by Mandy Baggot
‘I liked to look into your eyes the moment that you came.’
Crap! She actually wobbled on her feet at his reply, clenching her vagina together like she was holding onto a bladder of wee with no toilets for miles. She was so glad she wasn’t looking at him right now because she probably would have orgasmed right here on the pontoon. Whatever was sensible or worldly correct, he still made her heatwave-hot. And why did she seem to feel she had to fight that?
‘Are you ready to shoot up into the sky?’ the man asked them, grinning. ‘Let happiness explode inside you?’
Beth made a high-pitched noise that could probably only be detected by bats and gripped the straps of her harness. Getting airborne could not be worse than this.
‘Run!’ Alex said five or so minutes later.
Beth began to jog towards the end of the pontoon, her heart racing, her legs shaking, wondering what was going to happen next. What if she got to the end of the wooden platform and she just fell off into the sea, with Alex on top of her. No, it wasn’t sane to go there with that idea… And then, suddenly, her body was whipped away, up and out and the wind was whistling round her ears, her hair flying all over her face. She started screaming as she flew through the air at pace, the roar of the speedboat mixing with the rush of the wind. Her chest was bursting as she screeched, eyes tightly shut, hands clamped to her straps, willing it to stop.
‘Beth,’ Alex called to her. ‘Stop screaming and open your eyes!’
‘How do you know my eyes are closed?’ Beth hollered back.
‘The Beth I used to know would not have closed her eyes,’ Alex responded. ‘She would have screamed with joy and not terror.’
She couldn’t deny that comment stung a bit. But only because it was true. She opened one eye slowly. She could see the water, so far below them, and the gorgeous green of the island, buildings getting smaller as they rose up into the sky. She opened the other eye and willed her stomach back up into her body. She wasn’t screaming any more, and she didn’t feel like she was about to plunge to her doom. She felt… like a bird, slightly trussed up like a Christmas turkey, but flying free, soaring into the beautiful unknown, nothing weighing her down.
‘This is amazing!’ Alex shouted, his tone thick with enthusiasm. ‘It’s like… being really, truly alive!’
It was! It really was! The thrill was building inside Beth now and she let out a long, unconsidered whoop of excitement, taking one hand from her straps and pumping a fist in the air. ‘I’m alive!’ she screamed. ‘I’m ALIVE!’
Her feet were dangling, and she kicked them a little, enjoying the feel of warm Greek air through her toes. This was enlightening. This was maybe the moment that she realised where her life was going. She had all the time and space in the world now. She could be whoever or whatever she wanted to be.
‘What are you thinking?’ Alex asked her.
He was so close behind her, if she leaned back a little, she could connect them. It felt nice having him there. Reassuring and a goddamn turn-on if she was honest. ‘I’m thinking I’ve been putting my life on hold for too long. Like I’ve been waiting for something and I don’t even know what it is.’ She turned her head slightly, caught a glimpse of that sculpted jawline. She saw him nod before she had to turn back, focus on her flight and prevent herself from getting dizzy.
‘Yes,’ he answered. ‘I think you are right.’
‘I should have tried to start my jewellery business. It was my passion and I let Mum’s cancer take away not only her, but my dream too. Mum wouldn’t have wanted that. All she ever wanted was for me to be secure and happy. And I could have been,’ Beth mused, breathing in the sweet scent of sunlight and salt water. ‘Granted, I wouldn’t have had access to a wine club… or Blahniks… but I’ve never really wanted those things, they just happened.’ She inhaled again, this time even more deeply, as if sucking in the deepest kind of contentment. ‘Perhaps, to begin with, I could have tapered the dream. Not had my own studio where I would have struggled to pay a rent. I could have… made designs at home in the evenings and at weekends, on a smaller scale, with basic equipment, sold at craft fayres, built the business that way.’
‘You are saying all these things like this is not something you could do now,’ Alex said to her. ‘There is always time to do things in a different way.’
‘Like you,’ Beth said. ‘Moving from disc-spinning to fruit-picking.’
‘Some of the time,’ Alex answered.
‘So, you do still DJ?’ Beth said, more than a little excited at the thought of that. She had felt so sexy dancing to Alex’s music, knowing she was going to go home with him at the end of the night back in 2009.
‘I have been asked to play at a new club in Sidari on Saturday,’ he admitted.
‘Really?’
‘Yes, a warm-up for one of the best DJs on the island.’
‘You were one of the best DJs on the island.’
‘That was a long time ago,’ he answered.
‘Are you going to do it?’ Beth asked. ‘You said you’d been asked. You didn’t say you were going to accept.’
He didn’t answer, the only sound now a gentle breeze as the wind dropped slightly and they continued forward, bobbing along like autumn leaves swaying down from the trees.
‘Lex,’ Beth said. ‘Are you going to do it?’
He laughed then. ‘You called me Lex.’
‘Did I?’
‘No one has called me Lex since…’
‘2009?’
‘Yes,’ he said smoothly.
‘So, are you?’ Beth asked again. ‘Going to play at the club?’
‘I think I will do it… if you will come and see me.’
‘Well, I…’ Why was she hesitating? She had just given herself a talking to about being free and alive and Heidi never needed an excuse to go clubbing…
‘You go to clubs back in England?’ Alex asked.
Beth laughed. ‘No, don’t be silly.’
‘Why silly?’
Why was it silly? She still liked to dance. She just hadn’t been out like that for a while. Or ever, with Charles. Or even without him throughout their marriage. Heidi was into more sophisticated nights out these days… until this holiday. It was usually all port and organic cheese bars, shows promoting inclusivity at The Old Vic, entertaining clients with extraordinarily small canapes at pop-up art galleries. Perhaps they both needed a night of Ne-Yo and Carl Cox, painting their faces day-glo and blowing whistles.
‘You’re right,’ Beth said. ‘It’s not silly. Of course we’ll come to support you.’
‘You will?’
‘As long as you play all my favourite tracks.’
‘To be very honest with you, I am going to have to spend the next days preparing. I am losing touch with what is current.’
‘Well, if you need any help, I’m always happy to delve into Spotify playlists.’ She leaned back then, almost forgetting she was suspended high in the sky, colliding with his solidity.
‘Over dinner?’ he replied. ‘Tonight?’
Her heart was racing now. Was it wrong to revisit their connection? Who was she thinking would judge? And dinner wasn’t an invitation to ‘come in from behind’. It was simply dinner. With an ex. A friend. Someone who had almost made her knickers explode by light flirtation alone… but she was in control.
‘That would be lovely,’ Beth told him. ‘As long as Heidi doesn’t mind.’
‘Is she not with someone right now? Leaving you to parasail without her.’
‘That is true.’
‘So…’
‘That would be lovely,’ Beth said again, smiling and turning her head to look at him. ‘No caveat.’
‘Does this “caveat” have any connection to the “chafing”?’ Alex asked.
‘Hilarious,’ Beth answered.
‘Do me one more thing now, please,’ Alex asked.
‘What?’
‘Do not speak any more,’ Alex said. ‘Just look out at the water
and the island. And be in this moment with me, feeling completely free.’
Beth felt air leave her lungs and her shoulders released a tension she didn’t know she had been carrying. She let herself gently relax back into Alex’s frame, uncaring that their bodies were as close as two people could be.
Twenty-Nine
Beth felt like she had new skin. It sounded ridiculous, even in her own head, but that was what the sensation was. The old her had been stripped away like peel from a sweet satsuma and underneath a shiny new Beth was revealed, ready to start all over again. It wasn’t just the parasailing, it was what had come after it too. Alex had donned the trunks and they had headed out into the sea, unhampered by bindings, swimming through the refreshing water, diving down deep and resurfacing with smiles on their faces and sea-salt on their lips. It had all been like an outpouring of who she used to be before the pain and fatigue of her mum’s illness and everything else had burdened her. And it had felt so comfortable with Alex, like easing into a simpler time. A perfect time… when the crotch of her swimsuit was wet even before she hit the waves. A fizz of heat spread to her cheeks and she internally reminded herself she shouldn’t really be so chilled about Heidi’s one-handed driving right now.
‘Heidi, please, put your other hand on the wheel,’ Beth said, as the breeze flowed through her still-dripping hair, spraying her with droplets of water as well as memories.
‘Have you been listening to me?’ Heidi asked, one hand still in the air as if she was trying to catch insects as she drove… too fast.
‘Of course. You got to the restaurant and you saw her and she was so stunning you almost slut-dropped in admiration and…’
‘Fuck! Did you just say “slut-drop”?’ Heidi hollered, eyes coming off the road. ‘What did Alex do to you up in the air with that parachute? That’s “slut-drop” and “arse” in a matter of days.’
‘What did Elektra do to you at the restaurant because we left Dassia twenty minutes ago and you haven’t even got to the part where you ordered food!’
‘Patience,’ Heidi said. ‘You want to know all the details, don’t you?’
‘I do,’ Beth answered. ‘But I also want to get back to the house for something to eat. I haven’t eaten and no one wants to die hungry.’ Alex had had to go after swimming. Rush back for a kumquat meeting or something. Beth clung onto the door handle as Heidi took another corner with a little too much haste. ‘Heidi, please, slow down.’
‘She is the most incredibly bright woman I’ve ever met,’ Heidi said on an out-breath. ‘So smart, so intuitive,’ she carried on. ‘It was a good job I googled all the benefits of kumquats last night because she wanted to know all about the business I fabricated.’
‘So you didn’t tell her the truth yet! Heidi!’
‘And she still thinks my name is Henrietta,’ Heidi carried on. ‘I know! I know! I can see the judgy face without taking my eyes off the road. I just love the way she says it. She rolls her R’s and it makes bits of me that haven’t throbbed for ages get a really strong vibrato going on.’
‘Are you seeing her again?’ Beth asked.
‘I don’t know,’ Heidi admitted.
‘What? But you’ve been speaking about her like she’s that Victoria’s Secret model you had a crush on.’
She smiled. ‘It was wonderful. We ate bread and dips I haven’t tried before – aubergine and okra all fermented in tonnes of garlic – and we talked, we talked so much. I haven’t been able to talk like that with anyone for so long. Except you, obviously.’ The smile turned a little unsure. ‘But I don’t want to appear too keen… or worse than keen… you know, so keen I’m coming over all dateless and desperate and… Joe from Netflix’s You.’
Beth had hoped Heidi and Elektra would be seeing each other again tonight, so Heidi would be happily distracted while she was going out with Alex… if she went out with Alex. She had said she would when she was dangling from wires, his luscious body literally pinned against hers. Now with terra firma under her sandals it was all grounded and real.
‘But, you know,’ Heidi started talking again, ‘in a few hours, if I can wait that long, I might send her a quick text saying how much I enjoyed lunch and see how the land lies.’
‘There’s a bend!’ Beth exclaimed, knuckles white as she gripped onto the window frame. ‘Heidi, there’s a bend!’
The grass, rocky earth and the edge of a ravine came rushing up fast. Heidi swung the wheel of the Jimny hard right, and they careered round the hair-pin like they were involved in a high-speed rally.
‘Heidi!’ Beth admonished.
‘We’re fine! I’m fine!’ She took a breath and edged off the accelerator a touch. ‘So, how was parasailing?’
Beth couldn’t stop the sheer joy spreading across her face as she thought back to the moments hovering in the air like a strong, magnificent eagle, surveying the world as if she was its mistress. ‘It was amazing,’ she breathed. ‘Really, really, awe-inspiring. You would have loved it.’
‘And did Alex love it?’
Beth nodded, still feeling youthfully buoyant. ‘He did.’
‘And did he love doing it with you?’ Heidi said.
‘That question is deliberately provocative, and I am not answering.’
‘Spoilsport! Come on! You’re telling me that piece of gorgeous Greek godliness was right behind you while you floated through the beautifully warm Corfu air and you didn’t indulge in any 2009 fantasies?’
She had. A lot. As well as agreeing to go out with him. Time to tell Heidi…
Beth opened her mouth to speak when a loud ringing came from the console in front of her. It was her phone.
‘That will be the DJ,’ Heidi stated with confidence. ‘Wants a repeat performance of water sports.’
Beth looked at the screen. Charles Mountbatten. She didn’t really know why she had added Charles’s last name to his phone contact, but she had, round the time she’d found out it was Kendra he had been taking to The Ivy.
‘Is that Charles?’ Heidi asked, her neck craning to view the phone now in Beth’s hands.
Beth looked up, staring out of the windscreen as gravel and rock and tufts of grass loomed large again. ‘Heidi! The road!’
The tyres slipped over loose stones as Heidi hit the brakes and veered them off the loose tarmac, still rolling too fast. Beth held her breath and closed her eyes and willed death to be quick and as pain-free as a car accident could be… It took a moment before she realised that the Jimny had stopped and Heidi was grabbing her phone out of her grasp.
‘You’re not answering that!’
They were alive. Unscathed. And, although the car was at the very edge of the mountain, both wheels were on solid-ish ground, not hanging over an infinite gorge.
‘Heidi,’ Beth yelped, making a lurch for the phone.
‘No,’ Heidi said, springing out of the car.
‘Heidi!’ Beth called again, undoing her seatbelt and getting out as well.
‘Why is Charles ringing you?’ Heidi was looking accusing as she held the phone aloft, its tone still continuing as the caller persisted.
‘I don’t know,’ Beth answered, knowing she sounded crazily sheepish.
‘Well, let’s find out, shall we?’ Heidi said, moving the phone down and poising a digit.
‘No, wait,’ Beth said fast. ‘Don’t answer it!’
The phone stopped ringing and Beth held her breath. ‘It is Charles who’s been messaging me,’ she admitted. ‘Not Tilly or Kendra.’ She grabbed the phone back.
‘I need to hear more,’ Heidi stated.
Beth let out a sigh and looked towards another wonderful vista they happened to have near-crashed next to. Skinny cypress trees towering in rows like straight-backed soldiers, cascading olives further below, with tiny houses dotted between like terracotta sprinkles on a carpet of moss. The sea was a blue, shimmering, ever-moving band in the distance.
‘He texted me this morning,’ Beth said. ‘About aloe vera plants… a
nd then he said he wanted to know what Greece was like.’ She swallowed. ‘What Greece was like for me.’
‘Oh God!’ Heidi said, her tone somewhere between outraged and disbelief. ‘He’s been reading articles about gender differences. Even the Guardian gets into it sometimes… and I found an article online from the New York Times that was actually titled, “Why Men Need Women”.’
‘What’s wrong with that?’ Beth asked.
‘Beth! No one should need anyone!’
‘Then why are you looking for a soulmate?’
‘I don’t need a soulmate,’ Heidi insisted. ‘I want one. There’s a big difference.’
The phone began to ring again, Charles’s image on the screen. It was a photo Beth had taken when they were in Switzerland. He was wearing a navy-blue Fair Isle she had always liked, even though she knew the pure lamb’s wool had cost a small fortune. His ski-goggles were perched on top of his blond-haired head… except now all she could think about was Heidi’s comment about fake skiing. Had her whole marriage been verging on the side of false from the very outset? Out of the bubble of French brasseries and Charles’s understanding about her mum, had there really only been… very little?
‘Don’t answer it!’ Heidi said, making a lurch for the phone.
‘It’s juvenile not to answer,’ Beth pleaded.
‘It’s juvenile of him to call you while you’re on holiday… when you’re divorced for fuck’s sake! It’s exactly like a needy little toddler begging for sweets when its mouth is plastered with the chocolate you gave it five minutes ago.’
Beth blinked at her friend.
‘I spent a whole weekend with Rachel from macramé classes, kids and have literally never been the same again,’ Heidi explained.
Beth pressed the screen of her phone and put it to her ear, kicking up a little dust from the hot ground as she walked into some space. ‘Hello.’
‘Gosh! Goodness! Hel-lo… hello, Beth.’
Charles’s response sounded nervous and a little off-kilter. Perhaps Tilly had been right to be so concerned.