Our grand dinners seemed like some divinely ordained conclave of bon vivants, for which each of the five participants had won the lottery to attend. It turned out that Santo was from Lucca. The instant he found out we had lived in Bagni di Lucca, he leaped up from the table, rooted through a box of DVD’s, and proceeded to show us the tree-lined road he filmed with his hand-held camera while driving right through Benabbio!
“Santo! We’re in the middle of dinner!” Cleo admonished him.
“But Ma-donna! Look at this – can you believe it? Becca and James came to us from my country! We are all lucchese [Luccans]! Fill the glasses! We must toast to our country!” he shouted in his charmingly accented English.
Easily and naturally the five of us chose to become lovers. Cleo and I talked daily on the phone as we planned our first Coterie night, wanting to smooth out any rough edges. Having come through a rough divorce, would Santo still harbor trust issues? Nicolas being the only one not in a couple, would he feel like a fifth wheel? Would our dinner table chemistry translate to the mattress? Cleo and I conspired; she would prepare the house, and I would prepare some Tantric-inspired exercises.
So one Saturday night we convened for our usual fancy dinner. I wore sequins; Cleo wore a black backless dress that set off her glowing auburn hair. After dinner, we moved into the living room, which she had decorated with candles and red Christmas lights in the shape of chile peppers. In the center of the floor she had piled soft covers and cushions, and on the end tables were pitchers of chilled water and plates of fresh orange slices and chocolate squares.
The five of us began in a circle, speaking in turn about our willingness to be there and any fears. Then, forming pairs, we each took time with one other person for nonverbal eye gazing, rotating through until we had sat with everybody. I love this exercise – after all, the eyes are the windows to the soul – but I noticed some nervous laughter when it was man-on-man.
Next we took turns sitting with one other person, synchronizing breathing. I ended up sitting in a yab-yum position with Santo; of everyone in the group, he was the one I knew the least. That changed forever that night; with each breath, we fell a little bit more into one another – not physically necessarily, but soulfully. Inhaling his essence filled me with knowledge of who he was... deep down, beyond the Italian theatricality and business go-get’em, there was this somewhat timid boy who adored beauty and wished life could be simpler. Santo was simultaneously breathing me in, and from his little moans, I sensed he was taking me in by doses, too. Our bodies undulated with the breath, following a rhythm of their own making, and our lips hovered close to one another. Lips poised for the longest time – a luscious, timeless moment before the first kiss... until the distance between them had disappeared, and they joined, like two children running full speed at one another, bounding through a springtime meadow, to collide with such an emotional thwack that it detonated all the flowers into bloom, a chorus of life’s glory. Baroque language aside, it was one hell of a first kiss! Then Santo and I were two hummingbirds diving into one another’s kiss to imbibe the sweet nectar there. Eventually, coming up for air, we stopped to notice James, Nicholas, and Cleo seated around us mesmerized. When we looked up, everyone burst out laughing, and Cleo clapped her hands. Grabbing me with a forceful hug, she laughed into my ear, “I tried, but there was no way I could’ve told you what a lover my Santo is! You had to experience it for yourself!”
Then she planted a deep kiss on Santo’s mouth that took his breath away. As I leaned out of the yab-yum, I felt Nicholas behind me, waiting there to catch me. His rough farmer hands stroked my arms ever so gently as he kissed my neck, putting so much focus into each kiss, planting each one as if he were placing a seed in the earth and watering it with his loving attention. James nudged me back into Nick’s embrace, exposing my front for James to nuzzle and lick. Closing my eyes, I felt my body swoon under the caresses of two beloveds, until I could not tell who was who.
The men directed Cleo and me onto the soft covers on the floor. As she and I lay on our backs next to each other holding hands, Nicholas kissed his way down her chest to come to rest at her yoni. As he began licking her, James began licking me. Cleo and I locked eyes. On the heaving ship of passion, our gaze helped the other regain balance as each wave of pleasure crashed over the bow. At one point, I noticed it was Nick who was flicking my clitoris with his tongue, and James’ face was buried in Cleo’s yoni. Some time later, they switched again. Cleo and I kissed, but I could not concentrate on kissing her because the stimulation at my yoni kept distracting me. When Santo teased us, alternately kissing our nipples and lips, I was forced to split my attention to the different parts of my body receiving pleasure, until, mercifully, my mind jumped overboard. Once the mental captain abandoned ship, my body floated from sensation to sensation... uncategorically, nonjudgmentally, and unrestrainedly. Orgasms arose. Orgasms subsided.
Then there came a moment when we noticed we were thirsty and passed around glasses of cold water. With exaggerated flourish, we fed each other orange sections and chocolate. Cleo placed a square of chocolate at her yoni; “Come and get it!” she beckoned. It was Nicholas who dove at the chance, and I realized that since he had met her, he must have been fantasizing about this evening. I fondled Nick’s lingam while he toyed with the chocolate and her yoni. Then, with his strong arms he lifted Cleo onto all fours on the floor. Taking his cue, she began waving her ass in the air. The full-on animal attraction of her position was so sexy! Nicholas kneeled behind her. With serious determination, he placed both of his big hands on her buttocks and ever so slowly slid his lingam into her yoni. Closing his eyes, he seemed to quiver with pleasure and penetrated her with a gentle thrusting motion as if it would steady him. Strands of hair escaped from his ponytail and swished across his face, which was shiny with sweat.
After some time, I noticed that James was tiring, and he laid his body onto the makeshift floor mattress. “I’ve always had a fantasy of having two women,” he said.
“Oh, we love fulfilling fantasies, don’t we, Becca?” tittered Cleo, who was now lying on her side. Sprite that she was, she walked on all fours and planted her yoni right on James’ mouth! He chortled with pleasure, and with a little stroking by my hand, his lingam was soon at full hardness. As she writhed on his mouth, supported on two sides by Santo and Nicholas, I began tapping my yoni with James’ lingam until I felt ready to receive him. My bobbing up and down on his rod while Cleo bobbed up and down on his face had him moaning. Since we were facing each other, Cleo and I could reach over and kiss and hold each other’s torsos as we moved up and down on James. With all of our accompanying moans, the five of us became a chorus of desire... and of desire fulfilled.
By and by, Nicholas draped himself over the sofa, his eyes at half-mast. Small wonder: he got up with the chickens, and it was now past midnight. Kneeling at the end of the floor covers, Santo sipped a glass of red wine, swishing it lazily in his mouth, completely engrossed in the experience of savoring... the wine and the scene. He said later that the Coterie had a surreal aspect to it: there it was – full-on intensity – then it wasn’t anymore. He said, “It’s like I was in the womb, like home – capito? – and then I was in my other life, the ‘normal one,’ and I wondered, ‘Did that really happen? Was I really that comfortable?’ Because it’s so contrary to societal life – to share, to love – What?! No guilt? No fear? But that’s what makes society! To be so comfortable with others – Madonna! – it was another reality!”
So it was no wonder that the Coterie continued. We all wanted to travel together to that other reality again.
The Five M’s
Pleasure is the tribute we owe
to our dignity as human beings.
~ William Wordsworth
In the Hindu Tantric tradition, there is the Great Rite of the Five Essentials, also known as the Tantric Eucharist, or Puja of the Five Makaras (the Five M’s), “M” b
eing the first letter of the Sanskrit names of the five elements that compose it. A Tantric guru leads the initiates in a ceremony during which they partake of the elements, which they mindfully offer to a central fire and then to each other, realizing the subtle powers of what they are ingesting. Much care is given to the preparation of the temple space (a central fire, incense, flowers, silks, lighting, music), the participants (bathing, anointing with aromatic oils, wearing alluring clothing and jewelry), the substances ingested (cannabis, wine, food, sweets), and the sexual rite (yogic asanas, mantras, breathing, visualization, retention).
The Five M’s, and their correspondences, are as follows:
M
Sacrament
Element
Higher Goal
Mudra
Grains
Earth
Detachment from worldliness
Matsya
Fish
Water
Control of breath
Madya
Wine
Fire
Purification of the senses
Mamsa
Meat
Air
Control of sound
Maithuna
Sexual Union
Ether
Control of kundalini energy
The participants, while partaking of the different elements, offer them up to feed the kundalini serpent as well as to be transformed by kundalini’s movement through them. In the Chakra Puja of old India, a goat was ritually sacrificed; in this way, the initiates were keenly aware from whence the meat they ate came, as well as keeping in mind the ever-present force of death. The Tantric perspective notes also that sex – the act of creation – is a kind of antidote to death, and this ceremony provided a container for profound contact with the forces of sex and death.
The Rudra Yamala Tantra states: “I follow the cult wherein there is enjoyment of wine, fish, flesh, grains, and woman. In the Goddess I seek refuge. To the line of Gurus, I am devoted. I am Shiva, the terrific, the transcendental! She is Shakti, the sensual, the liberator.”112
I would love to report here how our polyamorous group proceeded to enact the Great Rite of the Five Essentials, but the fact of the matter is this: we never thought of it. Duh. I guess that is where the guru comes in handy; s/he would guide you through important details that you would not know otherwise. Be that as it may, what I can relate here is what we spontaneously did, the ritualistic actions that arose out of us, and how remarkably similar they were to a proper Puja of the Five Makaras. What follows is a description of one evening of the Coterie.
Cleo had her own Venusian traits, too, and loved to prepare their spacious living room for our evenings. It had been a white winter day, and even after James and I arrived and took off our coats, the cold still clung to our cheeks. Nicholas was already at work building a fire in the kiva fireplace. As the sun set, the adobe-tan walls lit up golden, and with the red Christmas lights slung seductively across the mantelpiece and along the wall, the room seemed a nest woven of strands of warmth – a protected haven from a cold world. Santo was in the kitchen putting the final touches on his red sauce, and James joined him. “Do you add wine to your sauce?” James inquired. Cleo took off her apron and grabbed my hand, leading me to the bedroom.
“Those two are going to argue about how to make red sauce, which will keep them fully occupied!” she laughed.
“Not to mention that Nicholas is so proud of his veggie red sauce,” I added. “Are we lucky or what? Three men who love to cook!”
Sniffing my way into her bathroom, I saw a tub full of flower petals and aromatic herbs. Cleo said, “Why don’t you slip into the bath – it’s still hot – while I find you something to wear. I have some lingerie I think you’ll love!”
So she and I played dress-up in the back bedroom and plotted on how we wanted to present ourselves to the men tonight. Cleo modeled for me a leather garter belt and bra Santo had just bought her in New York. We dabbed each other with different scents – she chose jasmine, and I wore amber – and then we dressed so as to conceal the lingerie underneath. When we came out, sure enough, the three men were standing in the kitchen arguing the virtues of bay leaves, olive oil, and garlic. As they put the finishing touches on dinner, we munched on sushi, a most un-Taos-like food, but the raw fish tasted good with soy sauce and spicy wasabi paste.
The five of us sat down at the table. As Santo poured Nick’s favorite wine, Bogle Pinot Noir, into our crystal wine glasses, James spoke, “I just want to tell you guys how great this is. I’m so happy to be a part of this.” Clanging of glasses and swallowing down the flavorful wine.
Then I offered a toast. “I’d like to invoke Shiva, and recognize in you men the Divine Masculine.”
Nicholas followed up with, “And to you women, the Divine Feminine!”
“We call in Shakti and Shiva!” I declared, noting that the vase of red, white, and yellow roses in the center of the table could symbolize the Feminine, the Masculine, and a third entity created by the union of the two.
“To the Coterie!” James lifted his glass yet again. “To the Coterie!” all repeated.
In proper Italian sequence, Santo served pasta, cooked farro (spelt grain), and a tangy oh-so-Italian red sauce in shallow bowls. We opened another bottle of Shiraz. Then came the elk roast, served with potatoes, onions, celery, and carrots infused with rosemary drippings. Jabbing my fork into the succulent meat, I closed my eyes and said a prayer of gratitude to the elk who gave its life for us. This was still a huge leap for my vegetarian identity. Then came a large salad of fresh greens, the pride of Nicholas’ greenhouse.
The third bottle of wine had just been uncorked when Santo spoke about our first get-together. “Becca, you were in my lap, remember?”
“A yab-yum,” James said.
“Yeah,” Santo went on, “and we were facing each other, heart to heart, our legs around each other, and breathing really deep. Then we began kissing. I couldn’t get over the fact I was not hard! That was new! But how do I explain...? I was attracted to you and wanted to make love with you – eh? I’m Italian! – but here I was allowing myself to combine with someone else in a totally different fashion. It was more than if I had been inside you. I became aware that everyone was watching, and I didn’t care! Remember, you guys?”
“I’ll say!” James jumped in. “I got so turned on just watching you. I love watching Becca receiving pleasure.”
Santo went on. “It was a huge moment! Everything felt... equal. I didn’t feel like a guy with guy ideas (‘I wanna get in this girl’s pants,’ or whatever). We were just two people enjoying being on this planet at the same time – just sharing breath... we were there for nothing else than to be here right now. No confetti. It was a moment I’ll never forget. I so loved that Cleo was watching and was a part of this.” He reached over and squeezed her hand.
“I know, Santo,” she said. “It was very pretty, so Tantric! And now Becca knows what a great kisser you are! I think it’s good for us to see each other with someone else. You know you’ve had some trust issues.”
“Well of course! Ma-donna, my first wife...” Santo started
Cleo cut him off. “But that was then, and this is now. Right? When Nicki and I were getting it on, I saw you watching us...”
“Did it push your boundaries too far?” I asked Santo.
“Pushed my boundaries? Yes, I admit, I started with some. I mean, jealo
us is natural, no? But with the Coterie, the boundaries I thought I had have progressively faded away as we’ve gone along. I would reflect on them and find that most were out of fear. Fear I was losing something...”
“Precisely!” Cleo said. “But you learned, at that time, that nothing changed in my relationship with you. You didn’t curl up and die.”
“Eh! When feelings come up – selfishness, insecurity – I say: Ah! Conditioning! I greet them as another hurdle to truth about myself. I am much more aware of this now, and I feel more solid in myself.
“But then I think about the nuns at school. And I think: What? Everything I was taught was wrong? But this feels completely right! My gut feeling, this is what we’re on this planet to do: to love each other! Hey – this should be normal! You learn you can trust these people, because you are so grounded at that moment, and you’re yourself. And you know where the hurt is, and where the pleasure is, and your intuition is on. But if someone had an ulterior motive, my gut would have known it, and I wouldn’t have relaxed with it. The Coterie brings you to Earth, and look! – there are people here part of this Earth! La mia famiglia!
“One time, Nicola, you were doing Cleo while she was sucking me while I was sucking Becca while she was sucking James. I didn’t really feel that sexual, but I felt so much pleasure! It was fun, it was sharing. I like you, so why don’t I give you pleasure? Why not share our lives in this way?”
Venus and Her Lover Page 16