They were officially driving me insane.
I slept terribly, when I was able to sleep that is. I spent the rest of the night analysing, dissecting and just really confused until I had exhausted myself. I had wanted to go after him, but I didn’t know what room was his and I wasn’t one hundred percent sure of what I would say to him. Hell, the way he had left me, I wasn’t really sure talking had been on my mind.
Eventually I heard bedroom doors opening and footsteps in the hallway, the house must have been coming awake. I didn’t know what time it was, and I wasn’t ready to face anyone. The room had been lightening for a while, so it must have been early morning. I lay there in the huge bed looking at my surroundings. I hadn’t had time the night before, too many emotions had been swirling through me. I had no recollection of the wall colours and it was still too dark to determine, despite the morning light leaking through. There was a chair in the corner of the room, beside the wall length window, the chair he was in last night. There was another chair across the room in the corner beside the door. I wondered briefly if it was for Feng Shui. There was a dressing table with a triple mirror and a chair. The dresser had lights, I squinted, I think it was lights. There was a double wardrobe and a chest of drawers. Simple but classic furniture. Under different circumstances, I would have loved it.
Colton had messed with my head – he made me feel things I didn’t want to feel, he was Connor’s brother. I wasn’t supposed to want him, and I had kissed Jay last night. I mean I wasn’t the kind of girl who ran around just kissing guys. But as of this morning, I had kissed three men, two from the same family. That wasn’t a good statistic nor something to use to defend my honour either really.
A knock on the door a while later roused me. I must have nodded off again. With no sound from me, Matt entered the room. He grinned at me when he saw I was awake and then stole my duvet.
“Jesus Matt! I could have been naked!” I yelled, scrambling up. Oh. My. God. What was that in my head? Was the room moving? Holy shit, I sat back down. I didn’t feel good.
Matt was leaning against the wall, grinning at me.
“How you feeling Bit?”
“Um…” I brought my hand to my head. Was I moving? He burst out laughing.
“C’mon hangover girl, let’s get you some coffee and food.” He grabbed my hand and started pulling me out of the room.
“I don’t want food,” I mumbled.
“Yes you do Bit, come on and let me get you some food.” I followed, protesting the whole time, but his grip was firm.
The kitchen was very bright this morning and I hopped onto the breakfast bar stool with my back to the morning sun.
Toast and coffee were placed in front of me. I reached for the coffee but it was shifted out of my reach. “Eat first,” Matt admonished but he did place a large glass of orange juice in front of me which I greedily gulped down before moving onto my toast. I hate, with great passion, warm toast. I like cold toast with thick butter. Matt was so sweet, he had my toast the perfect way.
I managed half a slice, then I put on my best pleading eyes. A short laugh was my answer and I was given the wonderful black nectar.
A cup down and I was able to finish the toast. My cup was refilled. I felt better.
Matt sat down beside me.
“So?” he began. Oh good here it comes, I thought. The lecture. “You have fun last night?”
I will not feel guilty, I will not feel guilty. “Yes, most of the night was fun.”
Matt nodded. He took a drink of his own coffee. “So, Jay eh?”
“Hmmmm.” I toyed with my coffee cup.
“He’s a nice guy Bit, but,” Matt paused. “You need to be careful.”
“Why?”
“He doesn’t hang with good people.” Matt was looking everywhere but at me.
“I don’t know what that means, he was here.” If he wasn’t good people, then why had they welcomed him?
“Yes, and he was here with his brother and some of his brother’s friends. They aren’t good people.” Matt shrugged.
“Then why were they here?” I persisted.
“I can’t go into it.”
“This is bullshit.” I stood from the stool. “Where’s everyone?” I wasn’t asking where he was. I was asking where everyone was. It was polite. My parents had instilled manners into me at least.
“Colton left this morning,” Matt answered quietly. I snorted in disbelief and then walked out of the kitchen and back up to my room. Who’s running now, Colton? I was pissed, I didn’t know why I was so angry…So he left, fine – that didn’t mean he had left because of me. I mean it had been a little intense – ok so to me it had been a lot intense. But the fact he was gone didn’t mean that he had felt that intensity. I mean for all I knew he had an appointment or something.
I started pacing the room. I needed to go home, to get away from this and just take some space. I knew I shouldn’t have come here. Awkward didn’t even begin to describe it really. Had I made it awkward? Maybe I had. Maybe I was the one who was supposed to pretend it had never happened and just forget it all. But Colton and I kissing, being together for that brief time, had changed everything. If it hadn’t happened then I wouldn’t have run, we wouldn’t have moved and maybe – just maybe – my dad wouldn’t have died.
I thumped onto the floor. Was I the reason dad was dead? Had I somehow caused his death too?
“Arielle?” Theo stood in front of me. He crouched down. “You ok Lil Bit? You’re crying, should I get Matt?” I shook my head at him and reached up to wipe the tears from my eyes. Theo did not handle tears well.
“I’m ok, was just thinking about dad,” I murmured as I stood. “Hey Theo, will you take me home?”
“Course Lil Bit” He pulled me into his arms and gave me a huge hug. “You’ll be ok. You have us.” I looked at him and nodded. I wasn’t sure that was the comfort I needed.
It didn’t take me long to shower and change. I asked Theo to find Corey to get my clothes from yesterday, he told me that they had left not long after Colton. I wasn’t touching those clothes in the room, that seemed to be for me. I had my own clothes, clothes with no ties.
Theo drove me home, mostly in silence. I wasn’t sure if he just wasn’t talkative or if I was in the bad books with all of them. It seemed pretty clear that no one knew about Colton’s late-night visit. Theo pulled the car up just beside the alley to my apartment; he reached over and took my hand.
“You’ll be ok?”
“Of course, remind me not to drink anything other than water ever again,” I joked as I hopped out of the car. Theo laughed and then with a wink he drove off.
I trudged up my stairs somewhat dejectedly. Well that all went a bit wrong, I thought before immediately stopping at the top of the stairs. Colton was sitting there, leaning against my door whilst playing on his phone. He looked up at me as I stood there awkwardly. I realised that I would actually have to move, I started to walk forward again. He jumped up to his feet and dusted the back of his jeans off.
“To what do I owe the pleasure?” I muttered as I fished for my keys.
“Thought we should talk,” he replied easily as I opened the door and he followed me in. I shrugged as I walked into the apartment and led him through to my living room.
“Ok.” I nodded. I turned around to face him and he indicated that I should sit; the irony that this was my house was not lost on me. I sat down and looked at him expectantly.
“I apologise for last night Arielle.” Arielle, full names and everything. “I was unfair to you and my behaviour was unacceptable.” He smiled at me – a full force Colton Dawson smile. My heart was racing, so why did I feel so uneasy? “We need to put what happened at your mother’s funeral behind us. It was an error of judgement on both our parts.” Colton was pinning me in place with his stare, daring me to argue.
“An error in judgement,” I mumbled back.
He nodded; my words seemed to spur him on. “Yes, and then of cours
e you ran…” He held his hand up as I went to interrupt. “I understand why. I mean it was just a very...extreme...time for everyone. However, you are here now. Connor and the guys are far happier than they have been in while. You were missed.”
Colton stood and walked over to the window. “We all missed you,” he said softly as he looked out the window. “It’s right that you are back here, back with us. We can’t be letting rash decisions affect the dynamics of our family, because we are a family Ari, we work together, all of us, we’re a unit. So…” He turned to me, the smile was back in place, “we’ll forget whatever we’ve been doing and go back to how things were, and everything will be more settled. Ok?”
I sat and stared at him. What was I supposed to say? Sure, let’s high five this shit and hug it out? No wait let’s not hug, we don’t hug, we’re a unit. I was conscious he was still waiting for me to respond.
I stood. “Sure, sounds best and like a good idea.” Could he tell I was lying? Did he know I was screaming inside and in serious danger of throat punching him? I quickly searched his face, he looked away quickly and swallowed hard. Yeah you totally know I am lying Colton Dawson. Why are you saying this when you don’t mean it any more than I do?
“Excellent.” He looked back at me, the mask back in place. Asshat. “Well I’ll leave you in peace. This was good, needed to be said.” With one more blistering fake smile, he was gone. Again. And they say I’m the one who runs. Ha!
I slumped back onto my couch. Well that was unexpected. I wasn’t completely on board with the new directive from on high, but it wasn’t just about me. The guys were my guys, I needed them, and they needed me. We were family, and yes, ok, I used to go out with one and was seriously hung up on another, but aside from those small tiny inconsequential details, they were mine...and I was theirs.
I knew I couldn’t go back to life without them; all of us together – that’s what worked. I just needed to accept that. It would be easier if we could eradicate the awkwardness and my pent-up burning desire – no stop thinking about desires. That only leads to awkwardness. I got to my feet. Ok, this was what we were doing. I could totally do this. How could he want to forget about that kiss though?
I needed to stop dwelling, I nodded affirmatively and then laughed; yeah, I was going to be ok with this. Except – I knew more than ever, I didn’t want to be.
The following few days were quiet. I went to class and saw the guys at spare periods and lunchtimes. Colton was scarce but then he always had been. It seemed that the others had more campus presence and even though he wasn’t there he was always in our conversations or activities. Guys shouted out to Matt or Theo, “Where’s Cole?” and the guys would answer with some diatribe or anecdote.
No one seemed to ever want the actual truth; I would have probably found it peculiar if I wasn’t so grateful that he wasn’t there for me to worry about reacting to. I had needed the few days to be alright with what was happening. If I was honest with myself, I knew that I had actual feelings for Colton and wasn’t sure how I felt about the fact he was telling me to forget it. He definitely felt something for me. I knew it, didn’t I? However, I didn’t know what the alternative was. Was I to actually throw myself at him? That seemed like a bad idea and he had practically told me not to, hadn’t he? Plus, I wasn’t a hundred percent sure how to throw myself at someone – was it a skill you learned or just something you knew how to do? Because I seriously didn’t know how to do it.
In some ways, the days that he wasn’t here were a reprieve I needed and was grateful for. Theo, Matt and even Connor were enough and any lingering awkwardness from the weekend was forgotten after a few days. The main surprise was that I genuinely liked Corey – she was lovely, bright and bubbly – she suited Connor so well. I found myself enjoying her company and there was no awkwardness between us at all. There were days when it was really just me and Corey and I was ok with that.
She was doing an Art Practices degree. I don’t know why she wasn’t doing design of some sort – she looked like a goddess and she had a terrific eye for style. Very subtly she was slipping coloured scarves into my wardrobe, low cut tees or accessories I wouldn’t have picked myself. It was amazing how many times I came home with an ‘extra’ in my purse.
We were in the coffee shop mid-week when Robbie walked in. He saw both of us and I braced myself for the conversation.
“Arielle how are you. It’s been a few days.” He nodded at Corey who merely looked coolly back at him.
“I’ve been in class, have you been sitting elsewhere?” I asked. I was genuinely curious; I’d assumed he was avoiding me.
“Yeah, I’ve been there, one of the guys from my dorm swapped times and I was with him.”
I nodded and the uncomfortable silence that followed was long. “So, are you ok?” he asked.
“Yeah, all good.”
Corey looked up from her phone. “You ready Elle? Connor and Theo are waiting for us.” I nodded, and we started gathering up our things.
As we went to leave, Robbie grasped my arm. “You sure you are ok Elle? You’ve not been the same since those guys came around,” Robbie said to me quietly.
I laughed and gently disentangled myself from him. “It’s all good, these are my friends, I haven’t been happier in a long time.” I saw his face fall and I felt immediately guilty. “I’ll see you in class soon?” I offered. It wasn’t the hand of friendship, but it was an olive branch at least. He had been bang out of order when he’d told Connor about my dad and the way he had acted. Ok, Theo shouldn’t have punched him but he still shouldn’t have acted like he did.
His smile was enough to make me dubious but, I thought to myself at least, I know I don’t have to avoid him too. I ran to catch up with Corey and we headed out together.
“That boy is interested in you Elle,” she murmured as she looked at me questioningly.
“Matt said the same, but I think he just wants to be friends. I mean I have lied to him about a fiancé, had one of my friends punch him out and then I ignored him, he would be insane to still like me after that. I think he just wants to be friends,” I concluded.
Corey threw her arm around me and giggled. “The boys are right, you are delusional! Delusional with a capital D!”
I laughed with her, but I was still semi-confident that I was right.
Connor met us outside the library and after he had taken Corey’s bookbag he took mine too. “You look like a pack mule,” I observed.
He grinned at me. “Used to taking your stuff Lil Bit – wouldn’t be right to leave you with it – after all, you actually have books in here. Corey travels lighter.” He ducked away from Corey’s playful slap and scampered off to meet up with Theo. When he met him, my bookbag was transferred to Theo who didn’t even flinch at the weight of it.
“Where’s Matt?” I asked.
“Colton,” Connor and Theo said at the same time. Connor grinned and carried on “They’re up to something that we don’t need or want to be at, so you lovely ladies and us are going to the movies.”
“I have classes Connor!” I protested. He shrugged and kept on walking. I looked at Theo; he shook his head and dragged me after them. “Seriously guys, I have classes to get to.”
“Elle no! Let’s go see that new Chris Hemsworth movie and we can dream about how men should look,” Corey joked as she laughed at Connor showing off his muscles. “Plus, we don’t want you in that class with Robbie, even if you don’t believe me.”
“He bothering you Lil Bit?” Theo demanded. “Cause I will knock him out again.” I didn’t need the fist smacking in the palm action to get the idea of what Theo meant.
“No, he was just talking to me; he isn’t interested in me like that. When will you all start listening to me?” I protested.
Two snorts and a scoff were my response. “Fine. Let’s go see the movie,” I grumbled.
We drove to the movie theatre, I genuinely didn’t know how they always managed to find parking, in a city that trie
d to quash driving and encourage public transit as much as possible. Theo sent a quick text – to Matt I assumed – and then he and Connor bought the tickets whilst Corey and I debated over popcorn with or without butter. We ended up with butter. Women – we shouldn’t always be given choices. Controversial thinking, I know.
The movie was good. I have to admit, I am quite happy to watch anything with Chris Hemsworth in it. The guys decided we were getting dinner after the movie and Matt turned up whilst we were in line at the restaurant. He squeezed me to death as soon as he saw me and I noticed how I was passed from the protectiveness of Theo to Matt.
“Where’s Colton?” I asked. It seemed that it was safe to ask since he was the only one not there.
“Oh, he’s got something on tonight, he went home for a bit,” Matt said. He looked at Theo. “You’ll be ready for after?” he asked him. Theo nodded.
“Ready for what?” I asked.
“Nothing Bit.” Matt smiled at me. I narrowed my eyes. What weren’t they telling me?
I was determined to find out what they were hiding from me, so I decided to don my sleuthing cap. Granted it wasn’t so much a cap as an imaginary headpiece, plus it was more feathered tiara than cap. Whatever. It had become clear to me that Connor didn’t know much about what was going on. He was so wrapped up with Corey that I genuinely began to suspect he knew nothing.
That left Theo or Matt, which was tricky as Matt knew me well and Theo was just naturally evasive, I realised, after some fruitless attempts at trying. It must be all that avoiding conversations of any meaning with females, I thought darkly to myself. Colton was a no go in more ways than one, so I decided in the end I just needed to corner and confront Matt. If all else failed I could cry – I wouldn’t, but I decided I was a badass ninja for thinking it, although a badass ninja probably would just kick his butt and not be likely to cry. As it was in my head only, I decided I could be a badass crying ninja if I wanted to.
As it happened, I didn’t need to confront anyone. Matt had no choice but to tell me. I got a phone call from him on Thursday night from the police station. He and Jay had been detained and he needed me to come pick him up from Lafayette. What on earth was going on? What had they done to be detained?
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