by CY Jones
I think my whole body just malfunctioned because he seriously didn’t just ask that. “You’ve got to be kidding me,” I screech.
He winces at the high octave my voice rises, but besides that, he confidently answers, “I’m not.”
“Look, Justin. I don’t know what’s up with you or why you’re here and not the realtor who contacted me, but I’m with someone and I’m sure he won't appreciate me going out with my ex-husband.”
I could tell he didn’t like hearing I’m with someone, but he doesn’t let up. “Please, Paige. I know I don’t deserve it, but I really need to talk to you, explain why I did what I did to you. I asked Joe to let me meet with you instead of him because I really need to speak with you, please,” he begs again. I can hear the remorse in his voice and even though I know this is a bad fucking idea, I nod, relenting.
“Great! You can ride with me or you can follow me, if that’ll make you more comfortable.”
“I’ll follow,” I reply as I mentally berate myself over my stupidity. I feel like all the color has been stripped out my hair and I’m one of those dumb ass blondes getting herded into the woods. I know I should turn back, but I keep going anyways.
As I follow Justin, I tell myself for the thousandth time I should turn around. Go back to Jodie's to lay tile or watch the cabinets be placed in, anything but follow Justin’s BMW. Nothing good will come out of going to lunch with your ex. Maybe I should call Harrison, text him, something. Fuck, he’s going to kill me or send his ‘not a hitman, but totally a hitman’ friend after me. Maybe I’ll text him or just wait until I go home. I don’t want to upset him when he already has the stalker fresh on his mind.
When Justin stops and parks, I quickly call Harrison before I chicken out. The call goes straight to voicemail and I blow out a relieved breath. Well, I tried.
“You good?” Justin asks, giving me a concerned look.
“I’m fine,” I mutter, putting my phone back in my purse and getting out to follow him inside.
Since it’s lunch hour, the place is packed so we don’t get to sit outside, but instead up near a window in the corner of the restaurant. When I sit, my nerves come back and I gaze up at him, unsure. At least he looks just as nervous, just like he did when he took us on our first date.
“Your waitress will be right with you,” the pretty blonde hostess says after setting our menus down. I’m surprised when Justin didn’t even spare her a glance. Instead, he keeps his eyes on me. Clearing my throat, I pick up the menu and look through the food choices. It’s better than looking at him. I never thought I’d be here, sitting across from him in some restaurant, ever again. I really needed to get my head examined or ask around for my brain that apparently ran off and took a vacation. By the time the waitress comes to take our drink order, I give her my full order.
As soon as she leaves, Justin takes my hand in his and says two words I never thought I’ll ever hear, at least not directed toward me. “I’m sorry.”
“Why apologize now?” I ask when I’m finally able to speak again.
“That’s a fair question and I do owe you an explanation. Truth is, Paige, I’m a sex addict.”
“Come again?” I blurt out, wide-eyed.
“I’m a sex addict. I knew for a while I had a problem, but I never got help. I thought if I really wanted to be cured I could, that I was stronger than my addiction, but I was wrong.”
“Wait,” I interrupt him, holding my hand up. Out of all the explanations he could have said, I’d never guess this would have come out of his pretty mouth.
“You’re bullshitting me, right? When the hell did you find out you were a sex addict?” I’m completely lost. I feel like he’s talking Chinese and I only speak Russian.
“I knew for a while actually. Even before we got married. It’s like I had this need festering inside my body and it was only satisfied when I fed it, but every time I fucked some random chick, it wouldn’t drive the need away, just sated it a little until the next meal. I was never satisfied and it killed me, especially when I thought about how I was betraying you.”
“But you were never like that with me.” We had sex sure, but not all the time, not in the sense he’s talking. I’m sure sex addicts fuck more than Harrison and I do.
“I couldn’t show you the monster that was hiding in me. Paige, you were the only good thing in my life and I fucked it up. I lost you because I was too damn proud to admit I had a problem and afraid to tell you how I was cheating on you. I knew if I did, I’d lose you. I was ashamed and the more down I got on myself, the more the beast needed to be fed. It wasn’t until I finally lost you that I went to rehab. The last couple of months of our separation, I was in Lakeview. That day you saw me at Surfside was my first week out. I was meeting my therapist, going over a plan to maintain my success.”
I’m completely fucking speechless, in fact I may have forgotten how to talk. I felt like my mind was slowly processing everything he just told me and if I tried to speed up the process, I’d end up short circuiting out. How did I not see this? I’ve known Justin all my life and never have I ever thought he was a sex addict. Securing me a couple more minutes to process, the waitress set our food down on the table before asking if we needed anything else. Since my vocal cords were still short circuited, I just shook my head while Justin politely tells her, “no, thank you.”
“Paige, say something,” he says in a small voice once she’s gone.
“You’re not lying, are you?” God, I wish he were lying, that he was nothing but the cheating sack of shit I classified him as, but he shakes his head no and I believe him. I believe every single word he’s saying, but it still doesn’t change the outcome, so I tell him.
“I wish I knew sooner. I wish you would have come to me. Maybe things would have turned out different, maybe if you trusted me, we could have worked this out together and still be married, but you didn’t trust me. You went against our vows, betrayed me, and hurt me to the point where the damage was almost beyond repair. You broke me, Justin, and it took a lot of people in my life to make me see my own self worth again.”
His eyes are sad and unshed tears form in mine. “I’m sorry, Paige. You have to understand I never wanted to be the one to hurt you. If I could turn back time and be the husband you deserve, I would. I’d do it in a second. I love you, Paige, I always have, and I probably always will.”
“Don’t,” I reply, stopping him. I don’t want to hear anything else. “What’s done is done. There is no such thing as a time machine, you don’t get a do over, but I will accept your apology. I believe you’re telling the truth and I believe you’re sorry, but that’s all I can offer you. I have moved on, you should too.” My words may be harsh, but they’re true. Maybe the truest thing I have said in a while. I don’t know where life will take me with Harrison, but I know my chapter with Justin is over.
“Well, if I can’t have you, I’d like your friendship. Before we got married, you were my best friend and I miss you.”
“I..I don’t know, Justin,” I stutter, lowering my eyes.
“Hey, don’t do that,” he says, tilting my chin with his pointer finger so I’m looking up at him. “This isn’t a race. I know I have to earn your trust. We have time to become great friends again. We’ll just take it slow and easy.” I nod, hoping I’m not lying to him. Truthfully, I have no idea what’s going to come out of this conversation. I need to talk to someone, Chaz, Jodie when she checks in, and definitely Harrison. Ultimately, it’s his decision if he’s okay with me talking to my ex or not, even as nothing but a friend.
“Here,” Justin says, folding something in my hand, and I open my fist, revealing the plastic chip he placed there. “It’s my 30 day addiction free chip,” he replies.
I’m no addict but I know these are a big deal. “Are you sure you want to give me this?” I ask.
“You’re the only person who I care to know my progress. It’s because of you I’m getting better.”
“You should be gett
ing better for yourself,” I reply, shocked by his answer. Hell, this whole conversation has me feeling like I’m in Shockville looking at the exhibit of the impossible.
“True, I should, but that's not the case. You should eat,” he says, pointing his fork at my lobster salad and I do, just so I don’t keep staring at him like he has three heads. Who is this pod person and why didn’t I marry him instead of Justin?
When we’re finished, Justin takes care of the check and walks me back to my car. Before I get in, he kisses me softly on the cheek and hugs me to his body tightly. As soon as he engulfs me, his familiar scent fills my nose and a lone tear rolls down my cheek. God, I loved this man with every fiber of my being, but I know I don’t anymore. I think the tear is more for the loss.
“I’ll get in touch with you once I talk to the homeowner,” he says, pulling back and I nod before scrambling in my car. Pulling out my phone, I see Harrison has called twice, but I don’t call him back. I’ll feel better telling him about Justin once we’re face to face. Starting my car, I drive back to Jodie’s so I can fill my head with the work there and not Justin and his revelation.
When I pull up to Jodie’s, Harrison is there, pacing in the driveway. He looks just like an agitated bull, ready to charge. Who the hell took a dump in his Cheerios? I knew I shouldn’t have thrown away the invisibility ring I found in the Cracker Jack box when I was nine. I could use that sucker right about now.
“Why the hell aren’t you answering your phone?” He yells as soon as I step out.
“I was out, why?” I counter, careful to show no fear. Predators smell that shit.
“I called you twice, that’s why. I thought the stalker had you.”
“What? Why would you think something like that?” I was seriously confused.
“Because I was sent a video earlier. It was of you laying flooring down in the kitchen here. As soon as I saw it, I broke I don’t know how many speeding laws to get here and the crew said they haven’t seen you in a couple of hours.”
Oh, that’s bad. What the fuck? “Who is this person and why are they so homed in on me? You have like a dozen projects going on.”
“I don’t know,” he replies, pulling me close. As soon as he hugs me, it’s like the weight of the world lifts off his shoulders, making me feel really bad he was so worried about me.
“Well, there she is. Have fun at lunch with your ex?” A nasally voice asks and I look up to see the chick with the staging business walking towards us. At her words, Harrison stiffens in my arms while I mentally slam her smug face into my windshield. Snitches get stitches, I’m sure that’s some law written somewhere.
“What the hell is she talking about?” Harrison barks.
“You haven’t heard,” she says, pulling out her phone and up her social media page. On it is a post about the hottie real estate broker reconciling with his ex. Well, fuck me that shit just happened, and since when are Justin and I popular enough to make Insta news?
“Is he the reason why you couldn’t answer your phone?” He asks incredulously.
“I don’t blame you, girl, he’s hot as fuck and, just like Harrison, one of the top ten eligible bachelors in the state,” she replies, but you can tell it was only for the benefit of pissing Harrison off even more. He was pissed, but now he’s DEFCON 1. I can practically see smoke coming out of his ears. I don’t know what her problem was, but I was like seconds away from punching her teeth out.
“Don’t you have some house to stage somewhere?” I tell her, giving her a look that says ‘I know exactly what you’re doing’. She’s not phased in the slightest and it’s Harrison who gets her to leave when he says he’ll see her at the Turner project tomorrow.
When she’s gone, he turns his ire back on me. “Here,” he says, putting something cold and metal in my hand. When I look down, I see it’s a key. “Go straight to my house and wait for me to get there.” His tone leaves no argument, but I voice an objection anyways.
“What about my work? You’re not the only one with shit to do, you know,” I huff.
“Working wasn’t on your mind when you were off cheating on me with your ex,” he roars and I take a step back. I’ve never seen him this angry at me.
“If you believe that, then you’re a fucking asshole,” I tell him before getting in my car and gunning my engine. I leave without a backwards glance. I don’t go to his place or my own. Instead, I visit Chaz at his shop and spill the tea.
“Girl,” he says after I explain everything. When I got here, the shop was closed and he was in the back doing inventory. I’m lucky he heard me knocking. “That’s a lot. So you really didn’t know he was a sex addict?” He questions.
“No. Hell, I didn’t even know the bastard was cheating on me. Fuck, can I even still call him a bastard?”
“Damn, honey bunny. That’s some Real World shit and, of course, you can still call him a bastard. Cheating is cheating no matter the reason behind it, but I’m glad he finally apologized to you. I think you both needed that.”
“Yeah, maybe now he’ll move on. I’m still reeling over him admitting he still loves me.”
“Do you still love him?” Chaz asks quietly. I open my mouth to answer, but quickly close it. Do I still love Justin?
“I think when you love someone, you give away pieces of yourself. Sure you can break up, hate them for life, but those small pieces you gave away you can never get back, so yes I believe I do still love him, just not in the same way.”
“That’s some wise Yoda type shit,” he comments before bursting into a fit of giggles.
“God, I love you, you’re so fucking classy,” I tell him and he beams.
“Everyone loves me, honey bunny. It’s part of my charm.”
“Well, you are charming,” I tease.
“On a serious note, what are you going to do about Harrison? I’m not dumb, I know you’re here to avoid him.”
“What?” I mock, holding my hand to my heart dramatically. “I’m here for the good company and the sarcasm.” When he raises a perfectly arched brow, I relent. “Okay, okay. I may be hiding a little bit, tiny bit, maybe a smidge,” I amend, which only makes him roll his eyes.
“Here,” he says tossing me his clipboard. “I might as well put you to work while you’re here. I’ll count and you jot down the number I tell you.”
“I can do that,” I reply, thankful he didn’t kick me out. I can’t go home to my sad little condo and going to Harrison’s was out. He’s already called me five times and I’m ashamed to say, I turned my phone all the way off after the last call. He seriously pissed me off when he accused me of cheating on him. He knows how that almost killed me after Justin, so he should know I’d never do that to another human being.
“Twelve,” Chaz calls out and I look for the bottles of hairspray on the chart, making my mind focus on the task at hand. It takes two hours. Two hours where I don’t think about the oncoming confrontation I’m going to have with Harrison.
“Are you going to be okay, honey bunny?” Chaz asks, walking me to my car. “You know you can always stay with me if you’re that worried about going back.”
“I should be fine, but if you don’t hear from me in two days, Harrison either killed me or I’ve relocated to a nunnery in England.”
“Honey bunny, you can’t live without sex just like I can’t. I’m already about to stage a kidnapping on my boyfriend. Go to Harrison, explain everything. Now, since he had time to cool down, he should listen and you’ll be riding him in no time.”
“Or I can read up on Saint Mary’s,” I snark and he pats me on the butt, giving me a push towards my car.
“Goodnight, honey bunny,” he chuckles leaving me to my doom.
Okay, I got this. Maybe Chaz is right. It’s been hours. Harrison should have calmed his non-anger management ass down by now. Turning on my phone, that thought goes out the window when I see the twenty missed calls and eight text messages, the last stating I have an hour to call him back. That was ninety
minutes ago. Well, fuck me. Decision made, I go home instead of Harrison’s. I’d rather not battle it out with him tonight.
15
I Love You
Harrison
I don’t know how many times I’ve called her. When I replay everything in my head, all I can see is the hurt look in her eyes after I accused her of cheating on me. She looked defeated, and I hate myself for not being able to control my anger and lashing out at her. I was having a shit day. After seeing that video and then Amy showing up to the job to bitch about how she should be the one taking over the designs on my homes and not some divorced nobody, I lost my shit. I admit that. Of course I know Paige would never cheat on me and there had to be a good explanation of why she went to lunch with her ex. My sister deals with messy tabloids all the time, and I, out of all people, should have known better than to believe anything they put out. I’m such a dick, and now Paige isn’t even talking to me.
I might be even more of a prick with the last text I left, telling her she has an hour to contact me, but I’m desperate. It’s been hours since I’ve seen her and I’m freaking out with worry. I’ve been to my place, hers, back to Brian and Jodie’s house, Starlights’, and she’s nowhere to be found. I know she has her gay best friend, but I don’t know his name or where to find him. All I know is that he works at a hair salon somewhere in downtown LA. I don’t trust Paige out there like that with my stalker lasered focused on her.
Turning my car around, I decide to head back to her place. I doubt she’ll come back to mine, she’s stubborn like that. I don’t care if I have to wait out in her hall all night, at least no one will be able to get to her with me there. When I park I go inside and knock, but, of course, no one answers. Popping a squat on the floor, I pull my phone out and try to get some paperwork done. I don’t know how much time passes before I hear a noise and look up to see her beautiful face, but quickly I jump to my feet when I see how scared she appears. Fuck, is she scared of me?