by Jesse Steele
Jesus!
Jesus: Carl is your friend.
Alexander: I know.
Carl: I am?
Jesus: I AM.
Carl: He is? [to Jesus]
Alexander: He IS. [to Carl]
Carl: But, Jesus, he scares me.
Jesus: I AM not scared of Alexander. Alexander, don’t scare your friends.
Alexander: Okay. But I’m just so excited that I heard from You, Jesus!
Jesus: I’m excited that you heard from me too, but we also want Carl to be excited.
Carl: Would someone please explain what’s going on here.
Jesus: Carl, this is Alexander.
Carl: We’ve met, and I’m not sure it’s a good thing.
Jesus: It is good.
Carl: But what’s with all this strange stuff he’s saying?
Jesus: He’s just expressing himself. Can’t you understand him?
Carl: Nope.
Jesus: I can.
Carl: Can he understand himself?
Alexander: It doesn’t matter. I just want to understand more of Jesus.
Jesus: And I want both of you to understand more of me. That’s why I brought you together.
Carl–Alexander [together]: [look at each other, then Jesus] We’d much rather know You by ourselves.
Jesus: See! That’s my Spirit!
Carl: Huh?
Alexander: Wait.
Carl: What just happened?
Alexander: We actually said the same thing to Jesus.
Jesus: You often do.
Carl: Sorry, but, I just can’t be in the same place as him. [looking up]
Jesus: What’s wrong with me?
Carl: Not You, Jesus, I meant Alexander.
Alexander: I agree, this just won’t work.
Jesus: I think it’s working quite well.
Carl: How is it working?
Alexander: I have a word to deliver!
Jesus: You two are talking—together.
Carl: But the only thing we agreed on was that we disagree.
Alexander: It was a “divine coincidence” that the Lord inspired our words to be the same.
Carl: See! He just said “inspired.”
Jesus: I’ve done a lot of that in my Life.
Carl: But only the Bible is inspired!
Jesus: Yes, the Bible is inspired, but I also inspire people—people aren’t Bibles. Where do you think creativity comes from?
Carl: But when he says his message is “inspired” he’s adding to the Bible!
Jesus: I don’t see his Bible getting any bigger.
Alexander: There he goes talking all of that gobbledygook! Does he always have to make everything so complicated?
Jesus: It seems simple to him.
Alexander: He doesn’t seem simple to me.
Jesus: That’s because you didn’t make him.
Alexander: That’s You, not me.
Jesus: Just like I made you.
Carl: Would someone please go back to what I was talking about?
Alexander: You just want to talk about yourself.
Carl: You should talk.
Alexander: Thank you, I have a word from the Lord that I need to deliver.
Carl: That’s not what I meant.
Jesus: Alexander?
Alexander: Yes, Lord?
Jesus: What is this word you have? Go ahead, tell us.
Carl: Um, I’m scared.
Jesus: I AM not.
Carl: But I don’t want to start rolling on the floor, frothing at the mouth!
Alexander: Jesus, what is he talking about?
Jesus: He’s never met someone like you before.
Carl: Oh, yes I did, for two minutes at this one street light. This lady was shouting…
Alexander: He just called me a woman!
Carl: That’s not what I meant.
Jesus: For an intellectual, you sure did overlook that detail, Carl.
Carl: But it wasn’t the fact that she was a woman that made her crazy.
Jesus: If you keep talking like that you are going to get into trouble with all the women I created.
Carl: Yeah, well, You made them!
Jesus: Yes. Yes I did. So, Alexander, your word I gave you…
Carl: But I’m scared!
Alexander: What’s he scared of?
Jesus: He’s sacred because of the way you started talking.
Carl: You mean the strange way he started talking.
Alexander: What about the strange way you were talking about perspiration and adding to the Bible.
Carl: Inspiration!
Alexander: Whatever. Same difference.
Jesus: Alexander, you are going to cause Carl to have a heart-attack. Those words are very important to him.
Alexander: And Your word is important to me. That’s why I want to deliver it.
Carl: His Word is important to me too! I study it all the time.
Alexander: Does he think that You don’t talk to us today?
Carl: Does he always add to Scripture like this?
Alexander: I’m not adding anything to the Bible.
Carl: But you were talking about a word!
Alexander: I never said Bible!
Carl: But the Bible is the Word!
Alexander: Not the one I have from the Lord.
Carl: The Bible is from the Lord!
Alexander: So is this word I have.
Jesus: It’s so nice to see you two having fellowship.
Carl: Which one of us is right?
Alexander: There he goes again.
Carl: I mean, technically speaking… if we disagree, then at least one of us has to be wrong. It’s a simple permutation of logic.
Alexander: Jesus, does he know English?
Jesus: Better than he knows Greek.
Alexander: Everything he just said was Greek to me.
Carl: Don’t you know Greek?
Jesus: Neither of you know Greek well enough to talk. I gave the two of you English.
Carl: What’s with that English language nonsense? It’s one of the most disorganized languages…
Alexander: Yer tellin’ me.
Carl: Yeah, I think we might agree on something. English is crazy.
Alexander: Lord, if You are so smart, why is English such a disorganized language?
Jesus: I didn’t give anyone English at the Tower of Babble. My languages actually made sense. English—that was a mess you humans made.
Carl: But You said You made English.
Jesus: No. I said I gave you English. Your ancestors were the ones who “made” it.
Alexander: Ah, sins of the fathers, visited on the sons.
Carl: That expired with the New Covenant.
Alexander: Shekinah Glory!
Carl: That expired too!
Jesus: No. My glory is still here.
Alexander: What’s this stuff about God having expiration dates?
Carl: I never said that.
Alexander: But you said generational sin expired.
Carl: That’s cause you were saying God would curse innocent children with the evil of their parents. God doesn’t condemn people like that anymore.
Jesus: I never did.
Alexander-Carl: Huh?
Jesus: If the parents make a mess, it will affect the kids. Kind of like English.
Carl: I don’t like English.
Alexander: Speaking in tongues makes more sense to me.
Carl: You know… [shaking finger] he might actually have a point there.
Jesus: Ah! Unity is coming…
Carl: As long as he doesn’t speak in tongues around me.
Jesus: He speaks in tongues around me.
Alexander: You can’t speak in tongues because you don’t have the Holy Spirit!
Jesus: My Holy Spirit.
Alexander: Ah! He certainly is! Selah!
Carl: I do to have the Holy Spirit!
Jesus: My Holy Spirit.
Alexander: Why can’t you speak in tongues t
hen!?
Jesus: Guys… My Spirit is the Spirit of unity. If both of you speak in “defense” it will seem like grater gibberish than speaking in different languages.
Carl: But he just said I don’t have Your Holy Spirit.
Jesus: He’s not being super-technical.
Carl: But I try my best to be smart about this stuff. We should be technical.
Jesus: Then be smart and figure out what his meaning is.
Carl: Here goes… Alexander, what is your “meaning?”
Alexander: Ask and ye shall receive.
Carl: See! He’s not making any sense!
Alexander: That’s ‘cause you don’t ask.
Carl: I just did ask you!
Jesus: Boys! Please.
Alexander: Lord, there’s nothing I have against him. I have a great friendship with You and I want him to have as much fun as we do.
Carl: I do too have a friendship with Jesus! Don’t you tell me I don’t know the Lord!
Jesus: He never said you didn’t.
Carl: Sounded to me like he just said he knows You better than I do!
Alexander: Who’s comparing? I just want more of the Lord, for both of us! And you cry, “Bloody murder!”
Jesus: I was.
Carl: It just isn’t tactful.
Jesus: Alexander, are you trying to insult him?
Alexander: No, I’m trying to save him.
Jesus: Only I can do that. But you don’t want to undermine him by telling him there is more to know, do you?
Alexander: No. I tell people about You because I care about them.
Jesus: Okay, Alexander has walked with me and seen some of my miracles. They excited him and he wants to share them with you. Is that so bad?
Carl: No, not when You put it like that. But he doesn’t put it that way. He makes me feel invalidated.
Alexander: I don’t want you to feel invalidated.
Jesus: He doesn’t want you to feel invalidated.
Carl: You both said the same thing.
Jesus: I inspired him.
Carl: He’s not the Bible.
Jesus: I never said he was a Bible. It was merely a good idea for the moment.
Carl: So that’s what he means when he says he has a “word” from You? It’s just a “good idea for the moment?”
Jesus: Something like that, maybe.
Alexander: Why does he have to make this complicated?
Jesus: It isn’t complicated to Carl. Besides, he sees you as complicated in your own way.
Alexander: Me!? He’s the one using all the big, strange words.
Carl: Do you ever use a dictionary?
Alexander: At least I don’t read it like a novel.
Jesus: Neither of you use your Greek dictionaries like you could.
Carl: Getting back on topic…
Alexander: Does he always talk like that?
Jesus: I made him that way. Tickles me to no end.
Alexander: Infinite-eternal.
Carl: Do you even know what those words mean?
Jesus: Alexander is not ignorant. He just isn’t as passionate about the same things I made you passionate about.
Carl: So why does he say I don’t “have” the Spirit?
Jesus: My Spirit.
Alexander: His Spirit.
Carl: What does he mean!?
Alexander: Can I just pray for you?
Jesus: Alexander, that sounds bad. Don’t say “for” say “with.”
Alexander: It matters?
Jesus: It matters to Carl. He’s the one you’re talking to.
Carl: Sure, you can pray for me.
Alexander: It doesn’t seem to matter to him.
Jesus: That’s because he’s beginning to understand what you mean. He’s looking past your words and seeing you more of the way I see you.
Alexander: Well, if he understands, then why do I need to be so technical with my prepositions?
Carl: He knows what a preposition is?
Jesus: We’ve been through this.
Alexander: If Carl understands me, then why do the words matter?
Jesus: The words matter to his friends. It’s good practice.
Alexander: Now that makes sense.
Carl: Now you’re both making sense.
Jesus: Glad I AM making sense… to you both.
Carl: Are we going to pray already?
Alexander: I can’t wait!
Carl: I’m not going to hit the floor and start rolling around for like five hours or anything am I?
Jesus: I did most of that for you.
Carl: I’m kind of scared. What if he is wrong about this?
Jesus: AM I bigger?
Carl: Yeah. I suppose.
Jesus: I AM. And even if Alexander is wrong about his ideas, my Spirit is in you and I protect you. Nothing evil can hurt you, but you can hurt yourselves with disunity.
Carl: But he just said I don’t have Your Spirit.
Jesus: He’s being figurative, not “exact-technical” like you, when you talk.
Carl: What’s wrong with being technical?
Alexander: Lots. It’s really confusing.
Carl: I didn’t ask you!
Jesus: Nothing’s wrong with being technical… so long as I made you that way.
Alexander: Okay, fine. I’ll try to understand that Carl needs to be technical, even though he doesn’t always make sense.
Jesus: … to you. He makes perfect sense to me.
Alexander: Does he make sense to himself?
Carl: You’re the one who prays in a language he doesn’t understand.
Alexander: All of us are speaking English, and that doesn’t make sense to any of us.
Carl: [shaking finger] He’s got good point there.
Jesus: You guys agreed on that before.
Alexander-Carl: Really?
Jesus: You agree on a lot more than you know.
Carl: Okay, I’m going to let Alexander, my new “friend” here, pray for/with/whatever me. I just want to make sure… I’m not going to start levitating or anything, right?
Jesus: You’re seeking me with your whole heart, right?
Carl: I hope so.
Jesus: If I tell you to stop, you’ll obey me, but still be kind to Alexander, right?
Carl: Right.
Jesus: Then, do like Peter, and step out of the boat.
Carl: But Peter got all wet when he did that.
Jesus: That’s ‘cause it was already raining.
Carl: No I mean he fell into the water.
Jesus: That’s ‘cause he didn’t keep his eyes on me.
Carl: NO! I mean the time he jumped out of the boat and swam to shore to greet You.
Jesus: And he didn’t care about getting drenched one bit.
Carl: Was Peter kind of like Alexander here?
Jesus: Alexander doesn’t fish for a living.
Carl: I mean in other ways.
Jesus: I made each of you different… just like everyone else.
Alexander: Can we stop talking and start praying?
Carl: Don’t you talk when you pray?
Alexander: Give it a rest, would yah!?
Carl: But we can’t just pray all the time!
Alexander: You can’t do anything without prayer!
Carl: But you still have to think!
Alexander: No, just pray and God will lead you!
Carl: But you still have to use your brain!
Alexander: You use your brain too much. Just pray and obey!
Carl: God gave me my brain! I need to use it!
Alexander: Use it, don’t abuse it! Just pray.
Carl: But we still have to think!
Alexander: Then think about praying and do it!
Jesus: Fellas.
Carl: Fine, okay, I understand what he means.
Alexander: Good, I’ve said it so clearly. It’s about time you listen!
Carl: He’s awfully feisty.
Jesus: I made him that way.
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Carl: Why?
Jesus: The devil can’t lead him.
Carl: Can anyone be his leader?
Jesus: I AM.
Alexander: I’ll follow Jesus anywhere.
Carl: Back on topic…
Alexander: There he goes again.
Carl: Let’s just pray and get this over with. I don’t care if I turn into a giraffe! All this waiting has me in suspense.
Alexander: Me too! More fire Lord!
Jesus: Carl, patience. Alexander, calm down, I AM not burning the earth until I get you and the rest of my Church outa’ here.
Alexander: I mean the fire of Your Spirit.
Jesus: Yes. My fire won’t hurt my Church… but the evil fungi… they won’t survive the coming global grass fire.
Carl: How do You plan to do all that?
Alexander: Does he always ask so many questions?
Carl: Inquiring minds want to know.
Jesus: Weren’t you going on about how impatient you were about praying?
Carl: Oh, yeah, that. Alex, hurry-up, before we start talking about something else.
Alexander: “Alex” …I kind of like that nickname.
Carl: Just hurry up, would you!
Alexander: Oh, right. [puts his hand on Carl’s shoulder, closes eyes, looks up]
Carl: [bows head]
Jesus: [smiles and looks at both]
Alexander: [looks at Jesus] Give him Your Spirit like I have Him.
Jesus: Okay. Done.
Alexander: [takes hand down]
Carl: That’s it!?
Alexander: What were you expecting?
Carl: Well, I do feel a little warm and calm, but I’ve had that in church before. I thought I was going to melt into a puddle of slime or something and roll around in the aisles.
Alexander: How could slime roll?
Carl: You know what I mean.
Alexander: No, I don’t.
Jesus: Do you feel any different?
Carl: I feel… really calm… and… kinda’ happy.
Jesus: That’s my peace.
Carl: What just happened?
Alexander: Oooo! He’s got the Holy Ghost! Shekinah!
Jesus: My Holy Ghost.
Carl: Shekinah is a kind of “glory.”
Alexander: “Glowraaah!” Halelooooooyah!
Jesus: Isn’t he scaring you?
Carl: Not really, I’m kinda’ getting used to him.
Jesus: It’s because you prayed together.
Alexander: More fire!
Jesus: …in a few years, Alexander. That’s part of what I came for. How I wish it were already kindled.
Alexander: Let Your fire be kindled in me!
Jesus: Truly.
Carl: I’m all of a sudden curious about this whole “tongues” thing. How does that work?
Alexander: You just gotta’ do it!
Jesus: Alexander, don’t confuse him. He needs details.
Alexander: Oh, yeah. He’s one of those people.
Jesus: One of my people.
Carl: What’s with all that tongues stuff, anyways?
Jesus: First, “tongues and languages” aren’t the main thing. I AM the main thing.
Carl: Okay, I’m just curious, though. Do You, like, control my talking or… how does all that work?
Jesus: It’s like a dance. You actively follow my lead.
Carl: Okay, but we aren’t supposed to dance as Christians.
Jesus: David danced with me.
Carl: That sounds wrong.
Alexander: Your mind’s in the wrong place man! You just gotta’ think “Holy Ghost!”
Carl: Do I have to start acting like him?
Jesus: Nope. And he doesn’t have to start acting like you. But, Alexander, please, do calm down a little. I know you’re excited, but you don’t want to scare people who don’t see things the same way you do.
Carl: What’s with this whole “tongues” thing? I want to know.
Jesus: That’s for private time between just us.
Carl: Can I do it in church.
Jesus: As long as you’re decent, others understand, and you aren’t making a show of me. It’s supposed to be either between us or else a language others can understand so you and your friends can grow closer to me—together.
Carl: Okay, so it really isn’t that big of a deal either way.
Jesus: I AM the Way. Language is a tool.
Alexander: He’s starting to make more sense.
Carl: And Alex seems more calm.
Alexander: I thought I was more excited.
Jesus: Alexander isn’t scaring you as much.
Carl: I thought he was the one who changed.
Jesus: I AM the one who changes both of you.
Carl: Why are we getting along better? Is it because I’ve been “Drenched” in Your Holy Spirit?
Alexander: Drenched. Dunked. Submerged. Lord, pour it on me! More!
Jesus: Maybe. The key is that you are talking, having fellowship, and mostly, you are talking with me—together.
Carl: Now that makes sense.
Alexander: It’s about time! Praise Jesus!
Jesus: I AM fine with that.
Carl: I feel like I need a word of caution. Like, I need some kind of guidebook on dealing with my new friend here.
Jesus: Carl likes terminology, so, Alexander, remember the term I gave you?
Alexander: Compulsion!
Carl: He does know big words!
Jesus: I teach him.
Alexander: He tied me to the floor and forced it down!
Jesus: You were slain in my Spirit.
Alexander: Is that what it