“Awesome,” I reply belatedly, wondering how I’m going to survive living across the hallway from that tattooed prick. Back home, I would’ve openly hated him while Sally and Nevaeh would’ve secretly lusted after him. Oh, who am I kidding, I probably would’ve lusted after him, too. I almost choke again. He’s supposed to be my brother, right? Or … stepbrother, I guess. Gross. I’ve never liked stepbrother romances, never. Good thing we’re as likely to see Yellowstone’s super volcano erupt and end the world as we are to see a romance between me and that horrible boy.
Tess opens the door to a room on the right which surprises me. That means I have the lake view and Parrish doesn’t. Interesting.
I stop short in the doorway as Tess turns around, crossing one arm over her chest and clutching at her elbow with her hand. She’s nervous, not something a famous true crime novelist is used to being I’ll bet. She’s written over twenty New York Times bestsellers. Her first novel—Abducted Under a Noonday Sun—launched her career.
It was semi-autobiographical.
It was about me.
The irony is that I’d read that book—more than once, actually—and never once made any sort of connection. Stupidly, I’d even written an English paper analyzing the content and the deeper meaning in the story without ever getting it through my thick skull that I was dissecting a story about myself.
“Well, what do you think?” Tess asks proudly, chest expanding as she takes in a deep breath and gestures around the room with a hand decorated in a diamond ring and tennis bracelet. The day we met, she gave me a matching bracelet.
It’s in my bag; I can’t bear to wear it.
I force yet another smile. If there were a counter for it, I think we’d be at about nine-hundred and ninety-nine forced smiles in the six weeks since I met Tess.
“It’s great,” I say, trying to keep my voice from cracking the way my heart is. I almost miss the hot, angry feeling that Parrish gave me. It was a shit-ton better than feeling the way I am right now, like a ghost, a shell, a shadow of my former self.
The room is … nice. I mean, it’s got those light-colored bamboo floors, stark white walls, and modern light fixtures that look like abstract metal sculptures. There’s a bed in the center of the room, decorated with silver and faux fur pillows, and it faces out on a magnificent view of the water.
It’s just so cold and sterile in here. There’s no color, no art on the walls, no creaky floors. There isn’t a dent in the wall from that one time Maxine and I were wrestling. There isn’t a deep gouge on the baseboard molding from that day Grandpa and I bought an antique dresser and struggled to get it up the stairs and pushed into place in the corner.
“You can decorate it however you want,” Tess says eagerly, stepping forward. She’s so happy, I’m trying my best not to rain on her parade. I can only imagine what it must feel like to find the child that was stolen from you fourteen years prior. “We can hit the shops tomorrow, get you whatever you want.”
“That’s really nice of you,” I respond, our interaction stiff and forced. Tess’ eyes—the same raven-black as my own—crinkle at the edges as she struggles to smile back. We’re both trying here. It’s just … not a situation any normal person would ever find themselves in. “If you don’t mind, I’m a little tired from the flight …”
Polite code for please get the fuck out so I can die in peace.
“Oh, of course,” she says, shaking herself and falling right back into that famous novelist role she wears so well. When I first saw her, I thought she might very well be the coldest person I’d ever met. But then she started to cry, and I could tell that she was just a master of locking away her emotions. She’d have to be, right? Considering what she’s been through.
One day—fourteen years, three months, and sixteen days ago to be exact—Tess took her two-year old daughter Mia Patterson to a low-cost daycare center down the street from the diner she was waitressing at. According to her, she was holding a red plastic tray with four Cokes, three cheeseburgers, and a chicken salad on it when her phone went off in her apron. Somehow, she knew something was wrong. The first line of her book sums it up: In my stomach, I could feel it, a primal fear as cold as the snow and ice that kiss the Cascades.
Tess dropped the tray to the floor and started running in kitten heels and an apron. By the time she got to the parking lot of the daycare, panting and shaking and sweating, she saw the red and blue lights of a police cruiser. She never made it inside, falling instead to the pavement outside the cheery yellow walls of the building and screaming.
That’s the day Mia Patterson became Dakota Banks.
“You’ve got your own bathroom, too,” Tess gushes all of a sudden, like she can’t bear to leave just quite yet. She moves over to a shiny white door on sliders, like the barn doors at home in my grandparents’ house. Only, this one looks space-age. It’s shiny and perfect, and I don’t see any sort of handle. Tess seems able to slide it open with just a few fingers.
I step forward and peer into the room, finding it just as sterile and cold as the bedroom. At least there’s black marble on the floors instead of white, and the shower is big enough for four. A bathtub rests in the center of the room, with windows all along the wall. That’s the only thing I see that makes me feel any better. A bath in that giant tub, looking out at the water and the city lights across the lake, that should help a little.
But only a little.
I’d do anything to go home and soak in the old clawfoot tub in my grandparents’ house.
“Paul will be home soon, with the rest of your siblings,” Tess adds, and I can hear the slightest warble of nervousness in her smooth voice. “If you’re too tired to meet them tonight, we can go out for breakfast …”
“That’d be fantastic,” I blurt, wrestling my rebellious lips into forced smile Number One-Thousand. If Parrish is any sort of indication as to the reception I’m going to get here, I’d much rather wait until morning. Tess’ face falls a bit, but she, too, manages to maintain a smile.
“Sleep well, Mia,” she breathes wistfully, and then we both freeze up completely, any pretense of normality flying out the window. “I’m sorry, I meant … Dakota.” Tess pauses awkwardly as I do my best to swallow past the lump in my throat.
“It’s okay. We’re both working our way through this,” I respond with all the politeness my grandparents taught me but with absolutely zero sincerity. On the inside, I’m screaming. Why couldn’t you just leave me alone? Why couldn’t you just leave me where I was happy? Tess nods once, her smile faltering just a little, before heading for the bedroom door. She glances over her shoulder one more time before leaving, but whatever it was she intended to say dies on her lips.
“Goodnight … Dakota.”
Tess steps into the hallway, closing the door behind her. I don’t hesitate more than a handful of seconds before moving over to it and locking the handle.
I toss my backpack on the floor and then flop down on the bed, putting my face in my hands. I don’t cry. I’ve cried enough over the last several weeks. Instead, I gather myself together and pull my phone out of the pocket of my hoodie.
It’s hard to fathom the facts: that my family—that is, the Banks family—is legally obligated to refrain from contact with me for an entire year. So I’ll have time to adjust, Tess says. Personally, I think that’s the most awful and wicked thing anyone has ever done to me. I video-call my grandparents, but nobody answers. I can only imagine Tess’ scary expensive lawyers and fancy legal documents are keeping them from picking up. Doesn’t stop me from texting them though.
I miss you guys, and I want to come home. I send that off, and I don’t care if that makes my grandfather cry again. I need them to know how much I want out of this place.
Next, I video-call my sister, Maxine.
She, on the other hand, isn’t intimidated by anyone or anything.
“Dakota!” she calls out, appearing on my screen with a smile. We used to say we had matching smiles—the s
ame small mouth and full bottom lip, a thin bowtie shaped upper lip. Guess it was all bullshit, huh? God, you sound bitter. Don’t do that to yourself, Dakota. There’s no sweetness to be found if you keep chewing on the same old sour crap. “Where are you right now?”
“My new bedroom,” I say, my voice strained and forlorn. I lift the phone up and pan it around so Maxine can see what I’m working with here. Multimillion-dollar views and about as much love and warmth as a block of ice. I turn the phone back to my face. “Maxie, I can’t do this.”
Her face softens as she sits down on the edge of her own bed.
“It can’t be all bad, right? Moving in with a famous author and a plastic surgeon? You could probably guilt-trip them into buying you a sportscar.” Maxine puts a hand to her chest, the phone jiggling around as she clutches it in the other. “A Ferrari. A white one with a red leather interior—”
“Maxie,” I scold, but I’m smiling anyway. I knew talking to Maxine would help. Besides, unlike my grandparents who are a forty-two-hour drive away from me, Maxine is going to the University of Oregon in the city of Eugene which is only four and a half hours south of here. We’re actually closer now than we were when I was living at home. Silver linings and all that. “You’re probably right, but I don’t want a Ferrari; I want to go home.”
“I know, Kota,” she says, her body deflating just a bit. “I don’t like any of this either, but you know what?”
“What?” I lie back on the bed, staring up at the screen and wishing my sister were here to wrap her arms around me the way she used to do when I was little. That’s my very first memory, of Maxine smiling at me and stroking my hair back while I sobbed. I don’t remember anything about my life with Tess before that, when I was named Mia Patterson. Not a damn thing. Not surprising, considering my age at the time.
And still, the scent of her perfume lingers. I choke a little on the thought.
“This doesn’t make us sisters any less, you know that, right?”
“Blood is thicker than water,” I spit out, and then cringe. There I go, being bitter again. But maybe I’m just not giving myself enough credit? This is a lot harder than I thought it would be.
“Wrong. That’s one of the most misused quotes in the entire world. The real quote is: the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. What it really means is that the family you choose is stronger than the family you’re born to.” Maxine pauses for a moment as my eyes water, and I blink back the tears I promised I wouldn’t shed. “Hey, how about I come and visit you next weekend? I’d come sooner, but I have a paper due.”
“The lawyers …” I start, and Maxine snorts, tossing her auburn curls. We always used to say she took after grandma while Mom and I took after grandpa with his espresso-colored hair. Irony, at its finest.
“Fuck lawyers, Kota. I’m not about to let some suit-wearing bigwigs tell me I can’t see my little sister. Besides …” She pauses and gives me such a goofy grin that I just know I’m about to hear about a boy. Maxine is so predictable. I smile.
“This is about Maxx—the boy with two X’s in his name, right?” I ask with a roll of my eyes. Leave it to Maxine to find a boy with virtually the same name and fall in love with him. Maxx Wright is a fellow student at the U of O, some motocross superstar, and the exact opposite of any boy Maxine has ever gone out with. I have yet to meet him, but I hear good things.
“I’m going to bring him with me,” Maxine declares, grinning. “You can just call him X, like I do. That way we don’t have to worry about any confusion.” She leans back on her bed, so that our positions are mirrored. Four and a half hours away, but just alike, as always. “You’ll like him, Kota, I know you will.”
“I don’t doubt that,” I say, my thoughts straying to my new stepbrother, Parrish. “Speaking of boys, I just met one of my new brothers.”
“Oh?” Maxine asks, her voice tightening just a little. She’s jealous of my newfound siblings; since she was five, and I came home clinging to Mom’s neck—I mean Saffron’s neck—it’s just been us. Me and Maxine. “Well, did you like him?” I snort, and my sister raises her brown brows. “I take it that’s a no?”
“My stepbrother,” I correct with a sigh. “Tess’ husband’s son. He’s a year older than me and a total asshole.” I can feel my face contorting with irritation, remembering his expression as he glanced over his shoulder and caught me checking him out.
“As if, little sister. In your dreams.”
I want to throw something.
“Whoa. So … he’s hot as fuck then?” she asks, and I choke out a caustic laugh.
“If you like rude, lazy assholes covered in tattoos and bulging with lean, stupid muscles,” I growl, and Maxine howls with laughter.
“Um, yes, please. Sign yourself up for that, Dakota. You need something to focus on, something to distract you from … well, everything. Lean, inked, and stupid is just about right.”
“He’s my brother, Maxine,” I say, but really, he’s not. First off, I just met him. Second, he’s not Tess’s bio-kid anyway. And that’s all that matters in this family, right? Biology. That’s why I’m here, isn’t it? Because I came out of Tess once upon a time. That’s the only thing connecting us anymore, just that thin strand of DNA.
I know it’s there, too, because Tess made me take three DNA tests to prove it.
“What’s his name? I wanna social media stalk him,” Maxine says, but I just roll my eyes.
“Parrish Vanguard,” I admit, and then we both pause for a minute as we minimize our video-chat windows into the corners of our phones and start stalking. She starts with Insta; I go for TikTok.
“Oh dear sweet baby Jesus,” Maxine groans as I click on a short video that Parrish posted all of ten minutes ago. “Get on his Insta, stat. This boy is fire, Dakota. You need this. You need a sexy, sordid stepbrother affair.”
I ignore her in favor of watching the TikTok video. It’s just Parrish sitting on a hideous rectangular sofa in that awful, white-washed living room.
“Just met my new stepsister, Dakota, today,” he says, shirtless and gorgeous, slouched against the cushions. One elbow rests on the arm of the couch, the other holds his phone up at an angle, emphasizing the long, lean lines of his body. “As you know, I rate every student at the academy—even the poor, lost lamb that’s just stumbled into my family.” Parrish pauses, giving a fiery smirk to the camera. “Fuckability rating …” He pauses like he’s deep in thought and then shrugs. “Three. Three and a half with the right outfit. She’s just too”—Parrish gestures at his face with a single finger—“melancholy in the face for my liking.” He licks his lower lip and smirks. “Pair that with the puke-green and emo-black hair, the thrift store sneakers, and the anime hoodie and we’ve got a Twitch-streamer wannabe on our hands.”
I stop listening, closing TikTok as the blood drains from my face.
“Oh, Dakota,” Maxine starts, but I just wave off her concern like it’s nothing, like I don’t care. Instead, I’m quivering with frustration. How dare he?! Seriously. Fuckability rating? Of all the stupid, misogynistic shit. I’m so furious that I forget for a moment that I’m also supposed to be sad. See? Told you I hated that guy from second one. He isn’t just a Chad: he’s a troll, too. “Don’t let him get to you. He’s probably, like, a mama’s boy or something. I bet he’s jealous of you.”
“You’re too nice, Maxie, you know that?” I say instead, acting out a pretend yawn. I’m not just saying that: my sister really is too nice. If I give any indication that I’m about to start shit … “I think I’m going to take a bath and go to bed.” I pause for a second, glancing past the phone screen and out the window toward the water. That’s right. This isn’t my usual nighttime chat with Maxine; this is different. My whole life is different. “Promise you’ll really come next weekend? I don’t think I’ll survive if you don’t.”
“Oh, I’ll be there, come hell or high water.” Maxine smiles softly at me, reaching up two fingers to touch the sc
reen. I do the same and we sit there for a while, pretending like we’re in the same room together, like old times. Until I was nine years old, I refused to sleep in my own room, choosing instead to bunk with my older sister. “X is driving me up; he has a Jeep Gladiator.”
I laugh. My sister has always been obsessed with cars. Me, I couldn’t care less. But I’m glad she’s excited.
“Until next time, I love you fierce,” I tell her, and Maxine nods.
“Until next time. Love you fierce, baby sister.”
I hang up first, biting my lower lip for a moment. My natural inclination here is to sulk. But that fury inside of me, that burning ember in my belly? It’s just been fanned into raging flames.
With that heat as fuel, I get up and crack the door to my bedroom, glancing down the hall to see if Tess is around. Much as I dislike Parrish, I’d rather not run into my bio-mom right now. The way she looks at me makes my shoulders hurt, like I’ve just been yoked to a wagon full of boulders. Heavy, that’s what her stares are. Desperate.
I slip out quietly and let the door snick shut behind me before braving the stairs. At each turn, I check for people. I am officially peopled out. Well, you know, except for the throwdown I’m about to have with Parrish.
I find the asshole lounging on the same couch where he filmed his TikTok video, scrolling his phone and listening to some god-awful Drake song. The milk carton is sitting on the table next to his bare feet. When he hears the soft shush of my footsteps on the floor, he gestures to the cushion beside him without looking up. That’s how self-absorbed he is, that he doesn’t even bother to see who it is that’s just walked in.
“About time you got here; sit your ass down,” he murmurs as I take his instruction and flop down on the cushion next to him. It takes a good thirty seconds for Parrish to look up and realize that I’m not whoever he thought I was. That Chasm guy he mentioned, maybe?
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