Chapter One
The next morning was Sunday, and even though Stanley and I had been out late, I propelled myself out of bed as soon as the alarm went off. It was going to be my first Sunday in church as a Christian – I couldn’t believe that it had only been six days since I had made that decision. It felt like a whole other lifetime, like everything before it had been something I’d seen through someone else’s eyes.
I still couldn’t believe what Stanley had told me last night. I was half expecting – maybe more than half – to have him clap his hand on my shoulder and guffaw about how well he’d gotten me. But when I walked into the door of the church for band practice, he was already in his seat, offering a friendly smile and hug but no indication that he’d been joking.
“So,” I said quietly, “all that stuff you said last night was for real.”
He nodded, very slightly. “It was real.”
“Who all knows?”
“Not many people. Just you and Danny and Elizabeth. Maybe Abbie. It’s the kind of thing some people might have a problem handling.”
Frowning, I dropped into the seat next to him. “We have to talk about this more later. You pushed me, the night of that Bible study, to be honest with everyone about who I was, to tell them everything no matter how embarrassing. You can’t turn around and do the opposite.”
“The things I told you are just a little bit more serious than what you told the folks at the Bible study, Eli. But you’re right. We’ll talk later.”
After a few minutes, the others had arrived and we had started our rehearsal. I couldn’t put it into words, but I felt different than I had on the other Sundays. It felt like something inside me responded to the songs in a way that I hadn’t before, like the music was coming in through my ears and straight to my heart. Abbie had mentioned something about God’s spirit living inside me; maybe it was responding to the worship music, encouraging me on as I sent my praise up to God. I didn’t know. I just felt giddy with joy, and it showed in the way I was playing.
Maybe that was part of why the set that morning was so energetic. Everyone singing seemed to be feeling the same thing I was; they were clapping and getting into the music, which in turn fed us. When the last song was almost over, I looked up and saw Abbie standing near the back of the room, surprising me so badly that I nearly lost my place in the song. Fortunately I caught myself in time, and once the song was over and Danny was leading everyone in prayer, I slipped to the back of the room and took a seat next to Abbie.
“Good job,” she whispered.
“Thanks.”
An hour or so later, church had dismissed and people were streaming out the door. Abbie and I watched them go, then I looked back at Abbie. Neither of us said anything for almost a minute, and then she smiled. “You blinked.”
“I didn’t either,” I protested. “You want to go do something?”
“I think we should. In fact, I’m one step ahead of you.”
I arched an eyebrow. “Is that so?”
Abbie burst into laughter. “Do that face again.”
“What, this?” Up went the eyebrow.
“That’s so cool.” She tried to do it, but all she really managed was to look constipated, sending me into a fit of laughter so hard I thought I might never breathe again. “Maybe I need some more practice,” she shrugged. “But I have an idea.”
“Tell me.”
“There’s a small chance I may have brought two picnic lunches, and that I may know of a place along the Trinity River where we could sit and eat.”
Smiling, I looked up at the stage. “You’ve really thought this one through. Why’d you come to New Heart this morning anyway?”
“What, isn’t it obvious? To spend some more time with you, silly.”
“Really?” Maybe I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I was.
“Well, sure. That’s what a girl does when she likes a boy.”
“Oh, right.” I met her eyes and smiled, and I think I might have blushed a little.
She squeezed my arm and winked. “You’re so cute when you’re flustered. Let’s roll.”
“Gladly.”
Fifteen minutes later, having navigated a maze of downtown streets, Abbie swung her car into the empty parking lot of an insurance company, and just to our north I could see a huge swath of grass, sloping gently down to the Trinity River. To the east, maybe half a mile away, was Interstate 35; the contrast between the cars zipping past on the highway compared with the serenity of this park made my head spin.
Abbie ducked into the backseat, grabbing a plastic bag with the lunches inside, and we set off toward the riverbank. The sun beamed down, to the point that I was almost uncomfortably warm in my hoodie.
“It’s supposed to get up to seventy today,” Abbie told me, as if reading my mind. “Couldn’t ask for nicer weather in December.”
“I can’t believe how beautiful it’s been. Man, if we were in Indiana right now, we’d all be indoors huddled around a space heater while it was twenty degrees out.”
“God’s been smiling on you,” agreed Abbie.
We made it to the edge of the river, which whispered pleasantly as it flowed through this garden in the middle of a metropolis. Abbie kicked her flip-flops back over her head, dipping her feet into the water but pulling them out almost instantly. “Golly. Still a little cold for playing in the river, I think.”
“You never know till you try.”
“True of so many things in life.” Abbie dug into the plastic bag and tossed me a sandwich. “Hope you like PB and J.”
“It’s exactly what I would have asked for. Thanks.”
“You’re welcome. Mind if I say the blessing before we eat?”
“Go right ahead. Hurry, though.” I started slowly moving the sandwich toward my mouth.
Abbie laughed, and prayed very quickly. “Dear Jesus thank you for the food and thank you for Eli and his sense of humor please bless this time amen!”
“Perfect timing,” I told her, taking a bite.
She laid back on the ground, her laughter sailing up toward the sun that hung in the brilliant blue. “You’re such a hoot.”
“You’re calling me an owl now? I thought we were friends.”
She rolled over, burying her face in her hands. “This is why I like you, Eli. You make me laugh.”
“That’s true. I do.” She had rolled over right next to me, her bare feet within arm’s reach, so I couldn’t resist running my fingernails up her right foot.
She squealed and sprang up. “Not that kind of laughing. That’s just mean.”
I shrugged nonchalantly. “I’ll take what I can get.”
Abbie tried to give a frustrated sigh, but it didn’t work, sending us both into new spasms of giggling. We ended up next to each other, laying on the ground and staring up into the blue eternity overhead.
“Oh man, Eli,” Abbie said. “I have so much fun with you.”
“It sounds like there’s a ‘but’ coming at the end of that sentence.”
She rolled over to face me, green eyes examining mine. “How could you tell?”
“I don’t know. It just did.”
“Well, there was one.” She propped herself up on her elbow. “I want to start dating you, Eli, but I keep getting this sense that it’s not quite the right time.”
“What do you mean, a sense?”
“I’ve been praying about it, and when I do, I just feel like God is telling me to wait. I think I know why, too. Tell me honestly, Eli: does my past bother you?”
In that instant, I knew it did. I liked Abbie and I wanted to date her, too, but I hadn’t thought about the idea since the last time we talked. I hadn’t spent a single moment pondering the things she had told me; Abbie herself had barely crossed my mind. I was hiding again, running away from something that scared me.
The honest answer
was that her past did bother me. I didn’t know what to think about it, didn’t know how to feel when I realized that the hand holding mine had done the same for a dozen other men, had touched them in ways I’d never been touched in my life. What I was feeling, plain and simple, was jealousy – a strange feeling, jealousy for a woman who wasn’t even my girlfriend.
My instincts cried out to flee the unknown situation, to get back to a safe distance and keep Abbie at arm’s length. That was the only way I knew how to handle matters of the heart. But there was another voice this time, stronger and steadier than the instincts, urging me to be strong and to listen to my heart.
I caught Abbie staring at me, and I didn’t know how long I’d been silent. “Yeah,” I admitted, “your past does bother me.”
The corner of her mouth tugged down and she looked close to tears. I could only imagine the pain she was going through, as this distant mistake from a past life came back to torture her again. Without thinking about it, I pulled her down to me, her head resting on my chest, running my fingers through her hair. “But I don’t want it to. I want to see the real you, the new you, not the old mistakes.”
Her hand found mine, and she squeezed, the strength of her grip saying what words couldn’t. We laid there for long minutes, her head on my chest, bobbing up and down with my breathing, the sun warming us and melting my doubts.
Finally she rolled over to face me again. “Thanks, Eli. I don’t know how you always have the right words to say.”
“Must be a God thing,” I told her honestly.
“Must be. Oh, hey,” she said, noticing something on the ground next to me. “You didn’t get to finish your sandwich.”
“Wow, you’re looking out for my stomach, too? You really might be the perfect woman.”
Abbie giggled and poked me in the stomach, sending me squirming for safety.
“If a little bit sadistic,” I amended. “So I guess you could say we’re dating now?”
“I guess so,” she echoed. “I mean, we’ve been going on dates already, so we kind of already have been dating. It’s just official now.”
“Oh, great. The one thing I don’t miss from college is all my buddies trying to define their relationships and figure out where they were at with the girl.”
“Let’s not worry about that,” Abbie said with a disarming smile. “We’ll just keep doing what we’ve been doing, hanging out and getting to know each other better, and see where it goes.”
“Suits me just fine. Hey, what’s that over there?” Abbie swiveled to look and I lunged toward her, grabbing her ribs, and she spasmed away, laughing helplessly.
“That was just wrong,” she protested, “starting a relationship on a foundation of deception and ferocity!”
“It was a pretty good move, you have to admit.”
She tried to pout, but once again, it simply didn’t work, and I put my hand over my mouth to hide my smile. “You’re right,” she said grudgingly. “But watch your back, mister.”
“I will be,” I pledged. We looked at each other for a few moments, and I added, “You’re really beautiful.”
“You honestly think so?”
“I sure do.”
“Thanks,” she said. “I hope you still think I’m beautiful when I have peanut butter stuck to my teeth.”
“I’m sure I will.”
The sun beamed down on us as we ate, smiling down its gift of light, as if God himself was warming us with his breath.
New Heart Church Page 27