by J. K Harper
The crowd went nuts. Glancing at the referee, another giant-ass shifter whose lineage Tanner wasn't quite able to decipher, Tanner gave a very small shake of his head to indicate he wasn't quite ready. The referee nodded at him, keeping his arms tightly crossed over his massive chest in the signal that meant nobody was to start nothin' just yet.
Casually, Tanner turned his back on Crazy Bear, which elicited another outraged bellow and an answering echo from the crowd behind the bruin. The insult of turning one's back on one's opponent was often used in these fights, although no one ever did it to Crazy Bear. Tanner didn't care. The old, familiar red stream of rage flowed through him tonight. He'd been nurturing it ever since the fire earlier today. The rage always helped him during the fights. He felt strong and confident.
Even so, he needed one more thing before he started the fight. He needed to see Jordyn's face.
There were far too many scents in the room, a mashup of aggro tensions, heightened pheromones, and razor wire anticipation. He wasn't able to single out her personal scent. But she had said she would be here, and Jordyn was always a woman of her word. Casting his gaze over the crowd behind him, he casually searched for her distinctive form.
There.
Tall, lithe, stunningly beautiful even in a crowd of shifters, who naturally tended to be attractive, Jordyn stood out like a beacon. The long sheet of silky dark hair flowed around her face, while her cool, assessing gaze that subtly said back off settled on her like a protective mantle. But as his gaze found her, she pulled up a corner of her mouth into that smile he knew was just for him.
Yes. His wolf rumbled under his skin, just as simultaneously electrified yet soothed by the beautiful woman whose eyes were for him alone. Her support for Tanner during these fights always felt essential. She was a good luck charm that he needed each time. The thought that this would be one of the last times poured over him like frigid water. He took in a shuddering breath while his wolf abruptly snarled and snapped in his mind. His wolf was close to the surface, where Tanner kept him just barely leashed right now as per the sanctions of human form fighting in the shifter rings. But there was an edge to the sound of his wolf's voice in his mind that went beyond his readiness for the impending fight. An edge that somehow seemed to dig at Tanner himself.
Must protect her. Mine, his wolf snarled at him.
She's not mine, Tanner thought back, gaze still caught on the woman in question. I'm not mate material. And she isn't either. There's nothing keeping me here.
His wolf howled, flinging himself against Tanner's mind. Everything is here. His wolf abruptly hammered him with images of Jordyn. Of his puphood home, a few hours west. Of the Black Mesa wolf pack here in Durango that had raised him after the worst time of his life.
Tanner inhaled again. He couldn't have this division between his human side and his wolf side right now. He needed to focus. His wolf knew that as well. Lip still curled, his wolf simply murmured another firm, Mine, before turning his attention back to the fight nearly at hand.
Jordyn gave Tanner a slow wink, standing still and unruffled in the charged masses around her. Tanner felt the blast of her cool strength reach out to him, surrounding him in a brief yet powerful wave that would help him in the fight to come. She always did this for him. She willingly shared her strength with him at these fights. Keeping him centered.
Keeping his face impassive so no one in the crowd would notice him looking at Jordyn and shift their unwanted attention on her, he dipped his chin the tiniest bit at her before swiveling back around. Looking at the referee, he gave a sharp nod. The referee nodded back at him and looked over at Crazy Bear, who nodded back with a savage grunt. The referee unfolded his arms and stepped out of the center of the ring.
The fight was on.
Crazy Bear lunged, the hysterically screaming crowd behind him wildly encouraging him. Tanner was ready. They met in the middle of the ring, fists, blood, and animal-tinged snarls flying as they went to town on each other. The main rule of fighting in the shifter rings was no shifting into one's animal if it was a sanctioned human form fight. That was pretty much the gist of it. Being faster, stronger, and able to heal far more quickly and easily than humans, most of the sorts of rules that governed actual human fight rings did not apply here.
Tanner let the roaring of the crowd egg him on as well, though he kept a somewhat cooler head thanks to Jordyn's presence. He parried, ducked, lunged, snapped out his leg for a devastating kick at Crazy Bear's torso. Then he somersaulted out of the way when the lumbering bear tried to mow him down by dint of his sheer body mass and strength. Tanner might be smaller than the oversized bruin, but he was faster and far more agile. He also had a deep, burning anger that always fueled his fights. He was never angry at the other fighters. Hell, he didn't really know them. But the bone-deep fury he'd carried his entire life always gave him an extra edge.
That, and the sliver of coolness Jordyn lent him. The part that let him keep the edge he needed.
Twenty heart pounding, sweat-spilling, blood-streaming minutes later, Tanner delivered a final slamming blow to Crazy Bear's face. It knocked the bear out cold, sending him crashing to the floor of the ring. Screams that were a mixture of exultant winning along with enraged howls of loss mingled together. They pounded into Tanner's head. His wolf peered out of his eyes, howling and snapping his glee at having won again. The referee grabbed Tanner up, yanking his hand above his head in the classic sign of officially declaring a winner.
Inside Tanner, the outraged flames that were always present banked down to embers. For the moment.
Minutes later, he collected his winnings, got enthusiastically congratulated by a happy throng of shifters who also clutched their winnings in their hands, and hustled out the back door to his car. Dammit, his hands stung and his face throbbed. That bruin definitely had quite a punch on him.
As he approached his truck, the beautiful woman leaning against its hood shook her head at him. "You know, one of these days a fight isn't going to go so well for you." Jordyn's tone was light. No disapproval underlay it. She was a shifter, too. She understood the need to let things get crazy sometimes.
Yet he also heard another tone in her voice. The one of sweet, slick arousal. It wasn't that she got turned on by watching him fight. She wasn't like that. It was just that Jordyn was always looking for his embrace the same way he sought hers. She was always ready for his touch—the same way he was always, always ready for hers. All Tanner had to do was look at the woman to go harder than steel and want to spend the next week alone with her, exploring every possible position together. To hear all the different notes of her gasps each time he touched her. To feel her ecstasy blanket over him, shared.
“So.” Her voice still casual, he nevertheless caught the brief slip of darkness over her expression. “You got your bloodshed. Feel better now?”
He snorted as she peeled away from the truck and came toward him. “I do. Needed it after today. C'mere,” he added. his roughening with sudden need for her.
She nestled into him. The top of her head tucked in just below his chin. Her long, slim, yet strong shape fit his. She relaxed into him, holding him just as tightly as he held her. Sweet, beautiful, amazing woman. She'd had a mate once before, she'd told him. But it had been a mistake. Something had gone very wrong, their mating bond had been officially broken by the alpha, and she'd determinedly avoided anything serious with men after that. She'd once told him, when they'd been tangled together in bed after a seriously sweaty, amazing workout, that the guys in the firehouse called her the Ice Princess when she'd first started working there. He remembered huffing a disbelieving laugh. Jordyn Lowe was anything but an ice princess. She was the heated flame that called to him all the time.
How any man could let this woman go was beyond him. What an utter fool to lose her.
His wolf snarled with such pointedness in Tanner's mind that it almost literally hurt. With an outraged, disbelieving huff, his wolf turned his back on Tanner.
Right. He was letting her go. He was the fool. But, he hardened his thoughts, it was for the best. He wouldn't be able to offer Jordyn anything more than the idiot who'd let her go before. She'd be just as hurt, and he refused to do that her.
He ignored the angry growls echoing in his mind.
He and Jordyn stayed that way for long moments, wrapped around one another, letting their heartbeats play against one another as they breathed in and out as one. The sounds of the other fights going on inside occasionally rumbled out as the door opened and closed, shifters slipping in and out under the careful observation of tonight's bouncer. The nights were getting cooler as they got deeper into fall, adding a pleasantly sharp tang to the evening.
Tanner felt the ugly, sharp stab of something kick at him. The same odd sensation of—loss—that had rustled through him the second he decided to go to the chief and give his notice. His wolf whined inside, the sound underwoven with another, fainter, snarl. Frowning, Tanner shook his head. With a growl born more of arousal than anger, he murmured, “Let's go.” The heat rose in him as anticipation of the rest of the evening suffused him. He wanted to lose himself in Jordyn.
She nodded against him, turning her face to trace his neck with her lips. Feeling the heated shiver ripple over him from her touch, he squeezed her against him again before releasing her. Getting into their respective vehicles, he followed her to her home.
Mine, his wolf again thought, his sharp interest focused on following the taillights of Jordyn's truck. Mine.
Taking a long breath, Tanner brushed aside his wolf's assertion with a single response. For tonight. And that's good enough for now.
His wolf forcefully disagreed as Tanner followed the sexiest, most intriguing woman in the world to her bed.
The woman he'd be leaving much sooner than later, regardless of the cost to either of them. But it was the only way to protect her from his own fragmented soul and the relentless anger he could never, ever seem to shake.
3
Jordyn held tight to Tanner's shoulders as she rode him. She knew her fingers dug sharply into him, but the sparking red fire of her climax had her in its grip. She was incapable of worrying about hurting him too much right now.
"Jordyn!" Tanner's voice ripped through the room in a half yell, half howl of exultation.
She responded with the long, low keen of her gasp. His eyes, wide-open, nearly black from the power of his release, stayed locked on hers as they clung to one another. In the back of her mind, Jordyn's wolf howled in deep approval along with them. She knew Tanner's wolf joined them as well, both their animal sides close to the surface, pushing them together in this ecstatic union. Jordyn knew her mouth was open, her face completely exposed and vulnerable to Tanner, but she didn't care. This one moment in time was the same one in which he was completely open and vulnerable to her as well. The feral joy and openness on his face matched hers as the echoes of their ragged cries filled the room.
"Babe," he groaned, his hands still holding her hips tightly to his where they fused together. The last tremors shuddered through him, as evidenced by his last convulsive small thrusts inside her.
She just nodded, the tangled dark curtain of her hair covering her face, clinging to her neck and cheek with the sweat of their earlier exertions. The bright tang of their combined scents mingled into the room with a familiarity that soothed her.
I'm leaving. His stark words from earlier fell unwelcome into her head. She blinked as a wave of sharp regret slammed through her. Still shaking from her orgasm, she knew the hollowness of impending loss slid across her face. It broke the magical lust spell, as they jokingly referred to it. Tanner smiled at her, a slight coolness now slipping over his face as well. The mask he wore. With a brief smile, Jordyn finally released her grip on his shoulders and sank down onto him, nestling her head into the hollow of his neck, her cheek against his slicked chest.
She couldn't blame him. It was part of their unspoken agreement. Don't get too close. Never get too close. Because what was happening now would always happen. Someone would leave. Willingly or not. Just as she'd unwillingly been left by the loser she'd thought was her mate. She forced herself to dredge up the memory, painful one though it always was. The wolf she had officially joined with in a mating ceremony witnessed by the entire pack nearly five years ago. The wolf who'd deserted her just days later, leaving only a scrawled note on the pillow of the bed they'd shared, telling her he'd made a mistake. She wasn't his mate. She wasn't his anything.
Even now, basking in the warmth of being in Tanner's arms, the old memory more than stung. It grated against her like an ugly, visible stain. Men didn't stay with her—and Tanner didn't stay with anyone. No, neither she nor Tanner was good mate material. They were damaged goods, the both of them, and no good in a relationship.
Her wolf smacked her mind with an angry paw. Jordyn blinked again, a small grunt of surprise catching in her throat. Is not same, her wolf thought at her, hard and fierce. Nothing is same. Tanner is different. Tanner is good wolf. He is mine, and I am his.
Jordyn caught her breath at the ferociousness, the firmness, of her wolf.
"You okay?" Tanner's deep voice eased over her, just as one of his hands rubbed slow strokes over her back, his other arm pulling her even closer against him.
She nodded against his chest. "I'm good. That was good," she added, running her free hand over his shoulder and winding it beneath his neck. "It's always good,” she added in a soft voice. Redirect, she ordered herself, casting around for something to say. “So. What did your dad think?”
The hand rubbing her back abruptly stilled. "About what?" Suspicion abruptly laced his voice.
"About you moving to Seattle.” Her voice came out steady. “You told me he said he enjoyed having you back here."
Tanner barked out the shadow of an irritated chuckle. Blowing a breath that ruffled her hair, he nodded against her head. "He does enjoy having me here. But I haven't told him yet that I'm leaving."
Well, that was interesting. Jordyn pushed herself up and off to one side so she could lean on her elbow and look at Tanner. He looked back at her, dark eyebrows slightly raised. Challenging her. Twisting her lips a bit, she shook her head at him. "I'm on your side. You told me you came back here for him. I just thought you would have already discussed your decision with him."
Another pause held them as Tanner studied her. She saw his wolf looking out of his eyes, which were bright with the peculiar glow shifter eyes got when their animal was very close to the surface. She felt the longing of her wolf, answered by his. But unlike her wolf, she knew it was for the best to ignore the call. Tanner was leaving, and that was that. Ignoring her wolf cuffing her again inside her mind, she added, "Will he be okay with you gone again?"
She held Tanner's gaze, not backing down an inch. Although neither one of them was suited to being a long-term mate to any wolf, she still knew she was closer to Tanner than almost anyone else on earth. She could ask this sort of question. It was fair.
Tanner finally relaxed another fraction. "He'll be okay. He's been doing a lot better the last several years anyway. Besides, he's got Tessa nearby. She'll look out for him.”
Jordyn had to nod. Tanner's sister lived with her pack a few hours west, close to their father. “And Jace?” Tanner's cousin, Jace, was one of the Guardians for the Black Mesa pack here.
A long sigh told her Tanner was tiring of the conversation. Yet he answered calmly. “Jace and I barely know each other. We were just pups when we left our native pack.” The casual way he said that squeezed at Jordyn's heart. “Not to mention Tessa and I were placed into the care of the Black Mesa pack right before he left it, so I never got to know him all that well. He's a good guy, but we're not close.”
Jordyn nodded, biting back the additional words she wanted to say. Because you haven't let him get close. As far as Jordyn knew, Tanner didn't talk about his past with anyone in the pack, not even his closest friend, Zach. Older than Tanner by sever
al years, Jace Canagan had tried to reach out to Tanner more than once, only to be lightly but firmly rebuffed. Jace had spent many years of his youth working out the horror of actually having witnessed the massacre of the Abajo pack when he, too, was a child. Now happily mated and father to adorable twin pups that Jordyn sometimes babysat, as did everyone else in the pack, he had come to a peace with that nightmare. But Jordyn knew Tanner was nowhere near that peace yet. Maybe, she thought with a sudden, desperate sock of pain, he never would be.
Tanner didn't look at her as he kept talking, though he gently massaged her hip, stroking her with the tenderness he sometimes displayed in a sharp contrast to their often wild couplings. “Things here just aren't working for me, babe. But Seattle will be a good place. I liked all the guys there, and the local pack is really decent. This—you—" He broke off with a hard shake of his head. Jordyn knew him well enough to know he was done with the touchy-feely part of their conversation. To be honest, it made her nervous as well. Letting him get close had been an effort for her. Not because he was difficult to be around, not at all. It was actually very easy being with Tanner. She felt more like her real self around him than anyone else she knew. But her fears of being left again, left behind, abandoned like so much leftovers—that was the part she feared.
That was what was happening anyway, and damned if she would let herself care enough to let it ache any worse.
Then he surprised her by adding in a low voice, now very gently brushing his finger across her cheek, "What about you? What's my favorite badass she-wolf gonna do in Durango without me to entertain her by patching him up after fights and listening to his stories about the dumber rescue calls?"
Jordyn found herself laughing again in spite of herself. She reached up and caught his hand where it brushed her cheek. "Yeah, that's the main reason I keep you around. The 911 calls about dishrags on fire, exploded cars that turn out to be a kid's toy car, kittens stuck up trees. It's okay," she added lightly, feeling her heart whack hard in her chest for reasons she didn't care to explore at the moment. "You and I have no holds on one another. We agreed to that."