by D. E. Morris
Nuala's brow wrinkled. “Even if there is an Element on the throne in each of our countries?”
“We have to warn Gia,” said Jaryn, shifting the subject when Ashlynn frowned. “Clearly it is no longer safe in Ibays, which means Nyx is no longer safe there. Connor will have to take her with him when he leaves the country from now on.”
“If he challenges Fionn for the throne,” Kenayde put in, “he may win it for himself and turn the tide yet again.”
“Ashlynn...” Cailin and Rowan came up behind her and gently grabbed her elbow, pulling her back from the crowd so that the three of them could speak. Whatever news they had could not have been good, given the downturn of their expressions.
“Is Mairead all right?”
“Mairead's fine,” Rowan promised. “It's got nothing to do with her.” She bit her lip and worked her fingers into the skirt of her dress. “Please forgive me. I've kept the secret for this long, but I had to tell her.”
Confused, Ashlynn looked between the two women. “Tell who, what?”
Cailin's lips pursed as her brows came down low over her eyes. “Niam and I were helping load passengers onto a ship sailing for Siness. We overheard someone talking about something called a blood purge.” All of the color drained from Ashlynn's face, making her friend clench her fists at her sides. “I see that term is not a foreign one.” She glanced at the group still talking among themselves and lowered her voice to a hiss. “When were you going to tell me about this?”
“I wasn't,” Ashlynn replied just as quietly. “Stop fidgeting, Rowan, I am not angry with you.” Her thoughts raced. Before sitting the rest of the Elementals down, Killian had made certain that there was no one who could eavesdrop in on the conversation. How could anyone but her guards have overheard their discussion on the purge? She put a hand over her mouth, simultaneously realizing it had to have been one of them, and feeling betrayed.
“I'm sorry,” Rowan repeated. “I told her the story about Misuzu's grandda.”
“Is that what you're planning to do?” Cailin demanded.
Gathering her thoughts so as not to react in a way that would draw attention, she pulled the two girls farther away from the group. “I know you feel betrayed, Cai, and I am sorry for that, but you will be in good company soon enough if this is spread too far. My father doesn't know. Aside from Jaryn, Killian, and my sister, no one outside of the Elementals knows.”
Cailin's shoulders sagged. All of the anger she carried drained away, replaced by a look of defeat. “I just wish you had told me. I could have been there for you. I know we're not as close as we used to be, that you and Nuala...” She trailed off and shook her head. “...but I'm still your friend, Ashlynn. Aren't I?”
“Of course you are.” She moved closer to Cailin and took her hand to squeeze her fingers. “I'm sorry if I have acted distant or if it seemed as though I replaced you with Nuala. With the boys as close as they are and given how often we see each other...and I still don't understand what's going on with you and my father...”
Cailin looked down and shook her head. “You're not alone in that.” Raising her eyes, she gave Ashlynn a sad smile. “I forgive you. Just, from now on, let me be there to support you. It isn't that you kept the secret from me that hurts, it's that fact the I wasn't given the chance to be there for you.”
Ashlynn nodded. “I promise. Will you be here for me now?” She glanced back at the group once more, seeing that it had grown with the addition of Wessely and Badru. “I think it's time everyone knew the truth. I'd rather they hear it from me than as some sort of a rumor like you did.”
“Of course.”
Steeling herself against what was sure to come, Ashlynn turned toward the group and squared her shoulders. She rejoined them at a slow pace, Cailin and Rowan right behind her. As she approached, she placed a gentle touch on Jaryn's arm and he stepped back so she could fit beside him. “It's time.” She didn't need to say more than that for Jaryn to understand what she was talking about. It was a subject they discussed often, wondering about the timing and when the others should be let in on what had been kept from them for so long. As time passed, the idea of everyone else knowing was less and less appealing. She knew they would be hurt and angry, not only with her, but for some, with their spouses as well. She had begged them to keep her secret and they had, but at what cost to their marriages?
Jaryn gave a thoughtful frown. “It shouldn't be out here. There are far too many ears.”
She grimaced. “It may be too late for that, but I agree.” Glancing about, she fixed her attention behind her. “The areas in the back of the village should be cleared out by now. None of us has had much to eat today, if anything at all. Why don't we all sit down together somewhere back there?”
“We can certainly arrange a good enough spot to rest.” Jaryn pulled her to him, holding her close so that his mouth was by her ear. “Tell me how I can be here for you in this.”
“Let them be angry when they hear what I have to say. They have a right to the way they will feel.” She breathed in the scent of him, the familiarity calming her only slightly. “Cailin and possibly Niam know about the concept of a blood purge. Some of our own countrymen were talking about it as they boarded a ship home.”
So as not to appear as though anything was wrong and to avoid drawing attention, Jaryn let Ashlynn go and nodded without looking at her. “Okay. I'll take care of Niam. As far as the potential spread of rumors...”
“We'll need everyone in on this.”
“Agreed.” Jaryn's lips curved into a small smile that would pass as genuine to anyone but Ashlynn, but she knew the strain he felt, as well as the exhaustion. “It has been pointed out to me that none of us has really eaten much today,” he told the group. “It seems those we've delegated to keep the crowds moving are doing just fine without us. Since we will be parting ways soon, why don't we all sit down somewhere quiet and have one last meal together?”
“I could eat,” Cavalon agreed. “I don't think there's anyone left in the kitchens, though.”
Cailin smirked. “It's been a few years, but I think I know my way around enough to make something palatable.”
Kenayde nodded her encouragement. “There are still plenty of fruits and vegetables down there as well. It may not be the fanciest meal we will ever have, but it will be sustenance.”
“Good,” said Ashlynn. “The three of us will prepare the food. The rest of you, scout out a good place at the back of the village for us to sup and we will join you shortly.”
Tasarin held up a hand. “Regrettably, I believe it would be best for me to stay with Luella and the baby.”
It seemed ridiculous, but for a little while, Ashlynn had forgotten about Luella. Of course Tasarin would want to spend as little time away from her as possible, but Ashlynn needed him at this dinner. He was the one she had to convince to play such a key role in what would hopefully be the thing that would save the Element of Earth from disappearing all together. “Of course,” she said, light laughter in her tone, but she picked at her cuticles as she tried to think quickly. “It is rather likely that both she and Owyn are sleeping, though. As a new father, you need to eat and keep your energy up, perhaps more than the rest of us.”
Jaryn rested a hand atop hers to stay her nervous picking. “Luella will understand when you explain things to her later. Trust me.”
Something silent passed between the two men, an urgency that appeared to confuse Tasarin for the quickest moment before he adopted his usually serene posture. “Very well. I will check on her now, then, and join you soon.”
“Excellent.” Jaryn clapped his hands together. “I'm going to find the rest of our group, and then we can all sit for a while and rest our weary feet.”
As people split off from one another, Jaryn started in the direction Connor and Lilia had gone, Killian at his side. He waited until they were far enough from the others before speaking quietly. “Someone sailing to Siness was talking about a blood purge before they
boarded. I don't know all the details yet, but Cailin somehow knows all about it, Niam as well.”
The revelation made Killian's eyes widen. “I made sure that the room the Elementals used that day was secure. No one could have been listening. I kept watch on the doors myself.”
“And the windows?” Jaryn shook his head. “I'm not blaming you, Killian, I'm simply telling you that somehow this information has gotten out. Ashlynn is going to tell everyone else tonight that she has lost her tie to her Element, as well as present the idea of her own purge.”
“She has decided, then?”
“We have both decided, yes.” Jaryn frowned deeply, looking left and right for Connor. “It is not a thing we have come to agree upon lightly, but we both know it must be done.”
“Where are we going now?”
“To find Niam and see what he knows, and to have Connor and Lilia join us.”
Killian tilted his head. “Your Majesty, we still know so little about Niam.”
“I know it's risky, but we're going to have to start taking risks if we wish to see victory in the end. If he is willing, if the rest of you are willing, I have a special commission for you.”
“I cannot speak for Niam or the prince, but you know that Cailin and I will do anything you ask of us.”
Jaryn fixed the older man with a serious gaze. “I'm counting on that, my friend.”
For the past two weeks, everyone had grown accustomed to eating together, rehashing the day, and simply enjoying one another while they were all in one place. Even during the most intense days of the summit when it felt like no one could agree on anything, among them it was all put aside and friendship was the most important thing on the agenda. Laughter came easily, the children ran about as they played, and nothing too serious was ever discussed. It was a luxury they'd all enjoyed, and as they had their last meal together on one of the stages, the atmosphere had greatly changed. Idle chatter felt forced as dishes were passed around, and jokes were few and far between, even for Jaryn. He held Ashlynn's hand under the table, saying little. It was as though he was afraid to let her go for fear she would vanish on him.
“Before we tuck into the food that has been provided for us,” she began, “I would like to say a prayer. It used to be that we were in the habit of saying it at every meal, Jaryn and I, but we've fallen out of it for one reason or another. Given that this is the last meal we will share together for what is sure to be a long time, I would like to give thanks for this moment.”
No one objected so Ashlynn bowed her head, everyone else doing the same. For a moment, no words would come to mind. Her thoughts were a whirlwind of emotion that she couldn't untangle to make heads or tails of, and she didn't know where to start. She was hurting over what had happened in the market, afraid of what it meant for the future, afraid of how her coming revelation would be received and the damage it would cause in relationships, and worried about her family and those she held dear. It made tears sting behind her closed eyes and she realized when Jaryn squeezed her hand that he was afraid of all of those things, too. She'd seen it on his face after Tasarin and Luella's speech and hadn't realized how deep his fear went until now.
“Giver,” she began thickly, working to keep her emotions in check. “Our hearts are broken. What happened this morning was an act of evil, and we feel the painful ripple effects that have followed because of it. It is in these times we find it hard to cling to the knowledge that You are good. In every situation, You are good. You were not surprised by the events that took place not only today, but everything that happened since our arrival here and everything that is to come from it. In that we can find peace and hope, because we know You are still in control. Help us to remember that when things seem unclear, or daunting, or even when it seems like we are on the losing side. Remind us when we feel fear in the quiet moments that we are Yours. When we go through deep waters, You will be with us. When we pass through rivers of difficulty, we will not drown. When we walk through fires of oppression, we will not be burned up and the flames will not consume us, for You are truly our Savior.”
“I would like to add,” Jaryn continued before she could close her prayer, “thanks for this moment, and all the moments we have been able to spend together. Not all of them have been happy, not all of them easy or light, but a family grows tighter and stronger through adversity, and I have never felt more love for this family that I have been placed in than I have this week. Thank you, Giver. Amen.”
As everyone began to eat, Ashlynn and Jaryn sat there, looking at the faces surrounding them. Most of the company had been constant: her father, Kenayde and Elas, Nuala and Cavalon, and Badru, once he'd arrived. Her ladies were almost always in attendance as well, though it was rare for all four of them to be with her at once. Neither Vala nor Mairead were with them now, but in the places they would have occupied around the table sat Connor and Niam. Killian and Cailin filled in the rest of the space, making it a full table indeed.
Though neither Jaryn nor Ashlynn had much of an appetite, they both ate slowly, making sure to take small portions to keep up the illusion that they were constantly eating. Only when the bowls began to empty and people sat back in their chairs did Ashlynn feel the nerves kick in. Jaryn held her hand even tighter, as though he could pass some of his strength to her. “You can do this,” he whispered.
Ashlynn took a sip of her wine and prayed for calmer nerves. Her hand was shaking as she set the glass back down. Across the table, Kenayde's brow wrinkled. “Lynnie, are you all right?”
It would be so easy to just lie and not go through with any of it, but her sister's question provided the perfect opening and Ashlynn knew she had to take it. “Actually,” she heard herself say as though she was not part of her body at all, “I'm not all right. I haven't been all right for quite some time.”
Any chatter that had been going on around the table quieted as attention shifted slowly toward her. “I have been keeping something from many of you for far too long and it is time that I confess and ask for your forgiveness. I must also ask it for those who have kept my secret for me upon my deepest request and did not share the information with anyone, even their significant others.” Gazes slid around the table as wordless questions passed between husbands and wives, friends, and acquaintances.
“Five years ago, I almost died,” Ashlynn began. “For all intents and purposes, I think I may truly have, even if it was just for a fraction of a second. It was terrifying and freeing all at the same time, and I would never want to relive it...yet it seems that my fate is to repeat my own history.”
“What are you talking about?” Lilia asked.
“The night on the Isle of Contest with the man claiming to be Killian's twin, much of my blood was drained from me. There is still a great deal that I don't remember or is only a faded memory, but at some point I found myself on the ground. I could feel myself dying as everyone fought around me. When I thought it was the end of me, I felt something strange. The earth started moving below me and around me, almost like moss covering a log. I was slowly being swallowed. I believe my Element either tried to save me, or save itself somehow. Either way, I soon lost consciousness. When I woke up, when I was well enough to get out of bed and move around on my own, I found that I no longer had the ability to use fyre.” A mixture of shock and sadness surrounded her and she looked down. “I was ashamed because I felt like it was somehow my fault, and I was so afraid that, for months, I couldn't even bring myself to try to shift. It wasn't until the day Mirasean was destroyed, when everyone was following the tranced dragons and riders toward the island for the battle, that I made myself try. It nearly broke me to see that I was no longer the same size or color as the dragon I had been shifting into all of my life. It was the final proof that I needed to know that I was no longer the Elemental of Earth.”
All was quiet, but she couldn't bring herself to look up and meet the expectant gazes of everyone assembled. Her heart felt like it was thudding in her chest as she awaited t
he onslaught of heated questions that were sure to come. Instead, the first question asked was not accusing, but curious. “Does that mean Lochlainn has been an Elemental these past five years?” asked Cailin.
Jaryn grimaced in answer. “Not exactly. You see, we've come to believe that Ashlynn was revived too soon for her ties to the element to completely leave her, but neither was she revived quick enough to hold onto the more assertive Elemental abilities.”
“She still cannot hear her fellow Elementals through telepathy,” Badru provided. “We have all tried several times to communicate and have her communicate with us, but to no avail. She can touch fyre and not be burned, though she can no longer create, hold, or manipulate it as she once could, yet she can still travel through it with another Elemental. Only her passive connections remain.”
“So, she's an Elemental,” Connor hedged, “but not. How does that work?”
“We don't know yet,” Cavalon answered. “Nothing like this has happened before, at least so far as we know.”
Finally raising her head, Ashlynn swept a tentative gaze around the table. Most everyone looked on her with pity or some with confusion, but Wessely and Nuala both stared fixedly at the table. “I'm sorry,” she repeated, attention flickering between the two. “I know how hurt you must all feel. Nuala, it was terrible of me to ask Cavalon to keep this from you.”
The winged queen took a slow breath before lifting her chin. “I will not lie, Ashlynn. It pains me to know that the two people I trust most have kept something so important from me.”
“I understand your disappointment with me, but please don't hold this over Cavalon.”
The Badarian shook his head, scowling. “Hold on a second. I don't know if you remember me or not, but I'm the one who doesn't listen to anyone. If I thought Nuala should know, whether you asked me not to tell her or not, I would have.” Expression softening, he turned to his wife. “It was my choice not to tell you, and not because I was being purposefully deceitful. We all agreed as a group that the fewer people to know about this, the safer it would be for everyone involved. We needed to know more before we could answer any questions. Ashlynn was already struggling with so much loss at the time as it was. We all chose to protect her from questions she couldn't answer. We chose to keep the secret, she didn't choose for us. If you want to be angry, be angry with those of us who have known.”