by CY Jones
18
Addiction
Harrison
I’ve been driving all over town looking for my siren. Her place, my place, job sites, Brian’s house, every fucking where and still nothing. Throwing back my sixth bottle of beer, I’m staring at the empty bottle in my hands like it holds all the answers. How did everything go left so quickly? Wait, that bitch Amy is how. I never wanted to hurt a woman as much as I want to strangle her and then spank my siren for doubting me. Doesn’t she know me well enough to know I would never cheat on her? I’m no Justin.
“What did that bottle ever do to you, man?” A voice asks and when I turn, the asshole himself is right here in the flesh.
“I take it, by that look, you know who I am,” he says. I glare at him, wondering why the fuck he’s here. Out of all the bars he could have gone to, he had to go to the one I’m currently sulking in, making me feel like this is some bad joke.
“I know who you are, Justin. I’m just trying to figure out why you’re here.”
“I get your anger. Even though I don’t know you, I deserve it. I actually called Brian asking about you and he told me where to find you.”
“Why?” I asked, curious of why he’s looking for me and furious at Brian for blabbing about my whereabouts.
“I wanted to talk to you.”
“Like you did when you took my girlfriend to lunch? That was some real shady shit, ambushing her like that.” I’m furious and he flinches from the anger in my voice.
“I know it was underhanded, but I was desperate to talk to her. I knew if I would have called her, she wouldn’t meet me. It took a lot to even get her to go to lunch. Paige is fiercely loyal like that.”
“And you weren’t. You know, I don’t get you. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy you fucked up. Your loss was my gain, I just don’t understand you. Paige is beautiful, smart, she has a good heart, and shit, she’s amazing in bed. But if you were really dealing with addiction, how could you cheat on her?”
“It’s hard to explain. All I can say was I wasn’t thinking straight. I’ve known Paige all my life. She was routine, I could anticipate her every move, finish her sentences, know what she was thinking. My addiction knew that too. It wanted to branch out and find something new, feel something new, as well as keep Paige by my side. It was selfish of me and even though I was cheating on her to satisfy my addiction, the real me couldn’t give her up.”
“Dude, you’re talking like you and your addiction are two different people,” I reply.
“It is, at least that’s how I see it. For years I’ve been feeling like I’m two different people, torn between hurting my loved ones and getting off just to satisfy my cravings. It was hell living a double life and, truthfully, I’m glad Paige found out when she did. It took losing her for me to gather the strength to get help and check myself into rehab.I just didn’t think I’d lose her for good.”
“So, you want me to apologize for scooping her up?” I ask, raising my brow.
“No, I’d never do that. I’ve seen pictures of you two in magazines. I know that look in her eyes. She loves you and you make her happy, probably happier than when she was with me.”
“Okay. I’m confused. If not for that, then why are you here?”
Sighing he replies, “I asked Paige if she wanted to be friends. I can accept losing her to someone who makes her happy, but I can’t accept losing her completely. Paige used to be my best friend and as I recover I need that, I need her. Paige is nothing but loyal and I know if she thought she’d hurt you, she would stay away from me.”
I get it now. When Paige told me about Justin asking if they could be friends, I told her fuck no. I was being selfish, only thinking about myself. Now with her gone, I see that even though I made her happy, she still missed him in her life, and he’s right. She’ll never tell me her true feelings in fear of hurting me or betraying me by being his friend behind my back. I have to be the one to tell her it’s okay.
I accept her friendship with Justin, but fuck this whole conversation is rhetorical. I don’t even know where she is right now or if she’ll ever talk to me again. I may have pushed her right to the guy. When I look up to really look at him, I see the hurt inside him. He’s masking it well as he sits here looking flawless, without a hair out of place, but the pain he’s dealing with is just as crushing as mine.
“I’ll talk to her,” I tell him, reviving the hope in him. I will, but first I need to get her back. I told her if she runs I’d follow her to the ends of the Earth and bring her back kicking and screaming and that was no empty threat.
“Thank you, man. I don’t know what to say.”
“Just don’t fuck up and make me regret this.”
“I promise, I won’t. Thank you,” he says, getting up. As he leaves, I can tell a huge weight has been lifted off his shoulders. Lucky him. Now I need to get my own shit together. Picking up my phone, I call Brian. As soon as he answers, I yell, “I’m going to kill you.”
Already knowing what I’m talking about, he says,“dude, he sounded so sad, I had to throw him a bone. Besides, it’s better for him to seek you out and not look for your girl himself. He’s known her longer and could probably find her before you do.”
“You have a point, “I admit grudgingly.
“I take it you still have no clue where she’s at?” He asks the obvious.
“I’m thinking she’s with her gay friend, but I have no clue where he lives. I just know he works at a hair salon downtown.”
“Wait! What’s his name?” Brian asks suddenly.
“Chaz, why? You know him?”
“Chaz as in Chaz Vanderbelt? How can I not know him? You do too, actually. Remember the dude who walked away from his family's fortune to be with his boyfriend?”
“Oh hell, yeah I know of him, small world.”
I curse, remembering what Chaz looks like. He’s way too pretty to be a guy. I’m fucking happy the dude is gay. “Do you know where he lives?”
“I do, but I’m not telling you.”
“Why the fuck not?” I growl.
“Paige needs time to cool down. You go after her now, words will be said and then it’ll be harder to repair this relationship. You know she’s safe and she’s with someone she trusts, who isn’t interested in your girl one bit.”
“What the hell, Gale? Since when do you dole out relationship advice? Have you read Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus too?” I snark.
“Have you, jackass? Since you know the title of the book so well. Look, go home. Tomorrow if she doesn’t turn up, I’ll give you his address, okay?”
“Fine,” I grumble. It’s not like I have a choice.
After hanging up, I call an Uber to pick me up. I didn’t take my car, knowing I’d get shitfaced at the bar. When I get home, I strip naked and crawl into bed, inhaling her scent. It was enough to make me hard and I move my hand to my dick, pretending it was her small hand wrapped around it, jerking me off. I cum in minutes, shooting my load onto my stomach. Grabbing a tissue from the end table, I clean myself off and fall back onto the sheets. I toss and turn all night, reliving the hurt look in her eyes. Picturing the pain she’s in after seeing me with Amy. If the roles were reversed, I would have probably snapped the guys neck, which makes me happy that Chaz is gay and I don’t have to worry about my girl being alone with him overnight. They say distance makes the heart grow stronger. I disagree. Distance makes the heart, body, and mind go psycho. I swear, when I bring her home, I’m going to tie her to the bed and not let her up for days. I picture her just like that held in my mercy before sleep finally takes me.
19
Kidnapped
Paige
I spend the whole weekend with Chaz. He had a couple clients Saturday but he rescheduled them to hang out with me. The weather was absolutely beautiful. Better than wasting the day cooped up inside, we decided to make it a beach day. It was the most fun I had in awhile. We stuffed our faces with burgers and hotdogs, played a couple of
games of beach volleyball, rented jet skis, racing each other across the ocean, and once the sun started to settle, he took me to my favorite ice cream place to wind down. On Sunday, we chilled in his fancy condo all day, watching Netflix and playing Monopoly. FYI, Chaz is a total cheat. Do not, for the love of God, let him be the banker, you will regret it. He’s also lucky as shit, able to roll impossible numbers and skip over all of my properties. We also talked about ourselves and learned a lot more about each other, making sure to avoid talking about our exes. Is Harrison even my ex yet? I caught him cheating yes, but I haven’t told him it’s over yet. Maybe that’s why I have been avoiding going back. If I face him, I have to tell him and I’m just not ready to take that step yet. Deep down inside, I was hoping there's another explanation for what I saw. With Justin, I totally believed 100% he was cheating on, but with Harrison, I have my doubts.
Walking into the room, Chaz asks, “are you ready for work, honey bunny?” I yelp, jumping a mile high, startled from his voice. I was sitting on the bed, lost in my thoughts, staring at my hands. I’m working on the Long Beach property today, but it’s not like Harrison won’t know where I am. I know he will show up and then what? We break up? Will he tell me Amy is the love of his life? Will I fall apart and not be able to work again? Shit, what if he fires me right then and there? I’ll never live it down. “Paige,” Chaz says using my real name, breaking into my crazy lady thoughts. I can hear the worry in his voice. And I wonder what I look like right now.
“Sorry,” I mutter, “I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not. Look. It’ll be okay. I bet my trust fund that asshole is really missing you right now. He knows he fucked up.”
“You don’t know that. But it was nice of you to say.”
“Actually, I do know. Brian called me Saturday while we were at the beach. He said Harrison was going loco without you. He swears he’s never seen him this worked up about a woman before. That he believes him when he says there's a really good explanation for what you saw.”
“Yeah, like what? She fell and landed on his lips?” I mutter bitterly. “Hey,” I narrow my eyes at him. “You didn’t tell me any of this when we were at the beach?” My voice is shrill and I felt a little betrayed.
“I didn’t tell you because I knew if I did, you would be running over there. You both need your space from one another. He deserves to stew over you being gone and you needed to unwind for a bit. Besides the thing with Harrison, you’ve been working your butt off these past couple of months.”
“Did Brian happen to tell you what his explanation was?” I ask through gritted teeth.
“I didn’t ask, that’s between you two, but I did tell him you needed time. Harrison has been insistent about seeing you, and I knew you weren’t ready for that yet.”
“Chaz. I don’t know if I want to choke you or kiss you,” I tell him.
“Obviously the latter. You know you don’t want to harm all this,” he says, waving his hands up and down his body and I smile. “There she is. Know I did what I did out of love. Now get your cute self to work and stop worrying.” Getting up, I kiss him on his cheek and he gives me one of his winning smiles.
I leave for work feeling a whole lot better. Sure I was a little tiff over Chaz's undermindness, but he’s right. I needed time. Who knows what I would have said to Harrison if he just showed up. Sitting in my car, I’m happy to be driving it again. Chaz sent AAA to retrieve it from where I left it on the side of the highway and then had it delivered to his parking garage. The clothes I’m wearing are brand new. I didn’t know personal shoppers were really a thing until Chaz had one drop off a couple of outfits for me. He’s been spoiling the hell out of me the last couple of days and I only let him because I know he needs this. It gives him something to do so he doesn’t have to think about Michael. Like me, he’s dealing with his break up in his own way. Chaz is such a great guy, I hate that he’s hurting. He deserves the best and I’m going to make it my mission to see him happy again.
When I pull up to the Long Beach home, I’m not surprised to see Harrison outside, pacing back and forth like a caged animal. As soon as I park, his eyes zoom in on my face like heat seeking missiles. I’m surprised he didn’t decide to rush my car, but once I get out, what restraint he had snaps, and he moves towards me with long determined strides.
Throwing my hand up, I yell, “stop.” He does, his face morphing from determined to hurt in a nanosecond.
“Paige, please you have to let me explain,” he cries out.
“What’s to explain? I think I saw exactly what was going on. How long have you and Amy been getting it on behind my back? When you were supposed to be at meetings, were you really with her?” Who is this insecure person that has taken over my body and will she make like an exorcism and leave?
“No! Fuck, no. How could you say that? I get you’re mad and you’re hurt, you have every right to be, but, siren, you don’t know the whole truth.”
“Don’t call me that. You lost that privilege when you let that whore kiss you.”
“Fuck, Paige. Will you stop being so damn hard headed and listen to me? I didn’t let her do shit,” he yells, exasperated. He’s pissed and I take a step back from the vehemence in his voice. In my mind, I know he’ll never hurt me, but I’m not thinking straight right now. My own pain is making me act irrational.
“You’re scared of me,” he says in a low, hurt voice. His shoulders hunch and I immediately start feeling bad. Am I blowing this all out of proportion? Is there really more to the story? “You know, Paige. I didn’t think anything could hurt me more than you not having faith in me, but I was wrong. I would never hurt you. You are my world, my one true love, but here you are, standing right in my face, afraid of me. I love you, Paige. I really do and I thought you loved me too, but if you can make me into this monster, you obviously don’t.”
With that he turns, getting into his work truck while I stand there, wondering what the hell just happened. How did the tables so easily turn? It isn’t until his car is out of sight do I realize I'm an idiot and may have just destroyed the best thing in my life.
I’m miserable for the rest of the day, only functioning on autopilot as I robotically go through the motions helping the crew with demo. I knew they knew something was off about me and it had to do with Harrison, but no one asked about it. I guess that’s the benefit of working with a bunch of men. Nothing is worse to them than a weepy female. I did call Chaz and told him about what had happened. Like a true friend, he took my side and said I could crash at his place again, but I turned him down, deciding to sleep at my condo. Harrison didn’t try to call me all day, not that I expected him to. I had royally fucked up and realized I was a total bitch for not giving him a chance to explain. I could call him, but I was afraid he wouldn’t answer. I hated this. I hate that I can’t turn to him. Now we’re in limbo and I’m not sure if we can fix what’s been broken.
With demo halfway finished, I needed to grab some samples from the warehouse, so I let Rocko know where I was going and told him I’ll see him tomorrow. When I get there, Alice greets me with a bright smile.
“Hey lovely, what can I help you with today?”
“Marble, I have a real snooty client with expensive taste. I was thinking calacatta, but I wanted to see samples of other options as well.”
“Ooh, we just got in this slab of Italian calacatta that’s just to die for,” she says, excitedly clapping her hands together. When I follow her, I can’t help looking upward at the loft where Harrison’s office is. Alice catches me looking and she clears her throat before saying, “you know he’s been a real sour puss all day. I don’t know what’s going on with you two right now, but what I do know is that he really loves you. You’re good for him and I’m sure he’s good for you too.”
“Thanks, Alice,” I say in a choked voice. She smiles and we continue on to the back of the warehouse where they store all the marble slabs.
I’m there for a couple of hours, going through al
l the samples and grabbing things I thought my client would like. I also grab samples for future projects, just so I can waste time and don’t have to go back to an empty condo. While working, I ponder over Alice’s words and I realize I’m such an idiot. I don’t know what happened with Amy and I won’t find out until I give Harrison a chance to explain. Everyone can see how much love he has for me and I let my insecurity over what Justin did blind me. Chaz said Brian believed Harrison’s excuse, and I know Jodie wouldn’t have married an asshole, so Brian wouldn’t back him unless his excuse was legit. I need to pull my perpetual big girl panties on and talk to him face to face. Digging in my purse, I pull out my phone to text him.
Me: I need to talk to you.
…
Harrison: I’ll see you at the house in thirty.
I blow out a relieved breath. At least he’s willing to hear me out. I thought he wouldn’t message me back. By the time I’m finished, it’s dark outside, Alice having left for home a while ago. Loading everything up, I leave out the back door and lock up with the key Harrison gave me. I’m piling the samples in the back of my car, deep in thought when I hear someone come up behind me. Thinking it’s Alice, I start to turn when something hard hits me in the back of my head and everything goes dark.
Harrison
I couldn’t believe it when I saw her text. I thought I would have to bring her back to the house kicking and screaming. I was giving her space, having Rocko keep tabs on her for me. He let me know she was headed to the warehouse, so I made sure to make myself scarce before she got there and left to work at a home we just acquired. The home security company was hooking up everything and this gave me the opportunity to be there while they were doing it. Not only was the house being wired, but motion sensors were being installed in the area surrounding it and the driveway, which is something new I decided to add. No one but I will have access. Since this home is deep in the forest, I'll probably get alerts from every single animal that trips it, but it’s better to be safe than sorry. I’m convinced if this is some vengeful lover coming after me, someone on my crew has to be helping her.