by Dale Mayer
“I know,” she said. “Relationships make me all wobbly and unsure of myself.”
“Exactly. If you’re worried about what to do from here,” he said, “then I suggest you talk to him.”
“I just don’t want to add to his stress,” she said. “He’s under a lot of pressure already.”
“News flash. Relationships are pressure. They are stress. There isn’t any easy answer for anybody,” he said. “So go get the answers that you need now, and then you have something to work forward from. Without the answers, all you’ll end up doing is stewing for nothing and spinning around in circles.”
She looked at him in surprise. “When did you get to be so smart?”
“I was born this way.” And, with a chuckling laugh, he turned and walked out again.
But he was right. All her nerves and worries were because she hadn’t sat down and talked with Keith. And that was something she aimed to fix. She smiled. She’d have to do something special, but what?
His father’s email burned away at the back of his brain. Keith wasn’t ready to open that can of worms, but he couldn’t stop himself from feeling like he should. He did need to make sure that Robin was out of the middle and that he was moving forward with his life. After what seemed like an interminable amount of time, where he’d made no progress at all, he was now making progress by leaps and bounds. The fact that every morning he woke up early, waiting and hoping Ilse would walk in the door, said so much about his mental state. But more than that, he also knew that she liked him and that they were building something together. Something he hadn’t expected. He had deliberately shied away from relationships all his life, not only because of his work but because of his father.
His sister was his only healthy relationship, and that didn’t say a whole lot about him. On the other hand, Keith was prepared to learn and to grow and to move on in reclaiming his life and his health. Anything to keep Ilse at his side. That brought up something else, as in what he would do for a job. He remembered the suggestions from the discussion with his shrink before and wondered about it. He could also ask somebody else in his condition about what kind of issues there were in this transition from naval life to civilian life, in this transition from his first career to his second one.
As he pondered it all, a knock came on his door, and a tall stranger walked in. Keith looked up with a nod and said, “Good morning.”
The man walked forward, reached out a hand, and said, “I’m Iain.”
He stared at him in surprise. “Robin didn’t tell me that you were coming.”
“I didn’t tell her,” he said easily. “I know she’s worried about your reaction to me.”
Keith smiled and shook his head. “Robin has always been a force unto herself. She will do whatever she thinks is right, but, at the same time, she’ll worry in the background.”
Iain grinned. “Isn’t that the truth?” He looked at Keith. “I didn’t know what time was good to catch you.”
“Right now isn’t bad,” Keith said. “I just came back from getting coffee, and it’s not quite breakfast time yet. You’re here pretty early, aren’t you?”
“I am,” he said. “I came to do a bit of carpentry work downstairs at the vet clinic for Robin and Stan.”
“Good. It’s got to feel pretty decent to be in a position where you can do that now.” He frowned as he noted the huge envelope Iain held up now.
“I brought these for you,” he said. “Not that you’ll care necessarily, but I thought I’d give it a try.”
Keith pulled some pictures out. The first was of Iain when he’d arrived. Keith recognized a lot of similar things in the photo of Iain as compared to Keith’s own photos, but the most profound element was the look on Iain’s face. Like Robin had told Keith, Iain had been here—depressed, down, almost surly, and looking at the world as if nothing would ever change. Keith barely even commented on Iain’s physical body. “Man, that face,” Keith said. “I so recognize that look.”
“Right,” Iain said. “I was such an idiot for the way I traveled here.” He shook his head as he stared down at the man that he had been. “I was in such a narrow mind-set, and I couldn’t see beyond it. We get locked up with all our pain, our depression, and our emotions that are just not quite clear, and it’s painful to look back on it now.”
As Iain reached for another photo, Keith was still struck by the fact that the man standing before him was the complete antithesis of the man in the first photo. Keith didn’t even really need to see the next photo, but, when he did, he saw not just the pride on Iain’s face but also the muscle growth, the development, the calming down of some of the angry muscle tissue, the vibrancy of his spirit. Keith looked up at the man in front of him. “I can see why you hang on to these photos.”
“Nobody ever believes me,” Iain said, pulling up a chair with a grin. With a single hand, he flipped it around and sat down casually, a man who was once again in control of his body.
“I’m not there yet,” Keith said boldly.
“You haven’t been here long enough,” Iain said. “You’ll need months, depending on the damage. Sometimes the surgeries are the easiest, but it’s the muscle rebuilding that takes the longest.”
“That’s what I’m finding,” Keith said with a wince. “Just when you think you get progress, you also have a setback.”
Iain’s booming laughter rang across the room. “It can, indeed. Of all the stages of life I’m glad to have over with, it was leaving here. Don’t get me wrong. This is the best place to be for rehab, for recovery, for success. And I owe everything to my time here. It gave me a life back. Some of the staff are really tough, and they make you work but, when they do, wow.”
“Are you talking about Shane by any chance?” Keith asked with a smirk.
“Oh, yeah. I’ve screamed at him and cried with him. You know when you get to that breaking point, and there’s nothing else left? Shane would say that’s when the real Iain showed up.”
“Yes, I’ve been there,” Keith said. “It hasn’t been as dramatic as yours, but I’ve certainly been in a position where I could see that I had to work harder, be more, and do something to show the improvements, and I’m almost there now.”
Iain looked at him and smiled a knowing smile. “You’re not even close,” he said. “I remember this stage. It was about halfway through.” He pointed to his legs. “It’s so much farther than you ever thought you’d get, so you think it’s good. It’s good enough. You think that maybe you can live with this because you’re afraid to hope for more.
“But I’m here to tell you that there is so much more, and you have to give them a chance to give it to you. I’ve seen guys walk away early because they couldn’t stand being away from their families so long. And sure, their rehab could continue at another place, but it’s not the same. Every day you get here is a gift. You need to make as much use of it as you can, and, when you’re lucky enough to get the full benefit, you end up with something like I did.” He smiled. “Every day I wake up and bounce out of bed, grateful that my body works again.”
“I can see that,” Keith said, and he could, but Iain was so far advanced from where Keith was that it was hard to see himself there.
Iain smiled, nodded, and said, “Listen. I know what you’re thinking because I felt it too. I saw other people, who were way ahead of me, and I knew it couldn’t possibly be the same for me. But I was wrong, very wrong, and so are you. Even if you’re upset and worried right now, just know that you have a lot of room for more progress, and it’s worth every bead of sweat.” Then he grinned. “And, by the way, I’m going to marry your sister,” he said. “Some would say I should be asking for your permission, but, since I’m not doing that, no matter how you feel, asking seemed insincere.”
The change in conversation caught Keith off guard. He looked at Iain, smiled slowly, and said, “Well, I’m really glad to hear that,” he said, reaching out for a handshake, “because she is head over heels in love with you.�
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“The feeling is mutual,” Iain said with a gentle smile. “She’s unlike anybody I’ve ever met before. And a far cry from the kind of woman I used to go out with.”
“We’re different men now,” Keith said.
“Not only different,” he said, “but because of the real relationship it is, and the way it started here at Hathaway House, there’s no comparison. In this place, you see people in an honest way, at their worst in some cases, and that has to be dealt with first. It’s not like the supposed real world, where everybody has all these layers and layers of fakeness that you have to get through to find out who the person is on the inside. Here, fake doesn’t work. Here, it is what it is, and you have to deal with it. The good news is that, by the time you survive the first stages of a transparent relationship, you have something that’s solid, and it can go the distance.”
“I hear you there,” he said. “I’ve been thinking about those issues myself.”
Iain looked at him, his lips quirking. “Have you met someone?”
Keith flushed. “I have,” he said, “and believe me. Nobody was more surprised than I was.”
“I think that’s a standard response for those of us lucky enough to have it happen,” he said. “I don’t even understand it myself. Robin could have anybody, so why someone all busted up like me? Now that also gave me the impetus to work a little bit harder, to make sure that I came to her as physically sound as I could possibly be. The reality is that, because of all the surgeries and the injuries, things could get a little uglier down the road, but she says she’s fully prepared for that. I don’t know that I am though,” he admitted honestly. “But it is what it is, and, having met Robin, I’m no longer prepared to be alone, and I’m not afraid anymore to commit to me and to her.”
His words still impacted Keith, long after Iain had walked away. They would meet again for lunch with his sister, and Keith was thrilled. She’d found somebody who appeared to be a decent guy and somebody Keith could relate to, which was even better. But that last comment about no longer being afraid really stayed with him. Is that what Keith had been doing?
He thought back to the young kid he’d been when his mother had died. He’d been devastated, and then his father’s inability to deal with raising two kids alone had been equally difficult. But, when his father had remarried, Keith had been angry and sullen, and for the first time he could really see that his father couldn’t handle Keith at all. So it was for the best that Keith had stepped out. As it was, he had moved into a friend’s garage apartment, but even that was on the edge of too close to his father, and, after another year or so, he ended up in the navy.
It helped though. It had been enough for him to realize that the world was a great big oyster and that he needed to do something for himself.
Joining the navy had been the absolute best thing he could have done. It made him into a responsible and a highly functioning adult male. He could see that his father was still wallowing, grabbing what happiness he could by remarrying and having a second family, but it appeared he was headed into troubled waters again.
That was his problem though; it wasn’t something Keith or Robin could fix. Keith needed to let go of the fear that had crippled his relationships. Fear of losing someone. He’d lost his mother, then his father. All his romantic relationships had sailed along until it came to the commitment part, and then he’d balked because he just knew there was no such thing. There was no happily ever after. Craziness happened, including death, divorce, and remarriage. And he didn’t want any part of it.
He sagged back into his bed, staring out the window. Something needed to give, and maybe Iain’s visit had broken things loose and had brought this on. It was hard to dislike the man. He was friendly, cheerful, and so much further down the path that, instead of being jealous, Keith was inspired. See? Yet another shift in his mind-set. Being inspired wasn’t something he was ever used to being. Now he was willing to see somebody ahead of him and to know that amazing progress was possible. He picked up his phone, quickly sent his sister a text. Just met Iain. Nice guy.
He really is. See you at lunch—crazy morning.
He put down his phone, once again reminded of the fact that everybody else had a job. Everybody else had their careers figured out—except for him. He should have asked Iain what he was doing with his life because Keith needed a hand figuring out what to do with his. As he sat here, he looked up in surprise to see Iain and Ilse both walking back into his room. She had coffee, and so did Iain.
Iain looked at him, smiled, and said, “I just met this beautiful young friend of Robin’s delivering coffee for you,” and there was a question in his eyes.
Keith tried to ignore him, looking up at Ilse instead. “And here I wondered if you’d forgotten,” he teased.
“As if I could forget,” she said. She put down his coffee and said, “I can’t stay. I’ve got to head back to the kitchen. Things are blowing up again.”
“And you’ll deal with it like you always do,” he said comfortably.
She laughed, smiled, and said, “I’ll take that vote of confidence today.” And, with that, she booked it down the hallway.
Iain looked at him with a big grin on his face. “Not bad. Not bad at all.”
“Right?” Keith said, feeling like a little kid. “Sure didn’t expect it to happen.”
“That is what makes it the best thing ever,” he said.
Keith blurted out, “I would ask—” and then broke it off. He didn’t really know how to ask Iain, essentially a stranger, such a question. He would become part of the family, but it wasn’t the same thing.
“Ask what?” Iain prompted.
“Well, I—I’m trying to figure out what to do when I’m done with my rehab here,” he said. “I know that I’ve got another couple months here, maybe more. But then what?”
Iain nodded but stayed quiet.
“One of the things that I was involved in was cybersecurity,” he said. “I was just wondering if you had any clue how one would set up something like that, how to get it started.”
Iain’s eyebrows shot up. “Oh, that’s interesting,” he said, “and you’re way better off from a skill-set perspective than a lot of guys coming into civilian life from the military.”
“I know,” he said. “It just happens to be something I had a knack for, so I tended to get put into that side of it a lot.”
“The government machine is nothing if not effective at using your skills.”
“Sometimes, but other times they do the stupidest things, and you, with all your skills, find yourself walking around on a foot patrol.”
Iain laughed and laughed. “God, isn’t that the truth! When I think of the number of times I was put out on a job, then looked at the other guy like, What are we doing here?”
“Exactly,” Keith said. “I’m not even sure who mentioned it, but somebody suggested I contact local companies or banks or something, to see just what people could use in that area.”
“Well, it’s certainly timely that you mentioned it,” Iain said. “I was in the same boat not that long ago, and, right now, I am in the process of setting up a center for helping guys like yourself get back into the workforce.”
“Really?” he said. “So maybe you’re the right person to talk to.”
“Maybe,” he said. “The thing is, I do know a couple guys who have already established their company, and they are in New Mexico. About seven of them, and they do all kinds of jobs.”
“Meaning?’
“I’m not quite sure what I’m doing here yet, so maybe I’ll talk to them about their journey into this.”
“New Mexico, huh?” He pondered the thought. “You’re not talking about Badger, are you?”
Iain looked at him in delight. “See? We even have friends in common,” he said. “Badger and his entire team had a pretty rough recovery after a bad accident, but now they’re well past that stage. They’ve set up a big center to help vets. They do everything fr
om security to carpentry apparently. They’re even involved in K9 work now.”
“Well, I don’t have any experience in that,” he said, “but I have a lot in the cyberattack and cybersecurity realm.”
“What about government-level work?”
“I could,” he said. “I’m not against it. I could also do covert contracts. I don’t have any other people to work with, but it wouldn’t hurt to have something just for myself to handle.”
“I’ll think about it,” he said, “and see if I have any connections to pull on.”
“Thanks, I’m doing the same.”
Iain stayed and visited a little bit longer, then Keith said, “Guess I should get ready for breakfast.”
“Yep, I hear you,” he said. “I’m waiting for Robin to pop up, and then I’ll go back down again with her.”
“Good enough,” Keith said. “Hey, if you get a chance, stop by again.”
“I’m back and forth anyway,” Iain said. “I settled in Dallas.” He smiled at him. “That’s something you may want to consider yourself.”
“Why Dallas?” Keith asked, as he swung his legs over the edge of the bed.
“Because of the girlfriend scenario, to be near her,” Iain said, then he was gone.
Keith thought about that as he grabbed his crutches and made his way to the kitchen. That was a good thing to remember, and he hadn’t even discussed it with Ilse. She might not know what his plans were, but he’d been worried about whether she would have time for him. She had to be considering whether he would be sticking around or not. They really needed to just sit down and talk.
After breakfast he headed to his morning physio session. He was very preoccupied, and Shane was getting pissed again. Finally he sat him down in the chair. “What is with you today?”
He took a deep breath and said, “I just met Iain.”
Shane stopped in his tracks. “And?”
“And nothing,” he said. “Obviously the change in him is unbelievable, and it must be a huge boon to you guys.”