“That’s… nice,” Lee said eventually.
Craig grinned unpleasantly at him, like a wolf baring its teeth. “We’ve been having a lot of fun, haven’t we?”
Benji nodded eagerly.
I tried not to imagine what it might have looked like and winced as my brain provided an image anyway.
Lee plucked his lime wedge out of his beer and shoved it in his mouth, sucking the juice out of the flesh with such enthusiasm that it spilled out over his lower lip and dribbled down his chin, a single heavy drop landing on his shirt as he finished it off, swallowing thickly with a happy moan.
An unexpected pang of lust hit me square in the stomach, pulling on my navel.
I passed him my lime without a word, and he repeated the whole performance. Complete with happy sounds and sucking the juice off his fingers once he was done.
The whole table was staring at him, Benji’s mouth hanging open as though he was thinking about trading Craig in for a model that was, at the moment, dripping sex.
Lee licked his lips, then sat back, lifted his beer, and wrapped them around the mouth of the bottle, tipping his head back for a long few swallows, showing off the way his throat worked as he drank.
Silence had fallen over the table while we all watched Lee's blatant display of hedonism that put all his most attractive features—his lips, his neck, the general sense that he was vocal and enthusiastic in bed—on full display.
When he was done, he looked at me with sleepy, hooded eyes. My heart won an Olympic pole-vaulting record as it jumped into the back of my throat.
Beer was as awful as I remembered, but it was wet, and my mouth was dry.
The wet, sucking sound of Benji and Craig kissing made me wrinkle my nose. Did they have to? Could I say anything without looking like a boring sexless asshole?
At least they were ignoring us for the time being.
“Can I sit in your lap?” Lee asked, grinning at me.
“Absolutely not,” I responded, which only made his smile widen.
“Benji’s allowed,” Lee said, glancing over at Craig and his new boyfriend, who were still completely ignoring us.
“Benji weighs eighty pounds soaking wet,” I said.
Lee chuckled. “Can’t believe you won’t let me sit in your lap and make out with you in a crowded bar.”
“I heard that,” Craig said, turning his attention back to Lee while Benji clung to him like a limpet.
This was the same Craig who wouldn’t hold Lee's hand in public?
I had no reason to think Lee was lying about that. This must have hurt him to see, which had to be the point. I didn’t know what’d gone on between them, not the whole story, but it was clearly a messy breakup after a messier relationship.
Craig smirked an unkind smirk at Lee.
I wasn’t letting him get away with that.
I took Lee's hand, stomach swooping as I leaned closer to stage-whisper in his ear. “If you behave yourself, I’ll let you sit in my lap when we get back to the cabin.”
Lee's breath hitched, a shiver running through him as I pulled away.
He was an excellent actor.
Benji was staring again.
“Your boyfriend’s kinda hot,” he said.
I was getting the impression that he was a sweet boy who saw the best in everyone, and I was starting to worry about him being with Craig.
“I know,” Lee said, giving me a chance to wet my throat again with another tentative sip of beer, which must have had some merits. Even if I couldn’t immediately see them.
“You should see him naked.”
The only thing worse than drinking beer was choking on it. My nostrils burned as I coughed and spluttered, Lee's comforting hand thumping my back as I forced myself to swallow and breathe.
“Sorry,” he said, sheepish. “You’re right. I’m not sharing you with anyone.”
Heat prickled up the back of my neck as Lee squeezed my shoulder.
This was going to be a long evening.
6
Lee
By the time Rowan had his key card out to open the cabin door and let us both back in, I was happily buzzing and definitely leaning too close to him, but he hadn’t stopped me, so I didn’t care.
“You really were the perfect boyfriend,” I said, grinning at him as he held the door open for me.
Rowan raised an eyebrow, but my gaze drifted to his rolled up sleeves and surprisingly muscular forearms.
Should I have been staring at them?
“I owe you,” I continued when Rowan didn’t respond. He seemed tired, but I wasn’t ruling out the possibility of mad. I didn’t spend a lot of time around people like him, I wasn’t sure how to read him yet.
He sat heavily on his own side of the bed, shoulders hunched, and I wanted to reach out to him.
Instead, I stood back like a coward and watched him untie his shoelaces and set his shoes aside.
“That offer to sit in your lap still open?” I tried.
That got his attention. I grinned as he looked at me.
Except it was only half a joke and there was part of me hoping he’d say yes. Benji was right about one thing—Rowan was kind of hot.
Not even kind of. He was hot, just not in the way I was used to looking for. He probably thought I’d been playing it up, but that shiver when he’d offered to let me sit in his lap later… that had been real and involuntary.
Craig was a big guy who could lift me over his head if he wanted to, and I’d always liked that. Always looked for it.
Rowan had something else.
The something else was hot. As were the forearms and the intense eyes and the fact that he was being so nice to me. I couldn’t even figure out why that was.
“Did I take it too far?” he asked.
And considerate. Where had the universe been hiding this man all my life?
“No. No, that was perfect,” I said, stripping my own t-shirt off.
Rowan looked away, gaze fixed firmly on his own knees.
Did I want him to look?
And if I did, could I say that? We had another eight days to spend together, and they’d be hell if I made it awkward now.
“The look on Benji’s face was…”
“He was drooling,” I said. “You’ve definitely got a shot there.”
“I was scared enough of Craig when I was pretending to date his ex. No force on this planet could compel me to even consider making a move on his current boyfriend.” Rowan stretched out on his side of the bed, lacing his fingers under his head.
Really showing off those forearms. I wasn’t sure I’d ever noticed a man’s forearms like this before, but they were quickly becoming my favorite body part.
“Besides, Benji’s not my type,” Rowan said, wrinkling his nose. “I’m sure he’s charming and clever and all sorts of nice things, but…”
“Are you?” I asked. “Because I’m not sure he’s got two brain cells to rub together.”
Rowan gave me a look. The kind of look that spoke a thousand words.
The first few were I agree with you, but you shouldn’t say it.
He softened a moment later, a silent I know you’re hurting so I’ll let you get away with it.
It wasn’t impossible that I was reading a whole lot into one arched eyebrow.
And I was hurting. I’d been replaced by… look, maybe Benji did have good qualities, maybe he was the kindest soul in the world, but Craig couldn’t know that after one night. He’d been chosen specifically to hurt me, like it wouldn’t have mattered if there was enough grip on the inside of my skull to hold a thought.
He’d only ever wanted me because I never said no to him.
At least I’d been kind enough to replace him with someone better. Even if it wasn’t real.
Now I was going to have to watch him playing with poor Benji—who I did feel sorry for—the entire time. It was a big ship, but it wasn’t that big.
And I’d have to face it alone.
&nb
sp; Unless…
No. No, Rowan wouldn’t go for…
Would he?
“You know,” I said, hesitant. I knew what I wanted, but I wasn’t sure I was quite ready to ask for it.
What if Rowan said no? I wasn’t up to being rejected right now. Even fake-rejected.
Rowan had already turned to look at me, eyes gently questioning, waiting for me to finish. I had to say something.
“I had a lot of fun tonight,” I said, which was the truth. Cute little twink settled in his lap or not, Craig had been mad that Rowan was real.
That earned me a tiny smile from Rowan, the corners of his eyes crinkling. I got the feeling he wasn’t the kind of man who smiled a lot, or at a lot of people. His smiles felt like something you earned.
“I know I said one night only,” I continued. “But…”
“But you’ve just figured out you can’t tell a lie like this for one night and get away with it?” he asked. It could have been harsh, but it wasn’t. More like a favorite teacher pointing out a flaw in your thinking.
He had said he had his own reasons for going along with this. Now felt like the time to ask about that.
“Why did you agree to it?” I asked.
Rowan sat up, and I wondered if I should feel guilty for disturbing him, but it was hard to feel bad when all his attention was focused on me.
“My sister sent me on this cruise as a birthday present,” Rowan said. “I didn’t want to go, but it felt rude not to. My family worries about me. I was thinking… I intended to tell them about you as though I’d actually met someone on this cruise, string it along a bit, and then let them think the relationship eventually fizzled out. Because that’s not… going to happen for real.”
Why the hell not?
Did he just not want to date? Because Benji really would have switched laps if Rowan had shown even the barest interest in him. Okay, fine, maybe tiny and not very bright wasn’t his type, but…
Lots and lots of people would have killed to snuggle up to a man like Rowan. Maybe he hadn’t met them yet. Maybe he didn’t know where to look.
Not that I planned on telling him any of this. He had every reason to agree to what I was about to suggest if I didn’t tell him any of that.
I’d tell him when the cruise was over, maybe even offer to introduce him around to guys who might be more to his taste than Benji. Or me.
“Okay, so, sounds like we can solve both of our problems at once. You keep… being nice to me in front of Craig, I’ll help you build a better story. We can take photos together, go on a few dates…”
“You’d do that for me?” Rowan asked.
“You helped me out.” I shrugged. “Only seems fair that I should help you out.”
Rowan licked his lips. “What about, umm… you were expecting, uh. Company.”
Right. That.
“Can I level with you?” I asked, moving over to sit down on the bed beside him.
“Of course.”
How could I put this without sounding pathetic?
“I signed up for this thinking, basically, that if I was gonna get over Craig I needed to just… move on. Have a ton of sex with a ton of beautiful men and just… stop thinking about him, remind myself there were other fish in the sea.”
Rowan was blushing adorably. “But then I saw him again and I’m not… sure. Pretty much the first thing he did when he saw me here was call me a slut.”
Okay, I’d definitely been in the habit of sleeping around before I met him, and okay, I really, really liked sex. But that’d still hurt.
We hadn’t parted as friends, but I hadn’t thought we’d parted as the kind of people who took shots at each other when we met, either. I’d thought…
Shit, some part of me had still thought that one day Craig would come back to me, tell me he’d made a mistake, that he’d realized we were forever after all.
Tonight had put out the last ember of that hope. Craig didn’t miss me. He didn’t even like me. Now I was wondering if he ever had.
“There’s nothing wrong with that,” Rowan said.
Comforting coming from a man who didn’t quite seem like a virgin, but did seem like he had a lot of missionary position sex under the covers. Three times a week with a long-term partner, pre-arranged on a schedule that suited both of them.
Not that there was anything wrong with that, either. Maybe it’d be good for me to try it.
“I mean, he is wrong to call you that,” Rowan said. “But it’s not wrong for you to sleep with however many people you want to. As long as they’re consenting adults.”
“Wanna hear something sad?” I asked.
“I’m listening.” Rowan shifted his weight, inching closer to me.
If I asked, would he give me a hug? Because I could use one right about now and I was still thinking about how good he’d smelled this morning.
“I haven’t slept with anyone since I broke up with him,” I said. “I’m not even… I flirt, a lot. But I don’t… I slept around when I was in college and for a while after, but then I met Craig and… he accused me of it more times than I can count, and he was so sure I wanted to cheat on him no matter how many times I promised I didn’t, but I never… I wouldn’t.”
“I believe you,” Rowan said.
“You believe I couldn’t get laid in five months?” I asked, forcing myself to make a joke out of it.
Rowan shrugged. “If it makes you feel better, it’s been… a lot longer than five months for me.”
I wanted to ask how long, but I didn’t want to derail this conversation. No one had listened to me for longer than I could remember. Rowan… Rowan was listening.
He’s a good listener.
I’d told Craig that, hadn’t I? Turned out I wasn’t wrong.
“I believe you wouldn’t have cheated on him,” Rowan continued. “I also believe you flirt with everyone and probably some non-people things. I’ve watched you eat a lime wedge now.”
“Two,” I corrected, grinning. “That was a nice touch, actually. Just handing it to me.”
Rowan shrugged. “I had no idea what to do with it. I’m not a beer drinker.”
“You’re probably supposed to squeeze them into the bottle, I dunno. I don’t usually go to the kind of bars where you get one. I just like limes.”
Rowan smiled at me. “I have a weakness for raspberries. For the two weeks a year they’re in season, anyway.”
“I have no idea when lime season is,” I said. “If there is such a thing.”
“Fall,” Rowan said. “Until Christmas or so, depending on the variety. We get most of our limes from Mexico. I read an article a while back.”
I laughed, surprised at Rowan spouting lime facts out of nowhere.
“For the record,” Rowan continued. “It’s okay that you’re still hurting. It’s even okay that you miss him. There’s no time limit on healing.”
“I don’t want to still be hurting,” I said, feeling like an eight year old complaining that the world wasn’t fair. Tears stung at the corners of my eyes, but I was absolutely not about to start crying.
Rowan was putting up with enough crap from me already.
“I know,” Rowan murmured. “And I know you didn’t do anything wrong, and I know it’s not fair. Believe me, I know. But it’s all right to take your time. You’ll be okay one day.”
Something in the back of my mind told me he was speaking from experience, that I was hearing hard-won wisdom here, but I wasn’t in the mood to poke at Rowan's wounds right now. He was offering me comfort when I needed it, and selfishly, I was just… taking it.
Because no one else had offered it to me.
A flash of kissing him played in my mind, heat trailing south at the thought of coaxing him to press me into the mattress and smother me in affection and make me feel wanted and cared for.
He would’ve been gentle and careful, hesitant at first but then more confident as things heated up. And so affectionate after. He wouldn’t roll over and
start snoring within five seconds. Rowan would run his fingers through my hair and ask me if I was all right and hold me while I slept.
… Jesus. Where the hell did that thought come from?
Clearly, I’d bought into the perfect boyfriend story I’d been telling myself. I didn’t know any of that. It was just what I wanted.
Expecting it from Rowan—who didn’t owe me a damned thing and was being kinder than I deserved—wasn’t fair.
I sniffed, wiping at my eyes as subtly as I could and clearing my throat. No crying. Not in front of the cute boy.
What had we been talking about before all this?
Right. Rowan being my fake boyfriend for the rest of the trip, me taking cute vacation romance shots with him. Then I wouldn’t have to face Craig alone, and his family could rest easy knowing that he was perfectly capable of getting laid.
“So, photos? Sickeningly cute dates? Making that vein in Craig’s forehead twitch when you say things like I haven’t heard anything about you?”
I’d had to walk away after that to hide the grin on my face. I still wasn’t sure how much of it had been deliberate and how much was just the way Rowan was, but every second had been a lot of fun.
“It’ll save us both from a miserable vacation,” Rowan said, offering me his hand. “Until the end of the cruise, then?”
I shook it—I wasn’t sure I’d ever shaken anyone’s hand in bed before—and felt a sense of peace wash over me.
This wasn’t the vacation I’d expected, but I had an ally now. Maybe, at the end of it, I’d have a new friend.
“Until the end of the cruise.”
7
Rowan
Lee hadn’t been wrapped around me on the second morning of the cruise, and I was trying to find a name for the way it made me feel other than disappointed and failing spectacularly. That was stupid, obviously—he hadn’t wanted to be wrapped around me in the first place, but I’d been…
Enjoying it. A little.
Cruising Page 4