I laughed.
- Ksenka, that's why you're always hungry, eh? Although about the food we should think about... We need to find a cook, enough bread and cheese.
- So Shyder has already found it," said Ksenia, "and you didn't know? From the refectory in the morning such smells, you can swallow your tongue.
- That's a good one, Shaider. - I was delighted.
- Yeah, caring," Xenia said, "he's afraid you're exhausted...
I looked at her anxiously, and a friend snorting mockingly.
- Come on, Vetriana, it doesn't touch me anymore! To be honest... I'd like you... and Shyder... well... to get along. I'd feel safer for you, you know...
I shook my head.
- It's not going to happen," I said exactly.
- Well, maybe not right away, then...
- No.
Xenia took a sigh.
- If so... Then why did you leave? From... him... she quietly asked.
I flinched.
- I don't want to talk about it.
- Oh, Vetriana, I've always said that your head is a problem," said Xenia frowningly. "Okay, let's go eat or something, there are sharp-eared ones from the shrine. Look at the poor man's square eyes, as if they were white.
I shouted at my friend, but sly Xenia did achieve her goal, and I could breathe easier.
Then I had a long conversation with the elves in the refectory. After hot meat stew and wine, our guests relaxed, their faces lost their arrogance and became simply interested. I told my story, or rather its abridged version, and asked for help in organizing the school. Lord Elwon agreed, without even thinking about it.
- Our world is going through a difficult time," he sighed, "everyone already knows that the Sources are losing their power. In light of these unfortunate events, a powerful new Source is a great joy to the entire Sentinel world," he pensively looked at me with his amazing eyes, "I will personally help you with the organization of Riverstein School and will guide you to the guidance of your mentors. The only thing I will forgive is for the Circle of Light to allow me to visit you in person. Perhaps with your help, Madam Vetriana, we can understand how to bring back their Power to the Sources.
- I will gladly do everything I can to help you," I answered seriously, "tell me, Lord Elwon, have you found out anything yet? Understand why they're getting cold?
The Elf kept silent, thinking it was worth saying it wasn't. But he seems to have found the Guardian to be a strong enough figure for honesty.
- The Oracle saw only one reason: our world is out of balance, the balance between what is given and what is taken. The forces that nourish our world are thinning, they are no longer enough for everyone...
- How do you fix it? - did Spider ask?
- Unfortunately, the Oracle doesn't know that. You know, Lord Darrell, the Oracle is not a visionary, it only feels the subtle matter of our world, the clues of the Abyss, if there are any. We will have to find the answers ourselves.
We have been silent, sadly reflecting on what we have heard.
- Mistress Vetryana," the elf leaned towards me, "maybe you could try singing your song from the Sources that have cooled down? What if it helps? It sounds strange, of course, but you are the first to wake up the sleeping Source... And how it is done, nobody knows but you.
- There's a difference between a sleeping Source and a dried one," I said, "but of course I can do it, Lord Clarius.
That's what we've parted with.
In my room, I had already called Archa, as usual, to admire the flames of fire. At night, alone with myself, I could not pretend or smile through power. At night, I felt bad. I lay again without sleep, feverishly, until my eyes hurt, looking through the shadows, lurking in the corners. But the shadows were dead. But the memories came back to life. During the day they pale, a little melted from the daily hustle and bustle, but at night... Oh, at night the memories blossomed in bright colors, blooming sweet-bitter Snow Blossom. It hurt so much that I bit the pillow so I wouldn't howl.
My coveted freedom smelled like the ashes of burned bridges, and it was also disgusting to give the dead of my betrayal...
* * *
I woke up again at an early dawn, screaming the first roosters. I wore a dark dress and braids quickly. I put a hood over my shoulders. Riverstein was still asleep. Empty corridors rustled deafly, the wind sobbing quietly in the fireplace pipes.
I couldn't hear myself go down the stairs, and I went out into the air. A thin strip of light trembled in the east, and a winter night still reigned in the west. It's a time of no time.
I could smell the hunched figure at the gate rather than see it. He stood so quietly, so silent. A little frightened I came closer, pulled a wooden door on me. At the gate was our old shelter gatekeeper. I thought he had left with the Village, but no. The priestess didn't need an old man so devotedly in love with her all her life.
- Chickenpox, girl," the old man said and coughed, "that's a joy... And I think the lady has gone to Riverstein, and that's you.
He was still bolting up the wall, not going in or even asking. He just watched sadly as the old homeless dog watched, knowing he shouldn't expect any good from people.
- Come in," I said.
He moved, still not believing. I slightly moved, letting him through.
- You're letting him in, aren't you? - He asked the ciplo.
- If you can come in, consider yourself at home in Riverstein," I answered quietly.
The old man wouldn't ask the meaning of my phrase. He stood there, looking at the lock through the open door, and led with his shaggy head. He came in, raising his leg and leaning heavily on the key. And I remembered his name.
- The refectory will feed you, Rufus. And you can live in your old place, if that's all right with you.
The gatekeeper nodded slowly, and I turned my back on the tears shining in his eyes.
- Thank you," he said, and I covered the old man quietly with the Force.
And I went out the gate, walking into the woods, under the pines. Sometimes I wanted to stay here, in a cozy and snowy tent made of prickly twigs, to dissolve in force, to become a piece of light, a web that floats in an apex by the will of the wind. But if I was late, a wolf came with white burns on its sides, looking at me with nut eyes, sadly putting his face on his paws. And I had to come back, with a sigh of regret, to get out from under the tree, and go to the castle. The wolf behind my back turned a crow, and from place to place flew up, circled above the tops of the trees, looking at me with his keen eye. Sometimes I wanted to chase Schader away, scream to leave me alone, but I kept silent. And the wolf kept coming.
The Elves stayed with us for three days, and then Lord Darrell and the Seventh Guard set up a portal at the Riverstein gate. They cleared the ground from the snow, and in the frozen soil they began to draw runes, muttering and screaming. The runes had a white light, and when the men had finished, there was a whitish haze near the gate, as if it were a veil. A direct portal to Elloar.
So the return journey for the elves was much shorter and easier.
Lord Clarius kissed my hand goodbye, pressed it against my palm with warm lips, and I shuddered with surprise.
- Thank you for your hospitality, Mrs. Vetrjana," the elf smiled as if he hadn't noticed how far away I was, "I hope to see you soon.
- It will be a pleasure to see you again, Lord Elwon," I said politely. But still I sighed a sigh of relief when the elves disappeared from the portal.
Very soon, however, other guests were expected in Riverstein. And we had to be ready for them.
* * *
The next weekend the castle became crowded and very lively. Lord Darrell brought masters from Zagreb, who collected comfortable bunks on the spot, built new benches and tables for the refectory and the apprentice. Cars came with textiles for stocking and bed linen, bedspreads, writing utensils and kitchen utensils.
Somehow from the portal came an amazing grey-haired elf, which brought a small travel chest.
/> - A gift from Lord Elwon to Mrs. Vetrjane and the new magic school.
We looked at it with curiosity. The elf serenely opened the lid and started to get the books out of there! The folio was small, the size of half a little finger, but when they were laid on the table they were taken to grow, reaching the size from ordinary - book volumes to huge arshyn volumes. So soon the entire refectory was already in the books. And all magical, enchanted, valuable! Acutely smelling of unknown, delightful knowledge!
- Generously," whistled Lord Darrell.
Antashar croaked.
- Give Lord Elwon my deepest gratitude," I said admirably, already looking forward to this wealth.
The Elf nodded. He bowed and went back to Elliot, just as serenely.
Arrived from the master's portal: thin and pale maidens in white robes, with quick six-finger arms and long needles in the palms of their hands. I did not even have time to arouse, as the maidens looked over the castle, raised their hands, releasing needles and those, of themselves, began to sew curtains and tablecloths, embroider bed linen intricate pattern with the letter "R", and sew dresses for future students. I was only interested in the style and color, but I was so confused that this issue had to be resolved by Shader.
- But we don't even know what age we'll have novices, do we? And we don't know the size..." I flipped through, but the virgins just looked at me with their huge green eyes without eyelashes, and I realized that this question would somehow be solved...
So I chose to run away from them. But I couldn't, so one of them intercepted me at the door.
- What clothes should I make for the Guardian? - She asked me in a high voice.
I showed my hand on my simple dark dress.
- The same, please. The color is dark gray or black, with a high throat," I asked.
The maiden frowned a little. Then she nodded slowly. I was relieved to go to the library, which we had set up in one of the empty rooms. The new bookcases, large, puzzled, important, and solid, lined with magic books, beckoned me like a delicious dessert! They also put comfortable chairs and a table here, so I already knew where I would spend my free time.
In the former quarters of the village became light, black and red color was changed to green and beige, there was a comfortable and simple furniture. Now I was living here. With light sadness I left my blue room, and at the same time I wanted to leave, hoping that the new place would make me feel better.
Silly, I never realized that I couldn't escape from myself...
I was pleased with the changes taking place in the castle, Riverstein came to life, spreading his black stone wings, and was already looking around with a good fervor. I could feel the spirit of the old castle having fun, even though I was nagging in the hustle and bustle...
And most of all seemed to be happy about Xenya and Danila's changes.
In fact, wherever that couple appeared, they caused smiles everywhere. It was impossible not to smile, seeing the radiant happiness blue eyes of Danila, and the way he gently touched Xenia's hand, every moment looking for her look. And how mockingly my harmful friend snorts at his adoration, and secretly blushes, and tries to give him the best, most delicious piece at lunch! And this, knowing Kseni's sincere love for food, says a lot...
I laughed until tears when Danila presented her beloved with a couple more knives forged by skilled dwarves, and the girl gave her beloved a bouquet of rare herbs for his znakhar kit!
Danila gently carried Xenia who had fallen asleep to the bed and carefully covered it with a blanket, and in the morning she was working on him hand-to-hand combat techniques ... And then she scolded that he did not duck, dumbass, and now sits here with a bruise! And she begged me to pull my hand and ask me to heal. Just so the fool wouldn't know about it...
Even Antashar followed the guys by shadows, greedily breathing in their love, clutched silver eyes. And then he stopped. He started to close, leave people and sit alone for a long time, not wanting to see anyone. I tried to talk to him, to understand what was going on with Faceless, but he was silent, only looking tense.
And I didn't insist.
Still, the six-folded virgins turned out to be magic. When one of them brought me my new dresses, I nodded satisfied when I saw the dark crates. It was only in the evening, when Riverstein, tired of the day's bustle, fell asleep, that I tried them on.
One was dark grey, with silver embroidery at the throat made of soft but dense fabric and a wide silver belt. The second is almost black, poured blue, smooth as a crow's wing. Simple. Closed. And magically beautiful...
* * *
Lord Elwon has visited us several times, brought me gifts, approved of innovations. He looked at me with his astonishing eyes and insisted on visiting his estate at Eloar. I politely refused. When an elf appeared, Antashar always changed his appearance and hissed through his teeth. When I asked him why he did not complain so much about the seventh guard, he stabbed me in the face:
- Because I feel his desires too well!
Fortunately, Clarius didn't stay long.
Of course, I was very arrogant to decide that I could open the school myself. And if it hadn't been for Lord Darrell, I'm afraid my idea, if it hadn't failed, wouldn't have come true very soon. Especially since I knew very little about what was taught in magic schools. And Schyder took over all the preparation for the training process. Listening to the list of subjects to be taught here, my eyes were wide open.
- Vetrina, don't walk around with that face when the students arrive," laughed Lord Darrell, "or you'll undermine our credibility!
- Shaider, what an authority, I'll be the first to sit in the disciples' room! Oh, that's fantastic.
- Is that what I'm gonna do with you? - It's the first time I've seen such a zealous pupil.
And he looked at me with tenderness. And I just ran away.
As if he wasn't trying to hide his feelings, I could still see them, unfortunately. They slipped in his eyes, which he could not hide, in the awe of accidental touches, in the way his breath was changing when I was standing too close. In the desire to be always near, to shadow following me, to breathe me ... Sometimes I wanted to chase him away, to make him go, to find his happiness behind the aisles of Riverstein, because who if not he was so worthy of happiness! But I didn't say anything. Let him decide for himself.
Because I've already made one choice for two, decided for both, and now I'm dying quietly, smiling.
* * *
I snapped once, though.
I put on an old dress, tied up my shawl and went to the gate. I turned to the man who was quietly following me.
- Shaider, don't follow me," I said almost with a threat.
- Chickenpox, where are you going? It's been night...
- To the forest. I... have to.
- Chickenpox," he beggedly began.
- Don't go," I said sharply, and turned away and left.
I went out the gate and took the path to the forest. I was not afraid. I wanted to be alone.
The night hid me from other people's eyes, hiding me. Trees whispered as I approached, spread their spiky paws, cleared the windy path. The moonlight wove the lace carpet, laid it on my legs, covered my shoulders with a blanket. I walked long. Till the tall walls of Riverstein were thirsty behind the trees. I walked to a place where there was only a wild beast of the woods, covered in the ice of the topi and untouched snow. It went to the thicket where the old wolves were going to die, and the spirits of the earth sang to them a song of farewell.
That's where I stayed.
I fell without strength, I pulled my knees to my chest. I must have been crying. Maybe I was screaming. I don't know... I can't remember. I broke my voice.
Then I calmed down, I laid my hot cheek on the thorny snow, I calmed down. I was tired of pretending. And I'm tired of smiling... I'm tired of people, of their obsessive curiosity. Men who look me in the eyes, touch me, and I see the thirst for possession burning in them. From Xenie's eyes, pitiful as a village weeper...
Feeling guilty in front of Schader, not being able to give him what he wants and expects...
I'm tired of everyone.
I thought there was freedom here, and there's a cage here too. A cage of commitment, duty, relationship. A cage of my feelings. Escape from it where? I thought I'd leave and be free, so why are the bonds that bind me to the demon even stronger? It's like invisible threads stretching more and more every day, pulling my soul...
I thought I'd be happy, but it turns out I was already happy. It stood quietly beside me, and walked away unnoticed by me...
I thought I'd make him miserable if I stayed, and I chose to just kill everything that was between us...
Then the black wolves came in unheard shadows. They stood by the trees with dusky shadows, sliding towards me. They lay down beside me. The biggest, the leader, pulled me with his teeth by the hood, as unwise puppies of young wolves pulled, and threw me on his back. I stretched out my hands hanging on the wolf's skin like a useless rag. The beast lay down, folded its paws, lowered its face. There was a pack next to it. I listened to their hearts beating, how powerful and evenly the frosty air entered their throats, how the forest and the beast smelled of black wool.
It was quiet.
In the morning the pack had left, the leader shook me to the snow, looked me in the face with a beastly look. Shortly staring. And a black shadow slipped by the trees. I got up hard, shook the snow off my clothes, sighed.
And slowly I shaved back into the castle, stretching my back and raising my head high...
Chapter 28
And the next day there was one of the future abbesses of our magic school. A small, dry woman with piercing blue eyes, in a strict green dress and a neat bundle of gray hair.
- Tiana Cross, teacher of "Gift Management and Discovery", introduced herself.
I smiled at a charming magician who liked me at first sight. Like everyone else coming from Eloar, she asked me to show her the Source first thing, and then we settled down in the office, a small room that Shider and I had already arranged.
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