by Ari Reavis
He nods, not convincing at all, but I’ll take it for now. Then his mouth pulls to the side in a smirk.
“Is this how you talk to your students? Because if you do, I might have to go back to the first grade.”
I roll my eyes. “I could not handle you as my student.”
The rest of the visit is spent talking about easy things. Safe things. How the rest of my day was. The disgusting food in the jail. His cellmate. When the officer comes behind Damir and tells him his time is up, the sag of his shoulders kills me. If it wasn’t for the plexiglass, I’d probably try and help him escape right now just to have him in my bed tonight.
“I love you,” he says low. “More than you can imagine.”
“I love you too. Stay strong for me.”
“I will. I’ll try and call tomorrow.”
“I’ll be waiting.”
The officer grabs his upper arm and leads him away, and I have to fight to hide the tears until he’s out of view. Then I let them fall, taking a few seconds in the booth to wipe my face before I stand up. When I walk back into the waiting room, Evelyn is standing by the window. I go over to her and she wraps her arms around me.
“I know, honey. I know.” She rubs her small hands up and down my back.
“Let’s get home and tear into that pot roast.” Damien nudges us towards the door.
It’s a somber, quiet ride back to my house, but we all get back to talking and laughing as we eat the pot roast, that actually freaking tastes good. I’m more proud of myself with each bite. When we say our goodnights, and I’ve texted my brother to update him, I lay in the bed, remembering the way Damir’s arms felt wrapped around me, his body heating my back as he cuddled me and kissed along my neck. I go to sleep with a smile, but I wake up quite differently.
I have to run to the bathroom the moment my eyes blink open. Quietness is the last thing on my mind as I race down the hallway, past the guest room, to the toilet. I barely get the lid up before I vomit, retching in between trying to breathe. Well shit, if I wasn’t sure I was pregnant before, I think the evidence is staring back at me in the most disgusting way. I brush my teeth and am washing my face when I see Evelyn come behind me in the mirror.
“Are you okay, honey?” she asks.
“Yeah. I’m sorry I woke you,” I try and smile.
“It wasn’t the pot roast was it?”
I sigh. “No. It wasn’t.”
Her eyes widen, and I see she’s finally realized why I likely threw up. Then they crinkle with her smile.
“But,” I put my hands up, “I’m not sure yet. I haven’t taken a test.”
“Do you have one?”
I nod. “In a drawer in the kitchen.”
She disappears and comes back with the box in her hand a minute later. I take it from her with a nervous chuckle. I’m no expert at this whole mom and daughter thing, but is this normal? Do moms usually help at this moment? I have no idea, but I do know having her here with me is keeping the panic at bay, so I’ll take it. I open the box and take the test out, reading the instructions before looking over at Evelyn.
“Oh, oh. Sorry. I’ll let you pee in peace.”
She gives me a finger wave before stepping out of the bathroom and closing the door behind her. I let her back in after I wash my hands, and her eyes immediately go to the test on the bathtub ledge.
“We have to wait three minutes.”
“Well what do you want it to say?” She looks over at me.
“Hell if I know.” I shrug. “With everything that’s going on, it’s pretty hard to picture a baby coming into this equation. But picturing a baby with Damir... It just feels right. I don’t know.”
“Trust me I know. When I got pregnant with Damir, I was in school and everyone only saw my pregnancy as some hinderance to everything I wanted for myself. That a child would ruin my chance at finishing college, a career, everything. And was it harder? Definitely, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. From the moment I found out I was pregnant, I just knew that child would be the best thing that ever happened to me.”
“We haven’t even really talked about kids. Does he want them?”
“He most definitely does.” She chuckles. “He wants a whole lot of them, so beware.”
I take a deep breath. “Well let’s see if he’s on his way to that.”
We both lean forward and look at the test.
Pregnant.
Evelyn and I turn to each other, and I’m sure the joy I see shining through her eyes is looking right back at her.
“Oh, my God,” I breathe.
Evelyn doesn’t talk low at all.
“I’m getting a grandbaby!” She yells.
“Say what?” Damien says behind us.
Chapter 18
Right after I’m done eating breakfast, or what the hell passes for breakfast around here, an officer brings me to a room to meet with Terry. I haven’t even fully recovered from all the things he told me last night about my apartment and the project, and his downcast look immediately further puts me on edge. I don’t think I can stand to hear more bad news, but I guess I don’t really have a choice.
“So, I got a call from the prosecutor,” Terry begins as I sit down. “With a plea deal.”
“I’m not taking a fucking plea deal for something I didn’t do,” I say through clenched teeth.
“I know, but as your lawyer, I have to present it to you,” he takes a deep breath. “They’re offering to drop the charge to voluntary manslaughter. So you’d be looking at ten to twenty years instead of a mandatory twenty-five or life.”
Just hearing those lengths of time makes my stomach drop. This cannot be my fucking life at this moment. I should be at home, or Mariah’s house right now. Or at the site making sure everyone is doing what they’re supposed to. Instead I’m sitting here in a damn jumpsuit being told I’m looking at, at least, ten years for some shit I didn’t even do.
“I’m not taking it,” I repeat.
He nods. “Nor would I advise you to since”—he points down at the folder in front of him—“The evidence is shit.”
“That’s like music to my ears.” I grin.
“I don’t even know how the hell a judge signed off on your arrest, but nevertheless here we are. The most damning thing is a parking ticket that places you a block away from Stanley’s house, at the time of his death.”
“And let me guess who the hell wrote the ticket.” I shake my head. “Miller?”
“Yeah. How did you know?”
“He’s been harassing me. Well, him and some other cops. But when it comes to tickets, they’ve almost all been from him, almost daily. There’s been one on my windshield every morning for the past few weeks before I ended up in here. Whether I was home or at Mariah’s, I’d come out to go to work and find a ticket. Tickets I didn’t deserve. Even when I was out with Mariah for a date, he gave me a parking in a handicap spot ticket. I got one for speeding and wasn’t even in the car. So if I have a fake ticket placing me there, I’m sure it’s from him.”
“That’s good though. Tickets can be traced. We can establish a pattern of police harassment for the weeks leading up to this. Anything you can think of that we could use to show proof of their harassment?”
“He’s come to my work sites a bunch of times. Another officer named Higgins came to the site too. Stanley’s probation officer was there with him. There have been officers who paid visits to my old landlords.”
He nods as he writes. “Alright. I’ll look into all of this. We need to try and get as much evidence of what’s been going on as possible. But...why didn’t you tell me all of this before Damir?”
“Because, in my mind, it just didn’t make sense. Yeah, Miller was happy as a kid on Christmas morning to arrest me, but short of actually being the one who killed Stanley, I couldn’t figure out what he, or any other cop, would have had to do with the actual murder. I more so assumed I was just an easy target to pin it on. They had it out for me, and he worked fo
r me so they somehow felt I was the greatest suspect, or some shit like that. So I was waiting for you to get the evidence, so I could know if there was actually a reason for them to come after me for this. But from what you’re saying, it seems like they had a dead body and whatever games Miller was playing with the tickets just made it easy for them to look my way. But still, none of it makes sense, Terry.”
“It doesn’t. And that’s exactly what I need a judge to see. That none of it makes sense. But I need you to tell me everything for me to be able to prove that. Understand?”
“I understand. Nothing else comes to mind right now, but if there does, I’ll tell you.”
“Good.”
“What else was there, from the prosecutor?”
“There were drugs found in Stanley’s apartment when the detectives searched it. They’re stating that with your background of being arrested with drugs and what they found, that you murdered him over that. It’s complete bullshit. You haven’t been arrested since nine years ago, for anything, let alone drugs. Also that when Stanley didn’t show up for work the days after his murder, that you didn’t report him missing, leading them to believe that you knew he was deceased and was covering it up.”
“As for the drugs, Stanley’ sister had a boyfriend who was selling drugs. He was the one who got Stanley mixed up in all of that in the first place. He came to the site trying to pressure him to go back to that. We got into an argument when I told him to leave. So if there were drugs in the house, I would bet that they’re his. In fact, the probation officer, when he came that day with Higgins, it was because his sister’s boyfriend had been arrested for drugs, and the probation officer was worried about him being in the same house as someone arrested for that.”
“So he might actually still be in custody.” Terry nods. “Funny how the police never thought to explore that angle.”
I scoff. “Why do that when they can come and arrest me? And as for the days he didn’t show up for work, I’m sure they can check and see that I was calling and texting him every one of those days. I even called his sister to ask about him, but she didn’t pick up.”
“Okay. This is all good. Any fingers we can get pointing away from you is good. But being able to provide someone else for them to point those fingers at is even better. The most important thing we need to establish though, is your alibi. You can’t be in two places at once.”
“I was with Mariah. All night. All. Night.”
“Detectives already went to her house and questioned her. And she told me the same thing she told them, the name of the restaurant you guys went to dinner at, and that you stayed the night at her house. So I’m gonna go there and get receipts, video, anything I can. I’m certainly not going to leave it in the detectives’ hands and count on them to actually do their jobs. And I’ll find those tickets. And look into both this Miller and Higgins.”
“All of the tickets are in my glove compartment. And there’s a lot.”
“Good, good. If nothing else, we can again prove that you can’t be in two places at once. If we can show that you were in different places than where even some of those tickets state you were, we can begin to show a pattern to the judge, making the ticket by Stanley’s house at least seem questionable.” He closes his briefcase and takes a deep breath before looking me over. “How are you doing?”
“I’m...I’m making it through the day. Everything is just up in the air, and all I can really do is watch them get closer to falling and hope it doesn’t all crush on me.”
“I know. But you know I’m doing the best I can. I will not let you end up in prison. Your mother would never let me hear the end of it.”
A much needed chuckle escapes me, even if it hurts a little, to hear of my mom. When will I get to see her again without glass between us? I made a promise to her once that I’ve been forced to break. Even if I get out of here, can I make that promise again, or will my past forever haunt me, forever have me ending up in places like this, whether I do anything to deserve it or not.
All the times I told Stanley to do better, be better replay in my mind now. How I’d told him again and again to change, leave his past and mistakes behind, and that, if he did that, there was no telling where he could go. What a lie. For him, and apparently for myself as well. Me in jail, him...Dead.
“But what did happen?” I ask, needing to clear my throat when I speak so my next words don’t croak like the last ones. “To Stanley?”
“He was shot multiple times Sunday night. Like I said, they found drugs in his apartment, so maybe it did actually have something to do with that. I couldn’t tell you.”
I shake my head. “He was selling drugs before, but I’m sure he was done with all that. He was doing so well at the site. Eager to learn everything I could teach him. Whatever happened to him, he didn’t deserve it.”
“Sometimes when people try to walk away from that life, it just simply won’t let them go, or it catches up to them before they can truly get away.”
“He was a good kid.”
“I’m sure he was. I’m sorry.”
I nod. “Thanks for letting me know all this.”
“Of course. I’ll let your parents know what’s going on.”
Once I’m brought back to the block, I sit at one of the many tables and watch the TV, the volume way too low to hear anything over the sound of all the other people in here. John comes and sits beside me in that silent way of his I’m coming to learn. He always puts himself there as if he’s ready to listen if you want to talk, but doesn’t talk himself or begin the conversation. This time he does though.
“Bad news?” he asks.
“Bad and good, I guess,” I reply. “Got offered a bullshit deal, but my lawyer says the evidence isn’t that solid against me.”
“Well yeah, that is good news. Reasonable doubt is all you need in a courtroom. Well, a fair one at least.”
“Fair.” I scoff. “I used to think that word had some actual meaning. I’m not so sure anymore.”
“I mean, I actually did what I’m in here for, and I still don’t feel it’s fair. I’m a dad defending his daughter, and somehow, a part of me felt like when I explained that to the police, that would settle things.” He gives me an exasperated face. “Clearly, I was a dumbass because... Here I am.”
“What exactly did you do to the guy?”
He grins and I get my first real look at someone who could have actually assaulted someone badly enough to end up in here.
“He’d cornered my daughter, touching her and trying to kiss her, despite her making it very clear that she didn’t want him to. When she pushed him away, he slapped her, so I did the same to him. A lot. Until I heard his jaw break. He used his hands to touch my daughter where he had no right to, so I used a hammer to break every bone in those hands that I could.”
I stare at him wide-eyed for a few seconds, in both shock and a little bit of awe honestly.
“Well...damn,” I finally say. “I don’t have kids, but I gotta say, if someone hurt my daughter, I would do the same.”
“Exactly. That’s kinda what my lawyer is banking on. That if we have to go to trial, any juror would understand why I did what I did. I’ve been offered two deals so far, but both of them came with more time than I can imagine being away from my family, so I turned them down. Trial is all that’s left for me.”
“I hope it all works out for you. It definitely doesn’t sound like you belong in here. And where’s the guy, is he in jail for what he did?”
His mouth twists into a scowl before he answers through clenched teeth. “That little asshole did take a deal. Plead guilty to misdemeanor sexual battery and avoided jail time. Only had to pay a $2,000 fine.”
“A fine?” I exclaim.
“Exactly. I’m sitting in here facing a possible seven-year sentence, at least, for reacting to what he did. Now that’s what you call unfair.”
I shake my head. “Your daughter, is she okay?”
He nods. “She’s
good. She blamed herself at first, for me being in here, but I had to make sure she understood that’s what fathers do, protect their children. I’d do it a thousand times over if it meant her feeling safe, and her knowing that when she comes to me after something like that happens to her, I’m gonna handle it.”
I already liked John, but my respect for him grows with this conversation. I could have just stayed and talked to him some more, but, unfortunately, lunch is called. We both get up for a tray, some version of spaghetti and stale bread. Yum.
When I know Mariah should be leaving work, I make my way over to the phones and wait for one to become available. I hate even having to go through the whole If you accept the charges process. I grit my teeth as I wait for the call to connect, but the moment I hear her voice, all the anger disappears.
“Damir,” she says with a sigh. “God, I miss you.”
“I know the feeling. How was work?”
“Okay. My new best friend, Matthew, brought me a present at the school gift shop. A little mirror that says you’re amazing on it.”
“Well he’s not wrong.” I chuckle. “But I’m glad he’s not giving you anymore trouble.”
“He’s actually becoming quite the star student. But how are you?”
“Okay. I just met with Terry. He’s gonna call you guys later and let you know everything he’s found.”
“Well hopefully before I come visit you.”
“You don’t have to,” I say. “I don’t want you to have to keep coming here.”
“But I want to see you, and that’s the only way for right now, so I’ll be there.”
“Okay. But not every day. Don’t come here every day. You’re not the prisoner.”
“And really, neither are you. You don’t deserve to be there.”
“Yeah well, sometimes justice is blind as hell.”
Another crappy dinner and I’m anxiously awaiting my name to be called for visitation.
“You’re like a kid outside a candy store,” John snickers.
“I told her not to come, but I’m more than happy that she did. I don’t know if my parents are coming again.”