Why my sister had to live in the middle of nowhere—well, in the suburbs, anyway—was beyond me, but here we were.
“They don’t bite. Well. Amanda went through a phase, but she’s probably over it. Jonah’s a sweet kid. Shy, but sweet once he warms up to you.”
“Like you, then?” Lee teased.
I shrugged. “Has to come from somewhere. He is my nephew.”
Lee grinned up at me, but I could feel how tense he was. I wished there was something I could say to soothe him, some piece of wisdom I could impart that’d make him relax.
“No one’s ever brought me to meet their family before,” he said softly.
“Well, good news.” I leaned in, letting my forehead rest against his. This was my spot, the way the corner of my mouth was Lee's spot. “I’ve never brought anyone to meet my family before. But if experience has taught me anything, they’ll love you more than me. Everyone loves you more than me.”
Lee had made more friends in my building in five weeks than I had in five years. I suddenly knew and spoke to neighbors I’d never even noticed before he came along.
It’d take maybe ten minutes for the rest of my family to collectively adopt him.
“I love you more than I love me,” Lee murmured. “Which is why I’ll probably die if your family hates me.”
“They won’t,” I promised, hand cupping his already-cool cheek, the late November air chilly even through coats and scarves.
Lee tilted his head, brushing his lips over mine, and I was done for. The same hot rush of need and want and love, a feeling I was still getting the hang of, washed over me, curling up in a tight ball in the pit of my stomach.
No one else had ever made me feel like this. If my family somehow didn’t love him, that was fine. I only had to see them a couple of times a year.
I woke up next to Lee and went to sleep beside him every night, and I didn’t ever want that to change.
“Guessing we can’t do this in front of your family,” Lee said.
“I might die,” I agreed, but it didn’t stop me kissing him again, lips parted, the warmth of his mouth a searing contrast to the cold air.
I loved him. I wanted to tell everyone. I wanted to drag him into my sister’s house and show him off and let everyone else marvel at what an incredible person he was, so bright he lit up any room he walked into, so kind and genuine he made friends wherever he went.
“Love you,” I murmured between kisses, Lee's hands fisted in the front of my coat, happiness expanding in my chest.
“Hey!”
The tips of my ears were on fire as I broke away from Lee.
A furtive glance told me my dad was standing in the doorway, looking right at me sticking my tongue in my boyfriend’s mouth like a horny teenager.
“Quit making out on the lawn and come help me with the potatoes,” Dad called.
Lee chuckled, resting his head against my chest, whole body shaking as he laughed and the nervous tension drained out of him.
“Don’t die,” he murmured. “I’d miss you and I can’t face your family alone.”
“Just for you, I won’t,” I promised, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.
Most of the time, I was brave for Lee. Today, he was being brave for me.
That definitely earned him a reward later.
“Come on,” Dad said, holding the door open and waving us inside. “I’m freezing my ass off out here. At least have the decency to make out in the kitchen.”
Lee laughed, taking my hand and tugging me toward the front door. “Sorry, sir,” he said, stopping in front of my father.
“What’s this sir crap?” Dad asked. “Call me Ed. Or Dad,” he added, ushering us into the hallway and shutting the door.
It was a lot warmer in here.
“Lemme look at you,” he turned to Lee, looking him up and down, humming thoughtfully.
“Rowan hasn’t been doing you justice,” he said after a moment. “You’re much better-looking in person than you are in photos. And that smile! If I was twenty years younger…”
“I’d be very flattered,” Lee said. “But I’d still pick Rowan.”
Dad’s whole face lit up. “Right answer,” he said, throwing an arm around Lee to show him into the kitchen, where the rest of the family was gathered.
Almost as proud of him as I was.
Lee looked back, grinning at me, and I knew things were going to be just fine.
Epilogue
Lee
Eighteen months later…
“Not that I’m complaining,” Rowan panted, chest heaving, a sheen of sweat glistening on his skin. Glowing, like he always did after, and I never got sick of him flushed and gasping for breath and sinking into the mattress, happy and satisfied and beautiful.
My chest still filled with the urge to say I love you every single time I looked at Rowan, and this morning was no exception.
No matter how scared I was.
“But what did I do to deserve that?” he asked, still catching his breath.
“Put up with me for eighteen months,” I said. “Plus, I… had a dream about you.”
Which was true. The fact that I had sex dreams about Rowan even though he was never more than a few inches away from me in bed could have been embarrassing if I was the kind of person who was easily embarrassed.
“Ah. Did I do anything fun?”
I laughed. “You know, I don’t even dream about you being different than you are. It’s just you. Like this. In this bed. Maybe a little more sunlight so I can really see you. And we mostly cuddle.”
Rowan chuckled—he laughed a lot more now, and I loved it every time he did. Proof positive that he was getting something out of this, something more than reliable sex.
He still wasn’t like anyone else I’d ever been with, and that was what made my plans for the morning so terrifying. I loved him. I loved him so much it hurt, sometimes, and that hadn’t changed. If there was a honeymoon period, we’d passed it. Life had a rhythm and mine included Rowan, always within arm’s reach—even if arms reach was just being able to text him with whatever stupid thought I’d just had and knowing I’d get a response as soon as he had a moment. An enthusiastic response that told me he was listening, that he wanted to hear what I had to say.
He’d always listened. He’d always been kind, and warm, and he showered me with love and affection like no one else ever had. I felt spoiled, every single day.
And now I was going to ask him for something huge, and I thought he wanted it too, but the knot of fear in my stomach wasn’t about to go anywhere.
“C’mere,” Rowan murmured, shifting so I could curl up against his side. That was what I needed right now.
Rowan's support. Rowan's support to finally pluck up the courage to ask a question that’d been on the tip of my tongue for months.
Today seemed like a good day for it. Rowan was happy, satisfied, and affection was rolling off him in waves as he held me close and kissed my hair and made me feel as loved as ever. Maybe a tiny bit more.
“I dream about you, too,” he said. “As a pirate captain, mostly. Which you’re absolutely going to be for Halloween, and I promise I’ll make it worth your while.”
I snorted, but filed that little piece of information away. If Rowan wanted a pirate, a pirate he would have.
Assuming he didn’t…
I had to ask. I had to know, because not knowing was killing me. Rowan was everything I’d ever wanted and if I’d somehow misread him, if I was on a completely different page, I needed to know that now.
“Rowan,” I murmured, looking up to meet his eyes. This was important. I had to look at him.
No matter how scared I was.
“Lee?” Rowan raised an eyebrow. “Are you okay? You’ve gone pale.”
I swallowed. This was the tricky part. Actually spitting the words out in some kind of order that’d make sense.
I’d planned all kinds of speeches, well-reasoned arguments about why this was t
he best idea for both of us, dozens of reasons why I loved him and wanted this more than anything in the world, even a few ideas about tax breaks and emergency contacts.
But none of that was what mattered right now. There were only two things I needed to say.
“I love you,” I said in a rush, all the air leaving my lungs at the thought of the second part. “Marry me?”
For a split second I wanted to take it back, shove the words right back into my mouth, but then Rowan’s face changed, soft and open and stunned, like I’d just told him he’d won the lottery.
“Oh, Lee,” he murmured, reaching out to me. “Obviously, yes. I’m so proud of you.”
“Proud of me?”
“You must’ve been terrified.”
He remembered. He remembered me telling him what’d happened with Craig, that it’d been the end of everything, that he’d laughed at me.
Of course he did. Rowan listened to me. Always had. Even on that first day.
“I was,” I admitted. “I knew you wouldn’t… I knew that if you said no it’d be gentle, but…”
He was saying yes. He was saying yes to marrying me.
The whole world was spinning right now.
“Can I show you something?” Rowan asked, playing with the ends of my hair. “I’ll have to get out of bed for it.”
“Guess I can live without you for a few seconds,” I said, leaning into his touch as he stroked his fingers along my scalp, soothing.
Rowan took care of me. He always took care of me.
And he wanted to keep doing it.
He’d said yes.
It’d been so soft and easy that it hadn’t sunk in yet. Rowan wanted to marry me.
Rowan wanted to marry me. Of all the people in the world.
I watched him roll out of bed, admiring the view as he walked to the wardrobe and hunted through it.
“Have I mentioned what a great butt you have recently?” I asked, still processing the idea that Rowan wanted to marry me.
It hadn’t been a big deal. Not to him. He’d agreed so easily it was almost as though he knew it was coming.
I’d sworn Tyler to secrecy when I’d told him about it, and I didn’t think he’d let anything slip. Just encouraged me to go for it and assured me Rowan would say yes, that he was never going to do better for me, and on the off chance it all went south there was a guest room waiting for me with him and Andries.
He was a good friend.
“I remember you saying something like that about twenty minutes ago when you had both hands on it,” Rowan said wryly, turning back toward the bed and treating me to another nice view.
He was fitter and more toned than he had been when we met, and I’d done that, because Rowan still wasn’t about to set foot inside a gym, but sex was a different thing entirely. I remembered thinking of him once as practically virginal, but that definitely wasn’t true anymore.
He’d even showed me a thing or two.
“Close your eyes,” Rowan said, kneeling on the bed with his fist clenched around something. “And hold out your hand.”
I obeyed, a shiver of curiosity making me squirm as he pressed something into my hand. Small, hard, velvety…
Holy shit.
“Rowan, is this…?” I sat up, peering at the little black box I was holding in awe.
“Open it,” he murmured, sliding into bed next to me again.
Inside the little velvet box was exactly the thin gold band I was expecting to find.
Rowan had known this was coming, but not because anyone had told him. Because he’d been planning it himself.
“I was planning to do this tonight, at the restaurant opening. I’d been conspiring with Andries, even.”
I pulled the ring out of the case, holding it in the palm of my hand and staring.
Rowan wanted to marry me. Really wanted to. So much that he’d been planning to ask himself.
“What’s this?” I asked, noticing a tiny mark on the inside of the ring.
An X?
“Marks the spot,” Rowan said. “I mean, I know it doesn’t, I remember everything you told me about buried treasure, but… well, it still seemed…”
“It’s perfect,” I said, holding it out to him. “Go on. Ask me.”
Rowan took the ring, flipping it so the X would be on the underside of my finger. Where I’d just barely be able to feel it, I thought.
“It’s because you’re the most precious thing I’ve ever had,” he said. “If I was ever going to mark my treasure with an X…”
He slipped it on, fingers gentle as ever as he settled the band in place, lips soft as he raised my hand to them and kissed the knuckles. “It would be you,” he finished. “There’s nothing in the entire world I care about more than you.”
Tears stung at my eyes, and I lunged forward to wrap my arms around Rowan, burying my face against his neck as they started to fall.
“I love you,” Rowan murmured. “And I’m planning to keep doing that for the rest of my life.”
Now that was buried treasure worth finding.
“I love you, too.”
Deleted Scene
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Thank you from Sean
Hello gorgeous,
You’ve reached the end of the book! I assume that means you’ve enjoyed it and I hope you can be persuaded to leave a review, they make all the difference in the world!
Cruising was written mostly in hospital waiting rooms and while recovering from multiple surgeries (it’s a long story, I won’t bore you), and I hope it brought as much sunshine and happiness into your life as it did into mine.
Take care of yourself.
Love,
Sean
Cruising Page 21