Justin—I’m going back on the road to find my future. Thank you for the place to land even if it was only temporary. You’re good enough. More than enough. Sarina.
“What did she say?” Adam asked, concern etched over his features. “It’s good that she wrote a note, yeah?”
Justin turned it over in his mind. Was it a good thing that she wrote a note? All she had to do was sign the papers. The note had to mean something, didn’t it?
“I think it has to be a good sign, Adam, but it doesn’t matter. I’m going to find her anyway.” Justin motioned toward the door. He was going now. He wasn’t wasting any more time reading papers that he was never going to file. “I’ve got to go.”
Justin headed toward the door, his mind going over every conversation he’d had with Sarina searching for a clue about where he could find her. He knew her and if he could just focus for a minute he’d figure this out. But time was flying by and with every minute she was on her bike and putting distance between the two of them.
Adam was right on his heels, pulling his phone out of his pocket. “Let me call Tess. She’ll know how to search for Sarina. She found her once. She can do it again.”
Justin entered the family room, looking for Nana Orla. He would say a quick goodbye and then hit the road. Only she wasn’t alone.
“Mom. Dad. I didn’t know you were here,” he said, walking over to where his nana sat to give her a hug goodbye. “I can’t stay. I’ve got to go and find Sarina.”
“That’s why we’re here, Justin,” his father said, tone firm with the conviction that whatever he was going to say was correct. “We need to talk about your marriage to Sarina.”
“Dad, I know what you’re going to say, so I can save you the time. She’s not right for me and I need to just get divorced and marry someone like Heather.” He held his hands out in a how-am-I-doing? gesture that he knew would piss off his parents. The only difference was that today he didn’t care. Not anymore. “That’s never going to happen. I love Sarina and I’m going to go find her, beg her to forgive me, and come back and build a life together.”
“Justin, think about this. She’s not the wife you need by your side.” His mom looked beyond him to where Adam stood, her smile apologetic and expression sincere. “Adam, we mean no offense to your family. Sarina is a wonderful girl, I’m sure. She’s just not what Justin needs. He needs someone who is more polished and familiar with the social circles you both have to navigate now. Justin needs a cool head, someone who will protect him from his worst impulses. I’m sure you agree.”
Adam scoffed, shaking his head as he walked farther into the room. “No, Mrs. Ling, I don’t agree. Sarina and Justin brought out the best in each other. I couldn’t have asked for a better man for my sister and I think he’s lucky to have her.”
“We’re not here to disparage your family, Adam. That’s not the point,” Allan Ling interjected in obvious frustration. His face was flushing red as he stood up from where he sat on the sofa. He focused his stare on Justin. “It is time for you to understand and accept your responsibility to this family, Justin. What you do reflects on all of us and it is time for you to stop putting yourself first and think of others. It is already all over town that you ended up in this drunken sham of a marriage. How am I supposed to do business with these people when they read your exploits in the tabloids? Why should your brothers and sisters have to hope that your behavior doesn’t negatively impact their livelihoods? The circles we run in are small and memories are long. Your honor and reputation are all you have in the end, it’s what keeps you on top.”
Justin was done. The things he needed to say were long overdue. “Mom and Dad, I’ve spent my whole life worrying about reflecting poorly on the family and I’m done. I work hard and it’s not good enough. I build a successful business with Adam and we land on the front page of Forbes and it’s not good enough. I help kids who have nobody in their corner and it’s not good enough.” He held his hand up when his father moved to interrupt him. “No, I’m not finished. I understand that you want the best for me and I know that you sincerely think you know what that is, but you don’t. You think the best thing for me is playing it safe, traditional, the road trampled by the million others on the same path, but you’re wrong. I’m never going to do it the way everyone else does. I’m different. I’ve had to find my own path and I’m so damn proud of what I’ve accomplished, what Adam and I are doing.” He took a deep breath, getting to the heart of it, and he could almost hear Sarina whispering in his ear. “I work every day to leave this world a little better than I’ve found it. I’m a good man, friend, boss, and God willing, I’ll be a good husband. I don’t know what the future holds for me because I’m open to any possibility but I do know that I can’t—won’t—do it without Sarina. I love her. She looks at me and I know I’m good enough because I have her love. If that’s not good enough for you, then you need to live with the fact that you won’t be a part of our lives.”
“Justin,” his mother sniffled, her cheeks wet with her tears and her voice choked with emotion. “We just don’t want you to make a mistake.”
He walked over and sat down next to her on the couch, pulling her against him in a hug. “Dad’s parents thought you were a mistake and look at how wrong they were. You two came to the United States because you weren’t accepted by his family but you loved each other too much to walk away. You proved them all wrong. I would think that you would understand.”
“It wasn’t always easy, son,” his dad said, staring down at the woman he’d defied his family to love. “We want it to be easier for you, Justin.”
“I don’t need it to be easier. I just need it to be with her,” he answered. “A hard day with Sarina is better than easy with anyone else. I think you both know that I’m right. It’s what you lived every day right in front of me. I just want a chance to have what you have.” He smiled at his parents, hoping that they were really listening to him. “I don’t want to do it without you, but I will.”
He let that sit in the air between them. He’d said his piece and his parents knew where he stood. He loved them but he also loved Sarina. If he had to choose, it wouldn’t be an easy choice but it would be a clear one.
“Allan. Saoirse.” Nana Orla spoke out from across the room and they turned to look at her. Her usually cheerful expression was gone, replaced with equal parts censure and compassion. She spoke slowly, her words clearly chosen with care and love. “I don’t know if you know how proud I am of you both. I watched you struggle with loving each other and knowing that you’d have to give up so much to be together. You taught your children, you taught me, how important love is and that it’s worth fighting for. You’ve raised a son who knows the value of love, the real kind of love that makes you want to be better. The kind that makes you stronger. I’ve watched Justin and Sarina together for weeks and they remind me of the two of you. If you don’t see that, you’re blind. If you don’t give them your blessing, then you’ve been living a lie.”
His parents looked at each other, several decades of marriage and love allowing them to communicate without words. He’d seen this a million times over his lifetime, finding it fascinating and terrifying at the same time. Whatever passed between them was settled with a nod from his father and another round of sniffles from his mother.
“Justin, do you have any idea where Sarina could be?” his father asked, his question settling it all between them.
He shook his head, memories of his wife ping-ponging around in his head as he searched for the answer. She had her bike and Wilma; she could be going anywhere. He picked up the note, reading it over again, letting the words sink in.
“She said she was going to find her future...”
And suddenly it was crystal clear.
“I know where she’s going.” Justin stood, scooping up the papers and calculating how much of a lead she had on him and how fast he could get there.
If he hurried he could intercept her and beg her to come home with him. It was worth a shot. Sarina was worth everything. “I need to hurry and I need a helicopter.”
Adam grinned from across the room, pulling out his phone to make the call. “Luckily, we have one.”
Eighteen
Justin Ling had ruined the Grand Canyon for her.
Sarina stood on the Skywalk, the glass bridge cantilevered seventy feet beyond the west rim, and glanced down at the view beneath her feet. Only air came between her and the valley of the canyon four thousand feet below. This place had been on her bucket list, one of the most anticipated stops on her road trip and she’d headed straight here after leaving California a couple of days ago, but she couldn’t get beyond the tumult of thoughts banging around in her mind to register the beauty. A perfect combination of man-made genius and creator-formed nature, this Skywalk should have taken her breath away.
But she couldn’t breathe around the pain ripping through her chest.
Dramatic? Yes.
Inaccurate? Damn, she wished.
The sound of a helicopter approaching from behind the visitor center caused the crowd to turn from the natural beauty to gape at the sleek black vehicle coming closer and closer and then lowering itself down to the ground. From where she stood, it looked like the bird had landed in the parking lot. Unmarked by any National Park Service logo, it had to be a private ride bringing someone here to the Grand Canyon for a VIP tour of the area.
Sarina couldn’t help but remember the incredible weekend in Malibu with Justin. He’d orchestrated every move to make sure that she’d had the type of weekend only featured in celebrity magazines. The luxuries had been sweet but the way he’d looked at her, touched her, made love to her—those were the things she would never forget.
But she had to forget them. She had to put them behind her and move forward toward a life she could build for herself. For a minute she’d imagined that maybe she’d found a place where she could stop running, stop searching and put down roots. It had been a mistake.
That much Justin had gotten right.
A family walked past her, the young boy noticing Wilma with an excited tug at his mom’s hand and a pointing finger. Wilma wagged her tail in excitement, standing on her hind legs and pawing at the air in the direction of her new friend.
“You can pet her if you want. She’s friendly with kids,” Sarina offered, watching closely as Wilma worked her magic and claimed another willing admirer.
Not for the first time did she wish she knew how Wilma still had this boundless joy for life and trust in people, even after she’d been abandoned and disappointed by an owner who should have done better by her. Once she would have scoffed at such optimism, counted it as the ultimate in stupidity to keep leaving yourself open for more heartbreak. But now Sarina knew that it wasn’t foolishness—it was courage.
And even though she’d faced moments that teetered on the edge of life and death, risking heartbreak was scarier.
The little boy leaned over and hugged Wilma, pressing a loud, smacking kiss on her head before being led away by his mom. Wilma wagged her entire body at the kid, tugging at the leash to follow her new friend.
“Good girl.” Sarina gave Wilma a scratch behind the ear, making a mental note to give her an extra treat when they got back to the bike. She glanced at her watch and realized that it was time to leave and get back on the road. If she was going to make Kingman, Arizona, before sundown she needed to go. She’d hang out there a couple of days and then she’d figure out where to head next. Anywhere was fair game. As long as she kept moving.
She needed to put miles between her and Justin. At some point she would stop feeling the pull to return to him and the tree house and Nana Orla.
She didn’t belong there. No matter how much she wanted it to be the place where she belonged. She’d learned a long time ago that wishing didn’t make anything true.
Sarina stood and turned to head back to the visitor center, squinting into the bright Arizona sun as she scanned the growing crowds of tourists. It was time to get back to the bike, grab some water for her and Willa, and hit Route 66.
“Sarina?”
The sound of her name stopped her in her tracks. Wilma tugged on the leash, whining in confusion at the sudden halt in forward momentum.
“Sarina.”
She scanned the crowd, finally seeing the face that belonged to the voice when a family of four with “Brecken Family Reunion” T-shirts parted like the Red Sea and Sarina glimpsed the man who’d somehow become her promised land.
“Justin?”
Wilma whined louder and tugged even harder on the leash, the whines erupting into low growls as she fully recognized the man standing a short distance away. Sarina let Wilma pull her closer to Justin and unlocked the retractable leash so the dog could cover the last bit of distance between them. Justin loosened his white-knuckle grip on the Skywalk railing but didn’t let go as he leaned over and patted Wilma on her head.
“Hey, girl, did you miss me?” Justin scratched behind her ears, huffing out a chuckle as she growled at him but leaned into the touch at the same time. “Well, that’s progress, I guess.” He pulled back his hand when Wilma bared her teeth and retreated to hide behind Sarina. “Or maybe not.”
Justin straightened and moved closer to Sarina, his right hand wrapped around the railing as he shuffled closer to her one inch at a time. He was pale under the tan of his skin, every part of his body stiff with the fear she knew was coursing through him. For a guy who had a fear of heights, this had to be his worst nightmare on steroids.
“You had to pick a glass bridge four thousand feet over the fucking Grand Canyon, didn’t you?” Justin complained, shooting an apologetic look at an elderly couple standing nearby. “Sorry, I don’t like heights.”
“No apology needed, son,” the older man said, his expression entirely sympathetic. He glanced down at the silver-haired lady standing next to him, snaking an arm around her waist, then looked back at Justin and winked. “We do what we have to do for the women we love.”
“Yeah, we do.” Justin sneaked a glance at the glass floor under his feet and shuddered. Taking a deep breath, he turned and faced Sarina, moving to close the gap between them even more. He stopped when he was within arm’s length of her. “I’m here to do what I need to do for the woman I love.”
“Justin.” She shook her head, refusing to let the hesitant bubble of elation in her belly cut loose. She’d been here before and nothing like this had ever worked for her. Sarina had opened herself up and hoped to be loved but it never worked out for her. She’d been that kid who’d allowed herself to hope that the next place she was sent would be the place where she was loved. But too many rejections in too many foster homes and the failure of her adoption had taught her that this wasn’t for her. Not everyone got their happiness and that would have to be okay. So she couldn’t let Justin’s arrival raise her hopes again. She couldn’t fall for it now. “What are you doing here? Didn’t Adam give you the papers?”
Justin nodded, reaching into his back pocket and pulling out the mangled and folded envelope. He waved it in her face, his grin breaking through his panic over being on the Skywalk. “Got them.”
“So what are you doing here? File them. Be done with it.” Sarina shook her head, getting a little pissed off that they were even having this conversation. What had they been doing all these weeks if he was just going to walk around with the damn divorce papers in his pocket? “Justin, I don’t know what’s going on.”
“I’m here to do this,” he said, extracting the papers from the envelope and ripping them in half, and then in half again. He waved them at her and smiled. “I don’t want a divorce.”
Sarina shook her head, letting her anger break the surface and coat her words with the hurt and betrayal she’d carried with her since walking away from Justin at the winery
.
“Well, I remember you saying something very different at the party. In fact, I think I remember you calling us ‘a mistake.’” She leveled a gaze at him intended to make sure that he would think twice about coming any closer. Tugging on Wilma’s leash, she turned away from him and moved to exit the Skywalk. “This is your mistake walking away. Don’t follow me. Don’t contact me. Find a way to file those papers. Let me know when I’m cut loose from your ass. Have a nice life.”
“Sarina, wait.”
She kept walking. There was nothing Justin had to say to her that she wanted to hear.
“Sarina,” Justin shouted, causing people to stop and turn to see the real-life drama playing out before them. Forget the Kardashians. The Redhawks and Lings were giving everybody a free show. “Sarina Redhawk, I want you to marry me.”
Justin’s voice carried, amplified by the slight echo created by the canyon. If anyone hadn’t noticed their little scene yet, they were all riveted now. Conversations around them had dwindled down to murmured directions to be quiet and shushing sounds. She didn’t want to marry him but she wanted to strangle him. Was that an option?
Sarina turned to face down her husband, who now stood only two feet away from her.
“What the hell are you talking about, Justin? Thanks to you ripping up the divorce papers, we are still married.”
“I know. I know,” Justin said in a calming voice, his hand extended in a gesture calculated to soothe but producing the opposite result. She was so tired of the games and drama.
“No, you don’t know anything,” she said through gritted teeth. “We made a mistake and now we can fix it. You don’t want me, you just don’t like losing. You don’t like the fact that your family was right about us. Let it go, Justin. Let me go.” She swallowed hard, stifling the emotions that pressed against her chest bone and shot pain up and down her body. “I need to go. I stayed too long.”
Seducing His Secret Wife (Mills & Boon Desire) (Redhawk Reunion, Book 2) Page 14