- Ksenka! And you, it turns out, are bloodthirsty.
- Yes. - The girl said yes, - And you're too kind, Vetriana. You must fight for yourself, not run away and cry quietly. If I could, I would strangle Harpy myself. Or slaughter... yes... And the rest of our abbesses. - There was a dreamy expression on her face.
- Well, well... I mumbled, you're like Lord Darrell. You're right, I am, you sissy. I can't stand up for myself at all.
- Was the lord with you, too? - bit Xenya's lip. As a child, she always did that when she was worried.
- He felt the surge of the Arch'arrion's power and raced into the den. Even the door was torn down, can you imagine?
- Oh, yeah? I came in, the whole door. Doesn't even squeak like it used to. The lord must have fixed it... he's a powerful magician, he can do anything! And a good man... out, what order did you get in the orphanage!
- That's right! Soon the children will start singing psalms for the glory of the great lord and praise him instead of the holy elders. - I smiled.
- He deserves it more than those elders," Xenia said quietly.
I laughed, but my friend did not support me.
- Seriously, Vetrjana. What have some fictitious elders done for us? Nothing... and the Lord... with his arrival in Riverstein came life. He took care of us all. With him, Riverstein was no longer a prison and a home we never had. He's kind, generous, noble and strong... he's not like the others, he's a real... wizard.
And I looked up to an unusually serious friend.
- Holy elders! Xenya! Tell me you've fallen in love with a lord! Like Rogneda!
- Do you say that like falling in love with a lord is a shame? - She snapped at you. I'm smothered.
- That's not what I meant... it's just strange to hear it from you! I thought...
Really, what was I thinking? I don't know what, but I got confused in my words and thoughts.
- Did you think stupid Xenya would be a child forever? - she asked. I looked at her in a hurry. Isn't it true... when did Xenya grow up? The same chestnut curls, the same redheaded eyes and light freckles, but the gaze... is grown up, a little sad. She smiled sadly.
- What difference does it make how I feel about Lord Darrell? He can't even see me. Just like everyone else at the orphanage.
- Why not?
- Why is that? Don't you really get it? - Xenya asked me grimly.
- Why is that?
- The... the fact that Lord Darrell only sees you!
I stared at my friend in genuine amazement, wanted to laugh, but when I looked at her face, I didn't. And I also felt guilty. You're welcome, though.
- This is ridiculous! What makes you think that, Xenya?
- Because I can see the way he looks at you! The way he tries to touch you. He's protecting... Only you with your... detachment, and you can ignore it! Even these dresses... - she nodded at the blue cloth grimly - he didn't choose the outfit for us. It was for you. Exactly the color of your eyes...
I looked at her almost with horror. I rolled a lump down her throat, like I did with Rogneda then. And I used to want to run away.
- Xenia," I said firmly, "you have gone mad. Nothing can happen between Lord Darrell and myself. I don't know what's gotten into you.
Xenia flashed, jumped up.
- You don't understand. You don't see anybody around you but yourself... you've got the Force, you've got Argard... everybody around you. You can't understand the nonsense that empty Xenya's doing!
And she flew out of the room, leaving me sitting with my mouth open.
Chapter 11
I'm not going to the refectory. I just couldn't see the faces of the students, the mentors. Peaceful conversations, complaining about boring classes, plans for the future... all empty. I couldn't bring myself to plunge into all this. When the bell rang, announcing the beginning of lessons, I slowly crawled out of my room and wandered along the wall towards the refectory, hoping that all the students are already in the classroom.
The conversation with Xenia left a feeling of deaf confusion and misunderstanding inside.
Praise mother, the refectory was empty. Only the dinnergirl cleaned the tables, and Avdotya clapped at the rest of the dinner.
- Chickenpox! - she splashed her hands - why didn't you come for lunch? Something's wrong with you girl, I can see... aren't you ill? I was only glad for you, saying that such a nice person became useful, and then again... pale as a weakness... what's wrong with you, girl? Didn't Mrs. Harpy turn on you again?
I hummed nervously. I did... and now I'm angry, right... if I'm still alive. Tried not to think about it and asked Avdotya for some food.
- Well, now, fungus, now! Here's a cake for you, eat it, wait for the milk... fresh, from the morning from under the cow, they bring it from the village every morning! There's plenty of food now, the lord has punished everyone to feed as much as they want! At first, the girls came five times for more, the hapless ones who couldn't eat it, they hid it in their pockets... and in the rooms, under their shoes! So one of the younger ones, the mice almost got their nose bit off at night! There were countless gray creatures, from the fact that the Harchy girls poked in the corners... but now the girls have calmed down, got used to the fact that there is enough food. They even stopped dragging.
I was listening to her chatter, smiling and chewing pie. That's how I hide bread and cheese under my shoe, of course, it's the first treat for mice. I have to clean it up, or else I'll wake up at night, and on my chest this disgusting thing with a tail sits, to my nose is tried on!
- And Danina was swearing! - Avdotya was laughing! - The mice, they carry all sorts of things, and the girls broke them themselves. The Lord has strictly forbidden to carry food to the hospital. The girls obeyed him... everybody obeys him...
I'm pining again.
- Where's Danina, do you know?
- So her lord let her go to the Wastelands. He also ordered to give her food, more food... Danina's son came from the capital, he's a big man now, a sorcerer! The herbalist said the king himself might be a healer. Or those close to him... lucky, anyway! Because she wasn't herself, she was worried about her son! - Avdotya leaned towards me, lowering her voice to a whisper, - I'm a fool, I thought that the trouble with the boy, that his call beckons him... that stupid chicken! - ...and she had become a sacred half-moon, - and you eat, eat, girl! Why are you wearing that hoodie again? Didn't they give you such beautiful dresses? Just like the color of your eyes!
I choked on a cake, and the cook patted me on the back.
- It's just... dirty... I mumbled it.
- That's the right thing to do! That's what the lord put up, with warm water! Wash it! They say they're bringing you another outfit soon to replace you, so... someone even heard that the turquoise dresses will be, with gold embroidery... but they're lying, right. You're not queens, you're orphans... oh, I'll get you some more milk...
- Thank you, Avdotya," I said, "thank you...
- Come on, honey, eat it! My heart used to bleed and look at you, but now it's happy!
I looked at her rouge full cheeks and shining eyes with thin rays of wrinkles. I thought she was beautiful before, but now she is! Something has elusively changed in her, as if she had been breathed into a new life...
- Avdotya, unexpectedly for yourself, I said, are you expecting a baby?
The cook hunted and held her hand to her lips, but the happiness that came out of her was not restrained, and she again blurred a wide joyful smile.
- How did you know, sweetheart? I hadn't told anyone, but I couldn't understand it from my body yet... However... I always knew that you were a special girl, I could smell it here somewhere, - she put her chubby palm to her chest funny, - you predicted to me, Vetryana...
I patted my eyes in astonishment. I didn't understand how I had guessed about the child myself, I just felt another life in Avdottier with my gut.
- What did I tell you? When did I tell you that?
- Here, in the refectory, rememb
er? My husband wished me well... I still laughed, saying where to get it, and you can't find a bad one! But I did! And which one! Smith, what brooks, how he'll hug... how he hid behind the stone wall! And what a good one! It's a gift that the silhouette is big in him, and the kindness is many times bigger... he was driving from Zagreb, on the road the axle of the cart cracked. Just by my side! So we met... soon we'll have a wedding. I'm telling you, I've already put up a hut... and what happened to the baby before the wedding, so let it be... - the cook has blushed shamefully, - I'm not a girl with tea. I am not afraid of the people's court. And the Holy Mother will not judge, I know. Oh, I've been sitting with you... I'll go, there's no trouble in the kitchen! And you eat, eat...
I was sincerely happy for Avdotya. Of course, I didn't predict anything, so I groped at the gratitude that enveloped me. At last, Blessed Mother turned her blessed eye to a good woman and gave me happiness.
I sat for a while longer, chewing cake and pondering. After eating, my strength did not increase, but as if on the contrary, it became less. And I got really sleepy. It's just unbearable! Eyes sticking together, heavy eyelids could not lift, the body poured lead weight. I put off the pie I hadn't eaten, and barely dragged my legs into my room. I was gripped by a sleepy indifference to everything, my hand at my elbow burning, the serpent Argarde turned deafly, and pulled out of me strength, but even that did not cause me any emotion.
When I got to my room, I collapsed on the mattress and fell asleep.
I woke up like a jolt and sat down sharply. I rubbed my elbow. The argard died down, temporarily saturated. The body is still weak, but not strong.
I looked in astonishment at the window, lit by the murky light of the round moon. Wow, I slept all day! And nobody even disturbed me... miracles!
I remembered what I woke up from. A dream. I dreamt of black sand and upside-down stone trees, and there was something wrong and distracted in that dream, an echo of something alien... as if I wasn't watching my dream, but an alien...
It was as if the dream pushed the boundaries of my feelings, freed my consciousness and I slipped to where a part of me was, to where he was...
I closed my eyes, keeping that sense of presence in me. Somewhere inside me was burning a little bit of Chaos fire, a flame alien to me slowly melted in blood. I could feel it: a flaming corner stuck somewhere near my heart. Its warmth flowed through my veins, dissipating the blood and driving away the cold. And at the same time it burned me from the inside, burning my gut with its alienity. I pressed my palms against my chest, trying to soothe this fever, to cool it...
...black sand.
The black sand surrounded it. And a dozen serpents, huge, spiky, diving into loose funnels like moles - into burrows, and diving out right in front of the Arch'arrion, staring at terrible mouths with several rows of curved and jagged fangs.
It was neither night nor day, the foggy timelessness of space.
And strangely, I was myself, aware of myself, but at the same time part of the Arch'arrion. I felt the cold joy of this mortal battle, the weight of two blue blades in my hand, the power of the wings behind my back. I enjoyed the movement and mesmerizing beauty of the fight, felt the crushing blades enter the living flesh, the skin and meat of the monsters tear...
And at the same time, as if from the side watched the wild ruthless dance of the demon and the monsters that attacked him. Lunge - and the snake dives into the sand, the other two are wrapped on both sides, clasped in a ring of deadly embrace ... black demon wings rapidly open and he departs from the murderous capture ... turn, and the snake falls into the sand, black blood is instantly absorbed, the monster's head rolls away ...
And the other one wheezes, trying to get the demon out of his final strength and dries, stinking his stinkin' mouth...
Again, the twist... the wings are like a balancer, to hold the inhuman balance...
The spiky muzzle slips so close, the jagged fangs close where only a moment ago there was a swarthy body... and the demon turns over its head, twisting its wings, blades in flight make a fatal double incision... it seems quite light, a scratch... but the snake falls, cut in half.
And the Arch'arrion softly lands on its feet, slightly ducked, ready for a new attack... and it doesn't linger. At once the four monsters break out of the sand, twisting black funnels around their long curved bodies and throwing themselves at the demon.
And strangely... I can feel its joy. The incomprehensible, raging joy of murder, the dark pleasure I've never seen. The thirst for blood boils in me, the ruthless fire of Chaos burns my gut, leaving only animal desire to tear, shred, torment and kill. The Beast rules, the Beast wants to die.
And I can also feel the Devil pulling out its powers. With every turn, every swing of blades, every monster killed, the Black Desert devours the Arch'arrion more and more, greedily consuming its life.
And then came the devastation.
There are no monsters left, only their long stinking bodies on the black sand. Cut heads, crumpled pieces of meat. And the greedy insatiable desert.
He knelt down, immersed his hands in blackness, feeling his Power flowing, absorbed, dissolved. The fierce joy of battle was replaced by emptiness, bitterness spilled down his gut. I wanted to stay here, in these sands, to submit to the deadly power of the desert. Stop.
But only for a moment. And immediately there was anger at himself, for this brief weakness, which he had no right to. Because he has a duty. A duty. An oath.
...the Arch'arrion threw his head up. And I saw his beastly eyes, with black smoke flowing out of them. He felt me. He felt my presence and I felt his anger... and fear. And in the same moment I was thrown out of the Black Earth with such force that my head exploded with pain and my consciousness exploded as if it was burnt by fire.
I wrapped my hands around my head, and I moaned. My eyes were double, everything was floating.
The Arch'arrion came out of the passage, as it were: a demon naked at the waist, with yellow beastly eyes. The black wings were folded behind my back, and the stinking, stinking blood of the serpents was dripping from the blue blade to the wooden floor of my cell.
The demon stepped towards me, and I screamed with wild, uncontrollable fear.
- Never. Don't you dare. Get inside my head. - He said. Quietly said, no emotion, but everything in me curled up with a tight bundle of horror. There was nothing human in his face now, his dark eyes turned yellow, with elongated vertical pupils, at the bottom of which there was an animal thirst for murder and a black all-consuming abyss from which there was no return.
I didn't even have the thought to object, to explain that I didn't want to, that I didn't know how it came out. In my essence, all the ancient fears of man before the demon, the deep, ancient sense of terror. And all I could do was to look silently into this abyss.
At one point, it seemed to me that he wouldn't hold back and it would happen. One short blow with a relaxed hand and my life would come to an end...
But nothing happened. A moment, and the demon disappeared in the transition, and I stayed. And as I pulled my knees up to my chest, I cried quietly.
* * *
Xenia started shunning me.
No, as usual, in the morning she even apologized for her flash, I also assured her that I didn't mean to offend or anything...
But there's still some understatement. For the first time in my life I did not know what to say to a friend who looked at me through the eyes of a stranger. Did I only wonder when those invisible changes occurred, when my Xenia became different? And me? Why didn't I tell her about the Arch'Arrion, the dark demon of my dreams? How can I explain now that I was silent not from the fact that I didn't trust her, but from the fact that it hurts too much to speak!
And how long has Xenia been telling me only the half-truth, or less... what happened to us? When did this rust come into being, sharpening, eating away at the skeleton of such a seemingly unshakeable childish friendship?
In my heart, I knew when it starte
d.
That morning, when Xenia woke up from the ink rot, when I opened the door to her soul from the world of shadows, when I made her come back. What happened then?
Why, darkness take me away, I didn't talk to her! I hid behind my fear, went into my worries without noticing, leaving her alone! She ran away, instead of asking me directly! Coward... I'm a stupid, mean coward who thinks only of herself!
And her feelings for Lord Darrell, how could I not have noticed them? But she always laughed so cheerfully at the girls who had fallen in love with Lord Darrell. At what point, did it become an act?
I was lonely without Xenia. I broke up several times to go up to her, to talk to her again, to say something that would restore our understanding. But she avoided me and didn't want to discuss anything so much that I only bit my lips.
The stronghold of my life had disappeared, and I felt like a one-legged cripple who didn't know how to live, wobbling only on the left, and desperately looking for something to lean on. But there was no support, and the thought that instead of a leg now there would always be only a dry stick, picked up by the road, filled the soul with pain.
And these evil words, abandoned that day? Does Xenia really think that possession of Aargard is a joy, does not understand that he just kills me? He doesn't understand. After all, I didn't tell her. I kept quiet so I wouldn't scare her. My stupid secrecy, not being able to trust and ask for help, has robbed me of my only loved one...
My thoughts were interfering with remorse and guilt. I tried to talk to my friend, to find some words, but the wall between us only strengthened. Ksenia assured me that everything was okay, but I didn't want to talk frankly. And more and more I saw her in the company of Rogneda and other girls, and this hurtful betrayal of her made me reluctant to fix anything.
And then... the bad feelings made me feel bad. I felt like a storm was coming. It was as if Aargard felt it too, and he was pulling more and more power out of me.
The Wind of the North Page 26