by Tina Engel
As I open my eyes, there were my friends, my childhood make believe friends, all around. I knew what they were now, a tree fey, a pixie, a water fey and even a Goblin. It was her, the Goblin in the village. She was there in the forest, taking care of me when I was a human child.
They came to me and we visited like I was still that child. They were so happy to see me. They missed me. The Goblin came to me and knelt down. She touched my face, the smooth shell like shield and she smiled.
“You’ve become a beautiful young woman, Princess.” She said.
They all scurried away then as if something or someone was coming.
She came and stood next to me, my grandmother. She was young though, not as I remembered her as a child. It was her; I was sure, but young and so beautiful. She was dressed in the same emerald green dress that flowed to the ground. She lifted it as she stepped into the creek and sat next to me. We sat for a bit, not speaking a word. The silence was peaceful and I was content to just sit and wait.
“Ask your questions, but understand that I will only answer what you are ready to hear.” She said.
I looked at my grandmother as she continued to look out into the forest in front of us. She was shimmering as the sun hit her skin. She turned and looked at me then and her eyes were so blue and they sparkled as if they were filled with specks of diamonds.
She said nothing, but waited for me to speak.
“Why am I here in my childhood memories?” Was the only thing I wanted to know, at this time.
“This is the place that your inner self feels the safest right now. You are filled with turmoil and confusion; feeling rejected and unworthy. This is a place of innocence and simplicity. Where your friends loved you for you, not for what you could or couldn’t do.”
I thought about this for a minute and then said, “When will I see you outside of my dreams?”
My Grandmother smiled and let out a quiet chuckle, and before she spoke I interrupted and asked, “I will see you, won’t I?”
She reached up and held my face in her hands. I felt such love and pride in her touch. She said, “When the time is right.” I shut my eyes as she kissed my forehead.
I woke to voices, but not my grandmother or the forest friends that I knew so long ago. It was Lily and Rose sitting next to me, talking quietly. I laid there, quietly, not wanting to interrupt their conversation. It was nice to see them getting along so well.
It was Lily who noticed me first, watching them, with a smile on my face.
“Don’t look so smug Princess, we work together for your sake only.” Lily said in that, whatever, attitude that cats so love to give. She stood up then and continued, “I’m glad to see you wake. We were all starting to think you had abandoned us to another place.” She winked at me and smiled ever so slightly, then headed towards the trees and disappeared.
I looked at Rose and she had a large grin on her face. “She’s just putting on an act, Princess. I know it now. We are friends, not just because of you. She likes me and I like her too.”
From up in the tree overhead we heard Lily yell, “I tolerate you!”
Rose and I laughed as I sat up. She told me, I had been sleeping for several hours and while I slept, my cameo that I wore everywhere, was glowing slightly.
I put my hand on the cameo as I looked down at it. “I wonder….?” I said, but then stopped. This was for me to wonder alone.
Rose looked at me strangely, waiting for me to continue but when I didn’t, she dropped it.
I looked over to where the others were sitting. They were all sitting around the glowing rock. I realized then that Kimberlite had put a warm stone next to my bed. He was always thinking of me, wanting to take care of me. I wondered when I would be able to take care of all of them.
Chapter 19
They love me unconditionally,
None of them are the same,
They travel on different paths,
But they came to me just the same.
They don’t have the same blood flowing inside,
They believe in different ways,
They love me unconditionally,
Family is their name.
I got up from my bed and walked over to the others, with Rose at my side. They all stood up, Kimberlite, Eagle, Jordan and Brett. Jordan asked me how I was feeling and said they were all worried about me.
I reassured them that I was fine, but looking at Brett I could tell he knew I was lying. He knew something that he wasn’t sharing with the rest, or with me. As we all talked, Brett would look out into the forest or into the fire, but when he thought I wasn’t looking at him, he would watch me. It was like he was trying to see something that wasn’t there, or was it?
I asked if Queen Anahita was going to join us tonight and all eyes went directly to Brett. He seemed irritated at this, and said, “How should I know? I’m not her keeper.” At that he got up and walked away, going through a parting between two trees.
I’d had enough of this childish behavior and stood in a huff. Rose stood too, taking my hand and telling me to let it be and sit back down.
It was Eagle who spoke in Brett’s defense. “Princess, be patient with him. He’s going through something but won’t talk about it with anyone. I’ve known this fey a long time and have learned that when he’s like this, there’s a reason and he is protecting someone or something. Whatever has caused you to shut him out as he put it, has caused Brett to pull into himself, away from all of us. It’s a protection mechanism that he uses, but always with good cause.”
Jordan let out a subtle but curt mumble under his breath, and Eagle asked him to repeat what he said louder for all to hear. “I haven’t known him long but I don’t like the way he’s acting and I don’t like hanging out with Goblins. I’ve been around a long time and Goblins are not to be trusted or befriended, for that matter.”
I remembered my dream, and the Goblin in this village was the same Goblin that was my (make believe) friend, in my childhood. “They can’t be all bad?” I said, more to myself than the others.
“I’m going to talk with him. I can’t take much more of his grumpiness.” I turned and walked between the trees in the direction that Brett had headed.
It was dark and cool, with just a hint of a mold smell, in the air. The Goblins village had this strange moldy smell and if the breeze was blowing just right, the odor would surround me. As I walked, I could hear rustling in the bushes, squirrels calling to one another from tree to tree and owls hooting high above me. It was the rustling in the bushes that made me a bit unnerved, because I couldn’t sense what it was.
I came to the tree line and entered a large meadow that overlooked a great canyon. The stars were amazing, seeming so close to us, but when I looked to the drop off far in front of me, I saw only black; the blackest of black. It was frightening. I could see the silhouette of Brett, standing at the cliffs edge, looking up at the stars. I stood there just watching him for the longest time, wishing that I could feel what he was feeling.
He sat down then, and I could see him patting the ground next to him. He knew I was there and wanted me to sit with him. Well this was a start anyway, I thought. I walked over and sat, but neither of us spoke for quite a while. I laid down and just gazed at the stars. I remembered the night up in Douglas’s tree, Brett’s arms around me as we sat there in amongst the diamonds in the sky.
Brett laid down next to me and we just let the stars take us away. Even though I couldn’t feel the vibration, the connection like before, I could feel the warmth of his arm as it lay so close to mine. I wanted to touch him but was too afraid that he would push away, and I didn’t want this moment to end. I would take this feeling if that was all I could have.
He finally sat up and asked, “Why did you follow me?”
I sat up, not offended by his question. I wasn’t going to get sucked in, to fighting with him. I guessed he wanted to push me away again but I wasn’t going to let him.
“You’re angry with me. I want t
o explain why I’ve shut you out, to help you to understand, but I don’t know how. I understand you being hurt and even not being able to fully comprehend, but to be angry with me, I don’t get it.”
I was ready for a fight, for him to turn on me and yell, but he didn’t. He said in a very quiet, almost whisper of a voice, “I understand more than you know and I’m not angry or hurt. It has to be this way for a while longer and I can say no more.”
At that, Brett stood up and reached out for my hand. I took it eagerly and he helped me to stand. He held my hand in his for a few moments. I could tell it was difficult for him. He had a strange look on his face: a look of confusion. I must be wrong, it must be pain, but it sure looked like he was questioning our touch. He let my hand go and held out his hand in the direction of camp, wanting me to go first.
I headed towards the opening to the forest with a sense of confusion myself. I wondered why he didn’t look like my touch hurt him like before? We walked back in silence. There was nothing more to say. I had received my answer, for now. He wasn’t angry or hurt, but then what was he, I wondered? As we walked through the trees; I could still hear the rustling in the bushes not far from the path, but before I got too close to the sound, Brett reached around my waist and pulled me back to him.
Brett put his mouth to my ear and shushed me quietly. Just then, a Goblin came out, looking sheepish for getting caught. It was the female Goblin that I knew, or thought I knew.
I turned my head towards Brett’s and said quietly “its okay, I think I know her from my past.”
At that statement Brett let me go, and turned me to face him. “What do you mean, in your past?”
I turned to face her; it was dark in the trees but I knew it was her. “She was one of my friends when I was a child. I used to play in the woods behind my house. I was told that they were just imaginary friends, but now I know the truth.”
I went forward and knelt down in front of her. My diamond was glowing a soft yellow like it always did in the dark, not showing any signs of alarm. I could see that she had brown eyes, and again I was curious. The Goblin put her hands on the sides of my face on the cool shields and she just smiled.
I could feel Brett, standing so close behind me that as I moved my foot, I bumped his. I smiled at this, knowing that he was going to get just as close as he could in case he had to protect me. I felt his hand on the back of my head, where my barrette usually was.
I wanted to talk with this Goblin, but before I could say anything, ask anything, she was gone.
I stood up and with Brett standing so close, I bumped into him and we both fell backwards. We were tangled in each other’s arms. We lay there for a moment looking into each other’s eyes and I could see the love and pain that he was carrying. Brett softly moved me away so he could stand, and he held out his hands for me to take, so he could help me up again. I chuckled at this display of responsibility, his duty to keep me safe.
“What?” he said, in a slightly annoyed tone but then a smile crossed his lips ever so slightly.
I turned and headed back to camp, with Brett following a bit too close, but I liked it.
When we entered camp, everyone looked in our direction. It was Kimberlite who asked if everything was alright. We sat down around the warming stone, I on one side and Brett on the opposite. I saw that Eagle had cooked food for us.
I realized at the wonderful aroma, that I was starving for people food. He had vegetables cooking and what looked like meat. I gave him a questioning look and he answered.
“Princess, we all must eat, no matter the dimension we’re in. Some are predator and some are prey. That’s the way the world was created.”
We all ate and as we did we talked, mostly about the Goblins. I wanted to know more about these funny little creatures. I asked why some of them had blue, green and brown eyes, but most had red. It was Jordan who spoke up and told the story.
“Goblins are a funny fey. They’re different from the rest of us. They don’t follow the rules that we must follow. Humans have told stories about these creatures ever since humans arrived on this world.
“They come and go from the human dimension to the fey’s, as they please, and they don’t worry much about the humans seeing them. Goblins are trouble to humans, as they are trouble to us.
“You see their homes, all made up of human things. They steal from the human world and bring to our realm. They seem to need human things. Their need for human things goes farther than just their trinkets though. They are wicked thieves.” Jordan said this last sentence with contempt.
As I waited for him to continue, I looked up, just over the stone, at Brett. I was trying to pretend to be staring at the stone as it moved in swirls like a fire would, if it were a camp fire. I could see Brett looking at me as if confused. The same look as in the forest when he held my hand. He was concentrating on something but when he realized I was looking at him, he looked away.
Jordan continued, “You see Princess, these creatures like more than just human trinkets. There is something more precious to them than anything else in either the human dimension or fey’s.
“Goblins have a hard time having their own babies. They do give birth to their own kind occasionally, but not often enough. They love children so much that they started taking human babies when the humans appeared.”
As Jordan said this, I gasped and turned to look at him, hoping he was joking, and not a very funny joke it was; but I could see by the expression on his face that he was very serious.
I looked over at Brett then, and saw the same look on his face as he stared at me. He again turned his gaze to the warm rock that separated us from each other.
“Yes, I am telling you the truth, Princess.” Jordan said, and he continued.
As he talked I would pretend to be looking at the stone as it swirled and moved, but would look up just over the top to see Brett staring at me, when he didn’t think I noticed. He was trying to see something or feel something, but was struggling to ….. to what? I wondered.
“The Goblins have taken children from all over the world, bringing them back to their homes and raising them as their own. They don’t take just any child, though. They only take the ones who are ill and aren’t going to make it in the human’s world. They also take the ones that die within their mothers.”
This was disturbing to hear and I didn’t quite understand. “I’ve never heard of children or babies, who have died, go missing?”
“The Goblins take their essence or spirit, as they take their last breath. They bring it to the Goblin village then, and are able to then bring the human child’s body when the child has been lay to rest.
“The children become theirs and grow up and live a long healthy life as Goblins.” Jordan said the word Goblin, in a very sour way.
“I don’t understand, I don’t see people here, only Goblins.”
“As the babies and children eat Goblin food and drink from their wells, these human children start to change, turning into Goblins themselves. The only thing that stays from the human body is their eye color. That’s how we know that they were once human children.”
Everyone was quiet then, letting the story that Jordan had just told, sink in. I knew everyone already knew this about the Goblins, but it was new to me and I had to process this somehow. Was it a good thing, the poor children who didn’t make it in the human’s realm, could live out a long, healthy life in the fey’s world; but as a Goblin?
As we were all quiet and I trying to decide if this was a good thing or not, I noticed Brett get up and walk behind everyone to my side of the stone. He came behind me and stood there. I didn’t turn to look, not quite sure what he was doing.
Brett put his hands on my shoulders and left them there for what seemed like a long time. Everyone was watching him but I never turned around.
“Emilee, where’s your barrette that Douglas gave you? It isn’t in your hair!”
I turned then as I stood to face him. I had to think about i
t, where was it? I wasn’t sure what to say but I felt on the defense.
It was Rose who spoke, “Lily took it out of her hair, when she was brushing it, before Princess Emilee slept. I think she put it in her pack.”
“Go and put it back in your hair. You never know when you may need to use it to protect yourself!” Brett said, with such forcefulness that I wanted to give him attitude back, but looking into his eyes just then, I could see, not anger, but fear.
I said nothing, left the group and went to my bed with my pack next to it. I fumbled in it until I found my barrette and I clipped it loosely in my hair, still letting most of my hair flow down my back. I looked back at the group, all sitting there in silence, no one knowing quite what to say.
Rose got up, came over to me, and I decided it was time to turn in anyway. The story that Jordan had told me was still running through my mind, wondering if it was a good or bad thing, and then remembering the Goblin female with the brown eyes. Who was she?
I didn’t really want to be around Brett anymore at this time anyway; he was acting so strange. So I laid down on my bed and covered myself with a light blanket. I reached over to the stone that Kimberlite had placed next to me and putting my hand on it, I increased the temperature just a bit. I felt so chilled all of a sudden and I could feel that unnerving vibration again. I realized then, that I hadn’t felt it in a while. Since when I wondered?
There I was, sitting, 10 years old, on the floor of our living room. I was next to the large oak bookshelf with photo albums all around me. As I looked at the pictures, I saw my mom and dad before I was born. They looked so happy, when they were children, when they were dating and when they were married.
Then some pictures appeared when my mom was pregnant. It was with me, I assumed. I continued looking, but then she was thin again, but I wasn’t in any pictures yet. I continued to look at more pictures and again there was one picture of mom showing off her belly and laughing. She was so happy, but still no baby pictures.