Back to the Start (Dangerous Love Book 4)

by Elle Keating

  Carina was in mid-conversation with Matt when Morgan grabbed her hand and dragged her out of the restaurant. “Morgan, what the… ”

  “I don’t feel good. I need to get home,” Morgan said. Carina nodded and they both filed into Aunt Lu’s backseat. Jake appeared seconds later and slid into the passenger seat.

  Aunt Lu tried to make conversation with Jake, but he kept quiet for the most part, just giving her yes and no answers. Poor Aunt Lu had taken the hint and they drove the rest of the way in silence. As soon as Aunt Lu pulled into the McGinnis driveway Morgan got out and started to cut across their yard, heading to her own. But before Aunt Lu could ask, Morgan lied and said that she could see her mom’s car in the driveway, that she must be home from work. Aunt Lu didn’t question her and gave her one of her sweet smiles.

  Morgan sprinted toward her backyard. She didn’t slow down until she was in her home, safely out of view. She went to her room and flipped on her stereo. Her favorite song resumed from the night before and she cried all those tears that she had kept at bay. Morgan lay on her bed and hugged her pillow.

  The music must have been too loud or she was just that out of it because she didn’t realize that she was no longer alone. He hadn’t made a sound. She just felt him, like she always did when he was close. Embarrassed, Morgan wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and sat up. She kept her back to him, but it didn’t stop him. He walked right over and sat next to her on the bed.

  “It’s because she has boobs… isn’t it?” Morgan asked, her voice breaking.

  “I’m… I’m sorry,” he said. Jake touched her back, which caused her to flinch. He drew his hand back and sighed. “You’re too young for me,” he said.

  She was sick of hearing him say that. She didn’t need boobs or a shape to know that she loved him. She wasn’t too young to feel. Morgan rose to her knees and faced him. He leaned back, clearly not expecting her sudden movement. She grabbed him by his hoodie strings, just like Emma had in the pizza parlor and drew him close. With less than an inch between them she whispered, “Kiss me.”

  Morgan didn’t wait for him to reject her again. She smashed her lips into his and he fell back, causing her to land on top of him. She was prepared to be thrown off but then she heard him groan against her mouth. It was the most beautiful sound she had ever heard. He kissed her back and the next thing she felt was his tongue enter her mouth. She had seen enough John Hughes movies to know that kissing involved tongues and not just lips, so it didn’t come as a complete shock. But what she wasn’t prepared for was the hard thing pressing against her stomach. She didn’t react, but he must have sensed something. In less than a second he tore out of her bed and retreated to the other side of her bedroom. They were both panting and fighting to catch their breath. Morgan couldn’t take her eyes off the bulge in his pants.

  “That was wrong,” he said.

  His words stung. But what killed her was that he was lying. Lying to her and himself. He had wanted to kiss her. She stood from the bed. “No, it wasn’t,” she said, her fists clenched at her sides.

  “I’m too old for you,” he said, his breathing still labored. “I’m fourteen and you’re… ”

  That was the straw that broke the camel’s back and she welled up instantly. “One day I’ll have boobs. One day you won’t be looking at girls like Emma… because I’ll be the girl, the only girl you’ll want to be with. You’ll see.”

  Jake didn’t say anything. He left her standing there with her hormones in disarray and her heart shattered into a thousand pieces.

  Morgan sipped her coffee as she silently begged Carina to hurry her ass up. Sitting on the couch, alone with her thoughts, with Jake’s scent still lingering in the air, her mind had drifted as she remembered in vivid detail the first time he had broken her heart. Morgan heard a knock at the door and she jumped at the distraction.

  Morgan opened the door and instead of Carina letting herself in, which was completely expected and acceptable, Carina stood and stared at her. Only a few seconds had passed, but that was all that was needed. All those years of hiding from Carina, of denying her feelings, caught up with her and she broke down. Carina stepped forward and embraced her. After a few minutes, they moved to the couch and Morgan finally told Carina that she was in love with Jake.

  “That I already know,” Carina said, holding Morgan’s hand.

  “How?”

  “Everybody knows, Morgan. My parents, Brennan, Gabe, Luke. They’ve always known.”

  “It was that obvious?” Morgan forced a smile and then laid her head on the back of the couch.

  “Yes.” Carina gave Morgan’s hand a pat before letting her go. Morgan stiffened at Carina’s change in tone. She was much more serious now and this frightened Morgan. “But what I don’t know is what the hell happened between you two? If you loved him so much, and I truly believe you did and still do, why did you go and marry someone else?” Morgan may have been prepared to tell Carina that she was in love with her brother, but she wasn’t ready to tell her the secret that had destroyed everything.

  “I… I made a mistake. I thought it was for the best. For him, for me. But I was wrong.” Morgan wasn’t a crier. Carina had witnessed Morgan crying maybe a handful of times since they were five and that was usually because she had gotten hurt while playing too rough, not because she had been emotionally distraught. Morgan had saved those particular tears for Jake. He was the only one she had shown that side to, the only one who was allowed to see her raw and broken.

  But today Morgan made an exception, and she let the tears flow freely. “The night before we left for college… Jake and I… it was the first and last time we were together. In the morning, he went back to school and I started my first year. We were both so busy because of our practice schedules and studies. Within two months I ended things. His focus needed to be on football and the pro scouts who were recruiting him as a college junior, not me, not the girl who had… ”

  Luckily, Morgan’s phone buzzed. What the hell did she almost do? She was just moments away from telling Carina everything, which was not her intention at the onset of this conversation. Morgan retrieved her phone from the coffee table. She looked at the message and miraculously switched gears and put her vet hat on. “I need to get to the office, Carina. I’m on call today.”

  Carina didn’t try to stop her. Instead she gave her a hug and said, “I love you.”

  Morgan’s vet hat slipped a little while in Carina’s arms, but she didn’t care. “You’re not angry with me? For not telling you sooner?”

  Carina squeezed her harder. “No. But I will be if you don’t jump on this second chance you have been given. What you two have, well, it doesn’t happen every day. It’s something so rare, so precious, that it would be a tragedy to let it slip away.” Carina took Morgan’s face in her hands and looked her in the eyes. “There is no other woman for him but you. It’s always been you.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Morgan

  “Eyes are clear, ears look good.” Morgan extracted the thermometer from the only place that would give her an accurate reading. “And he doesn’t have a fever.” Morgan gave the Doberman puppy a pat on the head. “Sorry, buddy, I didn’t enjoy that either.”

  “Oh, thank God!” the pet owner said. “When I found that pile of vomit on the kitchen floor, I panicked.”

  Morgan eyed the dog’s shiny coat as the little spitfire wiggled around like crazy. He looked way too happy, especially for a pup that had left a mess for his mom to clean up. “Well, it’s possible he had eaten his breakfast too quickly. Puppies are notorious for inhaling their food whole, only to have it come up completely intact minutes later.”

  “Ugh...gross,” the owner said, scrunching her nose.

  Morgan finished the exam and discharged the supercharged pup. There was only one patient left to treat and the rest of the day belonged to Morgan. A thirteen-year-old German Shepherd named Shana still had a lot of life in her. She apparently had been chasing
squirrels earlier that day and had put her paw through a fence as she tried to get to them. Morgan took one look at Shana’s paw and knew that the old girl was going to need stitches.

  It was late afternoon before Morgan was able to call it a day, but Shana was as spry as a girl her age could be when she left and that thought put a smile on her face. Morgan locked up the clinic and headed home. The events of last night and this morning finally caught up with her and she was anxious to shower and shut out the world for the night. But as she entered her townhome and locked herself in, her body didn’t start to unwind as she had anticipated. Instead, she suddenly felt alive and incapable of thinking about anything but Jake. Morgan climbed the stairs and went to her bedroom. Her bed wasn’t made, as she had been in a rush to get to the clinic. Morgan reached for the pillow on the side of the bed Jake had slept on and sniffed it. His scent took her back there. To those nights he had held her as she slept… as the rain came pouring down and the windows vibrated from pounding thunder. She took another deep breath. Beneath that icy gaze, beneath that anger, at least he still smelled the same.

  Morgan looked down at her phone. It wouldn’t kill her to send him a quick thank you for taking care of her drunk ass last night, though he had been the one to show up at the club and assume the role of caretaker without her consent. A rush of blood flowed to her face as she remembered how he took care of her. Not only had he driven her home, he had undressed her before putting her to bed. But her flushed cheeks weren’t due to embarrassment. Jake had seen her naked a couple of times, once by accident, and once because she wanted nothing more than for him to touch her heated skin. No… her face, her entire body, was on fire because she couldn’t forget how he had looked at her this morning before he left her sitting on that damn stool. His eyes had taunted her, had teased her mercilessly when he asked her why her heart had been beating so quickly, why she had trembled as his thumb caressed her lower lip. Hot and bothered, Morgan shot him a quick text:

  “Thanks for taking care of me last night.”

  Morgan placed her cell on the nightstand and went to the bathroom to start the shower. But the ding from her phone stopped her before she could cross the threshold to her bathroom, and she quickly retrieved her phone and read the incoming message:

  “You’re most welcome.”

  Good. See, they could have a nice, friendly exchange. But seconds later his message continued:

  “Come to my game tomorrow. I have set a few tickets aside for family and friends.”

  It was a kind gesture. The rational side of her knew that, but she couldn’t help but be hyper-focused on the word ‘friends.’ That word ate at her, tortured her every time he uttered it. And she deserved the pain it caused and then some.

  Could they really turn back the clock to a time when they were friends who listened to each other, who consoled each other, who told one another to be strong even when confronted with the impossible? Could she be the friend he deserved? Completely unsure, she texted him back:

  “I’ll see if I can swing it.”

  She received his text a few moments later:

  “Carina has your ticket...if you can swing it.”

  He was being obnoxious and adorable at the same time and she felt every butterfly in her belly spring to life all at once.

  ***

  Jake

  Jake stared at her smartass response. She would be there. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind. He was breaking her down, chipping away at that hardened exterior that she had built around herself. He saw it in her eyes this morning, that vulnerability that she allowed him and only him to see. He didn’t know what she was keeping from him. He hadn’t bought her excuse that she was too young to handle a long-distance relationship eight years ago and he certainly didn’t buy it now. It was bullshit.

  Morgan had grown up in a loving home. But because of her deadbeat father, because the selfish bastard just up and left his family, Morgan had been routinely put in situations that made her fend for and think for herself. She had been cooking, doing the laundry and mowing the lawn long before Jake had learned those things. She had been forced to grow up a little quicker than most. Maybe that was why he never saw her as a kid sister.

  With groceries in hand, Jake stepped out of his car. A couple walked past him and though they did a double take, he didn’t find that strange. It was typical for people on the street to stare and whisper if they recognized him. He entered his home and unloaded the groceries onto the kitchen island. He washed his hands and then grabbed a cutting board and knife. Unlike Brennan, cooking didn’t come naturally to Jake. He had worked at it, even asked his brother to teach him a few things so he wasn’t reliant on takeout menus. But as he chopped some veggies for the salad he was preparing, his mind drifted back to Morgan. And for the first time in what felt like forever, anger didn’t consume him as he thought about her. Instead, regret and frustration overtook him. All those years he had focused on how she had hurt him. But right now, alone in his kitchen he had to admit, even if it was only to himself, that he wasn’t the sole victim. He had caused her pain, had broken her heart on more than one occasion when they were children and then later as teenagers…

  “Jake? Jake?”

  Jake looked at Rebecca, his new girlfriend of two weeks. Her brown eyes searched his as she tried to steal him away from his thoughts. He forced a smile and held her hand as they made yet another revolution on the Ferris wheel. Rebecca leaned in and kissed him. It was quick but pleasant, and again he did his damnedest to put his focus on Rebecca and not the girl he couldn’t stop thinking about.

  Even after six months he couldn’t get that kiss out of his mind. Though Morgan had never backed down from a fight or hesitated to speak her mind, she’d still surprised him that night. Just the thought of her grabbing him by his hoodie strings and kissing him like she owned him drove him crazy. She had tasted so good, had felt so good on top of him. And that was the moment he had abruptly gotten out of her bed and realized what he had been seconds away from doing. He had wanted more than a kiss from her. He knew it was wrong and even told her so. Angry, Morgan had stood and told him that she would be his girl one day. If she only knew that she had been his girl since she was five years old.

  The Ferris wheel circled once more before letting him and Rebecca off. She grabbed his hand and they started to walk down the metal ramp when he saw Carina and Morgan standing in line to get onto the ride. But they weren’t alone. They were talking and laughing with two boys he recognized. Although Jake was a sophomore in high school, he remembered the two eighth graders from football camp the previous summer.

  Jake expected to see Carina and her friends at the town carnival since it was the place to be this weekend, but what he didn’t anticipate was that these ‘friends’ would be boys. Jake didn’t think. Rather, he reacted and dragged poor Rebecca with him to confront them.

  “Hey,” Carina said before he could get a word in.

  He didn’t say hi. He didn’t smile. All he wanted to know was if his sister and Morgan were on a double date with these two assholes. “Does Mom know about this?” he asked, nodding to the two boys.

  Carina narrowed her eyes. “About what? That I came here with friends?”

  Jake glanced at Morgan, but she refused to look at him. “Yes.”

  “Actually, Mom and Dad drove us all here. So yes, they met Gavin and Logan.”

  Jake could feel his blood boil as he took in the scene. His thirteen-year-old sister and Morgan were out on a date and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

  “Hi, I’m Rebecca. You’re Katrina, right?”

  “Carina,” his sister corrected.

  Rebecca blushed, obviously embarrassed for screwing up his sister’s name, which in all fairness many people did.

  The ride operator walked over and undid the chain. “See you at home,” Carina said as she climbed onto the ride with Gavin.

  Jake shifted his attention onto Morgan. She still wasn’t looking at him; rather her foc
us was now on Rebecca. The look in her eyes, the way Morgan stared at Rebecca told Jake that she was jealous. He both loved and hated the fact that he could make her jealous so easily. But when it was Morgan and Logan’s turn to enter their car, those feelings of jealousy transferred over to him and he was crushed by their weight.

  “Are you okay?” Rebecca asked.

  He didn’t know how long he had been staring at Morgan and Logan, but it must have been a while for Rebecca to think that there was something wrong with him.

  “Yeah. I’m fine,” he said, watching Morgan and her date fade from view.

  Just one more time. He was torturing himself, but he wanted to see her with Logan once more.

  Jake stared at Morgan’s car and watched it descend. He locked eyes with her as her car drew closer. But before she drifted past him, he saw Logan grab Morgan’s hand. Morgan looked over at Logan and smiled before she again disappeared from sight.

  He had no right to want to kill Logan, to be jealous even. He was the one who had told her that they couldn’t be together because she was too young. Yet there he stood with his girlfriend, regretting everything he had said to Morgan that night in her bedroom.

  Morgan had been right. There was nothing wrong with that kiss. It had been perfect. The problem was that it had come from a twelve-year-old girl, a girl he shouldn’t want every minute of the day.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Morgan

  “I can’t tell you how happy I am that you approve.”

  “Why wouldn’t I, Ken? You make my mom so happy.” Morgan sat on her front stoop and smiled into the phone. “When are you planning to pop the question?”

  “I’m taking her to Europe for her birthday. First France, then Scotland. We’ll end our five-week vacation in Ireland. Your mom said she always wanted to travel and see one of those Irish castles up close. I was thinking of proposing there. What do you think?”