“It did?” she questions, sounding somewhat surprised. “Because I thought maybe you were beginning to realize I wasn’t what you wanted anymore. I needed it, yet having it freaked me out at the same time. Not having it scares me, having it scares me, and it all confuses me to no end.”
“Fuck no.” I kiss her bottom lip, my hand moving around to grip the back of her neck to hold her to me. “I’ll never not want you, Kennedy. I can promise you that. Not even losing my brother in ways has been able to keep me away.”
“Shit, Colson,” she breathes against my lips. “What am I going to do with you?”
“This…” I press my lips against hers, kissing her gently, before dipping my tongue into her mouth, craving her taste.
She kisses be back, giving me her all this time, and I know in this very moment that she’s not afraid of falling in love with me, because she already has. I just need to make sure she knows it.
Her hand moving in between us to undo my jeans has me tightening my grip in her hair. “It’s my turn,” she says, freeing me from my jeans. “I’ve been wanting to do this for weeks.”
I close my eyes and growl when she takes me in her hand, before moving to wrap the other around it. Her movements are slow, taking her time to feel me in her hands as her mouth finds mine again.
“Fuck, baby. That feels good.” I bite her bottom lip and tug the back of her hair, pulling her to me harder. I can’t get her close enough and it’s killing me.
“Faster?” she questions, her eyes on mine, and the way she’s watching me is fucking me up in the worst way possible. Fuck, I love this woman—I always have.
I growl in response, her movement picking up, causing a bead of pre-cum to drip down the top of my head and wet her hand. She sucks in a breath at the sight of it, before moving her thumb over my head and circling it, spreading it around.
“I’m close,” I say against her mouth, stopping her hand.
“What?” she breathes out. “What’s wrong?”
I reach for her jeans and unbutton them, before moving to the zipper. “I want to be inside of you when I come.”
Without a word, she helps me remove her jeans, before straddling me again, her gaze on mine as I slowly lower her down my dick.
“Fuck, baby,” I whisper, before kissing her. “Move slow. And look at me while you do.”
I wrap an arm around her waist, controlling her speed, wanting it slow and deep right now. I want her to feel me. All of me. This need and the emotions I’ve been holding onto over the years. All the years of me wanting to make love to her. Not just fuck like she might think.
“Open your eyes,” I say when she closes them. She does so without hesitation, her breathing erratic as we look each other in the eyes. “That’s it,” I whisper, moving her up and down, filling her deep each time she comes down. “You’re mine,” I remind her.
She nods, tugging my hair as she moans into my mouth. “I can’t handle it,” she says, her legs shaking above me. She’s about to come for me and that has me close to coming myself. “Oh, my god…” She buries her face in my neck, her right hand digging into my shoulder as she clenches around me.
I give her a few seconds to come down before I tug her hair back, making her look at me again as I begin grinding my hips into her, holding her still so that I’m in control.
Within seconds I’m filling her with my cum, our breathing heavy against each other’s mouths as we fight to control it.
I brush her sweaty hair out of her face, smiling when she does. “That was intense.” She presses her forehead against mine, her breathing still thick. “I’m not sure I can move now.”
“Good. Then don’t.”
She slaps my shoulder and laughs. “I have to. We should start heading back.”
I hold her in place when she goes to move. “Not yet.” I rub my thumb over her cheek, taking her in. “A few more minutes. I’m not ready to let you go yet.”
Her eyes soften as she moves her arms to wrap around my neck. Everything about this moment feels right; so fucking right, and I’m not ready to let it go yet.
Colson has been in my bed the past three nights, things between us beginning to feel real, and really damn good.
While I’m working, all I can think about is the end of the night when I know Colson will show up either outside Dixie’s waiting on me or outside of my house. I live for these moments now.
This time, though, I waited for Colson after his shift since Libby was working the closing shift tonight. I’ve been mixing it up more, giving myself two early shifts a week now that I’m comfortable with Libby doing the closing procedures. Taking over couldn’t have come at a better time.
I feel guilty about having a secret relationship with Colson, knowing how it’d hurt Dax if he found out, but we tried the whole staying away from each other to give it time thing, and it didn’t work. Now that I’ve experienced what it’s like to be with Colson this way, I’m not sure I can go back to pushing him away and pretending not to have feelings for him. I don’t want to. Not when everything feels so right with him; like this is how it should’ve been all along.
Blaire should know about us by now. She deserves to know as my best friend and his sister, but I’m afraid telling her will complicate things and put a strain on something that’s been too incredible to give up. I plan to tell her soon. I just need a little more time, so hopefully she’ll be understanding considering the circumstances.
We’ve been lucky to have not been caught so far between both places, but staying quiet with Colson is proving to be harder each time we’re together.
Since it’s somewhat early in the night for us and Blaire is most likely still awake, we decided to go to Colson’s apartment tonight, so here I am sitting on the kitchen island as he cooks us a late-night snack. “What is it?” I ask again, my stomach growling with anticipation.
“Something good,” he says, pulling me to him so that he’s standing between my legs. He smiles and tilts back his beer, before kissing me. “Three more minutes and they’ll be done.”
“It better be good, because I’m dying here.” He squeezes my waist and laughs against my neck, the vibration causing goose bumps to cover my arms and legs. “Is it those little chicken bites wrapped in bacon that I love?” I sniff the air. “Because I think I smell bacon.”
“You don’t.” His teeth graze across my neck, before gently digging into my skin right as the timer on the oven goes off. He smiles and walks to the oven, pulling out a pan of what looks like little chicken bites definitely not wrapped in bacon. “See. No bacon.”
“Stuffed with ham and cheese then?” I question, hopeful, watching as he scoops the little bites onto a paper plate.
“Maybe.” He lifts a brow and slides the plate beside me, moving back in between my legs again. “Maybe a little bacon too.”
“I could kiss you all over right now,” I say, grabbing his face with both hands, my heart racing as he looks me in the eyes. I love how often he does that. It’s like he’s looking into my soul each time he does, taking his time to learn me.
“All over? Like… everywhere?” he teases, getting a laugh out of me. “What? It’s a serious question. I’ll lose my shirt and jeans right now. Just give me the word.”
“Mmmm… tempting,” I say, grabbing a piece of chicken from the plate. “I totally wouldn’t mind you losing that T-shirt right now. Gives me something nice to admire while I eat.”
He smirks and yanks his shirt over his head, tossing it across the room. “Anything else you want off?”
“If I want your pants off, I’ll take them off.”
My insides heat with desire as I watch him tilt back his beer. If it weren’t for the fact that I’m sore because we’ve had sex probably twelve times already this week, I’d jump on him right now. I’ve never seen a hotter sight in my entire life. This man is killing me slowly.
After eating another bite of food, I push the plate aside and reach down to undo Colson’s jeans. “Okay… ma
ybe I do want these off too.”
He smirks, watching as I undo his zipper next and then lower his jeans as far as I can reach. “I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist my body.”
“Shut it,” I groan, running my fingertips along his abs. “I hate how sexy you are sometimes.”
With a small chuckle, he steps back and removes his jeans, kicking them to the side. “And I fucking love that you can’t keep your hands off me. Makes my entire day.” He lifts me from the counter and carries me into the living room to lay me on the couch. Without a word, he crawls behind me and wraps me in his arms, before reaching for the remote to turn the TV on.
It’s the simplest moments like these—him just holding me in his arms—that has me falling more for him each day. The sex may be incredible—without a doubt the best I’ve ever had—but this feeling of warmth and security from being close to him, and how he makes me feel like I’m home is the reason I know I love Colson Bennett. I not only love him, but I’m in love with him. I spent years falling for him, starting as friends, and just didn’t know it had become more until now.
“Is this show okay?” he asks into my neck, before kissing it.
I nod and pull his arms tighter around me, not caring what’s on TV. The only thing I’ll be able to think about while here on this couch with him is how incredible he feels. “Yeah.”
He smiles and trails kisses along my neck and shoulders like he’s done every night we’ve slept together. “I’m getting way too used to this. You do realize there’s no chance in hell I’ll ever walk away from you, right?”
“What if you have to?” I ask, my stomach twisting into knots at just the thought. “For a while, at least.”
“I’ll beg you not to make me.” He squeezes me tighter, and I bury my face into his strong arm, kissing it a few times before I close my eyes, getting lost in him.
I hope I won’t have to…
* * *
I wake up to a text from Blaire asking where I’m at and why I didn’t come home last night. I intended to leave Colson’s early this morning to get back before she woke up, but I was so comfortable that I slept through my alarm. I don’t even remember turning it off, actually.
“Your sister is asking where I’m at.”
Colson sits up and runs his hands over his face. “So… Tell her the truth. She’s going to eventually find out anyway. It might as well be from you.”
I stare at my phone, my pulse racing as I try to come up with what I’m going to tell her. “I plan to tell her soon. I was thinking in maybe a week or two. It’s too soon still.”
He exhales and sits back, pulling me with him. “It doesn’t matter how much time passes before my family finds out. Whether it’s today or in two weeks, you’re still dating Dax’s brother. We both know Dax saw this coming, so it shouldn’t come as a surprise to him. And Blaire,” he reaches beside him for his pack of cigarettes, “will be happy for us. She may kick my ass at first for making the moves on you, but she’ll move on quickly and accept it.”
“Maybe I’m doing it for myself then,” I whisper, feeling ashamed. “Maybe some time will make me feel less like an asshole for moving on from a long-term serious relationship with my ex’s brother after barely any time at all. I don’t know. All I know is that Dax is my friend whether he wants to be right now or not, because I refuse to cut someone out of my life that I’ve known for almost half of it. I don’t want to be enemies just because things didn’t work out between us, and if me and you are going to be together, I need to be on good terms with him. Do you get what I mean?”
“Yeah.” He pulls me to him and grabs my face, moving in so his lips touch mine. “We may not be close, but I don’t exactly want my brother as my enemy either, but he’s felt like one since the day he took you away from me when he knew how much I wanted you. I don’t know if that’ll ever change either, but yeah, I’d like to be able to be in the same room with him and us not want to kill each other someday. So, I get it. I just don’t have high hopes that’ll ever happen.”
My phone vibrates in my hand with another text from Blaire, so I kiss Colson’s chest and maneuver my way out of his arms. “Your sister wants me to meet her at your dad’s to swim and get some sun. Maybe it’ll be a good opportunity to tell her. I don’t know. I’ll feel it out.”
He smiles and pulls me back to him, pressing his lips against mine. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to go a day without kissing him now. “I’ll be there in an hour or two. If she doesn’t know by then, she’ll figure it out real quick once she sees us kissing.”
I slap his chest and stand up to grab my things. I don’t want to leave him. In fact, I’d stay here on the couch all day with him, but Blaire has to know something is up by now. I’ve barely hung out with her since that day at the park when Colson and I left together. “Real funny.” I give him a hard look and head for the door. “Just please behave when you get there.”
He stands and walks to the window, opening it up so he can smoke. “I’ll think about it, but I can’t make any promises.”
That’s about all I can expect from Colson, so I hurry outside to my car and text Blaire back, before heading home to get changed first.
Blaire has been at their dad’s for over an hour now, so she’s already sitting out back soaking up the sun when I arrive.
Sitting up, she pulls her sunglasses down to look at me. “And where the hell have you been?”
I swallow, taking a seat in the Zero Gravity chair beside her. I don’t like lying to Blaire. It’s something I’ve never done in all the years we’ve know each other. “Do you really want to know?”
She tilts her head at me, looking me over with a serious expression, before she cracks a smile and sits back. “I already know, babe. I was just wanting to hear it from you.”
“You’re not mad?” I question, somewhat relieved she knows.
“I was a little upset at first when I heard Colson sneak out of the house the other morning, but only because you kept it from me.” She puts her sunglasses back on and rests her hands behind her head. “I can’t stop you from dating Colson. In fact, I’ve always thought you two were better suited than you and Dax. It just sucks that it’s so soon after you and my other brother broke up. If this had come at a later time, let’s say… five, six years down the road, then there might’ve been some hope for my brothers. I don’t think that’s going to happen now.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, closing my eyes. “I wish we could’ve waited. I tried. I really tried to stay away from Colson, but I couldn’t. I’ve never felt this way before, Blaire. Not even with Dax, and it’s scary. I don’t want to drive a bigger wedge between the boys, but I’m already too far in to walk away now. I can’t.”
“Then don’t,” she says immediately. “As much as I hate the idea of keeping this from Dax, maybe giving him a few weeks to heal a little will soften the blow. He may understand then, but now, not even a week later, it’ll kill him. Either that or he’ll kill Colson. I don’t want to see either happen.”
“Does this make me a bad person?” I sit up to look at her. “Don’t lie to me either. I need you of all people to be honest with me.”
She’s quiet for a moment, as if she’s thinking, before Blaire takes her sunglasses off again and looks at me. “Falling in love with someone new doesn’t make you a bad person. You can’t help who you love. You also can’t help how quickly you fall sometimes. You and Colson have history that stretches back pretty far. It’s not like you just met some random dude off the street and fell for him. You and Colson were close once… before you and Dax. You guys were together almost every day.”
“Who said I love him?” is all I can focus on after everything she just said.
“I know you, Kennedy. You wouldn’t jump into something with another guy so quickly if you didn’t love him. It doesn’t matter how many issues you and Dax had, because you would’ve waited for months before moving on had it been with anyone else. That’s the type of person you are. Why els
e would you be fighting so hard to spare Dax’s feelings over making sure you’re happy?”
“Because it’s the right thing to do?”
“Because you’re not a bad person. A bad person wouldn’t give a shit about anyone but themselves. And that is me keeping it real.”
“Thanks,” I whisper, feeling somewhat relieved. “I hated keeping this from you, by the way.”
“I know.” She laughs and gets comfortable again. “You’ve always hated keeping secrets from me. That’s why you never have, until now, but hey,” she throws her arms up, “I don’t blame you on this one, girl.” She laughs. “You’re a brother hopper.”
“Don’t. Just don’t.” I laugh and take off my T-shirt, getting comfortable in my bathing suit. “Let’s just sit here and enjoy this nice day for a little bit without talk of your brothers. Sound good?”
“I can definitely deal with that.”
Me too…
Kennedy and I are beginning to feel like a real couple, and it feels so fucking good. No more of her pushing me away or fighting the pull she has toward me. She hasn’t given in completely due to her fear of what’ll happen when Dax finds out, but I can feel it in my bones that she’s in love with me and things are real between us.
That alone is enough to keep me going even though hiding our relationship is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. There have been so many times at the bar that I’ve wanted to lean in and kiss her, but had to stop myself because of people’s eyes on us. Even around my sister I’m not allowed to touch and be with Kennedy like I want to.
I need for her to have told Blaire by the time I make it to her, because standing here inside the sliding glass doors, watching Kennedy in her bikini by the pool, has me wanting to do very bad fucking things to her. I wasn’t joking when I said my sister would find out when we kissed in front of her. I know I can’t hold back anymore.
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