by Keane Jessie
‘He’s a good dancer,’ said Nula. ‘Terry.’
‘Don’t get no ideas, our Nula. I asked him to ask you to dance. He did it as a favour.’
Nula shrank into her seat. So Terry hadn’t actually wanted to dance with her at all. And why would he? She was fat, plain and short-sighted – although she refused to wear the NHS specs she was supposed to. She sighed over her dismal life. Their parents’d had both her and Jimmy late. Mum and Dad were Victorian in their attitudes, elderly in their ways. They were plain people; worthy, church-going, spectacled, cheaply clothed. Thick in their heads and around the middle. Jimmy was the same. None of them seemed to have an ounce of drive, none whatsoever. They were in the gutter and were content to stay there. Ambition was a dirty word to them.
But not to Nula.
Nula Perkins might be in the gutter, but by Christ she was looking at the stars. Her life had to amount to more than it did; she’d had a piss-poor education and was now in a sorry excuse for a job on the cake and biscuit counter in Woolies. Her big weekly treat was window-shopping in town with her mates around the market in Carnaby Street and looking longingly in Biba, because she could only look; she could never afford to buy anything and anyway nothing would ever fit over her fat arse.
‘Terry Barton’s sweet on Jill Patterson,’ said Jimmy. He’d plunged the knife in and now he was twisting it. Nula wanted to hit him because she knew it was probably true; she’d seen Terry and Jill in town together recently, holding hands.
‘I could get him off her,’ said Nula, stung; she knew she couldn’t.
‘What?’ Jimmy was laughing at her. Nothing new there. Nula was used to being laughed at. She’d been laughed at her entire fucking life, by everyone but particularly by Jimmy. Four years older than her and wearing an air of smug superiority, he loved nothing so much as taking the mick out of his little sister.
Like on one of their rare family holidays, when she’d been dancing the hokey-cokey with new-found friends: ‘You looked a prat doing that,’ said Jimmy when she came off the dance floor, making her glowing smile instantly wilt to nothing.
Or the time she’d been singing in the church choir, performing a solo for the first time ever; she’d been so proud – and then he’d grinned at her afterwards and said: ‘You were off bloody key, you should have heard yourself. You sounded like a cat caught in a mangle.’
‘You know her? Jill Patterson? Wasn’t she in your class at school? She’s a stunner,’ he was saying now.
Nula felt her cheeks glow hot in the darkness. Yes, she knew Jill. Her of the silky straight blonde hair and lovely blue eyes and fabulous figure. Fucking Jill Patterson. At that moment, as they racketed along in the tinny noisy little car – nothing cool or sporty for Jimmy, he was boring as fuck, they were all, her entire family, as boring as fuck – with her breath pluming out in the cold night air, Nula came to a momentous decision.
Somehow, she was going to change.
5
Gordie Howard always drank at the Pig’s Head with his crew all around him. Everyone knew that Gordie was tooled up as a matter of routine because of the bayonet thing when he’d pasted Charlie. No one ever mentioned the bayonet thing, not in Charlie’s hearing and certainly not in Terry’s. But Charlie’s boys all knew, and approached the problem accordingly, arming themselves with knives, machetes, spiked knuckledusters and a few leftover service revolvers.
When Charlie was better and his scars healed, he made a plan. He had to take Gordie out, he knew that. And he didn’t want to leave any other members of Gordie’s gang loose about the place to take over where Gordie left off. Charlie made this plain to his boys, and they all nodded their agreement and set off on the evening’s entertainment.
‘I’m going to enjoy this,’ said Charlie as they trooped out into the night, mob-handed.
‘Too right,’ said Terry. ‘Arsehole’s got it coming.’ But he wasn’t sure. He feared Gordie Howard’s crew and thought Charlie a fool not to.
As soon as Gordie and his heavies emerged from the pub, Charlie’s boys dived in. Soon the bodies were piling up on the pavement, but Charlie wasn’t letting anyone else have Gordie Howard but himself. Some of Gordie’s boys ran off when it looked like things were going against them, leaving a hardcore few grouped around Gordie like guards around an emperor. Blood flew and before long there was no one left but Gordie, on the ground, dazed and reeling from tens of punches, cut to ribbons. Then whistles started blowing.
‘Get him up,’ said Charlie, gasping and blood-covered. ‘Let’s go.’
They hefted Gordie into the back of Beezer’s old Ford van and had it away before the coppers could arrive on the scene and start making trouble. They drove him down to the docks and hustled him, barely conscious, into an empty warehouse.
At Charlie’s instruction, Terry slapped Gordie around until he came out of his stupor. Then they tied him to a chair and Charlie stood in front of his enemy in triumph, staring down at him where he sat beaten, all the colour draining out of his face because he knew this was going to be bad.
One of the boys handed Charlie an iron bar.
‘Christ,’ panted Gordie, and seeing the man’s terror, Terry stepped forward.
‘I’ll put him out of his misery, eh, Charlie?’
Charlie stepped back a pace. Glared at his fallen enemy. Then he nodded, once.
Terry hit Gordie hard in the jaw. They all heard the snap as it broke. Gordie’s head flew back, and then he was out of it, unconscious. Terry gave Charlie a nod and got out of the way. Charlie stepped in and swung the bar back and crashed it into both Gordie’s legs and then his arms, pulverizing his limbs. Finally, satisfied, he threw the bar aside. It hit the dirty cement floor with a clatter. Charlie was breathing hard with the effort.
‘He won’t give us no more trouble,’ said Charlie. ‘Get him out. Dump him back by the pub when it’s clear.’
After the Pig’s Head incident, no one heard of Gordie Howard around town any more. He was – literally – a broken man. For a full month after the event, Charlie’s boys cruised the manor in their cars, herding up any stragglers from Gordie’s gang and seeing them out of town, until there was no one left and there was a change in the air. Now everyone knew Charlie had taken control.
The manor was his.
6
There were some things Mum saw as a treat, and having Nula accompany her to the hairdresser’s once a fortnight was one of them. There the same female hairdresser – Candy – would poodle-perm Mum’s hair into submission, leaving it frizzed out, lifeless and ready for a shampoo and tight set. Soon, Candy was doing the same for Nula. But now, having come to a decision about the direction her life was taking, Nula spoke up.
‘I don’t want her doing my hair any more,’ she said.
‘What?’ Mum looked poleaxed.
‘I don’t, OK? I’m growing this perm out.’
‘Well, if you want,’ said Mum.
‘Yeah. I do.’ Nula chewed her lip. ‘And I hate my bloody name. Nula the Loser they call me at school. What’d you call me that for?’
Mum’s myopic eyes were full of hurt. ‘It was my mother’s name,’ she said.
‘Well I hate the bloody thing.’
That little fracas caused a chill to descend that lasted for days. Nula hated to cause her mum pain, but she steeled herself to do it. Things had to change. Things had to be different. And then Nula had to find another hairdresser. She saved up and went to a new trendy one in town that everyone was talking about, Mr Fox, where inside everything was black and gleaming. As she entered, Elvis was singing ‘It’s Now or Never’ on the sound system.
Nerves cramping her stomach, sweat dripping from her armpits and her overtight new bra digging in under her non-existent tits, Nula tried to look together but she was feeling out of her depth. The stylists were scary. Cool, young, brimming with confidence. Beautiful. Everything was about beauty these days. Like Jean Shrimpton, who she’d read about in Marie Claire – Jean was having a hot aff
air with the photographer David Bailey. Oh, to be part of that world, that life.
Nula felt about two inches high the minute she stepped through the door of the salon. The pretty mini-skirted girl who took her coat and hung it up looked at it like it was a rag – which, to be fair, it was – and then she looked at Nula, barely stifling a mocking smile.
So what? thought Nula. I’m used to that. People laughing at me, sneering, making fun.
She’d had it at school, in the new awful communal changing rooms after the hell of games or gym or – the worst – cross-country running. She’d lumbered around, unable to keep up, red-faced and breathless. Then, after the ritual humiliation of the showers, there was dressing. Her old-fashioned Mum’d still had Nula wearing a vest at fifteen, which had been the cause of much hilarity in the changing room. Also, Nula was flat-chested, while most of the other girls were blossoming into young women, wearing pretty starter brassieres and beginning to take an interest in boys.
Not Nula. She knew her chance of attracting boys was zero. Her mirror confirmed it.
But now, having had her hair washed in an excruciatingly painful back-basin, she was draped in a black towel, plonked in front of yet another mirror, and was confronted with her reflection. Pale. Fat. Frizzy-haired. As Michael Holliday sang ‘Starry Eyed’, the apprentice wrenched a comb through it, pulling at the knots. It hurt.
Then the stylist came over, a stunning young man in hipster jeans, black shirt and a big TEXAS brass belt buckle. He pawed over her wet hair with a frown and said: ‘I’m Simon. So what can we do for madam today?’
‘I want you to cut it, please. In this style.’ Nula produced a hairdressing magazine and pointed to a picture of a ravishing girl with a long casual bob. ‘And I want to be blonde. Like that.’
‘Blonde? You sure?’ He was staring at her like she was demented.
‘Absolutely.’
He shrugged, disinterested. The customer was always right. Nula wondered if perhaps he might do a small test on her hair, to see how it would take the colour. He didn’t. Instead he went off to a back room and returned with a dish of lilac-coloured gunge, which he proceeded to slap onto her head. After fifteen minutes, it was stinging. Then he wrapped her head in foil, put her in a chair with a pile of last year’s magazines, set a timer and left her there.
Now her head was actually hurting, but she was too intimidated to cry out. When the alarm went off and Simon returned, she nearly sobbed with relief. The stuff was washed off, and Nula was once again placed before the mirror while Simon clipped away at her now reddish hair.
‘Um,’ said Nula.
He looked at her expectantly.
‘It’s not blonde,’ she said. So with barely concealed impatience he put some more gunk on her head, and slapped the timer back on.
7
The Charlie Boys had got used to pilfering from cars and then nicking the cars themselves and selling them on. Charlie and his gang also became expert housebreakers. Summers were particularly good for this. People hot in bed upstairs, windows left open downstairs. Perfect.
They were earning very nicely now by criminal means and were starting to think bigger. Charlie had the manor all set up in his favour and they were raking in cash around the restaurants and clubs. Charlie had his boys on the doors, and before long they had the club owners out the door and were taking over. Added to that, they were screwing three or four big houses every week and getting away with it. But soon the word spread, the Old Bill were after them, and they had to go further and further out on the rob, or invite trouble. Charlie was growing bulkier by the day and Terry and Beezer were too big to get in small windows, so they trained up Beezer’s little brother, baby-face Col, for that job.
It was like a holiday jaunt, a return to the old days, the housebreaking. They drove out into the countryside in Terry’s Cortina, where the pickings were a lot better and where their chances of detection were halved thanks to country plod’s relaxed attitude to law enforcement.
Once at their target area, they found a nice big house and sent Col in to knock on the door. The deal was this: if nobody answered, the job was on and Col would be shovelled through a small open window – or they would break one – and then Col would open the front door to let the rest of the troops inside. If someone did answer, then Col would innocently ask for directions and leave the householder in peace.
It was a system that seemed foolproof, and one that they used again and again. They would get in, dump empty boxes out of the boot of the car and into the hallway. Then they would put all the stuff they were robbing into the boxes and exit by the front door.
Then one night they were doing a big place, bigger than usual. Col rapped at the door, nobody answered. All was fine. They moved round the side of the building in the moonlight, laughing because they looked like they should have a bag marked ‘swag’ on their shoulders as they tiptoed along. They found an open window. Beezer wasn’t with them tonight, but they had enough backup should they need it. Terry clasped his hands together and boosted Col up there. Col grabbed the window frame and wriggled through without any trouble at all. He dropped down onto the floor inside.
Outside, Charlie and Terry were still laughing, waiting for Col to open the front door. Then there was a noise.
Terry stopped laughing.
‘What the fuck was that?’ asked Charlie in a loud whisper.
All of a sudden, Col screamed. It was the most godawful spine-tingling, bowel-loosening scream either of them had ever heard.
Charlie was fumbling for his torch, unable to find it. Terry was leaning into the window, but he couldn’t see a fucking thing inside. But the screaming. He could hear the screaming, loud and clear.
Charlie found the torch. With shaking fingers he flicked it on and aimed it at the window and for a second all he could see was the reflection of his own bleached-out face. Then he angled it down.
‘Oh shit!’ he muttered, feeling hot stinging sick rise in his throat, threatening to choke him.
He staggered back a step and Terry grabbed the torch off him.
‘What?’ Terry was demanding, over and over. ‘What is it . . . ?’
Then Terry looked along the torch’s beam and he saw.
Little Col was being dragged around the room inside there, and he wasn’t screaming any more. A Rottweiler as big as a tank was gripping Col by the neck and yanking him this way and that. A liquid pool of dark red was spreading out, staining the floorboards. Col’s eyes were closed.
‘Shit,’ said Terry, flicking off the torch, his face frozen in horror.
‘We got to clear off,’ said Charlie flatly. ‘He’s dead.’
‘What? No! We got to get him out of there,’ said Terry, wondering how the hell they were going to break this to Beezer.
‘You bloody serious? That bastard’s finished him, and he’ll finish us too. Come on. We’re going.’
It was the talk of the streets for weeks after.
‘You knew that little scrote Colin, didn’t you? Didn’t you used to hang around together at school?’ Mum asked Charlie. ‘Bloody thieving off people. Still, what a way to end up. Nobody should finish like that.’
‘I knew him. Not very well,’ said Charlie, wishing the old girl would shut her mouth.
‘Robbing off people’s houses. It’s disgusting.’
And then there was the funeral. Baby-face Col’s mum and dad were in bits as they followed, stumbling and crying behind the hearse bearing their youngest son up the road and into the church. COLIN was spelled out in red chrysanthemums beside the coffin. Col’s older brother Beezer trailed along beside his parents, his face blank with grief.
All the time the funeral went on, Charlie wouldn’t meet Terry’s gaze. The Bill had questioned them. The coppers knew they were dodgy and that Col and Beezer always hung around with Charlie and Tel. But they both denied all knowledge, and soon it blew over. Charlie, Terry, Beezer and the rest of the Charlie Boys didn’t go housebreaking any more though. They conce
ntrated on bigger and better stuff around the manor. There was no more arsing around fencing gear or giggling in the backs of vans. Somehow, they’d lost their taste for petty thievery.
8
With housebreaking behind them, Charlie was looking for new avenues of interest and mugging was an easy deal for his mob of heavy-set lads. Him and Terry and three others started queer-bashing; they hung around the toilets and robbed the cottagers, knowing they wouldn’t ever report the incident to the police.
Then they tried football grounds and racecourses, confident of rolling over plenty of drunken punters with cash on the hip. Word of their activities was starting to spread, and soon Charlie and his mob were offered five hundred pounds to play minder to a rich bookie who’d had a few threats made against him.
This was great – easy money. They were still doing the club doors, Charlie being very careful to have some of his lesser-known lads start a hell of fight so that, when he turned up offering protection, the club owners nearly bit his arm off in their haste to take him up on his offer. Then, of course, Charlie would shove the owners out and take over.
So Charlie and Terry and the boys were doing all right. Dressing like film stars and dining out with lots of cash in their pockets. Beezer got morose sometimes and spoke about little Col, but Charlie reasoned that he had paid for the fucking headstone, what more could he be expected to do?
Life was sweet.
And soon, it was going to get even sweeter.
‘We got the clubs now, and the snooker halls, but what about the real meat?’ said Charlie.
‘Like what?’ asked Terry. Charlie was like a runaway train. His ambitions really did know no bounds.
‘All sorts,’ said Charlie. ‘Factories. Banks. Loan-sharking, even. Coin it on the interest. All right?’
‘All right,’ said Terry.
9
Two weeks after her visit to Mr Fox, Nula was admiring her now blonde and restyled hair in the mirror in her bedroom when she noticed that a chunk of it was missing from the side. Two days after that, more was coming out. As she combed it, it snapped off an inch from the root. And no matter how gently she tried to wash it and style it, more hair was coming off day by day.