“Well—”
“I loved you in Space Port,” the boy said. “The way they wrote you as stupid but you played her as more mysterious than that.”
“Thanks,” she said, glad someone had noticed that she’d tried to give her airhead character on that series a little more depth.
“And what was it like working with Jacob Hall?” the last girl asked, eyes shining with excitement.
Jacob Hall, the gorgeous star of their short-lived series, was as empty as he was pretty, but Emma doubted that they wanted to hear that.
“He’s a very good actor,” she said instead, and at least it was the truth.
“You know what?” Jess smiled at Emma. “I’ll just leave you here to talk to the kids about drama class and about the play they want to put on next spring.”
“Oklahoma!” One of the girls said. “I love the music and we were just talking about set decorations...”
Emma laughed a little as she looked from one animated face to the other. Their enthusiasm was contagious. She remembered when her class had done Oklahoma! and Emma had played Ado Annie and except for the fact that she wasn’t much of a singer, had had a great time.
The boy said, “My dad said he’d help build whatever we need.”
“And my dad said he could provide haystacks and stuff...”
Emma’s head was spinning, but she hardly noticed when Jess left. Instead, she was drawn into the stardom dreams again. This time through these kids who had stars in their eyes and hope in their hearts. A part of her wanted to warn them to not give up everything in pursuit of something else. But she also realized that they wouldn’t believe her—that was a lesson you had to learn yourself. As she had—chasing a dream had cost her Caden.
She also acknowledged that the chances that any of them would have the kind of career they wanted were tiny. But was that any reason to stop dreaming? To stop reaching for what you wanted?
And maybe, Emma told herself, if she could give them real-world tips and warnings and teach them what they needed to make a real try at it...none of them would be as crushed as she had been.
With the kids talking, planning, peppering her with questions about agents and producers and scripts, Emma smiled and took another step toward being a part of Cache again. And soon, Caden would have to admit that she was here to stay. Then he’d have to deal with what was between them. Because she wouldn’t let him ignore it much longer.
* * *
“I took the job.” Emma stood in the kitchen looking at her father and sister. Molly was sitting in her high chair while Gracie fed her spoonfuls of baby food.
“That’s great news,” her father said, and stood up to give her one of his famous bear hugs. “And don’t you worry about Molly. Gracie and I can watch her during the day while you’re at school...”
“We can?” Gracie fed Molly another bite of applesauce.
Emma knew what her sister was thinking and she didn’t want to risk the tentative moves they’d made toward fixing their relationship. So she said quickly, “You don’t have to. I’ll get a babysitter and—”
Her father shot that idea down. “We’re not going to have strangers watching our girl, are we, Grace?”
“Oh no,” Gracie blurted, standing up. “If Emma needs something, let’s just rush to accommodate her! How high would you like me to jump, Emma? Any specific direction you’d like to see?”
“Gracie...” Their father sounded disappointed.
And Emma’s heart sank. She and her sister had started coming together and now, it seemed they were back to square one again.
“No, Dad. Emma shows up and the whole world falls at her feet. She’s even got her hooks back into Caden!” Shaking her head, Gracie held up both hands and said, “I’ve got to go check on the horses.”
Emma could have let her leave, let the fury between them keep simmering, but she’d finally reached maximum tolerance. She’d tried patience. Tried to be understanding and apologetic and it had gotten her exactly nowhere. They were going to get everything out and settle this, whether Gracie liked it or not.
“Don’t worry about your sister—”
Emma looked up at her father. “Would you watch Molly for me?”
“Sure, but—”
“Thanks, Dad.” Emma raced out of the house and toward the stable. The air was cold, but Emma’s anger kept her warm as she hurried across the yard. She found Gracie outside Herman’s stall.
* * *
Gracie heard her run into the stable, but she didn’t turn to look at her. “I don’t want to talk to you,” she said.
“Fabulous. Then just listen instead,” Emma countered, then led with, “Why are you so bugged that Caden and I are together again? Have your eye on him?”
Gracie whirled around, more surprised than angry. “You’re nuts.”
“Is that right?”
“Yeah.” Gracie slapped her hands onto her hips and faced Emma down. “Caden’s my friend. He was there for me when you abandoned us. I was twenty when you took off, Emma. What the hell did I know about running this ranch?” She threw her hands up. “What did I know about anything? Now you’re back and you pick up your life like you were never gone. You’ve got Caden and Molly and a job and I’m still running in place living a lie!”
Gracie clapped one hand over her mouth, horrified that she’d slipped and hoping that Emma would just let it go. Or maybe, she wouldn’t care what she’d meant. Her heart pounding, she turned away from her sister and took a deep breath to ease the wild jitters in her belly.
“Gracie, tell me what’s going on. What’re you talking about?”
Shaking her head, she looked back at Emma and let out a long sigh. “Nothing. And I’m sorry I got mad. I wasn’t even really mad at you, Emma.” Looking at the older sister she’d always admired, Gracie could admit to herself at last, that it was because Emma had always gone after what she wanted that she’d looked up to her. Emma fought for what she wanted. While Gracie kept quiet and pretended everything was fine.
“Then why all the venom?” Emma asked. “If it’s not my fault, why yell at me?”
“Because it’s just not as satisfying to yell at myself,” Gracie muttered thickly. “I’m mad at me, Em. God, I never thought of myself as a coward, but I so am.”
“No, you’re not.” Emma grabbed her arm and squeezed. “Sweetie, you’re one of the strongest women I know.”
Gracie choked out a laugh and shook her head. “I wish that was true.”
Frustrated, Emma threw both hands in the air. “For heaven’s sake, Gracie, just tell me what’s going on. Maybe I can help.”
She couldn’t help and Gracie knew it. But the need to talk to her big sister was huge. Ever since Emma had come home, Gracie had wanted to confide in her, but anger and resentment had clouded everything to the point where she felt as if she were wandering around the ranch blindfolded.
Looking at Emma now, seeing the confusion and sympathy in her eyes, helped Gracie decide to just take the plunge. To get everything out in the open. It would be a relief to say it out loud, even if nothing came of it. Even if Emma looked at her differently afterward.
“Okay,” she said, steeling herself for whatever might happen next. “I’m not interested in Caden, because I’m already in love.” She stuffed her hands into her coat pockets. “I haven’t told anyone but Caden...”
There was a long pause, then Emma said, “I’m glad you had him to talk to. But it’s great news, Gracie. Why wouldn’t you want everyone to know?”
The stable was cold and watery sunlight pouring through the open doors was the only light. They were alone but for the horses in their stalls, and the air was so quiet it seemed made for revelations of secrets. She looked at Emma. “Because I’m afraid how Dad will take it.”
“He’d be happy for you,” Emma said and Gracie so wished she could bel
ieve that.
“I don’t know if he would be or not,” Gracie admitted. “All I know is it’s killing me and it’s hurting Mad.”
“Madison?” Emma whispered. “The vet?”
“Yes!” She blew out a breath and felt relief course through her like a cool rain on a hot day. God, it was freeing to admit the truth. To feel the freedom of saying that she was in love with a wonderful, talented, kind, funny woman. “I’m in love with Mad. Have been almost from the moment I met her.”
Emma just watched her. Didn’t say anything, and Gracie’s fears rose up inside to grab hold of her throat and squeeze. She was laying everything out and if she lost her sister, she didn’t know what she’d do.
A single tear tracked down her cheek before Gracie swiped it away angrily. Lifting her chin, squaring her shoulders, she said, “There. My big secret life. I’m a lesbian, and I didn’t know how to tell you or Dad because I was terrified of how you guys would take it.”
A couple of seconds ticked past before her sister spoke.
“You idiot.” Emma’s voice was quiet.
That she hadn’t expected. “What?”
Her big sister stepped up to her and wrapped Gracie up in a tight hug. “I called you an idiot. How could you think I would care? Gracie, you’re my baby sister. Whoever you love is okay by me. I’ll love her, too. As long as she treats you right and doesn’t make you cry, because then she’d be in big trouble with me—”
Fresh tears sprung to her eyes and these she didn’t bother wiping away. They felt cleansing somehow. She couldn’t believe this. Ever since Emma got home, Gracie had worried about what her sister would think. What she might say if she found out the truth. It was a shock to find out she hadn’t had to worry at all.
Gracie’s throat tightened as Emma stepped back and looked her dead in the eye. “As for Dad? He’d be furious if he knew that you were anxious about this. Dad’s not going to care who you love, Gracie. For God’s sake, it’s the twenty-first century, sweetie.”
Her big revelation had fallen flat.
Gracie felt both relieved and a little embarrassed that she’d made this into such a huge deal in her mind. “God, I do feel like an idiot.”
“Good, you should.” Emma squeezed her hard again, then let her go. “I love you, Gracie, and I want you happy. If Mad does that for you, then I’m really glad you found her.”
More tears built up in her eyes, but this time, it was liberation. Happiness. The unbelievable sensation of finally being true to herself. She let out a breath that she felt as though she’d been holding since Madison first moved to town. Longer. It seemed as if all her life, Gracie had been hiding the truth of who she was.
“It’s not fair to Madison you know,” Emma was saying. “Keeping her a secret.”
Guilt pinged inside Gracie as she nodded. All the nights she’d sneaked over to Madison’s house for a few stolen hours. The days they spent together, but unable to touch, or hold hands or even give each other a kiss goodbye for fear someone would notice. “I know that. I do. But I was just so scared to say anything—”
“No buts, Gracie,” Emma told her. “Didn’t Dad just say the other night that love is the only thing that really matters? That’s all he’ll care about. That you’re loved.”
Was it really that simple? Had she been putting herself and Mad through misery all this time for nothing?
“If you want me to, I’ll be there when you tell Dad,” Emma said softly.
Gracie looked at her and nodded. “I’d like that. Thanks, Em.”
Emma grinned, hugged her again, then said, “Okay, now that you and I are good again, I’m going to tell Caden I’ve got a job. Maybe then he’ll believe that I’m really staying.”
“You still love him, don’t you?”
“More than anything,” Emma answered.
Gracie smiled. “Then make him believe.”
* * *
Caden was saddling up for a ride when Emma strode into the stable, looking like a woman on a mission. She simply took his breath away. That long, curly hair flying out behind her. Tight black jeans, cream-colored sweater and a forest green jacket and scuffed brown boots. Heat pumped through him in a rush. She walked with confidence, always had. She was strong, hardheaded, and if he allowed it, she could bring him to his knees.
But he’d done that once. Given her everything, offered her all he was, all he’d hoped to be, and she’d left him broken. He wouldn’t let that happen again no matter how much he loved her and wanted her.
She was smiling when she came to a stop just in front of him and God, what that smile did to her eyes. What it did to him. His whole body went tight with tension. His blood simmered in a slow boil and it felt like his skin was electrified. This wasn’t going to be easy, he told himself, stepping back from the only woman he’d ever loved. But he refused to risk the kind of pain he’d already survived again.
“Gracie told me her secret.”
He nodded, glad for that. Whatever happened—or didn’t—between the two of them, Emma and Gracie were sisters and he was pleased they’d finally talked. “Happy to hear it. Worrying over it has been tearing at her for a long time.”
“You’ve been a good friend to her,” Emma said. “Thank you for that. Seems you’re pretty important to both of the Williams girls.”
He tightened the saddle cinch on his horse and forced a short laugh. “You know, I wouldn’t have slept with Gracie even if she wasn’t a lesbian.”
“Is that right?”
He shot her a look and his heart thumped hard in his chest. “It is. Because you’re the one I always wanted.”
“I’m right here,” she said softly.
And the scent of her was filling him. The urge to take her, hold her, was almost overwhelming, and still, he fought it.
“For how long, Emma?” That was at the bottom of all of this. The one thing he couldn’t forget. She’d left once. Why wouldn’t she again?
“For good, Caden.” She moved in closer, laid one hand on his arm and said, “I took the job at Cache High. I’m teaching drama.”
That sounded like a good thing, but jobs could be walked out on if she found something better. He couldn’t forget that she’d turned away from the plans they’d made together to find something for herself somewhere else.
“That’s good, Em,” he said, turning to face her, to meet her eyes. Everything about her called out to him, but he ignored it. “You’ll be great at it. But you taking a job’s not proof that you’re staying. You walked out on your life—me—before.”
She sighed and he could read the disappointment in her eyes. “That was different, Caden,” she said. “I was a kid. I’d never been out of Montana and suddenly we were talking about getting married and having babies and—”
“And you ran,” he finished for her, feeling the fresh sting of that betrayal all over again. She’d crushed him once. He wouldn’t allow it to happen again.
“I had to go,” she argued. “But I came back, too.”
“Because California didn’t work out. If it had, you’d still be there, wouldn’t you?”
“No,” she said, shaking her head. “California wasn’t my place. I didn’t belong, Caden. Everything about it felt wrong to me. I belong here. With you.”
God, he wished he could believe her.
She must have read his features accurately because she asked, “How do I convince you?”
“Hell if I know,” he said.
“I love you, Caden.”
He closed his eyes briefly and savored those words. He’d never thought to hear her say it again and it was like having fresh air breathed into starving lungs. But he couldn’t bring himself to trust it. Maybe it was something inside him that couldn’t bend. If that were true, then he didn’t know how to change it—or even if he should try.
“I love you, too, Em
,” he said and her eyes brightened before he qualified that statement with, “But I don’t trust you.”
She winced and he hated to see it. Hated to know that he’d caused it. But she had to know. Love wasn’t always enough.
“I don’t know how to fix that,” she admitted. “How to convince you.”
“I don’t think you can. You already told me yourself that if you had to, you’d take Molly and run.”
She spun around, took two steps away from him, then came right back. “You changed that. You have your lawyer working on it for me.”
He nodded. Caden had had a lot of time to think since that trip into Kalispell. And he’d come to one solid conclusion. Loving, wanting, even needing wasn’t enough. He had to know that he could believe in Emma. Trust that she’d be there, not going off looking for some other “dream” that looked better than real life.
“And if Max can’t solve this? Then what?”
“I—don’t know,” she admitted. “I’ll have to find another way to fight Dorian Baxter. And I will fight.”
“And if you lose, you grab Molly and disappear?”
She didn’t say anything and Caden knew she didn’t have to. Shaking his head, he said quietly, “See? Emma, I admire you for your determination to save that baby. And I’ll do whatever I can to help you. But I won’t risk believing in you again only to watch you disappear.”
“Caden—”
He kissed her deeply, savoring the moment, relishing the feel of her body leaning into his, then lifted his head, her taste swimming through his mind. “I’ll help, Em. Any way I can. And I’ll always love you. But I won’t be with you.”
She took a step back and looked so shocked and hurt that it tore at him. “Just like that? It’s done?”
“Has to be,” he said and it cost him. Caden wanted nothing more than to hold on to her, to skim his hands up and down her body, to slide into her heat and lose himself in her.
But it wouldn’t change anything. Fix anything. He had to get used to living without her.
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