I’d forgotten how hot this was. Craig never let me kiss him after he came in my mouth without brushing my teeth first.
“Still want me to fuck you?” I murmured, biting Rowan's chin softly.
He nodded, still catching his breath, relaxed now. Relaxed and happy and eager.
With a surge of effort, I stood up and offered him my hand.
“Come on.” I wiggled my fingers, grinning when he took them. “Bed.”
19
Rowan
Lee kissed me as he slipped the first finger in, and I was too focused on the heat of his mouth to care about what was going on lower down.
Sleepy, relaxed, and happy to be near him, I shifted my legs a little further apart and sank deeper into the mattress, back arching as he grazed something sensitive, the full length of a finger inside me and not even the faintest hint of panic welling up in my gut.
“Oh,” I breathed, tilting my head back as I rocked my hips, Lee's stubble scraping the delicate skin of my throat as he kissed his way down it. A favorite spot.
He had a lot of those. I was happy for him to find as many as he liked and exploit them endlessly.
I liked it when he touched me.
A second finger made me gasp, a surprise burst of pleasure cascading down my spine like a waterfall and rushing to swirl around in my gut, tight and hot with need. Lee chuckled against my throat, the sound vibrating into me, warm and happy.
“Easy,” he murmured. “Feel good?”
I nodded, unsure how to tell him about all the little sparks he was setting off all over me, inside and out, wherever our skin brushed together and deep, deep inside as well.
“Now,” he added, voice low and soft and soothing, washing over me as my hips rocked in tiny circles, matching the rhythm of his fingers. In and out, in and out like waves lapping at low tide, our breathing synced up so it was nearly the sound of the ocean. “It’s been years since I’ve done this, so it might be terrible.”
I snorted. No, it wouldn’t be. It was Lee. Every time he touched me all I could think of was how I wanted him to keep doing it.
“I just want you,” I murmured, a lump forming in my throat as I met his eyes. It was too much, too sincere, but I meant it.
I wanted him. Like I couldn’t ever remember wanting anyone before.
“You’ve got me.” He smiled, kissing the corner of my mouth. His corner. A spot that would always be his, for as long as I lived. No one else would ever be allowed to claim it.
That spot would be what I kept of him when this was all over, an invisible souvenir of the happiest days of my life so far.
The easy, gentle slide of a second finger inside me left me seeing stars, back arching as a hot, prickling wave of pleasure washed over me, a shiver following in its wake. Lee was being impossibly gentle and so patient, every movement slow and calculated and painless.
I wasn’t sure what I’d been expecting, but this was so much better than anything I could have imagined for myself.
“Never even tried fingering yourself before?” Lee asked, eyes glittering as he looked me up and down, thrusting in and out. As soon as I was used to the second one I needed more, I understood how good this could feel if I was fuller.
“Tried,” I confessed. “Couldn’t work up the nerve to actually…”
I was a coward down to the marrow of my bones, and I couldn’t pretend otherwise.
But Lee made it all right. He made me brave, and I didn’t understand how that worked, but when the result was this good, I didn’t care.
A spike of pleasure as Lee grazed a sensitive spot made my back arch again, muscles clenching around his fingers, my cock twitching. I hissed as a heavy bead of precome rolled down the length of the shaft, dripping down into the nest of curls below.
Lee's were neatly-trimmed. The only time he made me feel untidy was when we were both naked, and he was so obviously taken care of under his clothes and I wasn’t.
I’d stopped worrying that anyone might see me undressed, but Lee had never made me feel like I was anything short of exactly what he wanted.
“Don’t fall asleep on me,” he warned. “Soothing, right?”
It was. After the strangeness faded, the slow rock of Lee's fingers in and out threatened to lull me to sleep, like getting halfway through jerking off before bed and passing out with your hand resting on your thigh.
After a long day—or week, 0r month—at work, I’d ended up like that more times than I cared to admit.
A third finger slipped in so easily I barely noticed it, the stretch coming easier now, my body relaxed and boneless, any last traces of anxiety gone.
“Lee,” I panted, hips rocking back to meet him. My fingers curled around the padded headboard, digging into the hard-wearing fabric as I tried to decide whether I needed it as an anchor, or leverage.
I wanted him to fuck me more than I’d ever wanted anything in my life.
“You are so hot like this,” Lee said, licking his lips as he looked me over again. “Chest heaving, cheeks flushed, fluttering around my fingers like you’re begging for more.”
“Please,” I gasped, toes curling as Lee brushed that spot that made me see stars. Teasing me. He knew exactly where I was sensitive, and he was using it to his advantage.
He could have asked me for just about anything right now, and I would have promised him it just to get his cock inside me.
“You still feel a little tight,” he murmured, slowing down and pushing his fingers to the hilt, thumb pressing down hard behind my balls, my vision whiting out with sparks for a split second.
A fountain of precome spilled out of my cock and dripped down the shaft. If he hadn’t gotten me off earlier, I would have come.
Just from having his fingers inside me.
A sharp thrill of pleasure ran down my spine at the thought. Maybe some other time.
“There we go,” Lee said, holding his fingers where they were for long seconds, my gut clenching, the headboard creaking under my grip. “You’ve been so good and you’ll get your reward. You’re gonna love this. Roll over.”
I hissed as Lee pulled his fingers out, suddenly empty and missing the fullness.
The sheets scratched my oversensitive skin like sandpaper as I rolled over, every nerve ending on high alert.
The warmth of Lee's body covering mine made a hot shiver run down my spine, and he followed the path with his lips from the back of my neck to the middle of my shoulder blades, soft and sweet as ever.
“Easy,” Lee purred, nuzzling my neck and curling a hand around my hips, hard cock slipping between my parted thighs. By now I was almost ready to beg him to fuck me, I knew how good this was going to be, and…
I couldn’t wait for it to be him.
It mattered that it was Lee. It mattered that Lee was the one sprinkling kisses all over my shoulders, it mattered that I could feel the heat of his cock pressing against me, it mattered that this intensely vulnerable moment was between the two of us.
“You’re gonna want to bear down,” Lee said. “When I push in. And that’s okay. You can. You should, as long as it doesn’t hurt. But it won’t. I’m not that big.”
Despite everything, I laughed. “This is the only situation where a man would ever admit that,” I said.
Lee chuckled, rolling his hips so the head of his cock caught on my hole, making me gasp. “You think that because you are that big,” he said.
Any response I might have come up with flew out the portside window and into the sea beyond as he lined himself up and pushed against me, pressure building and building until all the air had left my lungs and then finally, finally slipping inside. Another shudder washed over me as muscles I hadn’t realized I was tensing relaxed.
“Good,” Lee purred again, stroking up and down my side, fingers just stopping short of tickling under my ribs. “Just the head. Barely counts as losing your virginity yet.”
Just the head.
The room was already spinning around me, the pre
ssure unlike anything I’d felt before, and this was just the head?
I was going to die. How had Lee survived this? How had anyone?
“You’ll get used to it.” Lee kissed the back of my neck. “Seems like a lot because it’s new. Take your time. Don’t tell me you’re ready until you really are.”
A wave of pleasure rolled through me, one part my body adjusting, one part the overwhelming safety and comfort of being with Lee, specifically. Lee who was always so kind to me, who’d been worried about my comfort since the day we met, who…
Who I…
Don’t think it, don’t think it.
… was falling hopelessly in love with every minute of every day, but especially right now, at my most vulnerable. Even though I’d promised him I wouldn’t.
So much for not thinking it.
Minutes passed, maybe hours, maybe it was only seconds, but all of a sudden my body relaxed again and the relief left me sinking into the mattress, a sigh escaping me along with a little spark of pleasure as the movement shifted Lee's cock deeper inside.
He was impossibly patient, and I wasn’t sure why I hadn’t expected that.
“There you go.” Lee hummed, nuzzling behind my ear. “Better?”
I nodded. This was so much better, and I wanted more of it. More of the slightly-too-much fullness of Lee's cock, as deep inside me as it’d go. More of Lee, of anything he was willing to give me, of every tingling touch of his skin against mine, every searing kiss.
I hadn’t had nearly enough of him yet.
“I’m ready,” I said, and it felt like I was admitting too much, because it wasn’t just about trying something new with someone I trusted anymore.
It was about why I trusted Lee, and how deeply that ran, and how I was holding my heart out in front of me in offering, hoping against hope that somehow, he’d reach out and take it.
What felt like every nerve ending in my body sparkled with pleasure as Lee rolled his hips, a long, slow stroke that left me biting my lip, toes curling, knuckles going white as I gripped the sheets.
“Easy,” Lee murmured. “Breathe.”
He was impossibly patient, but then I shouldn’t have been surprised. Everything about him was good, the same uncomplicated goodness as a puppy, bright and enthusiastic and just happy to be alive.
The next stroke made me see stars, a sudden jolt of pleasure making my back arch, my hips press up against Lee's, meeting the next thrust with a sharp hiss.
“Love the sounds you make,” Lee said. “You’re so hot like this.”
Blood pounded in my ears, the room swaying side to side as though we were on a much smaller boat, my knees slipping further and further apart as Lee drove into me, slow and deliberate and so satisfying, as deep and full inside me as he could possibly go. A hiccup of pleasure made me gasp or sob or cry out at the peak of each thrust, every one of them so slow that it felt like I had minutes to anticipate each spike of pleasure.
Sweat poured off my skin into the sheets, hard cock dripping precome as it caught on the medium thread count cotton, not quite rough but a long way from smooth. Every sensation seemed a thousand times stronger, the sound of Lee's breaths, getting harsher and sharper, the smell of his aftershave, the way our skin stuck together and peeled apart as he moved.
My body pushed my brain aside and did whatever the hell it wanted until I was on my hands and knees, silently crying out for faster, harder. Lee went with it, clever fingers curled around my hip and splayed low on my stomach, teasing sensitive skin, so close to my cock that tears sprung up in my eyes.
“Please,” I gritted out, and I wasn’t sure if I meant please touch me or please fuck me harder and I’ll come on my own.
They were probably both true.
Lee’s mouth was hot across my shoulders, open-mouthed kisses sending jolts of pleasure straight to my cock, head spinning at the overwhelming rush of it all. The sheets under us were soaked through with sweat, clinging to my knees, the only thing stopping me from sliding right back down to the mattress, thighs aching with the effort.
Lee grunted in my ear, hips snapping, fingers tensing where they were still curled around my hip.
“Wanna feel you come,” he murmured, electric shocks skittering over my skin as he slid his hand down, finally wrapping his fingers around the base of my cock.
The rush of blood in my ears almost drowned out the desperate, needy moan that spilled out of me, and the neighbors definitely knew what we were doing, and I didn’t care.
All I cared about was the way Lee felt against me, inside me, and that’d never happened before. I’d never just let go like this, I hadn’t known how.
Cry after needy cry scraped the back of my throat as the pressure of an orgasm built at the base of my skull, between my shoulder blades, in my thighs and just behind my balls. I never stopped to think about what close felt like, but this was it, I was right on the edge and just waiting for something to tip me over. Panting, gasping for breath, lungs burning with the effort, lack of oxygen making the room spin.
Lee’s thumb caught just under the head of my cock on an upstroke, and that was it. A white hot rush of pleasure washing down my spine with the force of a tidal wave, coiling in my gut for a split second and then bursting free, spilling out all over my stomach and Lee’s hand.
A desperate whimper sounded in my ear, and it took me a moment to realize it was Lee, hips jerking as he joined me, every thrust drawing my orgasm out just a second longer until it was too much and my vision blacked out.
The next thing I knew I was face-first in the pillow, Lee’s weight on top of me, too sated to move as my oversensitive skin tingle with pleasure wherever anything so much as brushed against it.
“Never made anyone pass out before,” Lee purred into my ear, making me shudder as he pulled out—delicately, carefully, but a little too soon for my taste.
I wanted to do that again. Damn.
“I didn’t pass out,” I mumbled into the pillow.
“Mmhmm,” Lee hummed, kissing the back of my neck and then rolling us both to the side, pulling me with him and wrapping his arms around me.
A deep, satisfied sigh brought my breathing back under control minutes later, my muscles too heavy to consider anything other than lying exactly where I was and thinking about how nice Lee’s fingers felt on me where he was stroking circles into my stomach.
“Do you think our cabin steward has noticed that we’re having sex?” I asked eventually as the power of speech returned.
Lee snorted against my shoulder. “What, embarrassed to be seen with me all of a sudden?”
“No.” I shook my head. “No, not at all. If anything, you should be embarrassed to be seen with me.”
“Why do you think that?” Lee asked, suddenly serious.
“I’m… boring,” I said after a pause. “Look at me. I’m wearing suit pants and cotton shirts on vacation, I haven’t been on a date in two years and you’re the first person I’ve had sex with in three, I’d never tried anal before today. I’m an embarrassment to myself and gay men everywhere.”
Lee's hand slid over my stomach, fingers splayed wide. Protective, I thought, though the only person he had to protect me from was me. “Someone said that to you,” he murmured, the words hitting like a knife to the chest.
Yes. Someone had said that to me. The last in a long string of unfulfilling half-forgotten short-term boyfriends. I couldn’t even remember his face anymore, but I could remember him telling me all that.
Mostly because he was right.
“And they were being cruel, and you didn’t deserve to hear it. None of those things make you an embarrassment. Him, though? He’s an embarrassment. He’d better hope I don’t catch up with him,” Lee grumbled, pressing a kiss to my shoulder.
Maybe I should have been offended at the idea that I couldn’t defend myself against one asshole, but I liked Lee offering to be my knight in shining armor.
No one had ever cared that much about me before. Which w
as why…
I swallowed past a sudden lump in my throat.
Why I was falling so hard and so fast for him, even though I had no right to. Lee wasn’t the kind of man who was mine to keep. This was a vacation fantasy that we’d already agreed was all over when the cruise was.
But I wanted to bask in feeling wanted by a man who would normally have been so far out of my reach, who wouldn’t have looked at me twice if we hadn’t ended up as roommates.
“You’re a nicer person than you give yourself credit for being,” I murmured. “Smarter. Funnier, too.”
“Better in bed?” Lee asked.
“Don’t push it.” I let my eyes fall closed. “You give yourself enough credit for that.”
Lee laughed, pressing his lips against my shoulder. “I’m great in bed,” he said. “It’s my best quality.”
“It isn’t.”
Too close. Far too close to the edge, to letting my feelings spill out all over the place and turn this whole thing into a mess.
And yet. Lee was quick to tell me the things I needed to hear. I owed him that much, didn’t I?
“You have a beautiful soul,” I said, hoping desperately that it didn’t sound too much like I’m falling in love with you and I don’t know how to stop it. “And a warm heart. And those are much more important things.”
“Probably the most romantic thing anyone’s ever said to me,” Lee murmured. “Well. You’re better in bed than you give yourself credit for. More interesting, too. Don’t forget that,” he added, yawning widely, breath tickling the hair at the back of my neck as he snuggled down into the pillows.
How could I possibly forget him saying something like that?
20
Lee
The salt air was warm, the sea birds trailing the boat were calling overhead, the waves were breaking against the sides, and Rowan had finally been convinced to dress and come outside to eat, drink, and watch the sunset with me.
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