And when he walked out the door, he yelled at the whole floor: "Belava! Come here! The travelers wish me a new one!
Before we had a rest, a skinny and spinning woman knocked on the door, with a heap of clothes. Almost immediately I chose a closed dark-gray dress of a simple cut and with a wide belt, though Belava was tongue-tied, offering me something brighter and more expensive. But I shook my head, left a coin and went behind the veil, where the ferry was already coming.
The warm water shrouded in bliss, and I closed my eyes. That's so good! But she didn't sit still, knowing that Ksenia wanted to wash herself before the water cooled down. Although her friend wasn't in a hurry. I heard Belava leave, mumbling of gratitude, and then it became quiet, only occasionally there were footsteps and incomprehensible rustle. With a slight regret I got out of the reel and wiped my canvas. I put on a clean shirt and went out to the room. And I froze.
Xenia stood at the table and cut off her curls indifferently. A beehive, and a chestnut-red strand with a quiet rustle lay on the floor, a beehive, and another...
- Xenia! What for? - Almost crying, I shouted out.
- I'm tired of it. They're in the way.
- Ksenya... but what about... Your hair... It's so beautiful!
Bitter regret was squeezing my chest, so there was nothing to breathe. The beautiful curls my friend was so proud of were falling on the floor with dead strands...
- Who cares if they're beautiful or not? - the girl angrily asked, "Tell me, Vetriana, does it even matter how I look? If they don't notice me anyway?
Her eyes narrowed, looking at me with such fierce hatred that she wanted to turn away, hide.
- Xenia, please," I said quietly, "it's not you...
She was flexible, almost dancing, approached me. So unfamiliar with short, unevenly cut hair. She smiled as she looked into my eyes.
- How about me? What makes you think it's about... The darkness? Stupid Good Chickenpox... Maybe I've always been like this? And now you've just stopped holding back? You're the one who stubbornly wants to see me different, but what makes you think I need it? It's me.
I shook my head without taking my eyes off it.
- No, Xenia. You were brave, but not cruel, determined, but not evil... fair, but not ruthless. You also had laughter and joy in you... And now only dark anger. Sometimes you scare me. But we'll make it right, believe me! - I grabbed her hands, squeezed her cold palms, we'll fix it, we'll find a way! Do you hear me?
She broke out. She turned around.
- I'm not sure I need it anymore," she said deafly, "it's easier. And I am so... The sooner you understand this and leave me alone, the better.
- I'll never do that," I looked at her back, she said, "because I believe in you. Even if you don't believe in yourself anymore...
Without looking at me or answering me, Xenia walked out the door and left as she was in a wet dress. I pressed my palms to my face, trying to hold back my tears.
The chestnut buckles gently poured red flashes into the uneven light of the oil lamp.
Chapter 20.
Half an hour later, Xenia came back. Not alone, with a servant who was carrying a bucket of hot water instead of the one that had cooled down in her cough. She chatted with the man cheerfully, and when he left, singing, she went behind the veil and there was a long splash and snorting.
I slowly collected her hair from the floor, wrapped it in canvas. I had to burn it... After washing Ksenia came out, and like nothing happened, I put on the men's pants, shirt, boots and sleeveless. She put the scabbard with acanar on her belt. Now she could easily be mistaken for a swirly boy...
But I didn't say anything. I just asked if she was ready to come down for dinner.
Even more so when I saw Xenia, Danila was upset. He still froze with his mouth open, looking at us.
- What are you staring at, you fool? My eyes are falling out," said the girl and sat down on the bench. Danila, as usual, blushed and turned away.
Lord Darrell looked puzzled, Xenia threw her head up. Spider was silent. The archpriest drank wine from a large mug and did not react at all to our appearance.
I also sat down and looked around. They say if I've seen one pub, I've seen them all. Seems like it was fair to the Underworld, too. At least it wasn't too different from the ones on the other side of the Line. The same smoked beams with hanging garlands of grass and onions, the same rough wooden tables and benches. Except the audience was different.
There weren't many visitors, but the ones that did look colourful. I tried my best not to see too many of them. There were two elves at the next table. Dressed expensively, even I understood it, transparent eyes look at the pubescence with light arrogance. The blond hair of both is combed backwards, opening the sharp ears, and gathered in long tails, which are twisted by threads with beads. And though it's strange to see that kind of hair in men, it looks beautiful. And they both keep their gloves on like they're afraid to get dirty.
There's a noisy bunch of dwarves on the side. Bearded and cheerful, they drank ale and loudly discussed successfully bought goods. When they knocked their fists on the table, I didn't even twitch anymore. But the elves looked at the merry men contemptuously and displeased. But they kept silent and didn't interfere.
In the corner there was a strange figure wrapped in a cape. The black cloth hangs a rag, as if painting not a body, but a shadow. And I don't want to look into the failure of the hood, so it seems that there is a void inside.
I was distracted from looking at the rest of the visitors by a heavy crusher who came to our table.
- Meat and porridge! - She told us, and the scorpions!
We nodded at such a strange announcement of dinner. In fact, we were satisfied with everything. Only the men asked for a pitcher of wine, and I was a herbalist. The first meal we dared to eat in five minutes, so hungry. The second meal was already with a quiet pleasure, looking at the fire in the hearth and sipping from the cups.
- Tomorrow we'll be on the main road," Lord Darrell said relaxedly, "two days' journey from there to the Eternal Forest. We just need to buy some normal raincoats.
- There's no other interlacing," Danila asked. Did he also sip wine and shine his eyes," he said, "to get in and out of this forest?
- In his dreams," said Shaider, "if the portal..." He looked at Xenia with regret, "it's all right, we'll get there on our own. Besides, there are so many traps in the Eternal Forest that it's better to ride without any magic...
Lord Darrell has had more wine.
- I remember the first time I made a portal to... Well, no matter where, I was drawn to the top of the Free Mountains," said Shaider laughingly, "and I'm standing in a snowdrift, knocking my teeth, and I'm only wearing underpants...
- And why is that? - I was surprised.
- Because I was going to visit one of the Driads," the Archarrion grinned, "and prepared. And she took it, and put the shield, and threw it into the mountains.
We laughed, and the Lord smiled in embarrassment.
- Yes, it's good that Rion found me then... Or he would have frozen in those snowdrifts. I didn't have a second portal...
- Oh! That's when you met? - Simply asked Daniel.
- No," the Archarrion shook his head, "we had met before. When Shaider was hanging from the spire of the tower and shouting like a wild cat in the spring. We also had to shoot...
- Yeah? I thought you guys weren't getting along, but Danila said it with the same simplicity.
Immediately the smile went out, Archarrion looked into his mug, and Shyder looked into the hearth.
- Idiot," Xenia whispered.
But he'd already realized that he'd had a little too much to say and that it was his fault," the dwarves had gotten their hands on it...
- Not this... Lord Darrell groaned. But the drinking dwarves didn't seem to think of a holiday without their favourite music and dancing. And it wasn't that they were not interested in the opinion of those around them, but the dwarves were s
incerely convinced that everyone else was thrilled, too. And who is not delighted, the elf!
By the way, the elves weren't exactly happy. Moreover, at the sight of a bubble with tubes, they were so distorted, as if their dinner at once turned into a poisonous viper, and threatened to eat them! Despite the numerical minority, the elves could not tolerate such mockery of their hearing.
- Dearly beloved," one of them strained through his teeth and kept an arrogant and detached expression on his face, "I hope you're not going to torment those present with this...music of yours, if I may say so?
The joyous faces of the dwarves have fully assured everyone that this is what the dwarves are going to do.
- We strongly advise you... to abstain! - I couldn't stand the second one.
These gnomes were not warriors, but traders, but the pride of the free people, multiplied by drunk ale and dislike for the sharp-eared, tripled their bravery.
- What is it you don't like about our music? - The fat guy shouted out in a greasy sleeveless shirt.
The elves wriggled harmoniously.
- Because it's not music," one sour said, "it's...the sounds a donkey makes when he's pinched...tail! May the ladies forgive me," he said, bowing lightly in my direction.
- Oh, you... You... Sweet elves! What do you know about music? - The dwarves have already screamed at me. The owner of the pub looked at the bouncer a lot. And the bouncer came eloquently closer, playing with an impressive cleaver.
- We understand..." said the elf sadly and sighed. And suddenly he smiled.
- Perhaps I will show the Honourable Masters what music is," he said, "for comparison.
The second elf touched his shoulder as if he wanted to stop it, but the one who was talking had already pulled the flute out of the narrow case. I was surprised when the bouncer sighed and even froze, staring in awe at the instrument.
The elf lovingly ran his fingers through a thin tube, slowed down a little and brought it to his lips. And I understood why the bouncer froze. Why the dwarves sat quietly on their shop, forgetting the cups filled with ale. Why the silent crying in the corner of the heavy, harsh serveress, wiping her eyes with the corner of her apron.
Because it was magic. Silent sounds, woven together as sun and moonlight weave at sunset, as lovers' hands weave, and wheat ears on a summer field. They caressed as a child's mother caresses, and worried as if waiting for a miracle.
In fact, they were a miracle.
And I was afraid to breathe while these enchanting sounds were pouring, I was afraid even to break the harmony of magic with an unheard sigh.
When the flute was silent, there was a silence hanging in the tavern. The elf quietly put the instrument back in its case and sat down.
The dwarfs glanced over, sighed, and silently hid their shoe under the bench. And even the conversation became quieter, as if afraid to scare something hanging in the air. They no longer looked at the sharp-eared ones. Neither did the elves look at them.
Suddenly Xenia pulled her hood off the shop and came out of the pub. I jumped up after her. But Lord Darrell grabbed me by the hand.
- Don't go," he said, looking up at me from the bottom. In his peanut eyes there was a frozen wait, reinforced by hops and such raving music. He held my palm to my lips, and I pulled it out, blushing with embarrassment and frustration.
And without looking back, I rushed to the doors, feeling the eyes burning through my back.
I found Xenia in the stables. She sat on a bale of straw, stuck her cheek in a wooden partition, and looked before her dry shining eyes. I sat silently next to her and hugged her, pressing her against me, stroking her head like a small one. Ksenka's shoulders were as sharp as a bird's and her heart was pounding fast. It was as if this bird was caught in a snare and there was no way out of it...
That's how Danila found us. He stomped next to us, sat down and fell on straw.
- Guys, I brought the wine..." he tasted it. Xenia got out from under my arm.
- Well, at least some use to you, dummy," she said in an almost normal voice, "but didn't you think to take the mugs? Okay, so let's just...
She and Danila took turns in the wineskin.
- What are you doing, getting drunk? - I was outraged.
- Well, yes, - surprised at my incomprehension of Danila, - do not worry, there's enough for everyone! No, I'll get you some more...
- Well, no! - I got up resolutely, get up!
- Nah," they said, "we're fine here...
I looked at them confusedly and sat back down. The wine was bitter. When Danila hoarsely delayed the song about the village girl who was given to her unloved by her parents, and Xenia started singing, not knowing the words, I couldn't stand it and went to the room to sleep. My eyes were stuck together...
* * *
...I had a dream. Or did you not? A strange half-knowledge, with slightly blurred colors and muffled sounds... Other people's emotions and the look from the outside... It's happened before. Then, when my consciousness suddenly found itself among the Black Sands, where Archharrion fought the snakes...
Only now there was no Devil. There was a room with a fireplace and a wide bed under a red canopy. And there were two of them. Archharrion's bare back is full of scars and tense muscles move under the dark skin. His right hand holds a blonde girl by the throat. And his left hand slides down the woman's body... Her eyes are wide and her white chest in red marks rises high as if she lacked breath. And at the first moment, it seems to me that from fear, but ... In her blue eyes does not tremble with horror, in them splashes pleasure ... And thin hands that you rub the belt of his pants do not repel, attract ... Hurry.
The girl isn't wearing any clothes, she's completely naked. Impertially presses his bare feet to his boots, throws them on his back... He curves an arch, not understanding why he is hesitating... Milk - white skin so sharply contrasts with his - dark. It's even beautiful...
He throws his head up like he's listening. And there's a void in me. The cold evil emptiness of his senses, slightly seasoned with the curiosity of the explorer, who looks at a butterfly pinned to a tree. And immediately burns the rage...
I wake up with a deaf moan. Or I don't wake up, I just come to the surface, greedily grabbing air with my lips dry. There is almost no air, it ended abruptly in the space around me, and pain is pouring into my chest. Just to... to breathe.
I don't know how long it's been... too little. He came in without knocking, already dressed and even calm. Almost. Wrapped around my chin, making me look into my eyes.
- Did I tell you not to get inside my head? - The Archharrion kindly asked.
I tried to pull away, but he held on tight. Like that... by the throat...
- I didn't mean to," I said. And I was surprised that my voice didn't move much.
- And yet I did," she said, "even softer, but the Abyss is already shaking in my eyes.
- I did. I did not want to. - I repeated it clearly and, not holding back, almost shouted," do you think I would voluntarily want to look at... this??
- Then why were you there, take the darkness to you?
- Because you were thinking of me! - I shouted out and backed off, scared.
For a few moments, he had that look like he was about to kill me. So I shuddered with surprise when he wrapped his hands around my face so softly as if he was afraid to touch me.
- You're torturing me, okay? - with a strange tone, he asked. And I suddenly realized that Archarrion is drunk. Hardly. How many drinks does it take to keep the fire of Chaos from burning hops to the ground? How many...
- Torturing... - with painful pleasure he repeated, - why? Though I have earned it..." The darkness laughed at me... He told them they would have to pay for everything. I hate this lake..." He leans very close, so the dark hair touches my cheeks and whispers right into my lips. It whispers so tenderly that the meaning of words doesn't immediately reach my mind.
- And I hate you too... You're so strange... cold... You slip like the wind fr
om your fingers... You smile... Everyone... Only me... You torture. You're not even looking...
He straightened up, passed through my hair with strange curiosity. He smiled.
- You're so defenseless. Despite all my magic... I could kill you with one move... Would it make me feel better? Tell me... Does it make me feel better? You can't forgive what happened... Never.
He looked at me with such an expectation, as if he were really waiting for an answer.
- It wouldn't get any easier..." he said with deaf regret. And suddenly he started kissing me. Light, almost weightless kisses covered my cheeks, my eyelashes, my lips... Stand still, looking me in the eyes.
- I want you to kiss me," he said clearly, "myself. I want you to kiss me," he said clearly.
I looked into those dark eyes, with a hopeless feverish shine, with an endless abyss that tightened me up... And I retreated.
He grinned again.
- You know, I'll probably kill you after all," he said thoughtfully, "better this way than... letting go.
And he turned around and left, swinging a little on the corner.
* * *
I didn't fall asleep until this morning. I sat on my bunk looking at the ceiling and the walls. And there was nothing else to see in the room.
Xenia never came back, and a couple of times I thought that I should get up, get dressed and go to the stables to make sure that she was all right. But she never got up and didn't go.
When the first rays of light shyly broke through the window, suddenly I felt a wild desire to escape. To run away to the forest, to the trees, to the pines, to climb under the needle's paws, to inhale the smell of tar and needles ... And acutely, to the fool became hated by this city, with its dark stone, smelly ditches and ... this ... blonde hair, with marks on his chest.
And for some reason there was no strength not to remember what we wanted to forget, not to think about the events of the distant past, not to think, and whether everything could be different? Again and again I scrolled through the events seen in the Time Loop in my head. Maybe I couldn't have thought, forgotten somehow, but... Memories. Not images yet, but feelings, feelings of kinship and love, to those people who died many years ago... What was erased from my memory of the time transition and pain began to return. After all, at the age of five, the child already knows and understands a lot ... Half-hearted and foggy feelings of long forgotten, but native and vital, settled inside the impending longing and deaf hopeless feeling of loss.
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