by Jewel E. Ann
“I know.”
I was okay … maybe not good … but I was okay not having Fisher in my life, but I wasn’t okay with him no longer being in this life. If that happened, I would never be good again.
Picking up my phone, I managed to bring up the number to the office where I had the interview. Canceled it and booked a flight to Denver.
When I arrived, I called Rory.
“No news yet. He’s still in surgery. Did your interview go okay?”
“I’m here in Denver, at the airport.”
“What?”
“What hospital is he at?”
“Reese, there’s nothing you can do. I was planning on calling you as soon as he got out of surgery and we knew more.”
“Mom!” It was a rare time of me calling her Mom instead of Rory. “What. Hospital?”
“I’ll come get you,” she said in a calmer tone before ending the call.
Forty-five minutes later, Rose climbed out of the passenger’s seat when they pulled up to the curb. “We’re all praying for him,” she whispered when she hugged me.
I blinked back the emotions burning my eyes and nodded in lieu of actual words.
When we arrived at the hospital, Fisher’s family and other familiar faces from work crowded the waiting room.
His parents and siblings.
Hailey.
Angie.
We shared a few sober “hellos” before I tucked myself in the far corner of the room with Rory and Rose. And then we waited. When the doctor came out, his parents and Angie gathered in a circle around him. A collective sigh of relief could be felt. It was good news. He made it through surgery.
When we determined only family would be allowed to see him later that night, I went home with Rose and Rory to their new house.
“You didn’t move that far.” I found a small grin when they pulled into the driveway of the home that was maybe three blocks from Fisher’s house.
“This was a foreclosure. We basically stole it. Works great. We find ourselves taking a walk several nights a week and still ending up at Fisher’s house, drinking beer and wine on his front porch or the back screened-in porch.” Rory shrugged, shutting off the car. “What can I say, he’s family. Only …” She frowned. “Not enough to get to see him tonight.”
Rose squeezed my mom’s leg. “We’ll see him tomorrow.”
Rory nodded.
We ordered dinner, but none of us were that hungry. Instead, we shared funny Fisher stories as if he was dead and we were reminiscing about his life.
“Oh…” Rory drained the rest of her wine “…how’d your interview go?”
I shook my head while pouring another glass of wine for myself. Finally, I was able to join the real adults in the room. “I canceled it. Told them it was a family emergency.”
“I was a little surprised when you called from the airport,” Rory said. “I know you two worked together for a while, and I joked about you acting like siblings, but when was the last time the two of you even spoke?”
Rose gave me a nervous glance. I considered just telling Rory about Fisher and me. I was nearly twenty-four—what would she have been able to say or do at that point? I’d moved on. He’d moved on.
For whatever reason, with him in the hospital and engaged, I opted to wait. Maybe until a better time. Maybe never. Did it matter any longer?
“I don’t know … it was weird. I mean … it’s been years since we’ve spoken, but when you told me, it hit me hard. I’m not sure why. And I didn’t even think; I just canceled my interview and got the first flight to Denver. Maybe it’s because I know how close you are to him.”
“I’m sure he’ll be thrilled to see you, even if the circumstances are crappy.”
I nodded slowly. Would he be thrilled to see me?
The next morning, we made our way to the hospital after Rory talked to Arnie. He said Fisher was a little fuzzy in the head, but otherwise okay. The accident was just that, an accident in the rain. A large truck couldn’t stop and ran into Fisher.
When we reached the waiting room, Angie was in tears as Fisher’s sisters consoled her.
Did he take a sudden turn?
It wasn’t impossible. I’d seen my fair share of patients come out of surgery, seem stable and fine, only to flatline hours later.
Arnie broke away from the pack of women. “Long time no see. How have you been?” He gave me a hug.
“Good.” I lied. “Are you famous yet?”
He released me and chuckled. “Almost.”
“What’s going on?” I nodded to Angie and his sisters.
Arnie frowned. “Oh, my brother’s acting a little drunk that’s all. I’m sure it’s the pain meds. The doctors aren’t too concerned yet.”
“What do you mean he’s acting a little drunk?” I asked.
“Memory issues. He doesn’t seem to know everyone. Well, he knows me. Our sisters. Our parents. But nobody from work thus far. In fact, he doesn’t remember building homes. And…” he scrunched his nose and whispered “…he doesn’t recognize Angie at the moment.”
“Oh no.” Rory’s eyes widened as her jaw fell open.
“Come on, might as well see if he remembers his favorite drinking buddies.” Arnie smirked at Rory and Rose.
I followed the three of them to Fisher’s room.
“More visitors. Pretend like you recognize them.” Arnie teased Fisher as we filed into his room.
I stood behind Rory and Rose as they paused at the foot of his bed. I could only see bits and pieces of him.
His bandaged face.
His casted arm.
“Rory and Rose,” he said in a rather weak voice.
It didn’t matter how weak his voice was; it still did things to my crazy heart.
“Ding. Ding. Ding.” Arnie gave Fisher a slow clap. “Two for two, Bro.”
“No more motorcycle for you,” Rose said as she moved to one side of his bed while Rory inched closer on the other side of the bed, leaving me in clear sight.
He knew them, so he would know me. I was quite certain of it. I gave him a small smile.
He smiled back. “Hi.”
“Hi.”
“Please tell me we haven’t met. I fear I’ve already made too many people feel insignificant today,” Fisher said.
Rory and Rose exchanged a look.
“How has your brain misfired so badly that the hottest women in your life are just … poof … gone?” Arnie shook his head at Fisher.
Fisher narrowed his gaze, as if doing so increased his chance of recognizing me, as if it were his eyes’ fault and not his brain’s fault.
“This is Reese, my daughter,” Rory said. “But you haven’t seen her in years, so don’t stress. She lived with me in your basement for a few months. And she worked with you for less than … what?” She glanced at me. “A few months?”
I nodded. It was all I could do. Of course Angie was crying. When the man you love (loved) didn’t recognize you, it wasn’t a great feeling.
“She just graduated from nursing school in Michigan. She’s going to get her master’s starting next year. Midwifery. She’s going to deliver babies.”
Fisher returned a slight nod. “Congratulations.”
I cleared the thick emotion from my throat. I think only Rose sensed my true level of emotions. “Thanks,” I managed to say. “I’m really happy to see that you’re okay.”
“Yeah. That’s what they tell me. I don’t remember the accident either.”
“The doctors think his memory loss is probably temporary,” Arnie said.
I knew it could be temporary. Or it could last a long time. Or it could be permanent. The brain was hard to predict.
“I hope so.” Fisher stared out the window for a few seconds. “That um … woman was really upset. My fiancée?”
Oh my gosh …
That woman. He reduced Angie to “that woman.” I was never an Angie fan, but I also wasn’t a monster. I felt her pain. He didn’t ask me to marr
y him, but I felt total devastation at his lack of recognition. I could only imagine how Angie must have felt.
“Well…” I returned a nervous laugh, feeling Rose’s gaze on me “…I’m sure it must be heartbreaking to be a stranger to the one you love most.”
Fisher’s brow tightened into lines of wrinkles. “I’m sure you’re right.”
“We’ll let you get some rest.” Rory leaned down and kissed the side of his head. I wanted to be that close to him.
Feel the warmth of his skin, the brush of his lips, the intensity of his eyes as he looked at me with wonder and anticipation.
The irony? Had I “given” him my virginity, he wouldn’t have remembered. I don’t regret it being Brendon, even if I hurt him. Had it been Fisher, I wouldn’t have been able to walk away. I would have treated losing my virginity like donating a kidney.
More Fisher Mann lessons …
It wasn’t about firsts. Every moment mattered. Every touch. Every word. It was selfish to think of our lives as nothing more than an endless series of giving and taking. It implied we were, more or less, just moving from one moment to the next with no meaning. I knew … deep down I knew it was never about my virginity. Not with Fisher. It was always about my heart.
Looking at Fisher in that bed and being unrecognizable to him was a clear reminder that I, nor anyone else, shouldn’t rely on another human to be a measure of self-worth and success.
“Ready?” Rory asked me.
I nodded slowly.
Chapter Four
“I’ve missed this … you know … time with you two,” I said on a long sigh as the three of us took a hike in the mountains several days after seeing Fisher in the hospital.
“We never took our trip up here,” Rory said, reaching for her water bottle in the side pocket of her backpack as we stopped at a clearing. “I promised to bring you here. Remember when you were adamant about coming up here by yourself?”
I nodded. “Can I be honest now?” I smirked.
She rolled her eyes. “You drove up here anyway?”
Shaking my head, I chuckled. “No. Fisher brought me … on his motorcycle.”
“Oh, Reese.” Rory shook her head. “I didn’t need to know that, especially since his accident.”
“I said you wouldn’t be happy about it, but he said we didn’t have to tell you. He really was a terrible influence. I can’t believe you left me with him.”
Rose rubbed her lips together, enjoying the way I was telling Rory so much, yet nothing at all.
“Well, as soon as he gets out of the hospital, I’ll have a word with him.”
Rose laughed. “You’re going to talk to him about taking your daughter on his motorcycle when he doesn’t remember her? Good plan. Make sure I’m with you when this conversation takes place. I want to listen.”
I laughed too. It wasn’t funny, but it was.
“What do you think will happen if he doesn’t regain all his memory?” Rory slipped her water bottle back into her backpack. “Do you think he will fall back in love with Angie?”
Rose shrugged. “If it happens, it will be incredibly romantic. What is there? Over seven billion people in the world? And he falls in love with the same person twice? Sadly, I fear it won’t happen like that. I mean, I can see him being the nice guy who marries her anyway because everyone adores her, and he’ll trust the people he does remember.”
“He’s known her forever,” Rory said. “I think he’ll remember her. She owns too much of his heart.”
“Unless …” My big mouth opened without me realizing it. Then it was too late.
“Unless what?” Rory asked.
Abort!
“Unless it’s not about time. I mean, you said you knew there was a connection between you and Rose from the day you met. Sure, Fisher’s known Angie for years, but why did it take him so long to decide to marry her? It wasn’t like you and Rose. Nobody was standing in their way. Just the opposite. Everyone wanted it. Except Fisher. I’m just saying … the length of their history isn’t necessarily an indicator for the likelihood that he’ll fall back in love with her. What if he wasn’t truly in love with her? What if she was just the obvious choice for lack of a better one?”
Rory blinked slowly. “Okay, everyone make a note that Reese is never allowed to talk to Angie.”
“I’m not saying she isn’t nice.” We started walking again. “Or a good catch. But there must be more. That’s all I’m saying.”
Rose nudged my arm. “We know … you’re just saying.”
I smirked. Yes, despite my life experiences and emotional revelations—a lot prompted by Fisher—I still liked the idea that he fell in love with me in a matter of weeks, despite it making no sense to anyone else. And since he couldn’t dispute it, because he had no recollection of me or us, I felt perfectly fine with letting that version of our story live in my head forever.
“I love having you here. Are you thinking of moving back to Denver? There are jobs here. You can get your master’s here,” Rory questioned me as we drove back to Denver.
“Let her be,” Rose scolded my mom.
“I’m not pressuring you. I’m simply asking the question and stating a few facts.”
“She’s not staying.” Rose rolled her eyes at Rory.
“It’s not a terrible idea,” I murmured from the back seat.
“What?” Rose twisted her body to give me a wide-eyed expression.
“See? I know my girl. She’s always been my girl.”
I didn’t break Rory’s heart by disputing that. I was her girl, and maybe part of me always would be, but my intentions for considering a move back to Denver had little to do with her.
And from the look on Rose’s face, she knew it. And she wasn’t happy about it.
I didn’t care.
I wasn’t the eighteen-year-old girl she found on the floor with Fisher. A lot had happened. And while I had no expectations of him ever remembering me, I just … I wanted to be near him. I needed to know that he would be okay, even if that meant standing by while he fell in love with Angie again, while he married her, while he started a family with her.
My faith hadn’t completely died. I did have faith that things would work out, whatever that meant.
Chapter Five
“Hey, girl!” Hailey pushed her desk chair back as I opened the office door.
“Hey, yourself.” I hugged her.
“Congratulations, Nurse Capshaw.”
I laughed, releasing her. “Thank you. I’m not done. But I’m excited to spend the next year working instead of being in school. Then I’ll finish up my master’s.”
“We didn’t get a chance to talk at the hospital. But … a midwife, right?” She sat on the edge of her desk.
“Yes. I worked with a midwife in Thailand. I didn’t make an instant decision that I wanted to be a midwife, but I looked forward to every day with her. I got butterflies whenever she announced that someone was in labor. And I couldn’t sleep for hours after a birth. The adrenaline. The sheer amazement. And it never got old. I witnessed nearly thirty births, and they were all a little different. They were all special in their own way. So …” I didn’t have to grin. I realized I’d been grinning since the second she said the word midwife.
“That is awesome. I’m thrilled for you. Maybe you should move back here and deliver my babies when I have them. Hopefully sooner versus later.” She held out her hand.
“Oh my gosh! You’re engaged?”
“Married.” She shook her head. “Hawaii wedding. Less than ten people were there. His name is Seth and he’s a mechanical engineer. Met him online. We’re actually coming up on our one-year anniversary.”
“No way! I can’t believe my mom didn’t tell me. Congratulations.”
“Thanks. So … did you make it in the room to see Fisher? I hear he might go home in a few days. What’s it been? Three weeks now?”
I nodded. “Yeah. I heard he’s going home soon. And I did see him once.”
/> Her nose wrinkled. “Did he recognize you?”
My head inched side to side. “But at least I’m not his fiancée.”
“Oh my god! Right? I feel so bad for Angie. Like … what if he never gets back those lost memories? And will he be able to work? He doesn’t remember anyone from work except his dad and uncle. Does he remember his skills?”
I shrugged. “Hard to say. He might not. Or he might get all his memories back tomorrow. But what does Angie do? Wait for them to come back? Or settle into the possibility that he won’t remember her, and she needs to see if they can fall in love again?”
“Not Fisher.” Hailey shook her head. “I’m not saying the accident hasn’t possibly changed other things about him, but I can see him just doing it. Like … his family telling him how much he loved Angie. How they had gone through so much over the years to finally be together. And how he was all in, ready for that life. I see him nodding and just … marrying her. Figuring the rest out later.”
“That would be…” I wrinkled my nose “…interesting. It would feel like an arranged marriage on his part. The whole ‘Trust us, you’re perfect for each other.’ I couldn’t do it. I was engaged to the wrong guy for a day, and I couldn’t go through with it.”
“Wait, you were …”
I put my finger to my lips. “And Rory doesn’t know. Nobody knows. I don’t know if he told anyone. Since I broke it off, I highly doubt he told anyone.”
“A day?” She laughed. “What happened?”
He wasn’t Fisher Mann.
“It was impulsive. On his part and mine. And I still hadn’t made a clear decision on the direction of my future, so I couldn’t say yes to marriage and a family. Not yet.”
“Smart girl.”
“How are things here? Who’s in charge now that Fisher’s recovering?”
“Me of course.” She winked. “His dad and uncle have been covering things. He has great guys working for him. There’s not a lot to worry about. Houses are still getting built.”
“That’s good.”
“So when do you go home? You’ve been here for weeks, right?”