by J. K Harper
Want mate. Want pack. Want to run. The words were said simply, not even accompanied by images. Her wolf had retreated back in the face of city life again, unhappy with all the commotion and bustling human activity everywhere. Her wolf missed the freedom of the mountains, far more than Lia had expected. She missed life the way a wolf really should live it.
Sighing as she closed her eyes for a second, Lia thought of Connor, his face crinkled up in a smile meant for her only. Yes, she missed him. But this was her dream, dammit. Focus, she sternly told herself, ignoring the long sigh of her wolf as she curled up in a dark corner of Lia's mind again.
Grimly, Lia began to go through the new stack of papers, scouring them for the nuggets of information they needed to help build the case. She knew she had about three good hours left in her before she'd need to crash for the night. If she could, she'd call Connor before it got much later. He was pulling a late shift tonight, she knew.
Abruptly, her eyes snagged on something in the paperwork. Stopping short, she read it again. And again. “No way,” she muttered, shock jittering through her. Her wolf pricked up her ears.
After reading another few pages, she was shivering with the wild hunch that she was onto something big. Something unbelievably huge. Something that had just changed her entire world.
As her wolf whined along with her excitement and confusion, Lia grabbed her phone and scrolled to the name she needed. As she stabbed her finger at the call button, hoping it wasn't too late, she almost held her breath as she waited for the line to be picked up on the other end.
* * *
Connor struggled to keep his expression and tone professional yet understanding, rather than grim and scary, as he delivered the news to the young Jenkins family. Their baby was a lot sicker than they'd thought. Sick enough to require hospitalization and more tests, although Connor already feared he knew the answer those tests would provide.
No way would they be able to afford it all. And frankly, no way Connor would, either. But he couldn't say no, especially not to their shocked, blank faces that betrayed a lifetime of disappointment, of getting kicked again and again even when they were already down.
“Look, we'll figure it out,” he assured them while his mind desperately did the math and kept coming up short. Lia's first paycheck wouldn't hit till January. It might be too late by then.
He knew some of the sick feeling he had wasn't even about the situation with these kids. It was the knowledge that his own poor management of his clinic, his own do-gooder aspirations, had helped send his mate away so she could not only chase her dreams, but help support his, too. He'd never wanted their life to be like this. Never. Everything felt like it was falling apart, during what was usually the most magical time of the year for them both. Having his mate across the country left a gaping hole in his days that was far worse than he'd imagined.
It ached like a wallop to the gut by an elephant.
His wolf whined in his head, pacing in agitation. He missed his mate. He wanted to run with her, play with her, see that sparkling smile again, hear her laughter decorate the air. He wanted his mate with him.
Connor kept his sigh to himself. They'd figure this out. All of it. Somehow.
The young Jenkins parents looked at him, nodding mechanically. “Okay,” came the quiet voice of the father, who couldn't be more than twenty-three. “Yeah. We'll figure it out.” Connor nodded back, his thoughts churning at the stricken tone in the young dad's voice. They were good kids, handed a raw deal.
You can't save them all, he heard Lia's regretful yet practical voice in her head. Even though I love you for it. She'd said that to him right before she caught the airport taxi that took her away from him. She hadn't wanted him to drive her, saying she had to look over her notes while she waited for her flight. But he'd seen the tremble on her lower lip. His wolf had about ripped out of him, wanting to comfort his mate.
Wanting to hold her and not let her go.
He told the young family he would take care of it all, and showed them out the door with an encouraging smile on his face while fighting back his own feeling of ineptness.
You can't save them all.
Definitely not, when he couldn't even save his own relationship.
As soon as he turned back to his office, his cell rang. He glanced briefly, hoping it would be Lia, then stopped in some surprise. Tate Bardou, a fellow pack member and son of the alpha. He and Tate had been friends since they were cubs, but Connor had fallen a bit away from the pack in recent years. Both Lia's desire to live in town and his own focus on the clinic had left him little time for his pack ties, although of course he abided by pack rules and showed up at every required gathering. Even so, he felt a a bit contrite as he answered. Tate had been trying to hang out with him since the summer, but Connor had had to blow it off each time in favor of his mounting hours at the clinic.
“Hey, man,” he greeted his packmate.
Tate's perpetually cheerful voice sounded a little forced as he answered. “Hey. I know you're probably busy”—Connor winced—“but Alpha wanted me to check in that you'll be at the solstice run.”
Something painful stabbed Connor in the vicinity of his chest. His wolf sent him an image of running with the pack in the moonlight, Lia at his side. Then, tail drooped, his wolf made the image fade with a dramatic flair as he retreated to the back of Connor's mind.
“Yeah.” His voice was short, and he winced again. “Sorry.”
“No,” Tate said immediately, and now he was the one sounding contrite. “I get it. I'd miss the hell out of Claire, too, if she couldn't be there.”
Tate's mate, Claire, had recently started to run with the pack despite being a wild wolf who wasn't yet an official member. Connor thought about the differences in their mates: his, so drawn to the human world and driven to succeed in its political machinations. Tate's, so drawn to the wild world and driven to keep herself as far from anyone's politics as possible.
Running with the pack would be so good for Lia. He sighed. Regardless, he still had to be there, even if she wasn't. It was duty, it was tradition, and to be honest it was a lot of fun. He'd always loved it, ever since he was a cub old enough to keep up. Running on the winter solstice was something he immensely enjoyed. He knew Lia did, too. The fact she'd had to leave for DC a mere ten days before the run, rather than just after the new year, had been yet another spike of grief that neither one had mentioned.
A tap on his door told him his next scheduled patient was ready. Keeping his voice brisk, he said, “I'll be there. Gotta go. I'll try to catch up with you soon as I can, though,” he felt prompted to add, still spurred on by guilt.
Everything was falling apart. Damn it.
A short pause before Tate said, “She's your mate, Connor. She loves you more than anything on earth. Even her job. She'd come back if you asked her to.”
Connor's facade slipped. Tate knew the whole story. “I could never ask her to do that,” he said, his voice surprisingly steady. “Isn't it enough that she gave me five years here? We'll figure out how to live like this.” I hope, he thought grimly. His wolf barked out an agitated whine in his head.
“Well,” Tate said reasonably, “if you can't ask her to come back, why can't you go to her? Alpha would approve it and you know it.” It was an old response.
“I can't leave my clinic,” Connor answered, the usual stuck feeling making his entire body feel heavy. “Or these patients. I'm all they've got,” he answered.
His voice suddenly as serious as Connor had ever heard it, Tate said, “And maybe you're all she's got. There's always a choice, man,” he added, though his voice was compassionate. “Always.”
For long moments after they hung up, Connor stared at the phone, new thoughts whirling. His wolf sat up, taking note. He whined more hopefully, pawing at Connor's mind while sending suddenly eager images of running in the moonlight. Or even sliding down mountains in human form while strapped onto those weird stick things, the wind racing past h
is ears.
Feeling knocked sideways by a sudden revelation, Connor allowed the hope to surge inside him as well. The clinic's other doctor, Trevor, insistently rapped on the door again. Connor had opened his mouth to ask him to hang on when another wild thought struck instead.
“Hey, come in here a minute, would you?” he called out to Trevor.
Maybe, just maybe, he had the answer after all. He only hoped it wasn't too late.
5
The sprawling urban terminal was so crowded Lia almost couldn't squeeze through with her bags. For a Wednesday, the number of people trying to either fly in or fly out of town was surprising. Then again, Christmas was only four days away.
Run with pack? Her wolf was sitting in her mind, but so taut with anticipation she seemed about to erupt into wild motion.
Yes. As long as they made good time in the air. Lia checked her watch, pushing through the crowds with more urgency. She wasn't about to miss this flight. Not at this point. Not after everything else.
“I have to hand it to you, kid,” Joe had said to her on the phone two nights ago after she'd called him and filled him in on her massive discovery. “You've got the instincts of a bloodhound. Maybe we'd better start calling you Lia the Bloodhound, instead. Though it doesn't quite have the same ring as Lia the Wolf,” he'd added with the usual grin in his voice.
“I think,” she'd said back, feeling her own smile spread across her face, “I really do prefer Lia the Wolf.”
Then she swore him to secrecy about her plan. Oddly enough, he'd laughed. “I'm an attorney, kiddo. Total pro at keeping secrets,” he said, chuckling with what seemed like an extra ounce of glee. Lia had shrugged to herself, head already spinning ahead to her new plans. “No problem. Just tell me the details of your travel plans and I'll help you out. And I can't wait to see you back in the office. Hasn't been the same without you.”
Picking up her pace as the crowds thinned a little, she spotted her gate. Soon, she murmured to herself, soothing both woman and wolf. The sure knowledge she was making the right decision made her feel light as she got in line to board her plane.
Soon, she'd be in Durango. She'd find Connor and tell him she'd been a fool. And, she hoped, they could still make the solstice run with the rest of the pack. Her wolf paced in her head, urging the crazy metal contraption they were entering to fly really, really fast.
* * *
Connor paced as he waited with no patience for his flight to start boarding. The tiny airport was fairly busy for mid-week, but the weather was clear. He'd be in DC before dinnertime. The thought, which would have filled him with dread a mere week ago what with all the crowds and harried pace of a big city, had made his face split with a smile since he'd woken up that morning. Any second now, they should be calling his flight. And he'd get to see Lia, and tell her what a fool he'd been, and hold her close and never let go again.
So intent was he on listening, he almost missed her scent. Almost. A sudden whiff of drifting snow caught his wolf's attention. Connor stopped in his tracks, swinging his head side to side as he tried to surreptitiously scent the air currents in the tiny terminal.
There. His gorgeous mate. Striding down the hallway with a determined gait, heading straight for him. She saw him almost at the same time and stopped short as well. Then her face lit up with that amazing smile and she was hurtling down the carpeted floor toward him, heedless of anyone else.
He caught her up in his arms, pressing her to him as both their voices babbled out at the same time: “What are you doing here?”
She laughed a rich, intoxicating laugh that waved over him. He stared at her, grinning like a fool at the sound. He hadn't heard that laugh since they'd skied together.
“Wait!” she said, the astonished laughter surrounding her words. “How did you know I'd be here? Did Joe tell you? That fink, he said he could keep a secret.”
Connor stared at her as a few pieces fell into place. “Interestingly, he told me to book my flight for this time because fewer people would be on the flight.”
Lia started to shake her head at Joe's cleverness, then stopped. Narrowing those gorgeous gray eyes at him, she said, “Your flight?”
Quietly, he said, “I was coming to you, love. Because I figured it out. I want to be with you, where you are, more than anything in the world,” he said firmly.
“But—” she began.
“I figured it out,” he said, smiling at her with wonder. His wolf somersaulted through his mind with joy. “I finally asked Trevor if he'd be willing to shoulder more of the patient load at the clinic while I found a job in DC. He said he'd been waiting for me to ask, because he knew I wouldn't be able to be away from you for long.”
Her eyes suddenly softening, glistening a bit, Lia said, “You were about to fly out there? Leave everything here that you've built? For me?” Her vulnerable wonder at that had him grabbing her fingers and taking them to his lips to kiss.
“Of course for you. I love you.” He thought he'd maybe never before meant the words as fervently as he was saying them right now.
“But the clinic,” she said. “You'd never abandon your patients.”
Connor made a self-deprecating sound. “And I haven't. I've left someone really good in charge until I could get everything else sorted out. Trevor can handle it. But you were right. I was giving too much of myself there. I was running on fumes, not to mention letting the money get out of hand.”
“No, I was too hard on you,” she protested, looking slightly abashed. “You're just a good guy, Connor. You want to help people. It's something I'd like to get better at myself,” she admitted softly.
Ducking his head at her praise, he went on. “As it turns out, I wasn't paying much attention to what I have. The one place I never thought to ask for a grant was under my nose the entire time.”
She raised her eyebrows. “Go on?”
He snorted. Keeping his voice low so people around them couldn't hear, he said, “The pack.” Bardou Enterprises, the legitimate company run by the Black Mesa Wolf Pack, was a mighty force in the economy of the entire western portion of the country. Connor shook himself again that he hadn't thought his alpha would be interested in helping him help humans. “Alpha was more than willing to grant me enough to keep the clinic well afloat for the next five years.” Shaking his head, he added, “He told me all I'd ever had to do was ask.”
Lia snorted now, too. Softly, she said, “You and I are both good at not seeing what's right in front of us.” She reached a gentle hand up to his cheek, cupping it in her fingers as she gazed at him. “Now. What I am about to tell you is against the nondisclosure agreement I originally signed with them,” she said sternly. Then, shrugging, she added, “But since you and I come from a different world with different rules, I don't really care.” She winked at him.
Connor bit back a bark of laughter that would sound far too much like his wolf. His Lia was loosening up. He'd take it.
“As it turns out,” she went on, “the DC firm had essential information about that last case I handled with Joe. Information they planned to use me for in order to further their own aims. Turns out there was a lot more to that story than any of us knew. That slimy jerk on the stand had ties to a really important DC client repped by the firm there. Ah,” she said, waving her hand and shaking her head to indicate how convoluted it all was. “Crazy big city stuff. Anyway, the firm planned to boot me to the curb once my usefulness was over. I was cherry-picked for the position just for what I knew. It was all nasty, underhanded big firm politics, and I was their unwitting pawn.”
Connor felt anger rise. “They did what?” he said in a low, dangerous tone. His wolf growled.
She dismissively waved her hand again, seeming far less concerned about it than he'd think she would be. “You know, I really thought this was what I wanted, Connor.” She shook her head a bit, still looking at him. “And I do want to be a lawyer. It's in my blood, and I love it. But there's something else in my blood that I love, too.�
� She let her wolf flare in her eyes for a split second, just for him to see. “And most importantly, I can't live without you.”
Her voice cracked on the last word, and Connor's heart about cracked with it. This was the side of Lia no one else in the world knew. The soft, vulnerable side. The side she needed in order to balance out her take-no-prisoners approach to life.
Still, he couldn't let her give up so easily. “That was your big dream, though. A big firm, in a big city.”
Sighing, she leaned into him. “Yes, it was my dream. Was. But the reality is, I like it here.” The truth in her words was clear. “I love skiing. I love running with you. I love other things with you, too,” she added, pulling back so he could see the molten flare in her eyes and the heat rise on her skin.
“I like the sound of that,” he said, his approval rumbling through his voice.
“I also want to be more like you, love,” she said, fixing him with a look that arrowed into his soul. “If being a hotshot lawyer means stabbing people in the back, having no friends or life at all, and being used for shady purposes—well.” She laughed, shaking her head. Her eyes held a clarity and brightness he hadn't seen in years. “That was a childish dream of mine. I've woken up to reality,” she whispered. “I had an amazing life here already. A great job with people I really liked to work with. A second family we really should spend more time with,” and the wolf light flashed in her eyes again, making his own wolf rumble in agreement. “And you. I had you, every single day. I don't want to miss more, Connor,” she said seriously. “I missed you so much in the big city, I could hardly stand it. I'm not giving up my life to be here, Connor. My life is here with you,” she finished softly.
Connor took a deep breath so his wolf wouldn't howl through him into the airport corridor. He didn't, however, conceal the joy emanating from inch of his body. They stood there in the middle of the corridor, people pouring around them, staring at one another like lovestruck teenagers.