A pain stabs in my chest as I tell her what Harper told me. “She said she lost the baby after she was in an accident.”
“Shit,” she sighs. “You okay?”
“I messed up, Nik.”
“What did you do, Jett?” she asks, sounding exhausted with me already.
I recount what happened in the minutes it took for me to destroy any possibility of having Harper back in my life.
“You are a fucking dick, Jett.”
I snort a laugh, because really, what else am I going to do at this point? “Pretty much.”
“Well, you showed your true colors, that’s for sure,” Nikki mumbles, twisting the knife in my gut a little bit more.
“I don’t know what to do,” I finally admit.
She stays quiet so long I think she hung up on me. Then she says, “I think it’s time you let her go, Jett. She needed closure and peace in telling you about her loss. And I’m pretty sure anything positive she thought might come from telling you, you destroyed and hurt her more instead. Let her heal. Let her go.”
Those last three words hurt more than anything else she could have said.
All their brutal truth.
All the power behind them.
All of the pain that I feel from knowing that it’s what I need to do.
For her. For me. For us.
* * *
I don’t sleep anymore. And if it wasn’t for the fact that I flew my friends here on my father’s plane, I would have left already. I need to leave this city, this weekend, this night and never look back. I can’t.
When the sun starts to rise, I look out the window and can’t help but think of Harper. I take in a deep breath and turn to shower, not wanting to look at the sun, which used to be laced with nothing but my favorite memories. Now, it’s dripping in a pain that hurts down to the deepest parts of my soul.
And I have no one to blame for it but myself.
I’m stepping out of the shower when I hear someone knocking on my door. For a split second, I hope it’s Harper, but when I look through the peephole, I see a fidgety Teddy instead. “Fuck,” I sigh and open the door.
He’s not even inside my room when he takes a shot, hitting me hard enough to make me stumble back. “You motherfucker,” he seethes, walking in toward me. I open my mouth to say something, but he hits me again before I can get anything out.
“Stop fucking hitting me!” I yell, connecting a fist to his side.
He hits me again, this time making me fall to the floor.
“You’re a piece of shit,” he spits out at me, chest heaving, looking down at me full of disgust.
“I know,” I say quietly.
“Oh, now you have something good to say?”
I look up at him, having nothing else to add. Gritting his teeth, he shakes his head at me. “Be glad it was me that showed up here and not Pike, because you’d be dead.”
When he turns to leave, I tell him, “Take care of her.”
“I always do,” he replies, then adds, “a hell of a lot better than you.”
Working my jaw back and forth to make sure nothing is broken, I go back to the bathroom to clean up before I need to meet everyone at the airport. I need out of this fucking nightmare.
* * *
The aviators I’m wearing do nothing to hide the fat lip and bruised-up face I have after Teddy’s visit this morning.
I can’t be mad at him. I deserved it. Hell, I deserve much worse. That much we can both probably agree on.
“The fuck happened to your face?” Ari asks when he sees me slouched in a seat on the plane.
“Nothing,” I grumble, not wanting to tell him anything.
Nikki won’t even look at me when she comes into view behind him. She’s going to give me hell for a long time. Of that, I have no doubts.
When Noah comes on last, his eyes widen in shock when he looks at me. “Shit, please tell me my brother didn’t do that.”
“He’d be dead if Pike hit him,” Ari chuckles, but he’s not wrong.
“No,” I answer shortly.
“What—”
“We aren’t going to talk about it,” I snap. “Sit your ass down so we can leave.”
“Fucking coward,” Nikki says under her breath but loud enough so I hear her.
I growl, turning to look out the window, wishing I could kick them all off and be alone.
Luckily, they were all tired too, making the flight back to Los Angeles mostly quiet. When we land, I don’t say a word to any of them. Walking to the waiting town car, I climb in and close my eyes once more until I get home.
Going straight for a bottle of Scotch, I forgo a glass and drink straight from the bottle, knowing that I’m not going to stop until it’s empty. Hoping that it’ll help me forget and wash away the past twenty-four hours.
Chapter Twenty
Harper
I groggily open my eyes when I hear the door click shut. “Hey, where’d you go?” I ask when I see Teddy walking back into the bedroom.
He presses a kiss on my forehead. “Had a quick errand to do. Go back to sleep.”
“Where are you going now?” I ask when he doesn’t climb back in bed with me.
“I’m going to take a quick shower. Sleep.” He gives me a sweet smile. My heavy eyes don’t fight me in closing again.
After Jett kicked me out of his room and I broke in the hallway, I called Teddy to come get me. We’d been staying at a different resort hotel, not far from the one where Jett was. Curling into myself on the floor in the hallway, I waited for Teddy, unable to will my body to move.
When he found me, he picked me up and carried me to the car he had waiting outside. He held me the whole drive to our hotel. He didn’t press for answers as to why I was there or what had happened, but I’m sure he had an idea after the conversation at the bar after Tristan’s fight.
Once in his room, he helped me out of my clothes and tucked me into bed. I asked him to stay with me when he started for the sofa in the other room. Sliding in behind me, he held me close, making me feel safe and secure in his arms like he always did. My solid rock.
“I told Jett,” I whispered in the dark room.
Teddy stayed quiet. The only sign that he was still awake and heard me was the way his arms bound around me tighter. His lips pressed to the top of my shoulder, lingering there a second.
I smile when I feel Teddy slide back into bed behind me again. Hot, damp skin from his shower presses against mine. “Thank you for coming for me last night.”
“You never have to thank me for taking care of you, Harper.”
Turning to my back, I look at him. Really look at him for the first time in a long time. My hand slides over his stubbled cheek, my thumb gliding over his lips.
“Why are you so good to me, Theodore Tomlin?” I grin, looking up at him, searching his eyes for something unknown.
He kisses the pad of my thumb that’s still on his lips and says, “Because I love you, Harper.” His confession mixed with his minty breath is intoxicating.
“Teddy…”
“I know you don’t feel the same way I do. You love me, but you aren’t in love with me the way I am with you. I don’t expect anything more than your friendship, Harp, but I can’t lie here with you like this and not tell you.”
Lifting my head, I press my lips to his. I’ve kissed Teddy before. Quick, friendly pecks here and there. But this… This feels different. It is different. I pull away, and my head lands back on the pillow as I lick my lips, rolling them between my teeth with a grin.
My eyes stay on his and his on mine, staring and searching and wanting and asking for so many things from each other.
His handsome face breaks into a huge smile. Dropping his head to my shoulder he groans, “You are killing me.”
Chuckling, I pull his face up to look at me again. “Don’t think. Just kiss me.”
He stares at me a second longer before his face sobers and he drops his lips to mine. He kisses me softly like he’s afraid to h
urt me. I kiss him back, and when I draw my tongue across his bottom lip, his groan fills my mouth as he opens for me.
Our tongues touch and taste as we cross into this unknown part of our relationship. A part we’ve never blurred before. We’ve flirted and joked, but we’ve never dropped all the walls of our friendship to enter into something physical like this. It’s foreign and scary but doesn’t feel wrong like I always feared it would if this day ever arrived.
His hand slides up under the T-shirt of his I put on last night. His thumb teases the underside of my breast, unsure and questioning. But when our kiss deepens more, his hand moves farther up, his thumb brushing over my nipple. I let out a breathy moan as he lights up my body.
It seems to spur him on more. His body presses into mine, his erection rubbing against my thigh. He feels hot and hard through the shorts he’s wearing. I wonder what he’d feel like against my skin, in my hand, my mouth, inside me.
It’s been years since I’ve been with a man like this, and the fact that it’s Teddy is sending me into a cyclone of feelings. Feelings of want and need and desire I haven’t felt in a long time.
I moan again when he rolls my nipple between his fingers and his tongue duels with mine. Tugging on his hair, I move my hips, seeking some sort of relief to chase the lust coursing through me.
“Fuck, Harper,” he moans into my mouth. But he seems to be slowing down, and I don’t want to slow down.
I try to push him to his back, but he stops me, holding my hips still. “What’s wrong?” I ask confused.
“Nothing,” he says, licking his lips and swallowing. “But we should slow down.”
“What? Why?”
“Because I’ve dreamed about this moment for as long as I can remember and I don’t want to do it like this. Not after everything that happened yesterday.”
“But—” I start to protest, but he puts a finger over my lips, stopping me.
He looks down at me. “You’re emotional, and I don’t want you to regret this. Because when I finally have you, Harper, I want it to be because you want me to. Not because you can’t have who you really want.” Then he gives me a smile that makes me want to give him everything and more because he deserves more than I’ve ever given him.
“Teddy, I—” I start again, but he kisses me, stopping me once more.
“We’ll revisit this later, but for now, I’m going to shower and jerk off so I don’t have blue balls the whole flight home.”
Covering my face with my hands, I groan through a laugh. “Oh my gosh, Teddy.”
“It’s your fault!” He chuckles, getting up from the bed, his cock very visibly showing me how hard and big it is.
“You’re the one who stopped things. I’m pretty sure that makes it your fault,” I tell him, sitting up in bed to watch him walk to the bathroom.
Tilting his head to the side, he says, “Damn, you’re right.”
* * *
“I heard from my brother that your little friend looked like he’d been in a nasty bar fight when they left,” Tristan says with a chuckle.
We all decided to stay an extra day and enjoy the mini vacation. After Teddy took his second shower of the morning and I took one too, we met up with everyone else down at the beach by Gabby’s mom’s house.
“What?” I ask, shocked by what he’s saying. “Who? Jett?”
“Yeah, Noah said he had a black eye and busted lip. Fucking amateur,” he adds.
My head swings to Teddy, but he’s pretending not to hear. “Teddy?” I question.
Although Teddy isn’t a fight-with-your-fists kind of guy normally, that doesn’t mean that he won’t defend someone he cares about if needed. Tristan has sparred with him a few times at the gym.
“He had it coming, Harper,” Teddy responds, still not looking up from his phone.
“I can’t believe you did that!” I yell, getting to my feet.
Teddy swings an annoyed look at me. “I don’t know what he said to you last night, but it couldn’t have been good with the state I found you in outside his room. I’m not going to apologize for doing something that should have happened a long time ago.”
“The fuck happened?” Tristan asks on a roar, his playfulness from minutes ago long gone.
I give Gabby a pleading look for help, but she puts her hands up and shakes her head. “I don’t know anything about it. But I’m on Teddy’s side on this one, Harps. If Jett hurt you, he should have been laid out by Tristan instead of Teddy if you ask me.” Then she looks at Teddy, “No offense. I’m sure you hit decent.”
“Harper, I will put him down if he hurt you. Did he put hands on you?” Tristan asks.
I shake my head. I can’t believe this is happening. I didn’t want to talk about this with them. Not now. Not yet.
“No, he didn’t hurt me. Not physically anyway.” I wipe at a stupid tear that slips out of my eye. “He was upset and mad, which I guess I get. But he was just… I don’t know. It hurt.” Knowing that none of them will be satisfied with just that, I go on to tell them about what happened and what was said.
When I finish, words like asshole, dick and a few others are muttered from each of them.
“He didn’t even let you tell him… everything,” Tristan says.
Biting into my lip so I don’t cry and fall apart all over again, I just nod my head.
“That’s bullshit, Harper.”
I shrug. “He’s allowed his own feelings, I guess.”
Teddy scoffs. “Don’t you dare defend him after that.”
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore, okay?” I tell them.
They all drop it, but the whole atmosphere of the day shifts from that point on. Everyone is more quiet than usual. You can feel their anger simmering.
Not wanting to fight with Teddy and knowing he’ll force me to talk more about it, I opt to stay with Gabby again instead of going back with him—which I know pisses him off even more. But it’s what I need right now.
The next day, we all say bye to Tristan as he leaves for Boston before we board our plane to take us back to North Carolina. The flight is just as quiet as the beach was the day before.
Teddy shoots me these looks that range from anger to hurt, but I just can’t deal with that just yet. He was right when he stopped things yesterday. I need to deal with my emotions with everything that happened first before I can give him what he wants and deserves from me.
Chapter Twenty-One
Harper
Teddy still wouldn’t look at me as our shared town car pulled up to my house. I can’t say that I blame him, but I’m pissed that he’s so mad at me about this. He’s known from day one how I felt, not just about Jett but about everything.
About Serenity.
Pulling the small photo album from my shelf, I flip through it as everything comes flooding back. Running my fingers over the picture of her, I wish I could hold her again.
My phone beeps with a text, pulling me from my thoughts.
Teddy: I’m sorry. You okay?
Me: Not really. But I will be.
Teddy: I might not understand but I care and I’m here if you need anything.
Me: I know.
Turning my phone on silent, I strip down and step into the shower. I need to wash the last couple of days off of me, needing to burn the memories and visions of Jett out of my mind.
I don’t even know where to go from here. I feel so lost. Not only was my heart ripped out of my chest again, but now I’m suffocating and can’t breathe.
The last part of my lifeline to my daughter is gone. Cut and severed. What was once a spark of fire between Jett and me is now burned to ash. The embers are gone. And my heart feels cold and empty.
It wasn’t like I thought Jett and I would instantly rekindle our love for one another or even be together again.
But I did think he’d care.
About her.
About the life we made together all those years ago.
Instead, he threw me out li
ke garbage and trashed all those feelings of love I thought he would have for her.
Because he doesn’t care.
He didn’t even ask me anything about her. About our baby.
I’m a fool for thinking he would, for holding on to hope that I could share the memories of her with him.
Crawling into my bed, my body feels heavy and tired. My emotions are exhausted. Reaching for my cell, I call the only person who ever seemed to understand me through it all.
“Hey, you okay? I’ve stopped myself from calling you a hundred times since I said bye to you earlier, but I wanted to give you space if that’s what you needed,” Tristan says softly on the other side of the line.
“Teddy was pissed the whole way home, and I don’t even know what to do with myself now.” I rub my hand over my chest. “I feel so empty. Like she’s really gone now.”
“Harper, she’s always going to be with you. It doesn’t matter how Jett feels about it. He isn’t the one who held her. You did.”
When I didn’t think it was possible to cry anymore, tears slip from the corners of my eyes. “He didn’t ask about her. He didn’t even ask her name or if she was even a girl. He just kicked me out, Tris.”
“Maybe that was his way of dealing with his own pain.”
I let out a long breath. “Maybe.”
“Look, I’m not excusing him for how he treated you last night, but you have to admit it was probably a lot for the guy to take in. Seeing you after all those years, then finding out you had been pregnant, then that she died. It’s a lot for anyone to take in and try to understand.”
“You didn’t see the look on his face, Tris.”
“I’m sorry, babe.”
“Me too,” I sigh. “I’m so sorry that your big win got clouded by all of my shit.”
“It’s whatever. This is much bigger than me punching some shithead.”
I let out a little chuckle. “I wish you were here.”
“I can come down tomorrow if you want.”
I Kissed Her First: A BOUND TOGETHER NOVEL Page 13