There were plenty of people outside, enjoying the weather. A hint of red sunset lingered in the west. Josh and Sarah walked along Canal, into the greenway that ran along the river.
“Um, Josh,” she said, “I’ve always thought you were really, um, good-looking. And of course, the world’s best husband.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” She waited, tilting her head expectantly.
“And you’re, uh, pretty. Very pretty.” She looked at him. He looked back. “I guess I’ll kiss you?” he asked.
“Go for it.”
He leaned in. Her lips were soft and firm. She tasted like steak. Otherwise . . . nothing.
Then she pulled back. “I’m sorry, that was like kissing my brother.”
Oh, thank God. “Yeah,” he admitted. “Definitely . . .”
“No sparks.”
“Exactly.”
“Shit,” she said. “They don’t make men like you anymore, Josh. It would’ve been wicked convenient if this worked out.”
“I thought you were rude to the waitress.”
“I thought your conversation was flat and boring.”
They looked at each other, then started laughing. “Failed experiment,” she said, and gave him a hug. “I wonder if Lauren is disappointed. I think she kind of hoped we’d connect.”
“Yeah.”
“I don’t know,” Sarah said. “I can’t say I’d want to be compared to her for the rest of my life, to be honest with you.”
“No, I understand.”
They sighed at the same time, then laughed.
“Sarah?” came a woman’s voice. Two women dressed in athletic gear had stopped.
“Hey, Helen!” she answered. “Hi, Kelly!”
“I haven’t seen you in ages,” the first one said. “We’re getting ice cream. You want to join us?”
“Um . . . this is my friend, Joshua Park. Josh, my coworkers, Helen and Kelly.” Josh nodded at them. “Helen had a baby a couple months ago and I haven’t seen her since. How is the little prince?”
“Really, really good,” Helen said. “Did you hear I had an emergency C-section?”
“No! Are you okay?”
“It was very dramatic! I was . . .” She glanced at Josh. “You know, it’ll keep. You’re with someone.”
Sarah glanced at Josh, and he got it. Their date was over, and he was fine with that. “If you want to hang out with them . . .” he suggested.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
She smiled, her first real smile of the night, maybe. “Still friends?” she asked.
“Absolutely.” He hugged her, waved to the ladies, then turned and walked up the hill.
His wife had been wrong.
Interesting. A first. He hoped she was watching and got a kick out of that lackluster meat kiss.
Well, it was a beautiful night, and the city seemed happy. It didn’t seem right to go home just yet. He walked up Elizabeth, turned on North Main, and there was the restaurant he’d just left.
The chirpy server was sitting at the bar, blotting her eyes on her napkin.
He went back in and slid onto the stool next to her. She glanced at him and did a double take.
“I am so, so sorry, sir,” she said. “I ruined your date.”
“Your dog, huh?”
“I know. It was the stupidest thing to say, and there’s no comparison.”
“It’s okay,” Josh said. “I’d be wrecked without my dog.”
“Pebbles?”
“Yes.”
“It’s a really cute name.” She smiled at him and wiped her eyes again.
“Did you get fired?” he asked.
“No. They’re really nice here. Which is great, because I’ve been fired from three restaurants this year alone. They just took me off the floor for the rest of the night. Suggested I have a drink to buck up a little.” She toasted him with her glass. “It’s ginger ale with a teeny bit of rum, because I don’t really drink.” She looked around. “Where’s your girlfriend?”
“Oh, she’s not . . . that didn’t work. She’s a friend. My wife’s best friend from childhood. We were trying to click, and we just . . . didn’t.”
“That sucks.”
“It’s a relief, actually.”
“Again, I’m so sorry about your wife. I bet she was amazing.”
“She was,” he said. “She absolutely was.”
“Can I buy you a drink?” she asked. “I owe you.”
“No, I’m fine,” he said. “I don’t really drink, either.” He looked at her a minute, studying her profile. She had very long eyelashes, and they looked real. Her nose had an appealing bump at the bridge, and her skin seemed very clean. “Would you ever want to go out with me?” he asked.
The question came out of nowhere. He didn’t regret asking, though.
No. He didn’t regret it at all.
She turned, her eyes wide, and blinked a couple of times. “Sure. Yes. Absolutely.” Pink flushed to her cheeks. Pretty.
“You don’t have to say yes,” he added. “You know. Just because you ruined our dinner, or because I’m a tragic widower.” He was flirting. Wow. He was flirting.
“No, no! You’re wicked hot. Oh, God. I’m sorry. Should I have said that? Well, it’s out there, isn’t it? I mean, you have a mirror, you must know.” She was blushing furiously now. “Yes, I would go out with you. I thought you were nice the first time I met you at the vet’s.”
He smiled, then extended his hand. “Joshua Park.”
She took it, and he felt attraction flow up his arm like cool silk. “Rose Connelly,” she said.
He froze, still gripping her hand. “Rose?”
“Yes. My mom was a huge Titanic fan.” She pulled a face. “But I have to say, I love that movie, too.”
He let go of her hand. “Rose was my wife’s middle name.”
Her mouth parted a little. “Really.”
He nodded. They looked at each other a long minute. “Can I have your phone number?” he asked, and she patted her apron for a pen, found one and wrote it down on a napkin. Very old-fashioned of her.
“Okay, then,” she said. “It was . . . yeah. It was very nice to see you, Joshua.”
“It was very nice to see you, too, Rose.”
He should go now. Another minute, and he’d lose the cool factor. But somehow, he suspected Rose Connelly wouldn’t mind.
“I’ll call you tomorrow,” he said.
“I’ll be glad when you do,” she answered.
Get out before you ruin it, he told himself, so he left, feeling . . . well, feeling a little . . . elated. He forgot where he’d parked the car, and just walked for a while in the soft summer air, the sounds of music and people and sirens all blending together like a song.
Rose Connelly. Rose.
If a person believed in that kind of thing, a person might wonder at how many times Josh had run into Rose Connelly in the past year and a half. The vet’s office that first time. The mall, the first night he’d met Radley when he’d punched the rude customer, unknowingly defending her honor. The marathon, where she’d helped him. Last Christmas, when she’d literally been right in front of him, stopping him in his tracks.
Gertie the psychic had mentioned roses, too.
Josh stopped walking.
Holy shit.
And now, the first time he’d ever considered dating anyone other than Lauren, Rose was here again.
A person—a husband—might read into that. He might think his wife worked in mysterious ways to take care of the man she had loved so much.
“Thank you,” he said, looking upward. Those had been her last words to him. “Thank you,” he repeated. He knew, he knew tonight had made her happy.
Whi
ch was all he’d ever wanted.
EPILOGUE
Joshua
Fifty-four years left
LAUREN’S GARDEN AT the Hope Center had become Josh’s favorite place in Providence. He walked past it almost every day, in fact, and most days stopped in for at least a few minutes.
But today was special. On this sunny spring day, they were planting Lauren’s tree, and the May weather couldn’t have approved more. The carefully planned garden was bursting with color and life, from the pink crab apple blossoms to the pale purple of the lilacs.
Everyone who had loved Lauren was here. Jen stood next to him with her three children—Sebastian getting tall and gangly, little Octavia, pretty in her blue dress, a cloud of dark curls around her perfect face. Leah, now almost three, was trying to climb out of Darius’s arms to get into mischief. Josh smiled at her; she reminded him of Lauren so much. Next to them, Donna and Bill, who had gotten married last year. His own mom and the Kims. Ben gave him a nod, ever reassuring.
Asmaa was talking about the garden, and how families came together here to grow their own vegetables, to teach kids about botany, to have a beautiful oasis in the city. Josh was so grateful to her for still doing the good work that had given him a second chance to meet Lauren, and later, the chance to give back and get out of his shell when he was grieving. Mara from RISD was here, and Bruce the Mighty and Beneficent, who had donated ten grand in Lauren’s name.
Radley, the world’s best friend, stood with his fiancé, Frank the Realtor. They had their own place now, just down the road from the house in Cranston. Sarah was here, too, of course. Good old Sarah. She was dating Mateo, one of Josh’s engineers, who was five years younger than she was and, from all appearances, smitten.
There was another person here. Someone Lauren had never met, someone standing at Joshua’s side, her hand in his.
His wife.
Pretty Rose with the pink cheeks and dark hair, now even more beautiful. She was pregnant, though they were keeping that to themselves until the first trimester was past. Josh suspected his mom knew, though, because when they’d come here, she had handed Rose a bottle of water and asked if she wanted a chair.
His mom caught his eye and smiled. Yep. She knew. That was fine.
Josh looked at the dogwood tree, now nearly five feet tall. Its trunk was straight and strong, and the blossoms Lauren had so loved seemed to float on the air, perfect in their simplicity, their beauty.
It would grow well here.
“I’ll turn it over to you, now, Josh,” Asmaa said.
Rose squeezed his hand. “You’ve got this,” she whispered. He kissed her temple and went to the microphone.
For more than three years now, he’d taken good care of Lauren’s tree. It was time to give it a home. All these people would know this was Lauren’s garden. They’d all come see her tree. Someday, Josh would bring his kids to this garden, and they would play here.
It was nice to think Lauren would see them.
His throat was tight, and everyone was looking at him. Right. He was supposed to talk now.
“Lauren was . . . remarkable,” he said, and his voice was strong and full of emotion. “The best sister, daughter, aunt and friend anyone could have. I was so lucky to be her husband.”
He glanced at Rose, who gave him a watery smile and a nod. The only thing she’d ever said about Lauren was how much she wished she could’ve met her. They had a lot in common, Josh thought. Kindness. A huge capacity for love.
“Lauren died too soon,” he continued, “but she lived with such love and happiness, such joy and purpose. In my eyes, she was perfect.” He stopped, swallowing. “She taught me how to live, even when she was dying. Even after she died—especially after she died—she was my best teacher. It’s my honor today to dedicate this tree to her memory. She loved this place, and she loved all of you.”
Everyone clapped and sniffled and wiped their eyes. A gardener was waiting by the tree, and as Josh approached, he set it in the hole and gave a nod.
Everyone was quiet. With his back to the crowd, Josh reached into his jacket pocket, took something out and dropped it into the hole.
His wedding ring. The one Lauren had given him. It gleamed there, nestled against the dark earth. Maybe it would grow into the roots themselves and become part of the tree itself. Josh hoped so.
Then Josh covered it with a shovelful of dirt and handed the shovel to Donna, who did the same. Then it was Jen’s turn, and Sebastian’s and Octavia’s. Darius helped Leah, who said, “I did it, Daddy!” and everyone laughed. The shovel was passed from person to person. His mom, Sarah, Asmaa, Ben.
“You too, Rosie,” Jen said. “You’re family. Don’t be shy.”
Rose looked over at him, and he nodded. Her cheeks flushed, and he knew she was glad to be included.
A little while later, as everyone left through the garden gate, Josh stayed, holding back. They were all going out for lunch, the first time they’d all be together since his and Rose’s wedding a few months ago.
When no one was left and Josh was alone in the garden, he turned back to look at the tree. It seemed as if it had always been there. He couldn’t wait to see it grow.
A small breeze rustled through, ruffling his hair.
For a second, he felt his wife, felt her love wrap around him. She had promised to always be with him, and he believed her. I love you, he thought. I always will.
Rose was waiting for him just outside the garden walls. “You good, honey?” she asked.
“I am.” He kissed her gently and, unable to resist no matter who might see, put his hand against her stomach. “I love you,” he said, because it was true. Then he took her hand, and they caught up with the others, and the sun seemed to glow just a little bit brighter in the vast and brilliant sky.
READERS GUIDE
PACK UP THE MOON
Kristan Higgins
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
Lauren and Joshua have to deal with a huge swerve from the life they had planned. Have you ever had to deal with something unexpected and life-changing? How did you cope?
Do you think Lauren and Joshua love each other so much because of or despite her illness?
Do you think the nature of Lauren’s love for Joshua changed as she grew sicker? Do you think the way Joshua loved Lauren changed as she grew sicker? In what ways?
How do you think Lauren’s illness changed her? How did it change Joshua?
In what ways do you see that Joshua went through what Elisabeth Kübler-Ross defined as the Five Stages of Grief?
Lauren wrote letters to her father after he died to help cope with his death. Do you think that’s why she turned to writing the letters to leave for Josh? Do you think it was her way of coming to terms with her own death? Why else might she have chosen to write him letters?
Lauren talks about how “perfect” her sister is, but never feels any kind of jealousy toward her. Why do you think they were so closely bonded, both in childhood and later?
Consider Sarah’s confession to Josh that she was jealous of Lauren growing up, and the guilt she felt about it for much of their friendship. Do you think it’s possible to love a friend and be jealous of them at the same time?
As Lauren had instructed, Josh visits a medium to try connecting with her in “the GB.” Though it’s way out of his comfort zone, he’s moved and surprised by the reading. What are some experiences you’ve had outside of your comfort zone? What compelled you to go through with them, and how did they go?
Why do you think Lauren’s mother met a man she was attracted to after Lauren had died?
How did you feel about Josh meeting his biological father?
Lauren and Josh didn’t have a “love at first sight” moment; in fact, they had a terrible first conversation. Why do
you think their second meeting went differently?
Now that we’ve come to know Lauren and Josh’s relationship and the powerful, deep connection they shared, what do you think about Lauren’s last task? Would you suggest the same thing if you were in her shoes, or something different?
Do you think all of the tasks Lauren gave Josh helped him? Are there any you think she should have skipped?
Clearly, Lauren believes in the Great Beyond throughout the book. Joshua talks about how he started out as an atheist and ended up as one as well, even as he prayed for Lauren in between. But in the end, do you think Joshua believed in a higher power or afterlife? Why?
Photo by Deborah Feingold
KRISTAN HIGGINS is the New York Times and USA Today bestselling author of twenty novels, which have been translated into more than two dozen languages and have sold millions of copies worldwide. The mother of two lives in Connecticut with her heroic firefighter husband and several badly behaved pets. If you want to know when Kristan’s next book will be out and hear news of her appearances, subscribe to her mailing list at KristanHiggins.com.
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