by K. A. Holt
still in there,
wet and shredded.
Mom’s wine glass is paused,
halfway to her mouth,
which is also open
just a little bit.
Say that again?
Mom sets her wine glass down.
I say it again.
Dad swallows his chicken bite,
coughs for a second, says,
You realize this means
all these weeks,
all these early mornings,
summer school itself,
in its entirety,
was a waste.
Mom looks at me,
really looks at me,
in my eyes,
from across the table.
That sounds like quite a day.
I smile.
She smiles.
Dad frowns,
pushes his seat from the table,
stomps away,
muttering,
Such a waste.
It doesn’t feel like a waste, though.
Who cares about the stupid FART.
Right now I only care about one thing:
finding Ms. J
and making her
our divergent teacher
again.
Hello?
Yes.
He’s right here.
Whom may I say is calling?
Mmm-hmm, what’s your real name, kiddo?
I’m not sure I believe you.
Hold on one second.
Mom mutes the phone.
Do you have a friend named Jordan?
Jordan Jackson?
Just like your teacher?
I laugh and nod.
Mom’s cheeks turn bright pink.
Hello, Jordan?
I apologize.
It’s just . . . very odd, isn’t it?
Hmm? I think even more odd
than calling the FRAAT the FART.
Hold on.
Benjamin is right here.
I’m still laughing
when I take the phone,
and say,
What’s up Jordan J No Relation?
CHAT
Divergent Dingleberries
Private server created by: BenBee
Password required
Avatar name: JJ11347
Password: • • • • •
GHOST SEASON IS HERE!!!
GHOST SEASON IS HERE!!!
GHOST SEASON IS HERE!!!
GHOST SEASON IS HERE!!!
GHOST SEASON IS HERE!!!
GHOST SEASON IS HERE!!!
GHOST SEASON IS HERE!!!
JJ11347: Hello?
JJ11347: No one is here?
JJ11347: Where ARE you all?? Ghost Season starts NOW.
JJ11347: I just read an article about a bug in the Ghost Season code and I’m very worried. We haven’t finished the pyramid and now—
CHAT INFRACTION
JJ11347: Ahhhh! The bug is erasing everyone’s extra lives and their gold. Entire avatars are being DELETED. They’re trying to—
CHAT INFRACTION
JJ11347: ARRGGH. They’re going to release an update to the update.
JJ11347: But if you get melted before the update you’ll lose everything.
JJ11347: Instead of building a pen for pigs I’ve built a pen for your avatars.
JJ11347: I will keep you safe until you log on.
JJ11347: (But also I have to eat dinner.)
JJ11347: *(in real life)
JJ11347: (and I have a very important meeting in the morning . . . )
JJ11347: Oh shoot. No one is here to give me a pork chop.
JJ11347: In the game I mean.
JJ11347: I have pasta IRL.
JJ11347: Oh shiitake mushrooms, I’m going to have to kill a pig and eat a pork chop.
JJ11347: Ok ok ok I can do it.
JJ11347: And I can keep everyone safe until they show up.
JJ11347: I’m a fierce pork chop eating warrior.
JJ11347: Wow this ghost-killing potion is quite useful.
BEN Y
<0BenwhY>
The candle flickers,
almost going out,
then the flame reaches
high,
higher,
higher still,
almost as tall as the picture,
the one with Benicio holding me
the day I was born
and the smile on his little-boy face
is brighter than any candle
could ever be.
How are you?
How did the retake go today?
Mom rests her chin on my shoulder
as we both watch the flame
stretching tall.
And I keep meaning to ask,
how is your friend?
The one who lost his dog?
Sometimes not great.
Sometimes okay.
My answers work for all her questions.
Tell him I’ve been praying for him.
His whole family.
She gives my neck a peck,
a gentle kiss,
takes a step back.
I’ve been praying for you, too, Benita.
Esme and I,
every night,
before she goes to sleep.
Praying for me, why?
My voice is a whisper.
I don’t want to accidentally
extinguish the flame.
For you to be happy, mija.
For you to love yourself.
For you to come back to us.
Benicio is gone,
but you are still here.
We pray for you to see that.
We pray for you to see that we see you.
You are loved.
But . . .
it’s not Benita,
I say,
turning to face her.
If you really see me,
then you have to see that.
It’s Ben.
I’m Ben now.
Not . . . not like I’m a boy,
not . . . not like
I’m trying to replace Benicio.
Just . . . I’m figuring it out,
who I am,
what I like,
who I like,
all the things.
And I don’t really know anything
about anything
yet . . .
except . . .
I’m not Benita,
not anymore.
Mom cups her hand on my cheek.
I love you
whoever you are,
you understand me?
I nod.
The flame jumps high,
sputters low.
See?
He loves you, too, mija.
A tear slips down Mom’s face,
as she nods at the candle, smiles.
He loves you, too.
The phone never rings,
but it rings right now,
making Mom and I jump,
and for one tiny smidge of a second
I wonder if
maybe Benicio . . .
maybe he’s calling to say hi
from the Great Beyond
or wherever he is.
Hello?
The words come at me fast,
just like they do on the bus,
not Benicio,
but that’s okay.
The comforting
rat-a-tat of
Jordan J’s voice.
I interrupt him to say,
I know it spells FRAAT,
we just always say FART,
that’s the jo—
Okay, okay, hang on.
Let me ask.
Then,
Mom says it’s okay.
She’s been praying for you,
and me, apparently.
I’ll tell her.
And . . . you can tell everyone
I’m on my way.
<
br /> JORDAN J
The cool thing about having a mom who is a smart person is that she can find cool things that she thinks you might want or need or like and so after I told her all about this bonkers day and failing the FART (FRAAT!) on purpose but for REASONS and how we’re all worried Ms. J might have gotten fired because of us but we don’t know what to do about it or even where she is, Mom got on the phone and she called the school but no one was there because it’s late and then she called some other people and did her reporter work like she does for the newspaper and then she told me that Ms. J was suspended (teachers can get suspended??) and that she’s having a meeting at school tomorrow to try to get unsuspended and I was like, holy cats can we go to the meeting? and Mom was like, you can always try and then she went upstairs and I could hear the printer printing and she came back downstairs with a bunch of sheets of paper and she handed them to me and said maybe you could call your friends to come over and you could all fill these out. Bring them to your principal tomorrow morning, tell her what you told me, and cross all your fingers and toes.
Oooh. Ooh. We’ll have extra luck, too, because Ben Y has extra toes!
And so that’s why it’s kind of late at night but everyone is here in the living room with me at my house and no one is sitting on the sofa because I told them that that’s still Spartacus’s place for a little bit and nobody minds because everyone is my friend and it’s really cool to have all these friends right here on the floor with me. It is actually making me feel like the living room isn’t such a sad place like I thought but is an okay place even if it was Spartacus’s last place.
We have the forms Mom printed and we have pens and markers and sodas and cheesy puffs and Fierce Across America is on in the background because it’s always a good noise to have in your brain when you want to be smart or funny or brave or fierce or basically anything that is a little bit bigger than you, and we are laughing and writing and we are making a plan for tomorrow.
REAL-LIFE CHAT
Created by everyone
Avatar: actual human bodies in Jordan J’s actual living room (but not on the couch)
Password: any words spoken out loud using actual mouths and voices
Typed up by Ben B
(just because it’s always nice to have a chat log when you need to remember stuff)
Ben B: I can’t believe my mom let me come over. It’s dark outside and a school night and it’s not, like, a 911 handwriting emergency or anything.
Ben Y: Have you ever had to leave the house at night for a 911 handwriting emergency?
Ben B: No. I never get to go anywhere at night, unless it’s a soccer game or tutoring or something.
Ben Y: That is a bummer, [non-gendered expression].
Ben B: Tell me about it.
Ben Y: I guess your mom could tell this is a teacher-saving emergency. Even parents understand that.
Javier: My m-m-mom was so glad that I’m actually making friends, I think sh-sh-she would have let me f-f-fly to Mars.
Jordan J: It was super fun calling everyone on the phone, like, I forgot phones can even be used for calling! I liked to hear your voices and now I’m glad that your actual faces are in my house.
Ben Y: Chat infraction! Jkkkk, JJ! It’s also nice not to be translating your emojis! But, uh, what’s the plan, Ben B my man? Non-gendered expression.
Ben B: We have to finish building the pyramid! Haha. Just kidding. But wouldn’t it be cool if we had a real-life pyramid made of diamonds that we could hide Ms. J in?
Jordan J: That would be super cool. Except how would we get all those diamonds? They’re very tiny in real life and Ms. J is pretty regular-sized, so—
Ben Y: This is a fascinating conversation, you two, but we need a real plan. For real life.
Javier: Hey, uh, Jordan J’s m-m-mom? Can you tell us exactly what you f-f-found out earlier?
Jordan J’s Mom: Sure. Basically, there’s going to be a meeting tomorrow to discuss why Ms. J was suspended and whether that warrants termination.
Jordan J: HOLY SHIITAKE MUSHROOMS! THEY’RE GOING TO KILL HER BECAUSE OF US?
Jordan J’s Mom: Jordan. Baby. Relax. Termination means fire.
Jordan J: . . . .
Jordan J’s Mom: FIRED. Like losing your job. Not the hot stuff.
Jordan J: Ooooooh. I get it. Right. So she has to dance for her life tomorrow. And maybe we can all somehow do a Save Your Bootie dance with her.
Jordan J’s Mom: . . .
Jordan J: Like in Fierce Across America? Mom! Come on! You’ve watched that show a bajillion times with me, don’t tell me you’ve never paid attention enough to realize that when someone gets almost voted off the show sometimes they have a chance to Save Their Bootie so they can stay in the competition? What, Ben B, you don’t have to raise your hand, this isn’t class.
Ben B: Sorry. I just . . . it’s already getting late and even though my mom was cool to let me come over, she’s probably sitting in her car at the corner ready to come back and get me in, like, thirty minutes. We should probably get started figuring out a plan.
Ben Y: That’s what I’VE been saying!
Javier: W-w-why don’t w-w-we brainstorm some ideas? Grab some pens. We can use my notebook.
EVERYONE
BEN B
We all squeeze into the front office.
Prepped.
Ready.
Jordan J.
Javier.
Ben Y.
Ben B.
Summer school.
Language Arts.
My class.
My friends.
The bell rings.
We are still in the front office.
The principal is in a meeting,
but not the Ms. J meeting.
We look back and forth
from one
to the other
to the other.
Ms. J is nowhere to be seen.
What now?
After her meeting,
the principal asks us to go to class.
We say no thank you.
She asks again.
We say no thank you.
She says she will come and get us
if Ms. J shows up,
but at this point
she is very
very
late
and so . . .
The principal crosses her arms.
She frowns.
She looks at the clock.
She says,
Class.
NOW.
No one moves.
The principal is on her computer,
looking up contact information
for all of our parents
when Ms. J rushes in,
her dress flying out around her,
her hair loose,
a cloud of curls.
There you are!
she shouts at us
Where have you been?
Do you have any idea what’s been happening?
She’s out of breath,
eyes a little wild,
and we all
start talking at once.
We’ve been here!
Where have YOU been?
Did you get fired?
We’re trying to save you!
Or, your job, really.
We’re sorry we ruined your assessment.
We’re here to fix it.
Or at least to try.
Our words fly,
a loud swarm
she shouts over:
I’VE BEEN SAVING YOU!
GHOST SEASON, Y’ALL!
HAVE YOU NOT HEARD
ABOUT THE BUG?
I’VE BEEN AWAKE ALL NIGHT.
ALL NIGHT!
The software just updated,
so you’re all fine now,
but holy shirtballs,
y’all,
it was close
for a while there,
but you’re all fine now.
Did I already say that?
You’re all fine.
Everyone is okay.
No one got erased.
Not under my watch.
She collapses into a chair.
It’s hard to tell who is more surprised,
all of us,
or the principal,
whose mouth opens and closes twice
without any sound
at all.
BEN Y
<0BenwhY>
We thought we were saving her,
but she was saving us.
In the game,
and now here,
behind that door,
talking loudly with the principal,
explaining everything.
Sandbox,
the reading out loud,
the Very Bad Day,
all of it.
Ben B flicks on his phone,
we all look down
and
whoa
whoa
whoa.
JJ11347 will be known in every server,
every chat,
every story
ever told
about the night
the Sandbox developers
destroyed
twenty million avatars
but not ours.
She is legend.
And she is about to get fired.
JORDAN J
Holy shiitake mushrooms, holy shirtballs, holy baby Cheez-Its, holy everything in the world I cannot believe what I am seeing and hearing except I have to believe it because Ben B just pulled up a message board on his phone and the whole world, like the whole actual world is going crazy about the mystery new Ghostkiller who saved five avatars including her own in a one-person stand that lasted all night. I mean I guess it turns out that grown-ups CAN actually learn how to play Sandbox and do a really good job at it even if they walk into walls for the first week and can’t figure out how pork chops work.