by Mandy Baggot
‘I don’t have a successful kumquat business, not yet at least.’
‘What?’ That wasn’t what she had expected at all and it didn’t make sense. She had tried the juice and it was good. Unless it was something he hadn’t produced and had bought from the supermarket. Could you even buy kumquat juice in the supermarket?
‘It was stupid, I know, to say to you that I was something that I am not but, when I saw you again… I don’t know.’ He sighed, one hand coming away from the glass tumbler and going to his hair, combing it back with his fingers. ‘I wanted to be… better than I am.’
‘God, Lex,’ Beth said. ‘Do you know how that sounds?’ She was also struggling with how he was theoretically making her sound. So what had he done? Invented a make-believe business to impress her? Because he thought she was shallow? Or because she had appeared so positively together and winning at life, he thought he needed to up his game?
‘I know how that sounds,’ he replied. ‘Tragic.’
‘So, to be clear, you don’t have a kumquat business?’ Beth asked, watching him drink some wine.
He shook his head. ‘It is a work in progress. One that is coming together quite quickly now, but I do not know if success will automatically follow.’
‘No one does when they set up their own business,’ Beth replied. Which was why throwing in her safe, secure job, albeit with her dictator of an ex-husband head of the board, was risky if she had nothing else to go to.
‘I know,’ Alex answered. ‘But I have to make it work, if only for a few years or so.’
‘A few years or so?’ Beth asked. ‘You know small businesses don’t usually make any profit in the first year of trading. In the first few years is exactly when most of them fold because people have gone into it with their eyes closed and haven’t foreseen all the pitfalls of going it alone.’
‘I don’t want to run a successful kumquat products business forever, Beth,’ he admitted.
‘You don’t?’ she asked. ‘Well, I’m really confused now.’
*
Alex let out a sigh. This was the right thing to do. To tell Beth the truth. The whole truth. She deserved nothing less.
‘My ultimate dream is still to be a DJ,’ he told her. The sentence, now he had said it aloud, sounded as much of a far-fetched aspiration as it ever had. ‘That’s still what I want to do with my life.’
He chanced a look up from his glass of wine and into Beth’s eyes. What was written there? What was she thinking? That he was exactly the man she had left behind, lain stagnant for ten years, unimproved. ‘You think I am crazy, right?’
Beth shook her head then and smiled, a genuine, soft, warm smile that he had seen many times before. ‘I think that that’s the only thing that makes complete sense out of everything you’ve told me since I arrived here.’
He felt the release from his body as a laugh overtook him.
‘Honestly, Lex, when you said the handyman work was a hobby and then I saw you in a suit, looking all corporate I was so surprised. Not that I don’t think you could cut it as a business owner, I simply… always thought about you as a DJ. Torn jeans, tight T-shirt, a little damp from the lights and the crowds…’
‘Are you making me into a fantasy?’ he teased.
He watched her blink her eyelids deliberately slow. ‘Maybe.’
She was so sexy. He really wanted to do all the things they had done together the first time round… only deeper and with ten years of separation to make up for. But he still wasn’t sure how she felt about that.
‘I am making the business,’ he continued. ‘I want the success for the money and for my cousin who has helped me. But, for the long term, when hopefully things are working and it is growing and changing, it will be about escaping. Fulfilling my dream, not settling down into the foundations of an empire.’
‘Tell me more,’ Beth urged.
He let another breath go. ‘My mother’s latest plan is for me to be the manager of a garage owned by my uncle. That is so far from what I want. So, I must succeed in kumquats. I need to make a good business. To achieve more than enough for my mother to live well without me, and then, eventually, to go to Ibiza and make my way there.’ He took a sip of his drink, his heart collecting pace as his thoughts flew like they had that morning in Dassia. ‘I know I will not get a place at one of the iconic clubs from the beginning. I might get there and not get a spot at all. But I am prepared for that. Nothing ever came to anyone without hard work.’
Beth looked a little reticent then and he worried he had said something to upset her.
‘Unless you marry a millionaire,’ she remarked, tipping her wine back fast.
‘What?’
‘Sorry,’ Beth said. ‘So why does your mother want you to run a garage? Why doesn’t she want you to succeed with kumquats and then live your dream?’
He hadn’t expected her to ask that question. But Beth had always been able to get to the heart of the matter. See right into him. And, as the truth was filtering out now, he may as well be all in. ‘She does not know about the kumquats.’ ‘Kumquats’ was starting to sound like a code word for something, or a new recreational drug.
‘You’re producing health products, trying to create a business and your mother doesn’t know?’ She shook her head as if the sense was jumbled and she needed to rearrange it. ‘Where do you even produce them? Do you have a premises?’
‘I will,’ he began. ‘Once we have concrete contracts.’ He swallowed. ‘It’s hard to explain. My mother is a difficult person.’
Beth wasn’t saying anything else. She was looking at him, waiting for him to elaborate. He put a hand into the warm sand and let his fingers sink into it, the grains running over his skin the deeper he made his indentation. ‘My mother does not want me to be a DJ,’ he said. ‘Ever.’
Still Beth didn’t speak, and he swallowed again, knowing he had to continue some more. It almost felt like he was sitting in a therapy chair, about to unravel all his issues.
‘She does not like nightclubs… or bars… or really anywhere where people go to have fun.’ He cleared his throat. ‘The kind of fun my father used to have.’
‘I remember you told me you didn’t really know your father,’ Beth finally said. ‘Like I didn’t really know mine.’
‘Yes,’ Alex answered. ‘From what my mother has told me and from what I have pieced together… he took a job managing a bar in Sidari and… spent more time managing the women that visited the bar and drinking the profits he was supposed to be building up.’
‘He had affairs and your mother told him to go?’ She was sitting up a little now, her expression frosty despite the humidity.
Alex shrugged. ‘I do not really know the truth of it and I do not ask any more. If I even say his name my mother closes down the conversation.’ He sighed, lifting his hand off the sand. ‘I have never heard one word from him since he left. I do not even know where he is. But, my mother, she does not understand that I am not doing this to be my father. I am not my father. I am me and… I am not the same as he was. Except…’ He paused then. ‘I do want to leave Corfu.’ It was something he wanted to do more than anything. All Margalo’s fears were grounded in so much reality and he was keeping her in temporary denial until he literally had his plan minutely mapped out. ‘If she knew I was making a kumquat business she would be ecstatic… and then she would take over,’ Alex continued. ‘Everything would then be done her way and I would be trapped.’ He looked at Beth. ‘She would only see the business as a way to keep me with her. And I think I have stayed too long. She has got too comfortable relying on me. I know she is not well, but she has been not well for years and, I am thirty. If I do not do something now I really will be too old to stand behind the decks.’ He winced a little. ‘If I am not already.’
‘You’re definitely not too old,’ Beth said immediately. ‘And I can’t wait to hear you play on Saturday.’
He reached for her hand then, holding it carefully in his. ‘You are not
angry that I deceived you a little?’
‘You’re speaking to the woman who accidentally told you her husband was dead.’
They both laughed then and her gentle, genuine sound ignited all the feelings he had for her once again. He simply looked at her, evaluating everything, every soft line and relaxed curve of her face, her cute braided hair, those lips that had always responded so feverishly to his. And then his fingers met the hard metal band still hanging out on her hand. He almost waited for her to pull away. Think twice about what was occurring between them.
*
Beth felt like she was almost back in 2009. Younger, more daring, uncaring what the world or a Cosmopolitan personality quiz thought. She let go of his hand, then sat up quickly. Before reality or common sense could stop her, she knelt, planting her mouth on his. She didn’t care what he did for a living, she had never cared. She had fallen for his soft yet sexy soul. He had made her laugh and feel good about herself. She might not have brought her jewellery-making dreams to fruition, but he had helped her shape them, encouraging and supportive, just like he was being now. She deepened the kiss, pressing her body closer to him, hands smoothing his hair. He tasted so good, of the sweet wine and all the soft, earthiness of the fresh bread they had torn into chunks. It wasn’t a kiss like they had shared before, it was better and hotter, speaking of a whole lot of unfinished business and oh so much more…
Inwardly she was riding on a wave of euphoria as Alex responded in the way she had hoped he would, immediately engaged, so passionate, seemingly wanting to kiss her as much as she wanted to kiss him. But perhaps kissing wasn’t enough. Beth’s underwear had only been dropped for a bath this past year and right now, on the hot sand, in front of the most incredible view, it was sensory overload. Before she checked herself, she was tugging at the bottom of Alex’s T-shirt, urging it upwards, wanting to find out if his core was as strong and defined as it always had been.
‘Beth,’ he whispered, lips coming away from hers. She didn’t want away, she wanted closer. She caught his mouth up again. This was a defining moment. This was her moving on. Fighting fear, just like when she was strapped to a canopy. Up, up and away. Now, back to those abdominals…
‘Beth,’ Alex said again, this time with less sultry undertones. And his whole mouth was leaving now, in fact he was backing away a touch too.
‘I don’t want to talk any more,’ Beth stated. ‘I want to take action.’
‘I can feel that,’ Alex answered.
‘But you don’t want to,’ Beth said, surprised by how disappointed that idea was making her. ‘Oh God, have I completely misread things?’ She was scooting away now, sand definitely slipping into her knickers as she shuffled. ‘When you said “dinner” I heard “date” and it isn’t a date is it, it’s a picnic, a very nice picnic, but two people just catching up.’
‘No,’ Alex said firmly, and he made a grab for her hand, holding it tightly. ‘No, I do not want there to be any confusion between us.’ His grip was solid, reassuringly solid, and Beth looked into his deep, dark eyes. ‘This is a date. We are not friends. We were never friends, Beth. We were always so much more than that.’
Now his words were padding up and down on her like an excited cat desperate to take ownership of a pillow, claws sharp and determined.
‘But I do not want us to rush,’ Alex finished.
I’m only here for what’s left of two weeks, Beth thought. She bit her lip, wondering how to respond. Not needy or desperate. She was a modern woman in complete control of everything… apart from her job and home situation… and currently her erogenous zones.
‘But I’m living for the moment. Like I did back in the day.’
He smiled then, his touch on her hand diminishing slightly, his fingers caressing the skin. ‘I know,’ he replied. ‘But even back in the day we did not make love on the very first date.’
She grinned then. ‘We almost did,’ she said, remembering.
‘We might have,’ Alex agreed. ‘If the tide had not come in so quickly.’
It wasn’t a euphemism. They had come close to being marooned on a finger of beach, half-naked, when they had lost track of time. That feeling of sweet abandon and holiday recklessness made her shiver.
‘Sorry,’ Beth whispered, giving his hand a squeeze.
‘What for?’ Alex asked.
‘Trying to mount you.’
He laughed. ‘I am a little sorry for stopping you.’ He kissed her lips gently, mouth soft, a few specks of sand making contact too. ‘But I think, this time, it should be even more special. Even if it is just for the holidays.’
Beth nodded. Yes, just for the holidays was all they had. When she hit UK soil it would be braving it out for a new career and signing up with an estate agency. And there was one other thing that needed to be sorted out. She squeezed Alex’s hand. ‘Speaking of my holiday,’ she began, ‘we have to move out of the cottage for the weekend while they fix the ceilings. Do you know anywhere we can stay?’
Thirty-Four
Sidari
Heidi 20:01
Have you shagged him yet?
Heidi 20:02
Are you shagging him now?
Heidi 21:30
Have you shagged him yet?
Heidi 22:45
Reply please. I’m now worried he’s gagging you with kumquats.
Heidi 23:07
I’ve drunk half the ouzo we bought – mixed it with coconut milk so nutritious and healthy – and I’m about to text Elektra. Have you shagged him yet?
Beth smiled at the array of text messages from her best friend. She now felt slightly bad about leaving Heidi alone tonight. If someone had said at the beginning of this break that she was going to be out this late, on a date with a guy, while Heidi stayed in, she wouldn’t have believed them. But Corfu was as far from the last ten years of her reality as anywhere could be.
‘You want to get off the bike?’
Beth jumped and almost dropped her phone she had kept nestled in her bra for the bumpy journey back up the island from Paleokastritsa. They had finished the picnic then moved to a better vantage point for watching the sunset, then they had sipped cocktails at a beachside taverna and talked endlessly about everything. It felt a little odd talking to Alex about her life with Charles and how their marriage had come to be, but it served to remind her exactly how that life made her feel, which on deeper reflection she hadn’t been able to garner until now.
‘Sorry,’ Beth said, taking his hand and letting him help her down. He was already undoing the helmet straps from underneath her chin. ‘Heidi has texted me several times. I’d better reply.’
‘She is OK?’ Alex asked. ‘This new girlfriend is good for her?’
‘I think having someone she’s really interested in is good for her but, you know, it might be just…’
‘For the holidays,’ Alex finished.
‘Maybe,’ Beth answered. She quickly typed out a text.
In Sidari. No asphyxiation by kumquat xx
‘Are we really doing this?’ Alex asked her.
‘You’re nervous,’ Beth remarked, looking at him.
‘A little,’ he admitted.
‘Do you not want to do it?’ Beth asked.
‘I should,’ he reminded her. ‘To see what is popular. If I am going to do my own set on Saturday.’ He sighed. ‘The songs I have no ideas about.’
‘I thought we went over some must-plays at the taverna,’ Beth reminded, slipping his hand into hers. It all felt so easy, almost like time had stood still. ‘Shakira, obviously. Sash! and Lady Gaga.’
Alex smiled. ‘I am not sure they are expecting a retro set from me.’
‘Why not?’ Beth asked as they began to walk along the strip, slipping in with the tide of holidaymakers heading to bars or gyros grills. The air was humid and sticky, the sounds all frivolity and fun. ‘Maybe that’s your niche.’
‘I am not so sure,’ Alex answered.
‘I’m telling you,’ Beth carrie
d on. ‘Rewind festivals and all things eighties, nineties and early noughties are the thing in the UK. It might not be for Ibiza, but, for here, I think it would go down really well.’
‘You think so?’ Alex queried.
‘I really do,’ she answered. ‘And I really, really want to hear you mix Shakira again.’
He laughed. ‘When you play this at home, do you think of me?’
His voice asking that question was seriously making her hate his insistence on no sex tonight. Unless he had changed his mind between here and the track down from the mountain. ‘I might,’ she answered.
‘I think of you when I play this,’ he told her, stopping and dropping a kiss on her lips. God, he was delicious! This was going to be a spectacular last fling before sensible came back knocking.
‘Look,’ Alex said, pointing across the road. ‘It is here.’
Beth followed his index finger with her gaze and read the sign. The Vault.
She felt his hand tense a little in hers. He really was anxious. This was something she had never felt from him before. When they had first met, he had been as impishly daredevil as she had been. He had climbed from sea to high pontoon, uncaring for broken plinths or splintered boards or the depth of the ocean for diving. His strength had made her stronger, and together, for that fortnight, she had felt completely settled with who she was and who she was going to be. Until she had got home and her whole world had turned on its head.
She squeezed his hand. ‘It looks amazing. Nothing like the rather rustic clubs we went to.’
‘It is amazing,’ Alex agreed. ‘It’s one of the best clubs I have ever been in. It has this sunken dancefloor and the DJ booth is high up above ground level and…’
‘Don’t just tell me about it,’ Beth begged, pulling on his arm. ‘Show me! Let’s go in!’