by Mandy Baggot
‘When I came back from Corfu the first time,’ she began. ‘About a month after I got back, when my mum was first diagnosed with the cancer… I suddenly realised that… I hadn’t had my period.’ She looked at Alex, expecting to see some change in his expression. Shock? Worry? Fear? There was nothing. Just his deep, soulful eyes looking back at her with honesty.
‘So, anyway, at first when I thought about what that could mean I was panicking and thinking what on earth was I going to do. My mum had cancer, she was really, really poorly and on top of that I might be pregnant.’ She blew out a breath, keen not to be interrupted. ‘Anyway, I’m going on a bit… but, what I’m trying to say is… after that initial fear, something else kicked in and there were these perfect few weeks where I thought I was pregnant with your baby, Alex, and it gave me something to believe in. Here was my mum, about to start fading out of my life and I needed to be with her and not pursue my jewellery but there was also the possibility of a new life growing inside me, a little person I made in Greece with a man I adored. It gave me hope. It filled me with excitement that my life had taken these two very different dramatic turns but that one piece of awful, awful news was being counteracted by this total surprise… baby.’
Alex went to speak but she stopped him quickly. ‘And then I eventually did a test and it was negative and I didn’t believe it or, rather, I didn’t want to believe it. But the doctor confirmed it, not pregnant, never had been, it was one of those things or stress or something and that was that… you know the rest. My mum’s illness and… Charles.’
‘Beth,’ Alex said so softly. ‘Would you have found me again? If you had been pregnant?’
‘Yes,’ Beth said without doubt. ‘But not because I would have wanted you to marry me or even be with me or… I don’t know. Just to tell you, I suppose.’
‘I would have asked you,’ Alex said confidently. ‘I would have asked you to marry me.’
‘Because you are the most wonderful, decent person I know. But the reason I’m saying this now is because… life is full of little moments like that. Coincidences and streaks of fate and… they could all mean nothing at all or… they could mean the world.’ She smiled at him. ‘I was in no way prepared to have a baby back then by the way.’ She let out a laugh. ‘I’m still not. I need to get my life together first before I inflict any of me on anyone else.’
‘Anyone else?’ Alex asked her.
She nodded. ‘For now. But, this holiday, this time with you has been one of the best times of my life.’ She touched his cheek with her hand. ‘Actually, it’s been the best time of my life.’
‘The new 2009,’ Alex said, kissing the tips of her fingers before she drew her hand away.
‘Thirty-one is the new twenty-one, just like Heidi’s been telling me this whole time.’
‘What have I been telling you all this time?’ Heidi slapped Beth on the back and sat down on the bench next to her.
‘Ow! I have a grass burn on that shoulder,’ Beth complained.
‘2019 is the new 2009,’ Alex elaborated.
‘She had grass burns back then too,’ Heidi continued. ‘They probably had something to do with you.’
‘I know they had nothing whatsoever to do with goats,’ Beth replied.
‘Where is Elektra?’ Alex asked.
‘Oh, well, I’ve discovered something new about your cousin tonight,’ Heidi said, picking up one of the beer bottles and taking a large swig. ‘She gives off all this badass, but she is an absolute sucker for baby goats in costumes. I mean, who knew?’
‘My mother has been breeding them,’ Alex said with a sigh and a head shake. ‘She has an arrangement with a farmer near Skripero.’
‘Do not tell Elektra that,’ Heidi begged. ‘She will want one as a pet and I don’t have time for pets.’
‘But Elektra lives in Corfu, Heidi,’ Beth reminded her. ‘And you live in London.’
‘I know,’ Heidi said quickly. ‘I simply meant, you know, no one has time for pets, and she won’t have time for pets if she wants to carry on studying and run a kumquat business.’
‘She really wants to do that?’ Alex asked her.
‘She never stops talking about it. I mean, when I was being Henrietta, owning a literal kumquat province, she talked a lot about it, but she actually talks more about it now… even though I’m a whole lot less interested since it’s not forming part of my fictional backstory.’ Heidi stopped talking and drank more beer.
‘Heidi!’ It was Elektra calling and she appeared, beckoning excitedly. ‘Come on! The cute little goats are going to race over the obstacles. Come and tell me which one is going to win… or shall we just bet on the cutest?’
‘See!’ Heidi remarked, standing up and taking the beer bottle with her. ‘Obsessed with the cuteness.’
‘Heidi! Come on!’ Elektra called again.
Heidi grinned at them. ‘I do secretly love it when she bosses me around.’ She waved a hand, then turned towards her girlfriend. ‘Coming!’
Beth smiled and took Alex’s hand in hers. ‘She’s so happy.’
‘Elektra too,’ Alex answered, sitting closer.
‘Do you think they’re going to be able to make it work when they’re living in different countries? Or do you think it’s going to be just for the holidays?’
‘I think,’ Alex said, turning a little to face her, ‘if you want something enough you can make anything work.’
She wanted to believe that for Heidi and Elektra… and for herself too. She kissed his mouth, relishing how good it felt to be with someone who truly saw her, had always seen her.
‘I think Heidi took your beer,’ Alex said, breaking their connection.
‘I think you’ll find Heidi took your beer,’ Beth replied. ‘I’m the one with a head injury. I think one of the must-do things for head injuries is keeping hydrated.’ She leapt up from the bench and took ownership of the remaining bottle.
‘Oh, really,’ Alex replied. ‘And what are the other must-do things for head injuries?’
She took a slow sip from the bottle, her eyes remaining with him, then walked back to the bench, a seductive lilt to her step. ‘Well,’ she began, ‘I am so glad you asked that question.’
‘You are?’ Alex said, watching her intently.
Beth nodded. ‘Mmm, because after the hydration and the staying awake, I’m pretty sure the other thing is… making love in an olive grove.’
‘Is that a fact?’ he asked as she reached him and stood right in front of him.
He stood up then, connecting their bodies, and the closeness and absolute intent of his movement stole her breath.
‘I say it’s a fact,’ Beth said, tone a little staccato. ‘But if you want to try an internet search…’
‘I’ve been told there’s a problem with 4G round here,’ Alex told her, fingers already on the straps of her dress. ‘But even if there wasn’t…’
‘Mmm,’ Beth murmured, dying for him to touch her skin.
‘I know it’s a health benefit practised the whole world over, concussion or not.’
In one fast move, Alex effortlessly lifted her up into his arms and she let out a yelp as he carried her into the woods.
Sixty-Two
Afionas
The next week
The view high up from the Porto Timoni restaurant was staggeringly beautiful. The wide, rich-blue sea was shimmering below, sun beams highlighting the silver tips of gentle waves that were sweeping round the horseshoe-shaped golden beach of Agios Georgios. The lush green mountainous hills almost touching the white puffs of cloud that drifted through the light blue sky seemed to be overseeing everything that sat below them, protecting like anxious forefathers.
Alex had driven – not his Fiat but a rather nice black soft-top Jeep – and they had walked from where he had parked, through the village of Afionas to here, their lunch destination. Afionas was a little like stepping back in time. Narrow streets covered in traditional plaka stone, white-washed and natural
stone homes with blue-painted shutters, bougainvillea spilling from pots and baskets in the brightest reds and pinks. Blooms of purple grew over arched frameworks, creating floral tunnels giving off the most fragrant of scents. Beth had taken pictures of it all, plus a peach and white painted bell tower and a monument to the war in the centre of the village.
And now they were sharing the most exquisite food at the very edge of the outside terrace, so close to that incredible scenery, both pretending that it wasn’t the Last Supper it actually was.
‘The calamari is so good,’ Beth said, putting another piece on her fork. ‘Have some, Lex, before I eat it all.’ She was eating so she didn’t have to talk. Really, she wanted to talk, she wanted to say everything so she could get on the flight that night and leave Corfu with no regrets and nothing but wonderful memories. Except even thinking about saying goodbye was somehow incredibly hard. She was going to miss everything. The beautiful climate, the stunning vistas, the newly plastered ceilings at Paralia View where the shower still dripped but the beach view was to die for… but mainly Lex.
‘I can’t eat,’ Alex admitted, sipping from his iced water.
‘You don’t like the squid?’
‘I love calamari,’ Alex told her. ‘I love it here. I am just thinking about tonight and you not being here tomorrow.’
‘Don’t,’ Beth begged, putting down her fork. ‘We’ve spent the past few days telling each other we weren’t going to do this.’
‘I know.’
‘So we shouldn’t do this,’ Beth insisted. ‘We should talk about the futures we have planned. All of us have taken so much from the past two weeks. Tell me again.’
‘I’m performing in Athens next month. August. A well-known club. In a prime spot,’ Alex said, a smile spreading over his face.
‘Heidi has booked a flight back here next month to see Elektra.’
‘Elektra has met Sophia from the hotel in Dassia and is taking the lead on project Kalm Life.’
‘Your mother doesn’t dislike me as much as I thought she would.’
‘She made you kolokythokeftedes. She has not made that since I was about ten years old.’
‘And it was the most delicious courgette I’ve ever tasted.’
‘Your turn,’ Alex said.
Beth took a breath. ‘Charles is interviewing candidates for my job as we speak.’
‘You did not tell me that,’ Alex said, reaching out and cupping her hands with his.
‘Because it isn’t important,’ Beth said. ‘Well, only important in so far as he’s really got the message this time. Like I told Tilly when she texted me, Charles doing this is his way of accepting our relationship is really, truly over and…’ She waggled her bare ring finger. ‘There might be an octopus somewhere in Sidari wearing a nice platinum band on one of its tentacles.’
Alex smiled, his finger tracing the contours of her ring finger, the skin still paler where the wedding ring had been, the rest of her hand tanned from the Corfu sunshine.
‘I’ve written to my father,’ Alex told her.
‘You have?’ Beth said.
‘I only have an address, not the phone number, so I wrote a letter.’
‘What did you say?’
*
What did you say to a man you shared genes with but didn’t remember anything about? It had taken Alex time before he had even known how to start the letter. But he knew what he wanted to achieve. A reaching out. An extended hand with no judgement. It was his chance to put his feelings onto paper and once he had begun, the words had flowed from him. Before he realised it, there were two pages of questions, hopes, the offer of a reconnection when he visited the mainland for his DJ spot at Club Monarch.
‘I told him a lot of things I had often thought about growing up. Maybe they are stupid things, I do not know. But it felt good to write them down, if only to get them out of my mind.’ He let go of her hand to pick up his water glass. ‘I gave him my phone number. I asked if he wanted to meet when I am in Athens.’
‘Oh, Lex,’ Beth said. ‘That’s amazing.’
‘It will be amazing if he says yes. I don’t know,’ Alex said. ‘I do not even know if he is still at the same address.’ He sighed. ‘It is where my mother would send the photographs but, with him not being able to reply, who knows if he is still there, still receiving them… even still alive.’
‘I think, if something had happened to him like that, you would know. Someone would have been in touch.’ She reached for his hands again. ‘You have to think positively. I’m thinking positively for you. I think he’s going to be overjoyed to get your letter and he’s going to call you and he’s going to be standing there, in the club in Athens, watching proudly as his son takes control of the decks and helps the Greek capital party like…’
‘The new 2009,’ Alex finished for her.
Beth smiled. ‘Yes. Just like that.’
He let go of her hands then and slipped his fingers into the pocket of his jeans, drawing something out.
‘I got something for you,’ he told her.
‘Lex, you didn’t need to do that. We said nothing like this.’
‘I correct myself,’ he said, smiling. ‘I made something for you.’ He opened up the fingers of her hand and put something into it, folding the digits back over the gift before she could see what it was. He withdrew, sat back in his chair then spoke. ‘Open your hand now.’
He watched Beth unfurl her fingers and look at what she was holding.
‘It’s a memory stick,’ she remarked. ‘Yay.’
He laughed at her unexcited humour. ‘You do not like it?’
‘I’m hoping it isn’t PDFs of those car hire forms for the Jimny that Heidi didn’t read properly. Have we missed a vital clause Toula is going to sue us over? That car has vegetation scratches practically all over it. Does no one cut back the bushes here?’
Alex smiled. ‘Only the English drivers.’
‘It’s not car hire forms?’ Beth clarified, turning over the stick in her hand for any sign of identification.
‘No,’ Alex said. ‘It’s… it’s a collection of songs. Some are from this year, some from the set I played at The Vault… others are from ten years ago. They are songs I would play to remember and songs that would make me happy or maybe a little sad. But all of them have a memory attached to them… a memory of you.’ He sighed. ‘Memories of us.’
*
Beth swallowed, her eyes filling with tears. She clutched her hand round the gift, wondering if she even dared to speak. She took a breath and tried. ‘It really is a memory stick.’
‘It was not meant to make you sad,’ Alex said, as if sensing her emotion. ‘I want you to dance round the jewellery-making studio you are going to have, thinking about new designs and sales opportunities and your own exhibition at a big show and maybe remember the Greek man you loved once.’
‘Twice,’ Beth said firmly. ‘I loved you twice.’ She wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand then cleared her throat. ‘I got you something too… or rather, I made you something too. Close your eyes and open your hand.’
She watched him close his eyelids, those deliciously dark, thick eyelashes coming down over his almost ebony eyes. He was all kinds of gorgeous, inside and out. She felt so blessed to have had him in her life again.
She pressed the present softly into his palm. ‘Open your eyes.’
She watched him look to his hand then lift up the leather cord. To make what he was holding had been painstaking: heating things up for moulding, using a campfire on Almyros beach and a blow torch usually used for crème brûlées that she had borrowed from a taverna. And Heidi had told her on several late nights that she was completely nuts, but she had been determined to persevere.
‘Beth, this is…’ Alex began, his voice a little choked.
‘It’s not perfect… I mean, the actual piece of sea glass is perfect, I didn’t alter the shape of that at all. And, can you believe it, I found it on Almyros. I was walking
out of the cottage and heading for the sea and the sun just caught it and… turquoise is a rare colour for beach glass.’
She had bought some silver chains from the jewellers in Acharavi and had melted them down to produce something she could work with. The silver was swirled round the turquoise sea glass, a continuous band that had no beginning and no end. She had attached a thin piece of leather to complete the necklace.
‘I love it,’ Alex told her, putting the band over his head and holding the charm in between his fingers.
‘You don’t have to wear it all the time,’ Beth said. ‘I mean, you don’t have to wear it at all, I just thought that it isn’t too big and…’
‘Beth,’ Alex said. ‘I am never going to take it off.’
There was no getting away from the intensity on the terrace now. As picturesque as their location was, as relaxing and intimate as their table overlooking the sea felt, the mood was struggling to be upbeat.
‘Listen…’
‘I…’
They had both started speaking together and Beth didn’t know whether to let Alex go first or to continue herself. She hadn’t really known what she was going to say in its entirety, simply that the heavily-laden silence had got too much.
‘You speak first,’ Alex told her.
‘No,’ Beth said, shaking her head. ‘Honestly, you go first.’
He took a breath. ‘I was going to say… I know we agreed to keep things simple… but I was thinking that… simple does not need to mean that we lose touch.’
Her stomach was already twitching, coming awake to the idea of this not being a final farewell. She really did need to tell her bodily reactions to slow their roll.
‘I do not know how you feel about that,’ Alex carried on. ‘Tell me if that is not what you want but… I have your phone number now. You have mine. We could call, maybe, every now and then. To catch up. For you to tell me when you have sold jewellery to… Little Mix.’
Beth laughed. ‘You could text me, the second you push Calvin Harris off the billing somewhere.’