by D. E. Morris
“Be careful that you are not over the top with your displays of charm and loyalty. Her Majesty has been deceived in the past by one who hid behind as eager a smile as yours.”
“I know. Jessiah, right? The one who wore the face of your brother?”
Killian looked sideways at him. “You know quite a bit more than you should given how few days you have been here.”
Niam's expression grew a little more serious. “I like to know as much as I can about the people by which I find myself surrounded. It helps me better aid them when it is needed, and makes me more trustworthy. I want to gain the high king and queen's trust.”
“To what end? Do you seek a better station? Favor? Riches?”
“All of those things, of course. More than anything, though, I seek purpose.” They approached the end of the courtyard close to the inner wall and slid from their saddles. Two stable hands rushed forward to take the reins, having been in wait for them to return for some time. As the two men walked inside, Niam carefully pulled off his riding gloves. “All my life I have striven to prove myself to my father. Not once has he looked at me with the confidence High King Jaryn has, yet one has known me far less than the other. For whatever reason, the Giver has blessed me with the opportunity to change my stars. Whether that is on Cavalon's opinion of me, the fact that I can provide information on the happenings at Faerston, or something else entirely, I don't care. All I know is that I want to prove that I am worthy of the trust the high king has put in me.”
“That is a noble goal. See that it does not change. Cavalon has certainly vouched for you, as have Cailin and I in our search for companions we can count on.”
“You can count on me,” Niam promised. “I vow that upon my mother's grave.”
The sentiment seemed to annoy Killian, and he pursed his lips. “That is hardly necessary.” His eyes lifted to look over Niam's shoulder. With a slight bow of his head, he greeted, “Lady Mairead.”
Niam turned quickly and bowed as well, seeing her coming down the hall with two more of Ashlynn's younger ladies. “Good day, my lady. Ladies.”
A smile flickered across her features. “Good day to you as well. How was your ride this morning?”
“Very well, thank you,” Niam answered quickly. “And you?”
She glanced uncertainly at Killian, Niam's question confusing her. The older man only quirked a brow, making Mairead give Niam an uncertain smile. “I was not able to ride this morning, but that does not mean it has not been a lovely day thus far. Thank you for asking.”
“Of course.”
There was an awkward moment of silence that made the younger ladies giggle quietly behind Mairead. Finally, she gave a small dip of her head and offered, “Be well,” before moving on.
The two men stood there, silent. Once the three women rounded a corner and disappeared, Niam hung his head and let go of a loud sigh. “And you?” he repeated to himself.
“That could have gone better,” Killian agreed evenly, gaining him a scathing look from the younger man.
“Thank you for the encouragement.” He lifted his head and ran a hand through his hair. “I suppose it doesn't matter, anyway. She's a lady and I am a royal bastard. Nothing could ever happen between us.”
“I thought you wanted to change your stars.”
Niam turned his head to slowly look at Killian, judging whether the older man was teasing him or not. When he could find no humor in his expression, Niam gave him a crooked smile. “That was almost inspiring.”
“Then I shall take my leave before I cross my boundaries.” With a smirk of his own, Killian clapped Niam on the shoulder, then walked away in the opposite direction from which the ladies had disappeared. It was in this direction Niam headed after taking a few deep breaths to work up his nerve.
He wasn't sure where the three ladies had gone, or even where their destination may have been. With both Lilia and Rowan away, it was rare to see Mairead not with Ashlynn or in some close proximity to her. Since the day in the village, he had wanted to check in with Mairead, to see how she was doing and if she was feeling any better. The questions were too personal to ask in the company of others, and the last thing he wanted to do was embarrass her. They saw each other often in the halls and there was always time for pleasantries to be exchanged. Beyond that, he would feel her walls begin to rise and know his opportunity to get to know her better had passed. It was maddening.
The two younger girls were found seated by a window, a book between them as they discussed the stories within. Niam opened his mouth to ask them where Mairead might have disappeared, but as soon as they looked up at him, his lips sealed themselves together. All he could bring himself to do was nod politely as he passed them by. Their giggles at his back didn't make him feel any more confident. He traveled down one hallway after another, sure she would be just around the next bend, but it appeared she was skilled at vanishing. There was always the possibility that she'd returned to her own rooms. In that case, his search would be futile until she chose to reemerge. With a defeated sigh, he decided to give up and search instead for Cavalon. There were few places within the castle the Badarian wandered. Niam knew most of them were in the upper floors of the western wing.
He climbed a set of stairs that would take him to the third level of the castle and started down the long corridor. Voices drew his attention and he paused when he saw Mairead speaking with a well-dressed couple. Though none of them faced him, he could tell by her profile that Mairead was smiling and demure as always. Waiting there, he watched the small subtle movements of her hands as she spoke, the delicate lift of her chin and the way she made sure not to turn too much of the scarred side of her face in their direction. Every movement had a motivation behind it, every gesture intentional. He had seen that before. He'd lived it before. It was the way a person acted when they were hiding insecurities and self-doubt.
The couple moved on toward the opposite end of the corridor and left Mairead alone. Niam took a silent step back, half hiding behind a pillar to watch her. The cordial smile she wore stayed perfectly in place until the couple took another set of stairs up, then she let go of a breath and dropped her shoulders. Her smile disappeared almost instantaneously and her gaze fell to the stone beneath her feet. As Niam looked on, she walked closer to the large open balcony close to where she had been standing and stepped out into the sunlight. He pressed himself further back against the wall to peer out the closed window beside him. When she didn't think anyone was watching her, Mairead looked as though she carried the weight of the world on her shoulders. She wasn't crying, but it seemed as though she would dissolve into tears at any moment.
Breathing in through his mouth, he left his hiding spot and walked slowly down the hall, careful to make as little noise as possible. The last thing he wanted to do was make her feel as though she had to put her figurative mask back on and to hide behind a false smile. He knew firsthand how exhausting that was, and how valuable it could be to have someone to be genuine around. So far, she hadn't heard him. Her face was raised to the sun and her eyes were closed, but even standing in the doorway, he could feel her despair.
You look sad.
She flinched, no doubt surprised by the intrusion into her thoughts, but didn't turn around. With her back to him, he couldn't read anything in her expression, only the way her head lowered.
Forgive me if I startled you, he continued. May I join you? Instead of answering verbally, she extended a hand to the side. Niam needed little else to move him forward and out into the light beside her. It was at least ten degrees hotter standing there in the sun than it was walking through the cool stone rooms and hallways of the castle. He stepped up to the balcony railing and looked out over the town far below to the sea beyond. “Faerston never had such views as this.”
Mairead glanced at him. “My family lives in a landlocked kingdom in the highlands. It is nice to have the ocean so close.”
“At least in the highlands you have mountains and hills. The
lowlands are all valleys and prairies that are filled with mud half the time.” He looked at her, fully aware that she'd made room for him to join her on the side of her that had no scarring. “Do you miss home?”
“Sometimes. Sometimes I feel that I should miss it more.” Squinting in the bright light, she finally rested her eyes upon him. “Were you watching me?”
“A little.”
His answer made a smile flitter across her lips, but it was gone as quickly as it had appeared.
“I wanted to find you to see how you were. I keep trying to ask but it seems like every time I do, you shut me out before I can get that far. After what happened last week...” He trailed off, searching for words. “I was worried about you.”
“You need not concern yourself on my part.”
Niam shook his head. “I know how taxing a panic attack can be, how depressing and isolating. I wanted you to know that you're not alone. I am always here to talk to, should you need it.” When she said nothing, he leaned his arms on the railing. “Besides, I was charged with taking care of you.”
Mairead's brows came together. “At the games.”
“Oh, I'm pretty sure it was a long-term assignment.”
Though it looked like she was fighting it, Mairead finally gave a genuine, albeit small, smile. It was all the encouragement Niam needed to grin back at her. “You have to admit, I am pretty fun to be around.”
“I could not yet say, since most of the time we have spent together, I have either been in severe pain or severe anxiety.”
“Well then, we'll have to change that.” The words came out before he could think about what he was saying, drawing color to both of their faces. Deciding to follow his wave of bravery or stupidity, whichever it was, he added, “Maybe we can go riding once we're all free to leave the castle again. If you like to ride.”
“I do not like to leave the castle,” she told him quietly. He could see her breathing sped, as though the very idea of leaving the safety of the thick walls around her was making her anxious. “Even going into town...” She swallowed, her jaw clenching.
“It's all right,” he said softly. He resisted the urge to reach over and take her hand as a tactile reminder that she was in a safe environment. Instead, he waited a moment for her breathing to even out before continuing. “It must have taken a great deal of courage for you to come find me that day.” Niam nodded to himself. “We will just have to find ways to spend time together within the castle. Anything you're comfortable with.”
“You do not have to-”
“I want to.”
“Mairead?” The pair turned to see Vala, who startled upon realizing Niam was there. “Oh! Forgive the intrusion. Have you seen Ashlynn?”
“She is on the fifth level veranda of the south wing,” Mairead reported patiently. “She has asked for some time alone.”
“The husband is awake.”
Niam perked. “The one who was bled?” He looked to Mairead when Vala nodded. “She'll want to know that.”
“Indeed.” Mairead started inside as Vala turned down the hall to hurry off, but Niam gently took her arm.
“I want you to know that I was serious. Anytime you need someone to talk to, I know what you're going through.” Once again, she only nodded to him before following after Vala.
Chapter Fifteen
As expected, Ashlynn was quite eager to make it down to the lower level of the castle upon hearing that the husband was finally awake. Badru and the healer were skilled enough in potions and herbs that the man and the child could have been brought to consciousness quickly, but Badru cautioned against it. He believed that a slower recovery would give both a greater chance at retaining their Gaelic blood. Following her down to where the family was being kept, he was keen to see himself how the man and the child were doing.
The guards stepped aside as Ashlynn approached, one of them opening the door for her to pass without having to stop. There had been no change to the room from the last time she had been in there, the day the family had been brought to the castle. The father and his child lay still under the light blanket on the bed, both of them with their eyes closed as though sleeping. When footsteps entered the room, the man's eyes slowly opened and he watched the small procession as it entered. As soon as he saw Ashlynn, he tried to sit. She held out a hand to stop him and took a few steps closer to the bed. “Please, do not strain yourself. You have been through a great deal.” She glanced at the child that still slept. “Do you know where you are?”
“Altaine Castle. You're High Queen Ashlynn.”
She smiled kindly. “That is correct. You have been unconscious for quite some time. How do you feel?”
“Groggy. I feel like I could sleep for days, but I know that's all I've been doing.” He lifted himself up on his elbows to be more upright on his pillow. “Thank you for taking care of us.”
“Think nothing of it. If you feel you could sleep, we will certainly let you do so. I do have some questions for you first, if you would permit.”
“Of course, Your Majesty.”
With downturned lips, she delicately asked, “Do you know what has happened to the rest of your family?”
He nodded, swallowing hard. “I was told, yes.”
Ashlynn mirrored his nod subconsciously. “I know this must be terribly difficult for you. You have my deepest condolences. While I know my words and sentiments will not bring them back, I wish to bring their murderers to a swift justice. Anything you can tell us about them would be helpful, anything at all.”
The man cleared his throat, wincing in pain as he did so. He touched the bandage around his neck and sighed, looking down in thought. “I was working on a project for a friend...carving out a new chest for his daughter. Everything was pretty quiet, or as quiet as it can be with four kids, and some people came bursting in through my door.” He seemed to be looking at some faraway memory the way his eyes glazed over. “It all happened so fast. I had my littlest one right there with me and I did the first thing I could think of and shoved her inside the chest. My older two had been outside and the people – they were wearing these masks with bones and feathers – they had them and they were screaming...they were all screaming. My second youngest was grabbed up off the floor and I was pulled outside. I managed to get one of them in the gut. Doubled him over good. Then I was tackled and tied up, then slung over the neck of a horse before being taken away.”
Ashlynn glanced at Badru, concerned, before returning her attention to the man. “Did they say what they wanted or why they were there?”
He nodded and blinked, finally looking at her once again. There was a cold anger on his face. “They said they knew we were Gaels, and that they were there to send the message that Gaels were no longer wanted or were going to be tolerated.” His face reddened and he clenched the blanket in his fists as he looked at his child. “I begged them to let us go, to at least let my children go, but it only made them laugh.”
“Men only?” asked Badru.
“Men and women both. They thought it was hilarious to hear me pleading and bargaining for the lives of my family. They took us out across the valley, far from my home where they already had these posts set up, waiting for us. I was absolutely helpless to watch as one by one, they cut my children, ignoring their screams of terror and pain, and strung them up by their feet. I could do nothing as their blood fell to the ground below them like rainwater in a gutter. They argued back and forth, those cowards, trying to decide if they wanted to kill us and be done with it, or just drain the blood from us slowly to get the Gael out. If someone found us before we died, fine, if not, no great loss. Once we were all bleeding and hanging, they just left.”
Ashlynn could feel the rapid beat of her pulse and was trying hard not to let her temper show. Had she still been as tied to her Element as she once had been, she felt she would have burst into flames herself. She wanted to scream and rage, to send forth every able body to hunt these people down, yet for all she appeared, Ashlynn was c
alm and quite collected.
“Your youngest daughter is safe. Were you told?”
He nodded, some of his anger ebbing. “Thank you for taking care of her...of all of us.”
Glancing around the room, she realized that neither the child nor the husband's wife was present. With a tilt of her head, Ashlynn asked, “I have heard that your beloved has hardly left your side since you were brought here. It is a wonder that she is not here with you now.”
His brows lowered. “My beloved?”
“Yes, your wife. Cirilla, I believe her name is?”
“My wife died giving birth to our youngest.”
All Ashlynn had to do was glance at Badru to send him from the room. For the bedridden man, she had nothing but a simple smile. “There have been so many people I have met over the past few weeks. I must have been mistaken. Forgive me. Your daughter is likely in the nursery with the other children. I will go find her for you, if you would like.”
“Thank you, Your Majesty.”
“Rest now. All is well in hand.” She waited half a second as he settled back down against his pillow, then casually strode from the room knowing her ladies would be there. As soon as the door was closed, she turned to a waiting Mairead with quiet alarm. “Find Killian and Cavalon. Let them know there is an intruder among us, and find the child.” Mairead hurried away without further instruction. To Vala, Ashlynn asked, “Have you seen the woman? Do not tell me that you do not come down here, Vala. My guards tell me everything. I know you have gone into that room on more than one occasion since they were brought here.”
The girl wilted under the heated glare of her queen and shook her head. “No, Your Majesty. The last time I saw her was the last time I came down here, and that was yesterday.”
“And you?” Ashlynn asked the armored men flanking the door. “Who have you seen entering and exiting?”
The guards looked at one another before one of them answered. “Only the maids and Lady Vala, Your Majesty.”