by Ari Reavis
I don’t pay the words any mind because Miller is turning me around, and then I’m face to face with him, scowling at the smirk he wears, a smirk I know all too well.
“Do you understand these rights as I have read them to you?” The officer beside Miller asks.
I don’t answer, instead clenching my jaw as I continue to stare at Miller.
“Do you understand these...”
“Fuck you.” I spit. “Both of you. All of you.”
Miller punches me in the stomach hard enough to knock the breath out of me. But the moment I right myself, I charge for him, or I try to but quickly find myself restrained by three officers as Miller watches me try to get past them to wring his damn neck. Miller steps closer, sure that he’s safe with the other cops holding me back. He leans in, bringing his mouth as close to my ear as he dares.
“Told you I’d get you eventually, didn’t I?” Miller asks low.
“You motherfucker,” I bark.
Hands go to my pockets, emptying them while another officer pats me down.
I’m still struggling against the officers’ hold while they roughly search me, because I’m not going to make a damn thing easy for them, but I still when I hear Mariah screaming, yelling at them that they’ve got it wrong. I look over and find her standing in the open passenger door of the car. Her eyes, full of tears and rage, meet mine, and the fact that she has to see me in handcuffs breaks my heart.
Miller yanks me away from the car, and our gazes are ripped from each other’s as he begins leading me to his cruiser. His hands squeeze the cuffs harder into my wrists before he opens the door and shoves me into the backseat on my side. I hurry to adjust myself and look out the back window at Mariah as he closes the door. Her hand is over her mouth now, eyes only on me, even as some of the other officers try and talk to her.
“I love you,” I mouth to her.
She says it back and even though I can’t hear her, the words wrap themselves around my heart before the car starts to drive away. I know that I’ll need them for what’s to come.
I watch her out the back window until I can no longer see her, knowing the image of the devastation and heartbreak on her face will forever be etched in my mind. Even after we’ve turned on to a different street, I still stare out the window, not wanting to admit the reality of where I am to myself. But eventually, I take a deep breath and face front again, my eyes clashing with the monster looking at me in the rearview mirror. His grin and my seething rage are such sharp contrasts.
Only when he looks away do I let a bit of the anger fade to allow the sadness to come forward. Because I know that’s the emotion I’ll have to deny myself most once we reach the police station. The sadness, the grief welling inside of me. Stanley’s gone forever. I’ll never see him, hear his words or that laugh again. The last time I saw his seemingly always there smile was truly the last time. He’s dead, killed.
And somehow I’ve been arrested for his murder.
Chapter 13
Watching that car drive away with Damir in the backseat is a sight I’ll never forget. I’m still staring down the street long after the police cruiser has turned, waiting for the car to somehow come back, waiting for that bastard cop to bring Damir back to me. Waiting for something, anything, to show me that none of this is real, that Damir wasn’t just handcuffed, beaten by the police, and then pushed into a car and driven away from me. But my heart, my aching heart that feels like it’s being crushed more with each breath, is making me confront the truth. That all of that happened, and much worse is to come.
Two female officers are on the side of me, still talking, but their voices sound like white noise in my ears. What can they have to say anyway, the same things they’ve been telling me since the moment I got out of the car. To calm down, that I shouldn’t make things worse for myself. And when I demanded to know what was happening, because no, I wasn’t getting back in the damn car while I could see the officers hitting Damir and slamming him into the car, all they kept repeating was that Damir was under arrest for murder. Stanley’s murder.
I swallow, finally looking away from the end of the dark street. My head swims with confusion, with sadness, with anger. This isn’t how this night was supposed to go. Me and Damir should be eating dinner right now, out on a date. Not him on his way to the police station and me having to go home alone. I bring my hand to my cheeks, wiping the tears away, and realize just how badly they’re shaking. Crossing my arms to pretend they’re not trembling, a voice breaks through my haze.
“...the station.”
“What?” I croak before clearing my throat.
Already it feels so raw from crying, from screaming at the officers who were hurting Damir to leave him alone, from yelling at the officers next to me to fuck off when they kept warning me that I’d be arrested as well if I didn’t settle down.
“I said we need you to come down to the station,” the younger officer repeats.
In an instant, I switch off every other emotion to let my mind focus on what I need to do and say next. You don’t grow up in Newport without knowing how to interact with police. Without knowing your rights, even if there, like seemingly here, those rights get violated anyway.
“Am I under arrest?” I ask in a monotone voice.
“No, but—”
“Then I’m free to go.” I close the passenger door I’ve been standing in this entire time and begin to walk around the car.
“Better you come with us, then we have to come looking for you,” the older officer says.
I stop, looking at her over my shoulder. “Are you threatening me?”
“I’m just trying to help you help yourself. You were just in a vehicle with someone arrested for murder. I’d say the best thing for you to do is to come down to the station and answer any questions the detectives have for you. Before someone starts wondering if you had any part in whatever he was doing. Best to get your side of the story out first.”
“Story,” I scoff. “That’s exactly what all of this is. Some story you all made up in your minds about Damir. Because there’s no way in hell he would have ever hurt Stanley. A story, yeah,” I continue as I finish walking around the car. “Full of lies and bullshit no one with half a brain would believe. So, no I won’t be going down to the station with you or anyone else.”
Both officers open their mouths, but I hurry to get into the car, slamming the door shut. I put my still shaking hands on the steering wheel, wondering if I can even drive like this, but I don’t have a choice. I have to get away from here. From the police I can see watching me in the rearview mirror, from the scene of where Damir was snatched away from me.
I put the car in drive and pull off, making the next turn even though I have no idea where I’m going right now, just that I need to get off this street. Another few blocks and I have to pull over. The tears blurring my eyes make it so I can barely see. I begin sobbing the moment I bring my hands to my face. My chest heaves, and I feel like I can hardly breathe, but I can’t stop crying.
Where is he right now? The police station? The county jail? Did they hurt him more? What did Miller do to him once he had Damir cuffed and helpless in his car? The thoughts fall on me like bricks, each one making more tears come. Especially because I know, on top of the anger and confusion Damir must be feeling, he has to deal with the loss of Stanley. With the thought that someone could ever think he’d done to Stanley what they were saying he did.
Looking for a tissue, I find Damir’s phone sitting in the cupholder instead. The air seems to catch in my lungs. His parents. I have to tell his parents. How do I even begin that conversation? How do I find the words to tell them something so devastating? But I must. They have to know. Closing my eyes, I try to compose myself. It takes a few minutes before the last tear has fallen and I can convince myself that my voice won’t quiver when I speak.
Taking a deep breath, I pick up his phone and unlock it. Everything I just did to compose myself is almost undone when I see his scre
ensaver. A picture of us at the hotel on my birthday. That seems like a thousand years ago now. Will we ever have moments like that again? We will. We have to. I have to believe that. Because the alternative is too much to bear.
I touch the number I see first, his dad’s, and close my eyes as the phone rings.
“Hey. I thought you had a date tonight.” Damien answers.
“Hello Mr. Lewis—”
I don’t get a chance to finish before he’s speaking. “None of that Mr. Lewis stuff. Damien, please. How are you Mariah?”
“I um...” All my preparing and I still don’t know what to say. “Is Evelyn around? I’d like to speak to you both.”
“Yeah, sure.” He shouts in the distance, asking Evelyn to join him, then he starts speaking to me again. “Is Damir there too? I hope this is an engagement announcement.”
He chuckles and I wince, knowing what I’m about to say will take every ounce of joy away from him.
“Damir isn’t...” I begin, but my voice cracks. Damn it.
“Hey, hey. Are you okay? Is Damir there? Is he okay?” At my silence, he pauses, maybe finally realizing something is very wrong, before hesitantly asking. “What’s going on?”
“Hey, Mariah.” Evelyn’s voice comes through the phone. “How are... What? What is it Damien? Why are you looking like that?”
“Something’s wrong,” he says low.
“What? With who? Mariah?”
Damien can’t really give her any answers, so I begin explaining, hoping I don’t break their hearts any more than I need to.
“Damir was arrested.”
“What?” they both exclaim.
“For what?” Evelyn asks.
“Those bastards.” Damien hisses.
“He was arrested... for murder.”
Evelyn’s gasp is the only sound I hear for the next few seconds. Then Damien inquires, “Murdering who?”
“Stanley.”
“Stanley’s dead?” Damien questions. “I don’t understand any of this. Where is Damir? What station?”
“I don’t know anything,” I cry. “I’m sorry. I... I watched them take him away and after arguing with the police, I left. I don’t know who to call or if he can call me. I don’t know.”
“It’s alright honey,” Evelyn tells me.
I want to ask her how she can say anything is alright right now.
“He’ll be taken to the station. They have to book him there,” Damien explains. “Was he... God okay doesn’t sound like anywhere near the right word, but was he okay, when they took him?”
“They... they were hitting him, slamming him against the car. I’m scared of what they’ll do when it’s just them and him.”
Evelyn cries out, and I curse myself for saying too much.
“We need to call a lawyer. Even if he hasn’t asked for one yet, we can send a lawyer down there, right?” I ask.
“Our family friend, Terry, is a lawyer. We can call him. He lives not even an hour away. He’ll get down to the station as soon as possible,” Damien says.
“And we’re be right behind him.” Evelyn adds.
My shoulders sag with relief from hearing words I didn’t even know I needed to hear.
“Okay,” I say when I really want to thank them.
“We’ll see you soon, honey. And, I know it’s hard, but just keep hope. We’re gonna fight this, and we’re gonna win.”
“Okay. I’ll see you soon.”
I want to believe her words, that we’ll fight, we’ll win, but it’s hard to believe that when I don’t know what the this we’re fighting is. All I know is that it seems we’re fighting against the world right now. Except, it feels like the world is winning.
I hang up and begin the drive home. Just being in Damir’s car, inhaling his scent with every breath, is torture. It’s like a new reminder every second that his scent is here, but he is not. I reach my house and all but stumble inside, stopping only to turn on a lamp in the living room before I collapse onto the couch.
My hand goes to my chest, trying to dull the ache that’s been there since I saw the panic and uncertainty in Damir’s eyes before they made him get out of the car. All I feel is the racing of my heart, even being home doesn’t make me feel any better. Not when the question of how long it will remain without Damir in it plagues me.
My phone is like a living, breathing thing in my hand. When will it ring? When it does, will the call bring any good news? Impossible to remain still, I unlock my phone and begin searching for the number to the local police station. They must have some information to give me by now. I find it and touch the screen to call it.
It rings so many times that I begin to think no one will ever pick up. But then a woman’s bored voice finally answers.
“Franklin Police Department.”
“I’m calling to check on the status of someone who was arrested tonight,” I say.
“Name?”
“Damir Lewis.”
A pause before she states. “Wait.”
Hope fills me and I don’t even really know why. Even if she just tells me he’s there, or at the county jail, it wouldn’t change the fact that he’s been arrested, locked up for something he didn’t do. And yet, somehow, just knowing where he is, feels like it would bring some measure of peace. Like knowing where he is would be some small step towards figuring out how to get him out of that place.
She comes back on the phone a minute later. “We have him here.”
“Is he okay? When will he be moved to county? When will he be able to make a phone call?
“That’s all the information I can give you.”
“But you...haven’t told me anything except that he’s there.”
“And that’s all I can tell you.”
A click sounds through the phone, and I hold it out, seeing the message call ended flashing on the screen. Well, a little, tiny bit of peace did come from knowing where he is. But that tiny bit isn’t helping nearly as much as I thought it would. He’s there, and that’s all I know. All I will know for who knows how long.
I swallow, trying to force the fear from rising in me. The same fear I felt crawling up my throat when Liam was arrested is threatening to overwhelm me now. I sit up straighter, realizing that’s who I should call. I need him now. He’s the only one who I know can truly give me any type of comfort right now. And I am in dire need of whatever I can get.
“Hey, little sister,” he answers his phone.
“Liam,” I croak.
“Who the fuck do I need to murder?” he growls.
A joyless chuckle bursts out of me. “Funny you should mention murder. That’s what Damir was just arrested for.”
“What?” he exclaims. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“We were on our way to dinner and got pulled over. Next thing I know, the cop is telling Damir to get out of the car and cuffing him, telling him he’s under arrest for murdering one of his employees. I watched them take him away. I don’t”—a cry escapes me—“I don’t know what to do.”
“There’s nothing you can do really.”
“Gee, thanks. I knew I called you for a reason.”
“You know I don’t mean it like that. How are you? I know not good, but did they hurt you, try any dumb shit with you? We both know how cops are.”
“I’m... I don’t even know. I’m confused, and sad, and feel like I can’t even think straight. I don’t know what to do, or where to even turn. I feel like there are a million things I should be trying to do for Damir, but I have no idea where to start.”
“What he needs now is a lawyer, especially with a charge like that. You won’t even be able to visit him for a while.”
“I called Damir’s parents, and they said they were going to call a lawyer they know to go down to the station. I didn’t even know if he was still at the station, so I called there, but they wouldn’t tell me much other than that he’s there.”
“Yeah, they won’t help you any. If he’s still the
re, then he’ll probably be moved to the county jail either in the morning or right after his arraignment. He won’t be able to speak to you until he gets there.”
“It’s just like when you were arrested. I feel so fucking helpless. I can’t do anything. I don’t know what comes next.”
He’s silent on the other end for a while. “And you’re sure he didn’t do it?”
“Positive. I don’t even have to think about it. He would never.”
“Okay. That’s good enough for me. Do you want me to come over?”
“No, no. I’m okay. I just... I don’t know. I needed you to tell me there isn’t more I could be doing I guess.”
“There isn’t. All you can do is be there for him. He’s definitely going to need it.”
“Thank you, big brother.”
“Anytime, little sister. Although, I might still come to your house anyway.”
“I know. I’ll let you know if I find out anything.”
“Okay. Call if you need anything. Anything, Mariah.”
“Okay.”
The beautiful dress I wore for my nice date night drops to the floor, and I change into some sweats and a T-shirt. I turn on the TV, but I don’t pay it any mind as I unlock my phone, making sure the ringtone volume is as loud as it can be, even though I already know it is. I know I’m in for a long sleepless night, I sit up again, propping the pillows behind me. Even that hurts. Because I know, and it breaks my heart to know, that it’ll be the same long, sleepless night for Damir, but he will have none of the comforts I do.
As the hours drag on, my mind replays Damir’s last I love you over and over. I have to convince myself each time that it wasn’t actually the last time. I will hear those words from him again. I have to. I need to. I need to be in his arms again, need to lay my head on his chest and feel his laughter rumble in my ear. Need to have more of those conversations that last long after the rest of the world has gone to sleep. Especially when I have something so important to tell him.
My hands drift to my stomach as my thoughts go to what I planned to tell Damir tonight. I’m late and in need of a pregnancy test. Great timing.