at any time?
Morgan had factored that con in when she had made her list of reasons why not to move to Philadelphia, but the pros had significantly outweighed that one and only reason. By moving to Philadelphia she would be closer to her mom, Carina and her wonderful friends. This move was her chance for a new life. She would no longer be reminded on a daily basis of her failed marriage to Owen, of how he had cheated on her and then had the nerve to blame her for his infidelity. And career-wise, a move to Philadelphia made perfect sense. Her friends from college now had their own veterinary practice in Philadelphia. It was thriving and they needed a third veterinarian to handle their sudden burst in business. She had been thrilled beyond belief when they asked her to come on board. Morgan was eager to work alongside Reagan and Allison as opposed to Owen and the receptionist he had been secretly fucking.
Morgan heard footsteps behind her. She knew that heavy footfall. Though her mom weighed no more than a hundred and ten pounds, you could hear her coming from a mile away. Her mom came up next to her and handed her a glass of wine, which Morgan happily accepted. She sipped her wine at first and then gulped the whole thing down. Her mom gave her arm a pat and stared out at the water. Two boats were just about to pass each other when her mom asked, “How are you holding up, honey?”
Morgan smiled at her mom and then put her focus back on the two boats. “Well, I’m glad the divorce is final and that chapter of my life is over with.”
Her mom took a sip of her own wine. “I wasn’t asking about Owen or your divorce.”
Dolores Kelley, or Aunt Day, as the McGinnis siblings called her, was not a mother who made it her mission to run her daughter’s life. She had no desire to play Monday morning quarterback and tell Morgan the should-haves and could-haves that surrounded life’s decisions. Even when Morgan had called her mom and told her that she had eloped and married Owen, Dolores Kelley didn’t get her panties in a bunch. Her mom had just asked if she was happy and if she was, she too would share in her daughter’s joy.
It seemed childish to play coy, especially to her mom, who would know she was lying the second she opened her mouth. Her gaze remained fixed on the water out of fear that if she looked her mom in the eye, she would surely break down and cry. “He’s so… angry,” Morgan said.
“Better for him to be angry than to feel nothing at all. Wouldn’t you agree?”
Chapter Two
Morgan
“You mother fucker!”
Morgan hopped around on one foot as her toes throbbed. She had stubbed her foot at least three times on that same damn box since she had moved in last week. Enough. Tonight she would make it a priority to unload the remaining boxes.
Morgan grabbed her keys from the kitchen counter and out of habit, she checked to make sure the stove was off, which was pointless since she hadn’t used it this morning. She paused and then looked at her surroundings. This was her home now. Her new townhome wasn’t the enormous house that she and Owen had shared in Boston, but it was beautiful nonetheless. The kitchen had been updated by the previous owner with new appliances and granite countertops. But what she loved more than anything was the fact that she could truly make this home her own. She hadn’t had the opportunity to make her home in Boston reflect her tastes since Owen had lived there when she met him. He had already hired a professional decorator to make it feel more like a museum than a warm inviting space.
Morgan sighed and for the first time since all this mess started, it finally hit her. She had left Owen and Boston behind to start a new life. She was excited to work with Reagan and Allison and live just blocks away from Carina. But she couldn’t forget the man who still haunted her dreams, the man who lived .4 miles away, not that she was counting.