I swallowed hard, looking at Ethan hooked to machines, unconscious. He looked so different, so human. So broken. I attempted to swallow again, but my mouth had dried so much that it was impossible.
“I’ve tried ten times over the past five days to initiate a change, and he can’t,” Sebastian said; soft and sympathetic. “Josh, London, and Ariel have tried everything, and nothing has worked.”
Sorrow had seeped into his last words, and he was staring at Ethan with the same look of grief and pain as I had to have.
“I should try to use the Aufero again,” I suggested.
“What has changed since you tried four days ago? Three days ago? And yesterday?” It was like the damn thing was dead. I’d felt the magic coursing through me, but when the Aufero had tried to mimic it, nothing had happened. It had brightened to a vibrant orange, darkened like it had been eclipsed, and then turned a pale yellow. And it hadn’t done a goddam thing.
“Sky, you’re not eating. You’ve been here every day, all day.”
“So has Josh,” I pointed out.
“He left once, and he’s at home now.”
“He’ll be back soon,” I said.
“True. But he’s getting a break. Let’s go to dinner.” Although he’d attempted to keep his voice devoid of emotions, I’d heard something in it. Regret? Frustration? Sadness?
“Claudia will be here in a few, and I’d like to give her time alone with him.”
I spun around to face him. “What do you want to talk about at dinner? Let’s talk about it now.”
“Let’s discuss it at dinner.”
“No, I’m not having dinner with you. Spit it out. What do you want to discuss?”
“He’s not getting better. We’ve tried everything. Everything. It’s been five days and—”
“And what? You’re going to let him die?”
“No, of course not. But no were-animal has ever been down this long and come out the same. Ethan is exceptional in a lot of ways, but we’re asking a lot to assume he’ll come out of this. Faerie magic and—”
“Call Senna. She can fix it.”
“We have. She doesn’t know of anything that can help. She didn’t even know it was possible. And you’ve been through the Clostra, what? Five or six times?”
Sebastian was right. Everything that could be done, had been done. And it had all failed.
I didn’t have dinner with Sebastian. He didn’t seem to object because he made only a half-hearted effort to convince me to go. Instead, while Claudia visited with Ethan, I roamed the grounds, looking for my ring. I hadn’t remembered to take it off when I’d changed. My clothes had been destroyed during the change; something similar had to have happened to it. I’d changed so fast I’d given little thought to my ring, and I felt awful about it now. There wasn’t any blood on the grounds thanks to the witches and the rain. Instead of thinking about Ethan, I diverted all my attention to looking for the ring.
I scoured every inch of the former battleground on my knees, running my hands through the grass and sifting through the dirt.
“Are you looking for this?” Cole asked, holding something between his fingers as he approached me.
He took my hand and placed the thing in it. My ring—the stone was intact, but the band was broken and would have to be replaced.
“It’s a beautiful stone,” he acknowledged, looking down at it.
I nodded. I didn’t have much energy. I hadn’t slept in days and was eating just enough to keep Sebastian and Dr. Jeremy off my case. I didn’t want to expend any energy talking to Cole. He stayed close, watching me. He opened his mouth to speak, closed it, and took several more moments before he spoke. His eyes were sincere and had a clarity that made it hard not to hold them as long as I could.
“You will hurt for a long time, and that is to be expected,” he said with earnest kindness. “Being mated to someone is nice, but it’s not nicer or more special than a marriage. Partners die and people grieve, and then they must move on. You’ll get there.”
“Stop talking like he’s dead.”
His next words were poignant and sympathetic. I didn’t want any of it. “You’ve probably liked Ethan for months and loved him for weeks. You should remember those feelings, but remember you lack experience. You will find someone more suitable for you. Maybe then you’ll realize how incompatible you two were.”
I blinked back tears, pretending his words didn’t affect me. I hated feeling the way I did because I doubted myself. Not my feelings for Ethan, but Cole’s motives. Was he truly being kind and helping me to accept the inevitable? Was he just awkwardly trying to show me I’d eventually heal? Or was he being cruel and masking it as good intentions? His speaking so dismissively about my lack of experience before my relationship with Ethan made it seem trivial. It wasn’t, and my feelings were real—too real. I hated not being able to control them to keep the tears from coursing down my face.
“I’m sorry. I wish I could make this better.” He pressed the palms of his hands against my face and brushed the tears away. I felt vulnerable, but I remembered Steven’s words of caution about Cole and didn’t want to feel weak around him. Whatever his motives were, I didn’t want to have anything to do with him.
I stepped back, paused, and then moved several more feet away. Maybe I was mistaken, fatigue making me irrational and paranoid, but I thought he’d been about to kiss me. When he moistened his lips, it made me more suspicious.
“Why are you still here? Don’t you have your pack to worry about?”
He smiled. “Like this pack, or rather the way it was, my pack is more than capable of operating in my short absence.” He inched toward me, and I moved back accordingly. “I’m sure this isn’t the first time someone’s admitted it, but you bring out my protective urges. I want to make sure you’re okay. It’s rare for anyone to evoke them so strongly. But you do. I’m not sure what it is about you. So, when I feel you’re okay, I’ll leave.”
I backed away toward the house. “You’re welcome to leave—I’m fine. Even if I weren’t, you’re the last person I want having any urges toward me. I’m sure there are plenty of other people you can extend that offer to. People who actually want it.”
CHAPTER 26
Day six wasn’t any better, and I was easing into the idea that Ethan wouldn’t make it. I hated that Josh was entering the stages of grief as if he’d accepted Ethan was dead. Watching him made my heart ache even more.
“Ethan.” I leaned into him, pressing my cheek against his as I spoke, blinking back tears. They were the last thing I needed. “No one knows how to fix this, but I think you do. So, you will do it. Help me, help you.” It was my last-ditch effort, a moment of irrational hope, one I had to force myself to believe. It didn’t help. False optimism wasn’t helpful. It was acting. As much as I wanted to believe it, I couldn’t.
I just couldn’t stand idly by and do nothing. I lifted my head and pressed my hand against the wound in his chest. It was the closest to his heart, and I was drawn to it. I closed my eyes and listened, waiting for instructions. A sign. Something. There wasn’t anything. Instead, I heard music. Not quite music—notes. It reminded me of when I was learning to play the flute. How I’d positioned my fingers on the keys, pursed my lips, and blown just right to make the same sound as my instructor. Magical notes played. I duplicated the magic that coursed through him, hitting all the same magical chords and reciting the invocations as they came to me. We were as one, performing the magic. It crossed my mind that it could be Maya casting another spell. I was desperate and felt Ethan’s death was inevitable if I didn’t do anything.
I opened my eyes after making the last note. The scars hadn’t healed—they were open. The same silver glow pulsed over them. The scars on his chest and stomach puffed out a glittering silver and blue substance. Magic. But it wasn’t Faerie magic, or at least nothing I had felt before.
“Okay, Ethan. That worked.” I had no idea if it had worked. I was going on pure speculation and
hope, the worst combination of magic. But it was all I had. The wound wouldn’t close.
“You need to change. Now.”
He didn’t move. His eyes were still closed. His heart rate and respiration were too low.
“That’s okay. I’ll help you change. You haven’t done it in a while,” I said soothingly. I pressed my hand to his and relaxed into my wolf. I lay half of my body over him, anticipating a change. It never came. I wasn’t sure how long I stayed in that position, but eventually, I slid to the floor, buried my muzzle under my leg, and howled—a grief-stricken, melancholy sound. Several other wolves returned the mournful cry, and it rang throughout the room and outside the house.
Bereavement made it difficult to move. I’d been on the floor long enough to see the sun rise and set again. I had to get up—but I couldn’t. I was weighed down by another body lying over mine.
Ethan. I whimpered his name while in wolf form. It sounded like a smothered howl.
He made a weak sound and licked my face. It didn’t bother me as much as it would have under any other condition. I didn’t move.
Twenty-four hours later, Dr. Jeremy couldn’t stop looking at Ethan in disbelief. Several times, I caught his curious, furtive glances. Ethan was weaker, and he required assistance the three times he changed into his wolf and was markedly more tired after it. But each time was an improvement. “The wounds are healed.”
Ethan nodded. “I feel slower, not the same.”
“I’m confident that will come back. Give it a few days. We thought you were dead.”
“Me, too,” he admitted.
I thought they would have me go over what had happened again. I’d told the story more times than I’d cared to, and no one could figure it out.
When Sebastian walked into the recovery room, he didn’t have the countenance of someone whose Beta had come back from the brink of death. He worked too hard at the smile and eventually gave up on what was a fruitless endeavor. “How long do you think it will take for him to be back to normal?” He directed his question to Dr. Jeremy, but he wanted Ethan’s input as well. I’d heard the urgency and strain in Sebastian’s voice, and if I had, I knew Ethan had as well. The last couple of days hadn’t been kind to Sebastian, either, and hiding it was getting more difficult every day.
He looked grim and amber flecks of restrained anger and frustration overtook his eyes.
Ethan scrutinized Sebastian for a mere second. “Someone has issued a challenge?”
Sebastian moved enough into the nod for it to be discernable. He sighed. “I can consult Council, but they’re not likely to rule in your favor.”
“Council won’t agree with you, Sebastian,” Cole asserted coolly, standing in the threshold of the door. “And it would not look favorable for you to go to them on something so explicitly defined in our rules. I’ve waited thirty days since the last challenge. Tomorrow will be Ethan’s seventh day from injury. I am an Alpha, challenging for a lesser rank in another pack. Which part of this doesn’t adhere to the rules? What do you need counsel on?”
Sebastian’s hard gaze homed in on him. Ethan wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.
Alphas had audacity to spare. I’d gotten used to it from Ethan; with others, it was off-putting, and from Cole, it was just infuriating. He sauntered even farther into the room, arrogance lying heavily over the sharp lines of his face. He seemed taller and more powerful, a force that overtook the room.
“You aren’t capable of being Beta. No one knows whether you will heal to one hundred percent. This pack needs a Beta at full potential. Having a weakened Beta might work in other packs, but I’ve seen firsthand what you all have to deal with. You need someone up to the challenge. If you were attacked tomorrow, Ethan would need protection, not be the one protecting. Which means he is unable to fulfill his job.”
“You challenged before and lost. Do you really want that humiliation again?” I asked.
He gave me an easy smile. “If I lose, then you have what you need: a Beta who can do his job. I will hold no ill will.” Then he moved his attention to Sebastian. “It’s easy to make me the bad person for wanting to enforce rules you are ready to ignore. Your friendship and compassion for Ethan are quite admirable—but they can’t come at the cost of the safety of the pack. As the Alpha, the pack’s protection is your responsibility and should be your top priority, no exceptions. As the Elite, it’s important you follow the rules and remain unbiased. Your reputation and position depend on it.”
Cole seemed admirable, or at least that was what his words indicated. It was easy to forget he always had an ulterior motive that was to his advantage. He hadn’t helped Steven because it had been the right thing to do; he’d done it in hopes that Ethan would get injured so badly he couldn’t defend his position. The rage that roiled in me was getting harder to control.
I studied Ethan as he considered the situation. The days had worn on him—he’d nearly lost his brother and his own life. I wondered if being Beta was still a priority and worth keeping. Which would he choose: stepping down and giving Cole the position, or the challenge? He’d promised me he would only do submission fights, but anytime there were two powerful, ferocious people fighting, there was no guarantee a life wouldn’t be lost. Cole certainly wouldn’t be careful with Ethan’s life.
“There’s no shame in stepping down, Ethan. There is honor in it. You have your mate.” I didn’t like the lingering look he slid in my direction. It was deviously hopeful. Cole’s interest in me was a result of my relationship with Ethan; I was something he desired for no other reason than Ethan had me.
Hands shoved deep in his pockets, Cole gave Sebastian a respectful bow. Sebastian remained stoic, his face unreadable, but if the turbulent energy that rose off him was an indicator of what he was feeling, he didn’t have to express it on his face. I wondered if Sebastian was grappling with the things that Cole had pointed out. Social norms, federal and state laws, and societal expectations meant little to him. He adhered to them only when they benefitted the pack. The pack laws, rules, and obligations were the foundation of the pack. It was who he was, and who they were. How much would things change if he helped his Beta by not following them?
When Cole made his way out of the room, he looked over his shoulder, giving me another look that neither Ethan nor Sebastian missed. Ethan tensed. I followed Cole out and caught him when he was just a few feet away.
“What’s wrong with you?” I asked. “Why are you doing this?”
Taking easy, graceful steps as he strode in my direction and moistening his lips, he was more predator than man. He spoke so low I had to strain to hear him, something I knew was intentional. A conversation for our ears only. “What happened between us and the Faeries is in part because of Ethan. He is culpable. You have a love and commitment to him that I believe have left you blind to his actions.” He considered me for a long time. Reaching out, his finger brushed lightly against my hand. I jerked my hand away as if I’d been singed.
Cole sighed. “He’s not the man he was before. He’s injured and weaker—not a true Alpha anymore.” As he moved closer, his eyes sought mine. “Your feelings can’t be the same for him. It’s okay. Let him accept the challenge. He only falters because of you. If you want him to fight for the position, he will.” I knew exactly what he was saying. It was what I was thinking earlier: even in a submission fight, not everyone survived.
Anger moved through me like a rampaging animal. My hands balled at my sides; the pain of my nails embedding in my skin, piercing flesh, gave me something more to think about than doing as much damage to Cole as possible.
“I didn’t fall for Ethan’s position. I fell for Ethan.”
“That’s unfortunate, because the way I see it, either way, he is undeserving of you.”
“If he is, then you definitely are,” I said flatly. If I let anger into my voice, it would spiral into something I wasn’t likely to control because part of me didn’t want to. I raised my voice loud enough for Sebastian t
o hear. “Sebastian.” I kept my eyes on Cole, watching the haughtiness that was just as tailored to him as his clothing. I heard and felt Sebastian step toward me. He hadn’t lost his anger or frustration. “As Ethan’s mate, can I accept a challenge on his behalf if he can’t do it?” I asked.
The smile fell from Cole’s lips. His eyes narrowed on me.
“Technically, you can,” Sebastian said, amusement hitting every word.
Cole diverted his attention to Sebastian and back to me. “I don’t think it’s a good idea. You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into,” he warned.
“No, I do. I really want to kick your ass.”
“I don’t want to fight you, Sky,” he said.
“You’re not fighting me. You’re challenging me for a position I have every intention of defending. You can wait until Ethan is fight-ready and let him kick your ass to defend his position, or you can call your Beta, let him come down—since that’s the rule—and let me kick your ass when he arrives.”
“He’s on his way. He’ll be here tomorrow.” That just added insult to injury, how calculated it was. He would have challenged Winter, who would have moved up to the Beta position if Ethan hadn’t survived.
“Sky, this is a bad decision on your part,” he started mildly. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
I so want to hurt you.
He struggled to maintain his warm, soothing tone—camouflage to mask his true intent. “Sky, don’t make me hurt you.” I was surprised by the concern and apprehension in his voice, including the sadness and conflict of emotions. In some twisted way, it seemed that Cole had claimed me, and the only person in his way was Ethan. I didn’t understand it.
“I don’t come with the position,” I reminded him softly. It felt odd I had to keep reminding him of this, as if I were some consolation prize. I wasn’t flattered by such debauched thinking, and I was tired of defending my relationship with Ethan to him. I was getting even more frustrated with people seeing me either as a naïve woman who couldn’t navigate the world or a peculiar anomaly that whetted their interest. Perhaps he saw Ethan and me as a power couple, but I thought we were nothing more than the mess that could have been developed in Frankenstein’s lab, as Ariel had described us.
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